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Girl pickout ring before proposal?

Marshalls

Rough_Rock
Joined
May 2, 2011
Messages
51
Trying to pick out the right ring for my budget has gotten extremely difficult. I was wondering if anyone bought the ring WITH your gf before proposal and then you proposed? A couple of my co-workers had this idea. Although she'll know the proposal is coming, at least she won't know when and how. She has told me what she wanted but the specifications she wants needs to be custom made by a jeweler like Steven/Leon/Maytal. This means that there is no return policy for these rings. I am worried if she doesn't like the ring, it will be impossible to exchange for the right one.
 

Hospatogi

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Nov 18, 2010
Messages
668
My boyfriend and I have done exactly this. We picked out our stone together at Good Old Gold and then created the design with Steven. I wanted to have an engagement ring that i loved as much as I love my boyfriend .I know I will be totally surprised when my boyfriend proposes and have no regrets about knowing what my ring looks like. And actually alot of my friends did the same and a few that didnt wish they had hehe :)
 

gummy-bear

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Mar 30, 2011
Messages
103
I picked out the stone and the semi-custom setting for my engagment ring. I can be a little picky so it worked for us. I still don't know when or how so there's still an element of surprise.
 

tannet

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jan 15, 2010
Messages
204
My bf let me pick everything out, keeping in mind his preferences for some of the diamond specs. He wanted me to have exactly what I wanted. He currently has possession of the ring, but I have no idea when or how he will propose so it is still exciting for me. :bigsmile:

ETA: The wait, knowing it's coming, is torture though!
 

CharmyPoo

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 10, 2004
Messages
7,007
I wanted it to be a complete surprise and sorta forced my fiance to do it himself ... even though he said it was a very bad idea. We already knew the design since we walked in the store .. first ring we ever tried on together was the design we both loved. Anyways, long story short - fiance doing it by himself turned out to be a disaster. 3 rings later .. we have the perfect ring for now.

He ended up proposing with a ring he made out of cardboard and I still love it :)
 

slg47

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 4, 2010
Messages
9,667
we did this, but I stopped being involved with the ring process after approving the final CAD. Since you are going handmade obviously you wouldn't have CADs, however, for a HW inspired halo I think you are fine
 

amc80

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 18, 2010
Messages
5,765
slg47|1304914999|2915969 said:
we did this, but I stopped being involved with the ring process after approving the final CAD. Since you are going handmade obviously you wouldn't have CADs, however, for a HW inspired halo I think you are fine
Ditto.
 

affguy

Rough_Rock
Joined
Feb 18, 2011
Messages
100
My girlfriend and I have talked a lot about what she likes and doesn't like. I ended up involving her in the stone selection, as it pushed up against one of criteria while exceeding in several others (better than expected cut and color, but with an inclusion I wanted her approval on before committing). As for the setting, I'm doing that on my own. Given that I blew my budget on the stone by almost 50%, I can't afford the setting I initially wanted to get, but I have my eyes on another in the same vein as one style she approved of that *I* think is just incredible, and her tastes are broad enough that I think she'll agree. Is it *exactly* what she'd have picked? Probably not, but I think that's ok. She has to wear it, so of course she has to love it, but given the symbolism it embodies, I think a collaborative effort with some give and take from both parties is a nice start on future success. :cheeky: :bigsmile:
 

rubybeth

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 12, 2007
Messages
2,567
I had some pretty strong preferences about my ring and I knew the budget, so it made sense for me to pick out what I wanted within those parameters and then leave the details of the proposal/timeline up to him. He surprised me with the proposal, though it obviously wasn't a complete shock like it is for women who haven't discussed getting married in minute detail like my husband and I did. :tongue:

The one thing I will say about doing it this way is DO NOT leave your girlfriend on pins and needles for months on end; once you get the ring (and invariably she WILL know when you've got it in your possession, maybe will even do some ring hunting to sneak a peek at it), give her a bit of time to get excited but don't wait so long that she's miserable, I'd say no more than one month. I've just read one too many stories on the Ladies in Waiting forum here about guys having the ring for 6 mos. or more, and that just seems cruel. Like, why buy the ring so early when you're not proposing until 2012?
 

florry

Rough_Rock
Joined
May 24, 2011
Messages
10
try to hint your gf,and as a girl,I wanna surprise,not what I already choose
 

frankmb

Rough_Rock
Joined
Jun 27, 2011
Messages
8
I asked my girlfriend several times to pick one out but she flat out said No.... She wants everything to be a surprise but now I have something better. My mom gave me her ring to give to her and her friends say it's perfect. I would get her bestfriends' opinions. They will know what she wants.
 

Shane Co.

