Going to Propose soon! Need some advice

[KrWz]

Hi all. I''ve been with my gf for a good while now and we''ve gotten to the point where we both openly discuss our future plans as being married and having a family together etc etc. My parents get along well with my gfs Mom (father passed away before I had come into my gfs life) and we''ve had them over for Christmas and have gone on some outings (dinner / shows) which went very well.

The past few months her mother had hinted and asked me when I was going to marry her daughter and i''d let her know that I was just trying to get things organized and settled in my life so that when we took the next together I could feel like we would be ok. My parents have been asking me too when i was going to take the next step and I gave them the same answer.

Well the E-ring has finally arrived and i''m ready to propose soon. I asked me Dad for any points and if there were any certain things I needed to know before I went ahead and proposed. One particular item I was wondering about was asking her Mother for her blessing and permission to marry her daughter. My Dad said based on our tradition, I should ask my gf first and when she says ''yes'' then shortly thereafter we can all have dinner together (mother, gf-fiance, my mom and dad, and myself) to discuss our future together. He also said that based on tradition back in his day, that the way it worked was that after you propose, you then discuss the situation with her parents and discuss what you can offer the parents in exchange for their daughter. Times have changed but he says we still keep that tradition of having the parents meet but dont neccesarily need to discuss what to ''exchange''.

Sorry for going on and on but I guess my question to you all is, should I propose first and then have our familes get together for dinner to discuss our plans or.... ask her Mother for her blessing first, propose, then have dinner to discuss our plans?

From my friends who I believe practice same the same traditions as me, they say that you ask the parents permission first so I don''t know if I should go w/ their advice or my Dad''s. Also my gfs sister told me jokiingly a while back in the past that when I do ask for her Mom''s permission that I should do it as close to the proposal day as possible because her Mom can''t keep a secret. With that i''m thinking that they would expect I ask her Mom first.

Help? Advice? Thanks =]

 

[FireGoddess]

My advice would be to ask the mom's blessing first, before you propose to your girlfriend. It seems like it's just a formality anyway, since she wants you two to get married, but it would be a nice gesture that would likely mean very much both to your girlfriend and her mother.

I am not a traditionalist at all, but I would have liked it if my husband had asked my parents' permission to propose. Not that it would have made a difference in whether I accepted or not, but I think it would have been nice for them.

ETA: I would also ask the mom very close to your anticipated proposal date so she doesn't have to keep the secret too long. Don't want to tempt fate and have her give it away!!!

 

[afrodyt2000]

I agree that you should ask her mom first as a formality since she obviously wants you to ask and as a sign of respect.

 

[codex57]

Date: 6/1/2005 6:37:16 PM
Author:KrWz

Also my gfs sister told me jokiingly a while back in the past that when I do ask for her Mom''s permission that I should do it as close to the proposal day as possible because her Mom can''t keep a secret. With that i''m thinking that they would expect I ask her Mom first.

I''d go with that. This affects her family the most. I''d go with what traditions her family expects. I was a retard and forgot to ask my g/f''s mom cuz I was being too cute with making the proposal a surprise and getting the ring. Don''t make my mistake. I still regret it even tho her mom didn''t seem too upset about it.

 

[njc]

I agree with everyone else... ask her mom first!

 

[curlygirl]

Add me to the list--I agree with everyone else. Get her mother''s blessing first. My fiance asked my father first and he(dad) got so excited that he told my mother about it right in front of me! I kinda knew it was coming anyway so it didn''t bother me to know. The proposal was more of the surprise because I had no clue when it would actually happen.

We did a "meet the fockers" thing a few weeks after the official engagement. My parents are pretty old school so they called FI''s mother to give congratulations right after the engagement and then invited her over to the house for a big dinner party a few weeks later. It''s all really nerve-wracking but I guess it''s part of the process. Try to enjoy it as much as possible and don''t worry too much about what you''re "supposed" to do. Do what feels right!

Good luck!!!

 

[icekid]

i also think it would be really sweet if you ask her mother, but don''t let her give it away! it seems that it may be expected too, given her family''s comments.

my bf has already asked my parents, but he doesn''t know that i am aware

not that it''s a huge surprise or anything though, as i have ended up being very involved in the ring process. but i know my parents are happy to be in on the secret. actually, my whole family knows how and when he is going to propose!