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Home Giving up one of your twin babies?

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Lanie

Lanie

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I am a teacher and one of my students told me that she has a long lost twin sister. I teach 7th grade, and they are often dramatic, and so I just thought she was talking about a best friend or something like that. (My student''s name is Katie). Katie was so excited bc she was going to get to see her twin sister up in Washington for Christmas. We live in Texas. After Christmas, she showed me pictures, and sure enough, the girls are identical twins.

I asked Katie about it, and she said that her mother had 2 little girls, and then kept one and gave the other one to her older sister in Washington!!!!! The weird situation is that Katie is from a very affluent family, and it''s not like it was a money issue (or I can''t imagine that they would have had money issues 13 years ago). Also, they clearly wanted more children, because they went on to have 2 more children after Katie. I asked if her twin sister had siblings, and she said that she had an older sibling and a younger sibling! So it wasn''t an issue of this woman''s sister not being able to conceive.

I am so curious and I am dying to ask, but of course I won''t. Katie said that she doesn''t ask too many questions, and that she misses her sister a lot. They talk on the phone all of the time and skype, etc.

What do you guys think? This is something I could see being in the movies, since I can''t think of a reason to do this!!! Can you imagine have twin girls, and then giving one of them up and keeping one for yourself?!?
 
I would guess that there are just circumstances that only those involved understand. Not everyone who is affluent or stable right now was 13 years ago.

I do think it's really odd (especially being a twin mom myself) but if that is what I had to do to give my baby a better life I would do it in a heartbeat.
 
That is really odd. No, cannot imagine doing such a thing. Clearly there was a very personal reason for making such a decision. . .I suppose as long as the girls are in contact and everyone is happy, then I guess it has worked for them.

When was Katie's next sibling born? Possibly the mother, at the time, couldn't physically/mentally raise two small babies?
 
Katie''s next sibling under her is in 4th grade (so about 3 years younger).

Yes, I guess I never thought that people wealthy now might not have been wealthy years ago. All of their 3 children are in private school (where I teach) with very high tuition, and they live in a very nice area, so I just assumed.
 
My knee-jerk response is that just because they''re wealthy and stable now, doesn''t mean they were then. Who knows why the mother decided to give one away, it''s sad. I''m happy to hear that the sister is still in the girl''s life though, just because they weren''t raised together as sisters, doesn''t make them not sisters anymore...
 
Date: 1/7/2010 1:20:17 PM
Author: neatfreak
I would guess that there are just circumstances that only those involved understand. Not everyone who is affluent or stable right now was 13 years ago.

I do think it''s really odd (especially being a twin mom myself) but if that is what I had to do to give my baby a better life I would do it in a heartbeat.
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Ditto...although I couldn''t imagine the heartache if I had to do that. As someone else mentioned, I am also glad that the girls know each other.
 
When I was in elementary school there was a boy who had an older and a younger sibling (all boys). I always thought it was weird that the teacher would often tell him that if he didn''t behave she would tell his aunt and uncle. For the longest time I thought all 3 boys were raised by the aunt and uncle, thinking their parents were dead. Later I learned the parents raised the oldest and youngest boy and the aunt and uncle (a doctor) raised him (the middle child). The aunt and uncle were childless themselves. No one ever spoke about it and I never learned why. It was just the strangest situation IMO.
 
Hmmmm... maybe they want each twin to have individuality (not that they wouldn't if they were raised together!) and separated them so that they could have independence in their formative years? Seems odd, but that was my first thought. Perhaps they subscribe to a certain kind of philosophy? Twins are genetic so maybe the parent had a twin and he/she felt that they never got to be their own person? It's a stretch, I know... Can't imagine why anyone would want to separate twins.

Personally, I think it would be very sad to be separated from my twin, if I were in that position. There are so many special things that twins share.
 
What an unusual situation! Impossible to guess to reason. Thank god the little girl went to live with her aunt and that they are still in touch, and wasn''t adopted to someone else never to be heard of again!
 
The aunt might have miscarried and had emotional issues. Maybe she was told she couldn''t have more children? Maybe her sister gave her one of the twins as a gift of love to help her cope?
 
very unusual but thankfully the little girls are still in each others lives.

are the other kids in the family adopted by chance?
 
Perhaps the twin''s siblings weren''t actually conceived by the mother. Maybe the other mother COULDN''T have kids 13 years ago. Maybe she adopted since then. Maybe she married a man who already had children.

It really is very unusual.
 
Date: 1/7/2010 2:21:42 PM
Author: somethingshiny
Perhaps the twin''s siblings weren''t actually conceived by the mother. Maybe the other mother COULDN''T have kids 13 years ago. Maybe she adopted since then. Maybe she married a man who already had children.

It really is very unusual.
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I like this theory! Another thing I had thought of was that Katie''s mom was single, got pregnant, found out they were twins, gave one up since she couldn''t raise them both, and then married the man who is now Katie''s "father". I don''t know if he''s biological or not...the mom and dad and Katie all look like they could be.

It still baffles me! Not that it''s any of my business or that I have a right to know...just speculating at something that is unusual and that I''ve never heard of!
 
Very unusual!

I think that whatever the reason, the girls'' parents found a way for both girls to be raised in loving homes, and in a way that means the girls at least get to have a relationship, and that''s pretty dang commendable.
 
That is definitely unsusual. It''s great that the girls have a relationship though...
 
Or is it possible that Katie's mom and the aunt aren't the birth parents? That they each simply adopted one of a set of twins?

I know Katie said her mom "had" but maybe that was misleading?

While adoption agencies like to keep them together I can imagine that keeping them in the same extended family would be the next best thing...
 
