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Girlfriend got engaged- took date!

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fasinateme

Rough_Rock
Joined
Nov 20, 2006
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13
Hi,

I''ve been reading the postings for sometime and thought I would weigh in. I''ve been with my b-friend for 1 year and 8 months, and he moved in about a year ago. We are both 29 and are looking forward to getting married. Actually, he claims that marriage is all for the girl anyway and he doesn''t need a ring or a party to tell the world how he feels or his commitement to me. Don''t worry, he is still wanting to get married.

We picked out a princess cut center stone and multiple eternity settings, now he has choices and ultimately it is up to him. My question is that my girlfriend just got engaged this weekend (dating for 10 months) and has already booked a place for October 20. I have always wanted to get married in October, and she also knew this. I am thrilled for her but now (if and when I officially get engaged) I will have to choice another month.

I am in her wedding party and since we both plan on taking 2-3 week Honeymoons- that leaves me September. Do you think it would be showing her up by planning a September early October wedding when she got engaged first.

Do you like how optomistic I am that my ring is coming?
 

jaz464

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 11, 2005
Messages
2,022
What about the last week in October?

No, I see nothing wrong with you doing a Sept. or early October wedding. Everyone gets 1 day, not a whole month. Of course, doing in in early Oct. may be difficult for you if you will be gone 2-3 weeks afterward (right up until her wedding) because she will most likely want you around for help with last minute details, showers, bachelorette parties, etc.
 

janinegirly

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 21, 2006
Messages
3,689
of course ultimately it''s up to you and about doing what''s ideal for you...but since you asked, i think it could be viewed as upstaging since its so close and before her wedding. if this is something you really have your heart set on (wedding in early fall), i''d talk to her about it casually (even before you''re engaged) as a hypothetical. That way you can gauge her reaction and also plant the seed. nothing is worse than being surprised (in a bad way), and girls get very sensitive about it. I know of many frienships broken during the wedding planning process.
And yes, it''s great that you can plan before the actual ring, kind of liberating and probably makes the wait better! (sounds like it''s just a logistical wait..)
 

decodelighted

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 27, 2005
Messages
11,534
Date: 11/28/2006 1:10:29 PM
Author: jazmine
What about the last week in October?
Yeah, if you can live without having HER in YOUR bridal party ... the last weekend in Oct is still game!

Aiiigh.... it''s so frustrating though! I would wack your boyfriend around the head & neck with a wadded up newspaper. WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG BUCKO!!!!!


I think Sept is fine too ... I just hope your friend isn''t a bridezilla1
 

appletini

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 29, 2004
Messages
2,696
Dont think about it as showing her up, plus do you really want to be engaged for almost a year. There''s no reason why you can''t get married before her. Plus it would be so fun for y''all to have a joint shower.
 

Molly1024

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jul 18, 2006
Messages
493
My stepsister has been engaged since May 05 and her wedding is this New Year''s Eve. One of the groomsmen just got engaged two months ago and decided to get married the weekend before them (Christmas weekend). She doesn''t seem upset by this- they''re even going to the OOT wedding.
 

eleguin

Shiny_Rock
Joined
May 16, 2006
Messages
246
Although it''s true that you only get a day and not a month, there have been so many posts on PS by girls who were upset when their friend, cousin, future sibling-in-law, etc, got engaged later but set their wedding earlier. People can get very sensitive about these things like this, especially if you have guests in common. Your friend might feel like everyone will be making a big deal over your wedding and by the time hers rolls around, she wouldn''t get the same attention. I would suggest that you talk about it with her before deciding anything. The worst thing to do is decide on September and spring it on her. It might work out better if she was part of the decision and she would feel like you respect her more.
 

SoonIHope

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 11, 2005
Messages
2,152
Ohh, that sucks, I'm sorry!! I agree though, that you should feel her out a bit before setting your date before hers. I got engaged 4 or 5 months after a friend of mine after having been with my bf 2 years longer, and for logistical reasons we could only have had our wedding in one of three weekends before her wedding (June 2006, six months after our engagement) or wait a whoooole yeeear and have it June 2007. I really really really wanted to get married then (after almost 4 years together), but decided it would be too mean to her (since she was the first in our group to get engaged) and postponed the whole year. I know this is a long story, but the point is that now, five months AFTER her wedding, and 7 months BEFORE mine - she is STILL MAD AT ME for even SUGGESTING that the idea had crossed our minds to have ours before hers!!!!!!!!!!!! I mean seriously, I only mentioned it to her as an "yeah we would have liked to get married this year, but we're going to just have a long engagement instead so we're not right in front of you" aka the decision had already been made NOT to do it. Sorry for the long rant here, but I just found out the other day she's still harboring resentment about this and IT IS INSANE - but - the point is simply that you don't know how people are going to react about things like this! If I had gotten married in front of this friend, I'm 99% sure we would not be friends today, but other people (me included) would not care that much, as long as it wasn't one or 2 weeks away or putting guests in a position of having to choose which one they could go to. So if I were you I'd say something like "you're so lucky to have a fall wedding, I've always wanted one!" and see if she's closer to shrieking "YOU CAN'T GET MARRIED CLOSE TO ME!!!" or says "It would be so much fun if we could plan together!!!"


