Go - Not Go Continued

[Erin]

I bought picture frames, small gifts, a four foot tree, five poinsettias, all this morning for this party. Delivered to his house via my SUV.
Then, one hour ago, the Pres calls one of the VPs:

I feel like a jerk. Something just hit me like a brick in the forehead. Starset gave me the rundown of all the things that have been taken care of this morning and as she helped me put things in my car she said, Have a great party! Is she not going tonight?

VP: No, I don''t think so. I think they felt it wouldn''t quite be appropriate or might be uncomfortable for some people.

P: But I assumed she''d be coming with (my bf). Is she not coming because of me? Because if that''s the case - I want her to come. If it''s for another reason then that''s fine, but I don''t want her to think that she shouldn''t come because I didn''t invite her or anything to do with me. Oh, now I feel bad for her running all these errands for me all week. I thought she was coming.

Then VP told my bf who told me - two minutes before he had to start a conference call and ended his call with me by saying - Think about it, I gotta get on this call...

The part starts in four hours... Am I going to make the Pres feel bad if I still don''t go? I told bf to make the call and he laughed saying Nooooo Way.
I asked the VP (whom I have a more relaxed relationship with) and he said GO!

Who was it that said, watch - the day of he''ll throw you for a loop by saying See ya tonight!

 

[chrono]

Starset,
How comfortable do you feel around the Pres? Do you know the people who are invited to the party? Would you feel comfortable hanging out with them? If the answer is Yes, Yes and Yes, then go. If you have any doubts, just come up with some other excuse.

 

[Erin]

No, I've worked here for four years. I'm the Exec Assist to all three VPs and the Pres. I already know most manager's wives. The Pres's wife is a doll.
I get along fine with the Pres it's just he has a very um, dictatorship way about him that I find intimidating. I get along great with most people.
With him I want to be perfect and do the right thing All the time. He demands it.

 

[surfgirl]

Date: 12/14/2007 3:42:51 PM
Author: Starset Princess
No, I've worked here for four years. I'm the Exec Assist to all three VPs and the Pres. I already know most manager's wives. The Pres's wife is a doll.

I get along fine with the Pres it's just he has a very um, dictatorship way about him that I find intimidating. I get along great with most people.

With him I want to be perfect and do the right thing All the time. He demands it.

Starset, you've worked with these people for FOUR years and they "forgot", or didn't want to, invite you and now they're having last minute holiday guilt. If it were me I would not go because it feels like an "after thought" invitation. You work for these people and they didn't invite you, to me, they either have no manners or they're thoughtless or some combination thereof. I just wouldn't go. And if they asked my B why I wasn't there, I'd tell him to say that it's because she wasn't invited. It's the truth, isn't it?

 

[Aloros]

You know what? It''s a company holiday party. I just don''t see it as a big deal either way, especially now that your boss says he was expecting you''d show. Maybe I''m way off base, but I don''t see this as a make-or-break.

You know the situation better than any of us. If your gut says to go, then go! If not, then don''t.

Just quit stressing over it. You''re going to give yourself gray hairs and wrinkles!

 

[Sabine]

It''s possible that you overthought the whole situation, and it never would have been an issue if you went, or it could be like Surfgirl said and your boss is now just feeling guilty. I say pretend all the worrying never happened. Pretend your bf just asked you to go, and decide whether you want to be there or not without considering any of the worries you had. If you do want to be there and thinkn it would be fun, then go. If not, then don''t. Do what makes YOU happy, because it doesn''t sound like your boss would be offended either way.

 

[surfgirl]

Sabine, I see your point, totally...But I cant get over the fact that these guys haven''t once actually extended an actual invitation to her. The only thing I originally thought was maybe the party involved a lot of talking about employees? But anyway, a private "high ups only" party seems weird to begin with.

 

[zoebartlett]

Date: 12/14/2007 4:27:08 PM
Author: surfgirl
Sabine, I see your point, totally...But I cant get over the fact that these guys haven''t once actually extended an actual invitation to her. The only thing I originally thought was maybe the party involved a lot of talking about employees? But anyway, a private ''high ups only'' party seems weird to begin with.

I agree. I also see Sabine''s point but in the weeks (?) it took to plan and arrange details of the party, your boss, Starset, didn''t mention it to you personally ONCE. It sounded as if he thought he had asked you or at least assumed you were going, but it''s odd that he didn''t extend an invitation to you directly, especially seeing as how you planned it. It could have been an oversight on his part but still...

I also think it''s odd to have a company party only for the higer ups. Leave out everyone else in the company...that''s the holiday spirit.

Just out of curiosity, was there or will there be another party that includes everyone else? You could just go to that with your boyfriend, if you haven''t already.

 

[Mara]

I voted GO. And as someone who was on the DEFINITELY FIRM do not go side of it previously, here's why.

I don't care if he has holiday guilt or not...and maybe he is not quite that socially with it to call YOU and ask why you said 'Have a great party' and if you weren't coming because of him or whatever. Bottom line is that this was relayed through VP to BF to you, most likely as the President hoped it would be. He's no fool.