Very interesting situation! I don't think I'd be able to separate my children, let alone my identical twins, but life circumstances can put any of us in heart-wrenching situations in an instant. Life 13 years ago very likely could have been much different than that of the affluent family you see before you now, too. If they allow the girls to see one another on a fairly regular basis, it certainly sounds like both sets of parents have the girls' best interest (from the situation they're in now) in mind, which is awesome. That's quite a lengthy trip to make!

If my sister ever needed me to care for one of her children, I would in a heartbeat. And she would for me, too. I'm glad the family support seems strong there.

***
Because I am sometimes cautious with kids' tales, from work experience with children trying to pull the wool over someone's eyes, not necessarily to be mean, but to see how far they can fool a person, I wonder if perhaps it's not a true story and Katie got crafty with photoshop or something of that nature? Does that seem possible?
 
Wow is that ever unusual. I don''t know what would cause parents to do something like that. My first thought was that the aunt maybe couldn''t have children so her sister gave her one?
 
Fisher -- I thought that same thing, but I asked some teachers who had her last year, and they said it was legit. None of them know the situation either.

Upgrade -- That was my initial thought as well, but the sister already had a kid, and then went on to have another as well. I also wonder if the sister''s kids (Katie''s aunt) are biological or not.

This sounds like something on Jerry Springer.
 
Date: 1/7/2010 5:35:36 PM
Author: Lanie
Fisher -- I thought that same thing, but I asked some teachers who had her last year, and they said it was legit. None of them know the situation either.

Upgrade -- That was my initial thought as well, but the sister already had a kid, and then went on to have another as well. I also wonder if the sister''s kids (Katie''s aunt) are biological or not.

This sounds like something on Jerry Springer.
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Hmm. Very interesting. I''m so glad the girls have contact, though. Soon they will be old enough to make more decisions regarding how much time they spend together, too.

I work in child protective services, and sadly, there are times when siblings are separated. It breaks my heart every time.... so devastating, but sometimes there just aren''t other options. Not saying this has anything to do with CPS, but it''s just so horrible when siblings don''t get the opportunity to grow up together and share that formative bond.
 
Very interesting.

Using this as a hypothetical, and say there was a very legitimate reason for splitting them up, I think I would have a very hard time not wanting her back once things got settled. I mean, I know you could say it''s the only home she''s ever known, etc., but I can''t imagine knowing she''s there and she''s mine and not wanting my girls to be together, and be with me. Hmmm.
 
Date: 1/7/2010 6:04:58 PM
Author: ChinaCat
Very interesting.

Using this as a hypothetical, and say there was a very legitimate reason for splitting them up, I think I would have a very hard time not wanting her back once things got settled. I mean, I know you could say it''s the only home she''s ever known, etc., but I can''t imagine knowing she''s there and she''s mine and not wanting my girls to be together, and be with me. Hmmm.
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True, but if the aunt had custody, guardianship, or had adopted the other twin, then the aunt would have say over that.... and would likely be very attached to the baby, and unwilling to "give up" the child she raised until the mother was able/ready to care for her again.

For medical care, etc., a child has to have a legal guardian so it''s very likely the birth mother has limited rights to the child at this point in time.... and likely didn''t have much right to her anymore after a few years... (at least in GA, temp. custody orders are only valid for two years, then something more permanent is sought).
 
What a strange situation!

It reminds me of The Parent Trap.
 
Strange is exactly the word.


It's good that she's taking this well, and is so excited to meet her sister! I would love to be a fly on that wall - case study for nature vs. nurture..
 
Very strange, indeed. Glad they''re all in contact though. It sounds like it is tough on the girls!
 
I would also be wondering to myself "how did my mom choose me over my sister"? How did she choose? Did she flip a coin? l think I would feel weird if I was the one that was given up.
 
Very strenge indeed, but am thinking there must be more to this story?? I duuno. But am very glad the girsl are in touch , that''s got to be very important to them. I have twin cousins, girls, can can''t imagine my Aunt keeping one and giving the other to a sibling... So am curious to how this story plays out.
 
If I was the twin that was given up by my mother while my mother kept the other twin, I would have serious issues with that. If I was the twin who had a twin that was physically seperated from me (by hundreds or thousands of miles) while we were growing up without a damn good reason I would also have serious issues with this. The fact that the mother does not appear to have made any real effort in reconnecting the two twins while they are still children I find very strange.

BTW I am a twin.
 
Date: 1/8/2010 12:50:45 PM
Author: part gypsy
If I was the twin that was given up by my mother while my mother kept the other twin, I would have serious issues with that. If I was the twin who had a twin that was physically seperated from me (by hundreds or thousands of miles) while we were growing up without a damn good reason I would also have serious issues with this. The fact that the mother does not appear to have made any real effort in reconnecting the two twins while they are still children I find very strange.

BTW I am a twin.
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Ditto. Also a twin and I think this is awful.
 
Lanie
I am in desperate need of your help. I am a fanal bride, I know this is old news for you as it sounds like married life is going good. But you were sooo helpful with all the other brides, I figured you still be willing to help me.
My dress just came in and I went to try it on and took them the picture of you and your bustle. They can't get it to look anything like what yours looked like!!??!!!
I need your help. Can you tell me what they did? How they did it?
I can tell it is not a underneath bustle but maybe a hook and eye?
I am so stressed about this. I love the dress...but I hated everyway they bustled it.
8.gif

If you could just tell me anything that might help me I would greatly greatly appreciate you taking the time to do that.
I am terrible at figuring out this forum so if you could email me that would be great. **Edite by Moderator. No personal contact information is permitted on the forums**

If not I will try to find your reply on here.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Stressed out Future Mrs. Willis
 
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