Good luck & I can't wait to read you're "I'm engaged!!" post & see your ring pics when your time comes!
 

poptart

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
May 23, 2006
Messages
1,899
From reading on here and experiencing engagement and marriage in my own life, I am lead to believe that becoming engaged leads to temporary insanity. Women go CRAZY over the weirdest things (yes, I admit I lost it a couple times during planning), and I think you learn who your real friends are for sure. I agree with everyone about figuring out how she feels about it first because even though it makes no sense, she might be mad if you had the wedding before her or right after her. Just be cautious!

*M*
 

Butterflies

Rough_Rock
Joined
Sep 20, 2006
Messages
61
Why not get married in December? Weddings around Christmas time are so beautiful! It is just a couple of months after hers and your timelines won''t interfere with each other. Just a thought.
 

Scooba

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Apr 10, 2006
Messages
431
I think you should have the wedding whenever you want, as long as you can be sure to be at her wedding since you did commit to it, I wouldn''t consider a friend getting married at a time close to me "upstaging" me, I think that''s pretty childish to say you can''t have your wedding any time close to mine because I need all the attention possible, how many or your guests are really going to overlap anyway? I guess I just don''t see the issue people have with that
 

fasinateme

Rough_Rock
Joined
Nov 20, 2006
Messages
13
Thank you for all the sweet responses. Yes, my friend and I had a conversation before she got engaged that I am looking at October (fall 2007) too. She doesn''t seem to mind at all, we just want each other to be in the wedding party so keeping in mind the honeymoon is important.

But now that the hypothetical is actually here, and she is engaged, I hope she doesn''t change her mind. I don''t want to be engaged for over a year, I want a 6 month engagement (or so). I could even look at August-October, if necessary, but always dreamed of an autumn wedding.

Thank you for making me feel better about my problem. Hopefully the ring is less than 3 months away. After waiting for 29 years, I still don''t beleive that it is so close to happening. I will keep you all posted.
 

Fancy605

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jul 3, 2006
Messages
1,446
This same thing just happened to me and one of my BFFs. We had talked about wedding stuff pre-engagement. I wanted a June wedding, she wanted a September wedding. She was engaged several weeks before me, and still seemed to want a September wedding. Well, the day I got engaged, I called her, and as soon as she answered the phone she said, "June! We''re getting married in June." I was a little tiny bit put off at first, but when she told me her reasoning for everything, I decided it didn''t matter whether I got married in June. We''ve been friends forever, and we will be in eachother''s wedding parties. So, I have set my date several weeks after hers.

Anyway, it sounds like you and your friend are handling things well too. My question is, if you want a fall wedding, why not have it in September? That''s pretty much a fall month, isn''t it?
 

E B

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 31, 2005
Messages
9,488
What about November? November 10th is a Saturday, 3 weeks after your friend's wedding. It's also right in the middle of autumn. A win-win!
 

Chels7

Rough_Rock
Joined
Jun 28, 2006
Messages
42
I think you should get married whenever you want to, I mean you only get to do this once (hopefully!), and it should be what you''ve always wanted. My boyfriend''s brother is getting married next septemeber (dated for 1.5 years) and my BF made a comment over Thanksgiving that we might just go get married before them because we''ve dated so long (6 years). Well the FI didn''t like this and told me that I could not get married before her, she''s already mad that they guys have a cousin who got engaged a few weeks after them and is getting married in March.

My thoughts are I can do whatever I want. I''ve dated my bf for 6 years and if I want to up and get married before this September I will! She doesn''t get 9 months, she gets her day! So you should get married when you want, and hopefully if your friend is supportive she will be happy for you when you set a date, regardless if its before, or shortly after hers!
 

asscherisme

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 6, 2006
Messages
2,639
Years ago my husbands best friend got engaged a few weeks before us. They planned their wedding in Nov and we ended up getting maried in Oct. 5 weeks before them. Nobody had a problem and all was well. Of course, these are male best friends, not the same as women I know.

But I see no problem.

By the way, I love love love having Oct as an anniversary month (its been 11 years now) so I would go for what you want.

Oh, and my best friend''s anniversary is 2 days after mine. Well make that 5 years and 2 days. I was her matron of honor and I rememeber having a nice early dinner with my hubbie for our 5th anniversary an then hopping on a plane for her wedding. Hubbie did not come since we just had our 2nd child 6 weeks earlier. My biggest stress with her wedding was getting fitted for the dress while pregnant, having to guess my size and then work hard to fit into it 6 weeks later!!

But now my friend and I think its really great that our anniversaries are only 2 days apart. We never forget to wish the other happy anniversary.

As long as your date is not right on top of hers and she does not have to cut her honeymoon short, a TRUE firend would be happy for you.
 

diamondseeker2006

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jan 11, 2006
Messages
55,048
I''d set them at least a month apart. You are both going to be so busy if you are in the other''s wedding. You''ll have your showers, her showers, and all the preparations for your own wedding. As a matter of fact, whoever gets married first will miss some of the parties for the other if the weddings are only a month apart and the honeymoon is 2-3 weeks. I really think 6-8 weeks apart would be much better. Not to mention for the sake of your mutual friends. But I don''t see an obligation to make it after hers since she isn''t getting married until Oct.
 
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