So now really I would feel a corporate obligation TO GO. Because you would make President feel bad, possibly look bad in front of execs, his wife, whatever, if you don't. He might get Q's as to why you planned the party but didn't go, esp if people know you and BF are dating.

So again for me, it comes down to how much you value your job, working relationship etc. I would feel like if I didn't go, after hearing that and knowing SUPPOSEDLY he expected you to come all along, that he might be resentful at how people might perceive how he treats you, how he feels about the relationship, whatever.

I would go with BF but keep PDA out of it. Just act like you do at work. And if people ask you questions, tell them answers, but keep it light, friendly, above reproach. It won't be the most fun party you've been to by any means (And who knows but he might ask you to do things for him while you are there or something, depends on the kind of boss he is)...in fact, who knows if it will be enjoyable at all....but I think at this point now, you kind of should go. More for professional reasons than relationship.

On the flip side, if you really feel like you still shouldn't go or are against it because he didn't officially invite you or whatever...then don't go but make sure you go out and have OTHER PLANS so that BF can honestly say you had other plans, pre-party plans, and that you were sad to not be able to make it.

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 12/14/2007 4:59:44 PM
Author: Mara
I voted GO. And as someone who was on the DEFINITELY FIRM do not go side of it previously, here''s why.

I don''t care if he has holiday guilt or not...and maybe he is not quite that socially with it to call YOU and ask why you said ''Have a great party'' and if you weren''t coming because of him or whatever. Bottom line is that this was relayed through VP to BF to you, most likely as the President hoped it would be. He''s no fool.

So now really I would feel a corporate obligation TO GO. Because you would make President feel bad, possibly look bad in front of execs, his wife, whatever, if you don''t. He might get Q''s as to why you planned the party but didn''t go, esp if people know you and BF are dating.

So again for me, it comes down to how much you value your job, working relationship etc. I would feel like if I didn''t go, after hearing that and knowing SUPPOSEDLY he expected you to come all along, that he might be resentful at how people might perceive how he treats you, how he feels about the relationship, whatever.

I would go with BF but keep PDA out of it. Just act like you do at work. And if people ask you questions, tell them answers, but keep it light, friendly, above reproach. It won''t be the most fun party you''ve been to by any means (And who knows but he might ask you to do things for him while you are there or something, depends on the kind of boss he is)...in fact, who knows if it will be enjoyable at all....but I think at this point now, you kind of should go. More for professional reasons than relationship.

On the flip side, if you really feel like you still shouldn''t go or are against it because he didn''t officially invite you or whatever...then don''t go but make sure you go out and have OTHER PLANS so that BF can honestly say you had other plans, pre-party plans, and that you were sad to not be able to make it.

A big ditto to this.

 

[Steel]

Date: 12/14/2007 3:34:23 PM
Author:Starset Princess
I bought picture frames, small gifts, a four foot tree, five poinsettias, all this morning for this party. Delivered to his house via my SUV.
Then, one hour ago, the Pres calls one of the VPs:

I feel like a jerk. Something just hit me like a brick in the forehead. Starset gave me the rundown of all the things that have been taken care of this morning and as she helped me put things in my car she said, Have a great party! Is she not going tonight?

VP: No, I don't think so. I think they felt it wouldn't quite be appropriate or might be uncomfortable for some people.

P: But I assumed she'd be coming with (my bf). Is she not coming because of me? Because if that's the case - I want her to come. If it's for another reason then that's fine, but I don't want her to think that she shouldn't come because I didn't invite her or anything to do with me. Oh, now I feel bad for her running all these errands for me all week. I thought she was coming.

Then VP told my bf who told me - two minutes before he had to start a conference call and ended his call with me by saying - Think about it, I gotta get on this call...

The part starts in four hours... Am I going to make the Pres feel bad if I still don't go? I told bf to make the call and he laughed saying Nooooo Way.
I asked the VP (whom I have a more relaxed relationship with) and he said GO!

Who was it that said, watch - the day of he'll throw you for a loop by saying See ya tonight!

I voted GO. See highlighted quote, above.

I voted NO in the old thread, because I was worried it would affect your job. Clearly (for whatever reason you could over analyse into it) your boss would like to see you there. So if you want to, then do GO!

I am sure you will enjoy the evening! Go get ready!

 

[Erin]

Ah geesh - now bf is second guessing going - like all of the sudden he sees why I was uncomfortable because people had to play the game 'telephone' in order for us to get the message. For crying out loud I'd have to be ready and at your house for the valet in 1.5 hours. I'm a woman who wears makeup and "has nothing to wear" - make up your d%^& mind!!!

 

[bee*]

I''d go after reading your new post.

 

[lyra]

Oh heck, just go. What a stupid mess!

If the Pres and VP are saying they expect you there, then you should go. Not going might actually make them feel uncomfortable, as if they slighted you (which they did, but apparently they just had other stuff on their minds). Typical corporate confusion.

