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gift giving ettiquette

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robbie3982

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My mom, sister and I were all invited to the bridal shower of a girl I used to be friends with when we were younger. We''ve known eachother pretty much our whole lives as she used to live down the street from me and our moms were best friends up until the day her mom passed away suddenly last year. She and I grew apart at some point late in elementary school, but have always remained friendly.

I think I saw her once in college and she now lives in FL. Her wedding is going to be in FL, but her bridal shower is being thrown by her aunt and will be held in our hometown near Pittsburgh, PA. My mom and sister plan on attending the shower, but I have plans on that day and can''t make it in. I definitely can''t travel to FL for her wedding with everything I have going on this year (I really need more vacation days!)

I probably wouldn''t have sent a wedding gift if I wasn''t invited, but I assume now that since I''m invited to the shower I''m also invited to the wedding. Do I also need to send a shower gift?
 

FireGoddess

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Jan 25, 2005
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12,145
I don't know what the 'proper' etiquette is, but I have always given a wedding gift if I was invited, whether or not I go. As far as a shower gift however, I only give one if I am attending the shower, particularly if I'm not close to the person. (If your family is going however, you could perhaps contribute to their gift or something, but I don't know that etiquette says you are obligated to.)
 

niku414

Rough_Rock
Joined
Feb 17, 2007
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60
I''m with firegoddess : I have always given wedding gifts whether or not I attend the wedding itself (if they invite me, they will get something -cash or gift registry) As far as the wedding shower goes, I only give gifts if I''m going.
 

ladykemma

Ideal_Rock
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Jan 2, 2006
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2,194
wait until you have a wedding invitation in your hand, then send a small gift.
 

RoseAngel04

Brilliant_Rock
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Jun 8, 2006
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865
I agree with everyone else. I don''t know the ettiquette, but if you can''t make it to the shower then I would not send a gift. If she were a close friend then it would be different. I would send a gift once you have received the wedding inviation.
 

jcrow

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Aug 8, 2005
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7,395
i would give a gift in this instance. esp. since your mom and sister are attending. i''d get something small and have them bring it for you.
 

ammayernyc

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Dec 23, 2004
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1,268
I''ve always felt that if I''ve been sent and invitation or announcement, I send a gift... even if I''m not attending. It doesn''t have to be something big... something small off their registry or from a store they''re registered at. A nice picture frame maybe?
 

laine

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Feb 21, 2006
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696
I only once sent a gift to a shower I couldn''t attend, as it was a close friend who had been my roommate for a year (shower was out of town), and she was very surprised to receive a gift, so I don''t really think its expected. I''ve also never seen gifts from people who were not there opened at showers.

So if it were me in your situation, I wouldn''t send a gift, though I would probably ask my mom to include my name on the gift from mom and sister (this seems reasonable to me if she is more of a family friend than a personal friend).

If you get the wedding invite, send a gift (can be small) with a personal note about how happy you are for her and how sorry you are to miss the wedding.
 

KimberlyH

Ideal_Rock
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Jun 15, 2006
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7,485
I would send a small gift or go in on a gift w/ your mom and sister.
 

larussel03

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Oct 22, 2005
Messages
1,747
I was invited to a shower that I didn''t attend (although I am attending the wedding) and I just sent a smaller gift than I''d normally buy. I wasn''t friends with the girl, she just invited me b/c I''m the S.O. of one of the groomsmen, I think, so I wouldn''t have gone anyways, but I felt wierd not sending a gift.
 
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