Rough_Rock
Trade
Joined
Feb 11, 2011
Messages
16
We have a ton of couples that come into our stores that pick out the ring together. It really just depends on what is right for you. You can certainly still make the proposal a surprise, even if how the ring looks isn't necessarily a surprise. For the record, prior to my proposal, my wife and I picked out her engagement ring, wedding band, and my band all at once. Personally I really liked it because we were able to find rings that we both knew we'd love and find rings that complemented each other's as well. Each couple is different and I say if you're getting a custom ring made then involve her in the process. Just make sure to wow her on the proposal side of things. Good luck!
 

jenmarie

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Aug 14, 2009
Messages
141
She's the one who'll be wearing it, so I say involve her! My fiance and I picked out the setting and stone together and then I was in the dark.
 

mrsjacob

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jul 9, 2011
Messages
125
We used a family diamond, and I chose the setting. I wanted to pick it out myself, and he was SO relieved. He held onto it for a while and surprised me.

I also agree with the poster who suggested asking her friends.

My best friend recently asked me to help her boyfriend find a ring. She doesn't want to be involved herself.
 

Colltee

Rough_Rock
Joined
Jul 22, 2011
Messages
80
My husband proposed to me and then we went and picked out the ring together a week or so later. Honestly I would have died and been very disappointed if my husband had presented me with a ring as hands up - I'm one heck of a fussy c*w when it comes to such things and MUCH preferred to be able to pick one out together. I think if memory serves correctly I told him (ok strike that, I politely 'warned' him :naughty: ) never to pick out an e-ring with out me being present in the same room... He was totally cool with that and probably delighted not to have all that pressure on his head. I know a lot of woman would hate this (although I cannot for the life of me get my head around this idea) but fair enough - each to their own, horses for courses etc. if she wants a custom ring made I think you're much better to at least ask her if she wants/will be involved in the design process.
 

jlk4u2nv

Rough_Rock
Joined
Aug 19, 2011
Messages
4
CharmyPoo|1304901454|2915761 said:
I wanted it to be a complete surprise and sorta forced my fiance to do it himself ... even though he said it was a very bad idea. We already knew the design since we walked in the store .. first ring we ever tried on together was the design we both loved. Anyways, long story short - fiance doing it by himself turned out to be a disaster. 3 rings later .. we have the perfect ring for now.

He ended up proposing with a ring he made out of cardboard and I still love it :)

Everyonce in a while a guy is right about something being a bad idea! haha
 

GoldieATX

Rough_Rock
Joined
Jul 18, 2011
Messages
35
I realize the original post is a little old, but I figured I'd add to this. My girlfriend was expecting me to do everything myself and just completely surprise her. Her idea of the traditional way of doing things, I suppose. I've picked out necklaces that she has really liked in the past, but this was different. I wanted to blow her away. I probably would have chosen a wide band modern tension type setting in satin finish gold. Good thing I asked. What I got from her, reluctantly, was "something thin with diamonds on the side. but not channel set and not halo. round center diamond. platinum, i think. or two tone. do they make that?"

With her initial input, I spent considerable time doing the solo shopping thing; I had some mediocre ideas and some moderate frustration. But when I considered getting a green sapphire instead of a colorless diamond, I had to pull her in to approve the "nontraditional" move. She went for it, and we collaborated. She was still a little hesitant, but it ended up being fun for both of us. We went to local stores. We looked online. She sent me pictures.

In the end, I'm glad I asked, and then I'm glad I pushed her to really think about what she wanted. She started with the "whatever you get will be perfect" mindset, with a fairly indifferent vision of a round colorless solitaire. She was anticipating the engagement, but the ring was just a secondary part of it. Then one day I showed her a yellow cushion cut in a pavé halo setting. Her face lit up. That's all I needed. She didn't pick the exact ring, and she doesn't know I've bought one, but I know she'll be so much more excited about the ring itself now than if I had just gotten what she thought she wanted (or even worse, what I thought she wanted).

In conclusion, it can be a little painful if she has that traditional "man in charge" idea of things. But I'm 100% in the Get-Her-Involved camp.
 

NTave

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Aug 15, 2011
Messages
279
Why dont you have her pick out the setting and you pick the diamond? That way you know she will love the setting and you can still get the perfect ring and surprise her.
 

jlp86

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Aug 13, 2011
Messages
199
I picked out the ring with my BF. I would have to say it was the best decision. I went to the jewelry store thinking I wanted something completely different then what I actually loved. Now I have to wait for the proposal and I am okay with knowing he has the ring and what it looks like. I have NO clue when the proposal will come but I know I will LOVE the ring!
 

annee

Rough_Rock
Joined
Aug 25, 2011
Messages
33
My bf is all about the traditional engagement but I convinced him to let me be a part of the process since I'm a pretty meticulous person. We picked out the ring and setting together and at the end of the day my bf admitted that if he had done the ring shopping alone he would've gotten something different. Now that doesn't mean I wouldn't love what he chose for me, I would love anything he buys for me.. Thankfully I have a bf that understands its more important for me to have the ring and setting of my dreams than the sake of going the traditional route.

With that being said, I don't think it will spoil the surprise. Its been 5 weeks since I've seen either the diamond or setting as it is being sent out to Beverly K to be made/set. After he gets the ring I won't get to see it before the proposal (and that in itself will be a surprise to me as well!)
 
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