 

[Erin]

Ok!
I''ll report back and tell you whether or not these gray hairs and wrinkles were worth it.

I hope someone drinks too much and blurts out something inappropriate. That''d make it all worth while

Gotta go

Thanks for all your help!!!

 

[crown1]

Date: 12/14/2007 5:27:57 PM
Author: Starset Princess
Ah geesh - now bf is second guessing going - like all of the sudden he sees why I was uncomfortable because people had to play the game ''telephone'' in order for us to get the message. For crying out loud I''d have to be ready and at your house for the valet in 1.5 hours. I''m a woman who wears makeup and ''has nothing to wear'' - make up your d%^& mind!!!

this would be just too much drama for me. why would your boss not just come to you? calling a vp who has to call your so is pretty high school in my opinion. now the so is having doubts? you said he was flip flopping before. then he wanted you to come. i am lost with this kind of drama over a party for 14 people at someone''s home.

 

[janinegirly]

i agree with crown. this is a lot of drama for a work event. i mean if the prez wanted to invite you as an employee--then he would have done it. to invite you "between the lines" as a guest, but not overtly ask..seems passive agressive. or maybe your bf really wanted you to go so stirred the pot.

hope you have fun though, just wouldn''t be my cup of tea. but i work in an environment where this kind of stuff would be frowned upon big time.

 

[Mara]

haha i agree that this is typical corporate confusion. gotta love office politics!!

enjoy yourself SP. report back with tales...hopefully someone gets drunk (not you or BF) and starts dancing on tables. that''s the best.

 

[asscherisme]

I''m assuming you are home from the party by the time you read this.

How did it go?

Was all the worrying for nothing?

Have fun?

How was your boyfriend with the final decision?

 

[bee*]

Was it a good night?

 

[Linda W]

Tell us how it went, we are waiting patiently. Well......sort of.

Linda

 

[Ellen]

Date: 12/15/2007 10:41:13 PM
Author: Linda W
Tell us how it went, we are waiting patiently. Well......sort of.

Linda

Yeah, I wanna know too!

 

[Erin]

I think it went fine. Totally overthought the whole thing - but not without reason.

I showered and looked pretty but wore a black and white lace off the shoulder thingy and black pants. Seeing as how it was a formal event I didn''t get the floor length black velvet dress out - I didn''t want to look too prepared. Does that make sense? It worked out fine.

When he first spotted me the Pres kind of cocked his head with an amused smile. I didn''t quite know how to read that at first. Then Pres walked around the house after everyone arrived and shook hands. Usually having some personal quip or joke to greet each person. I just happened to not be standing by bf when he approached me. I shook his hand as said Merry Christmas. His response was "I''m glad you could come."

I spoke with him (personally) no more than I would at work. It was not awkward. It seemed everyone was comfortable with me there because my coworkers introduced me to their wives and chatted up. One of our coworker''s wives is close friends with my bf''s ex-wife. She was the only one who acted kinda fakey.

Towards the end of the night I had taken a couple of sips of cognac and felt warm so I took a seat on the marble staircase to cool off. This is when one of my co-workers started um, well, let''s say he has a reputation for getting insanely tore up and he started um, Chippendaling my head. The Pres came to my rescue and took him by the shoulders leading him into another room saying, Uh So-and-So, let''s save that for story telling time. As he lead him away the void left a clear view of my bf looking from behind the scene giving me the silent look which read What the H$&& just happened? That was rather embarrassing. Wasn''t my fault but still awkward.

Other than a few other antics from that same drunk employee, nothing really happened and bf and I plus the VP and his wife left early and finished the evening and bf''s house. That''s when the cognac started to take effect so I bet I was in bed by 11:00.

I''m glad I went. I haven''t been in the office much this morning but Pres doesn''t seem to be treating me ANY different. Same gloom and doom, the sky is falling, please fix this attitude. I''m glad I went.

Now I know I can invite my bf to be my date at next month''s Chamber of Commerce dinner which the Pres and his wife will also be attending - without setting up a poll

Thanks (again, and as always) ladies.

 

[Mara]

yay for a good night SP! i''m glad you went.

okay what is ''Chippendaling my head''...I feel really out of it.

 

[Erin]

Think about what a Chippendale''s dancer does. Now put that a foot in front of your face so that there is no way to stand up and get away from it.

 

[asscherisme]

Glad you had fun, and ewww to your stairway experience.

 

[Mara]

EW! And this is a coworker? Classy!

 

[bee*]

Date: 12/17/2007 6:00:56 PM
Author: Starset Princess
Think about what a Chippendale''s dancer does. Now put that a foot in front of your face so that there is no way to stand up and get away from it.

No way....ewww!!! At an office work party! He''s obviously in the wrong job

 

[Linda W]

What alcohol does to some people. Not funny at an office party. I hope next year, he refrains from drinking.

So glad you had a great time though.

Linda

 

[Linda W]

oops, that face was supposed to be after the last sentence refrain from drinking.


Linda