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Getting perspective

rosetta

rosetta

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 7, 2010
Messages
3,417
Just wanted to vent

Just saw my 29 year old patient who is dying of cancer. She was only diagnosed a few months ago. We had a long chat about life. It's hit close to home as she is only a year younger than me and we have lots in common.

For the umpteenth time, I am reminded that the most precious thing we have is our health. If we lose that, a million carats would not make up for the loss.

So give your loved ones an extra kiss today on my behalf. And cherish and enjoy your good health. You are lucky indeed.

I just needed to get that off my chest.
 
Very true.

Thanks for the much needed reminder.

Hugs to you for doing a great job. It must be very challenging at times like this. :appl:
 
Thanks so much for the reminder about perspective.
Wise words- good health is so valuable.

My thoughts are with you and your patient. So sad :(
 
Thank you very much for the hugs susimoo and missy. Much appreciated. Some days it's only the hugs and kisses that get me through seeing the tragedies that befall others less fortunate.

I just saw a 50 year old lady with a spinal tumour who will never walk again.

Sigh.

Onwards.
 
Much gratitude more frequently. Thanks for the reminder. We get too often too caught up.
 
Thank you for posting this Rosetta. I've been stressing about silly things all morning, but you're right, I'm healthy, clothed, fed, and so are all my loved ones. We can't ask for more than that and I'm very grateful for all of it.

I bet taking the time to talk to your patient like that really meant a lot to her.
 
You're welcome porridge. One of the nurses on the ward came out and told me that the patient was very grateful for my time and words, which is always lovely to hear. All I have to offer her now is time and words. Truly, you are lucky to be healthy porridge.

Extra cuddles all round
 
I hit a personal brick wall two months ago when my life was almost taken from me because of a surgeon's negligence. As I went through hell for eighteen hours, trying to hang on to consciousness until another surgeon could go in and fix what the other screwed up, I realized with great clarity that life could be over in an instant. I went from being perfectly OK and eating dinner with my husband at 7:30, to riding in an ambulance racing through the streets barely conscious ninety minutes later.

The first thing I came out of that experience with is an attitude of gratitude for God's mercy and for being spared.
The second thing- to make sure everyone I love KNOWS that I love and cherish them.
The third, not to be unhappy with or about anything. Either change, adapt, compromise, walk away or come up with a different option, but I don't want to be unhappy with anything any more. I don't want to die with regrets.
 
Thank you for posting this. An important reminder of what matters.
 
When I got very sick back in February I quickly changed my outlook on life. When you face death you realize that are more important things in life than material items. I refuse to get angry about the simplest things anymore and I make sure I make every moment possible special. Even if that just means stop what I am doing and play with the dog, talk with my daughter,just hold hands with my husband, call my dad/sister to tell them I love them.

One never knows how much time you have on this earth and I am so blessed to have been given a second chance.
 
A very important reminder, Rosetta. Thank you for sharing, and hugs to you.

And thank you for doing what you do.
 
Yes, thank you for the reminder. Its so easy to lose site of whats really important.
 
Rosetta,

Thanks for the reminder. It sounds so simple but is so very easy to forget as life happens around us.

Are you an oncologist? (sorry if you've posted this before... my memory for names is terrible so it takes some reminding before I can keep names matched properly with occupations & other details :oops: )
 
Very very true. Health is everything and there is NOTHING in this entire world that I would prioritize higher in terms of things that I want for my family and I.
 
Rosetta,
Thanks for the reminder. You sound like the kind of Doc I would want at my bedside...
 
Absolutely. Thanks for sharing. I care for my young sons medical needs 24/7 and it is time consuming and emotionally draining, but I know if he was born 100 years ago, he would no longer be with us and every day is a blessing.

I find diamonds to be a stress relief and they are pretty to look at , but I would give up every last one and more to find a cure.
 
Thank you all for your kind words. Yes my field is oncology. I wish you all the best of health.
 
Excellent reminder of how precious life is. I am sorry for your grief. I am sure it is very difficult not to get attached.
 
rosetta said:
Just wanted to vent

Just saw my 29 year old patient who is dying of cancer. She was only diagnosed a few months ago. We had a long chat about life. It's hit close to home as she is only a year younger than me and we have lots in common.

For the umpteenth time, I am reminded that the most precious thing we have is our health. If we lose that, a million carats would not make up for the loss.

So give your loved ones an extra kiss today on my behalf. And cherish and enjoy your good health. You are lucky indeed.

I just needed to get that off my chest.
Click to expand...

Amen!
I have lost loved ones to cancer, both young and old. It is a life changing experience for those of us who continue through life without them.
God Bless the kindness and compassion of all the healthcare professionals who comfort the patient (and their families) in their final days. It takes a very special person to work with cancer patients.
Thank you for what you do, both as a doctor and as an empathetic person.
 
rosetta said:
Thank you very much for the hugs susimoo and missy. Much appreciated. Some days it's only the hugs and kisses that get me through seeing the tragedies that befall others less fortunate.

I just saw a 50 year old lady with a spinal who will never walk again.

Sigh.

Onwards.
Click to expand...

Of course I appreciate the work medical professionals do. But the statement I bolded above really bothered me. It's often assumed that people with disabilities have low quality of life and are not happy. This is simply not true. Illness of any sort is difficult, but people get through it and continue to thrive, despite serious physical setbacks. Please think about referring this patient to a counselor who can help her adjust to these life changes without pitying her.
 
Portree this woman is devastated. She will get counselling in time. Now is not that time. I assure you we know what needs to be done. I'm slightly more concerned with keeping her alive at present.
 
Thank you so much for reminding us all about this - I know that we seem to forget way too easily.

I am very sorry to hear about your patient.
 
But i really should have called this thread gaining perspective.... :rolleyes:
 
rosetta said:
Portree this woman is devastated. She will get counselling in time. Now is not that time. I assure you we know what needs to be done. I'm slightly more concerned with keeping her alive at present.
Click to expand...

Well, I'm sure with all your training and experience you do know what to do. By the way, I'm curious, you seem to post a lot for someone who is a busy oncologist. I live in a city that has several major hospitals, one affiliated with a large university, and most of the specialists I know, especially the younger ones just starting their careers, would not have the time to spare to read/post on a forum.
 
portree - this thread was started as a way to offer some enlightening thought and show support towards those who face challenging illnesses. I'm not quite sure why you feel the need to question someone's position, but at this time I'm sure Rosetta is being thrown for a loop in caring for people who might have terminal problems that are her own age. Losing a peer, even one that is not well known to you, is a challenging and eye opening process. You might show a bit more sensitivity, and not question her time in this particular thread. :nono:
 
Thanks for the reminder, sometimes we get caught up with our lives that we forget how quickly they can be taken away.
 
dragonfly411 said:
portree - this thread was started as a way to offer some enlightening thought and show support towards those who face challenging illnesses. I'm not quite sure why you feel the need to question someone's position, but at this time I'm sure Rosetta is being thrown for a loop in caring for people who might have terminal problems that are her own age. Losing a peer, even one that is not well known to you, is a challenging and eye opening process. You might show a bit more sensitivity, and not question her time in this particular thread. :nono:
Click to expand...

I'm sorry if I sound harsh, dragonfly. That is not my intent. But when I read Rosetta's first post on this thread, I have to admit was confused about who she was looking for sympathy for -- herself or the patients. It also was a bit surprising to me that a doctor would put information on an anonymous forum about patients. The doctors I know would not do that, but I am in the United States where we have strict laws on patient privacy, and even stricter laws on using the internet for communication with and about patients.

But as a person who works professionally with people with all sorts of disabilities, including many people who are survivors of cancer, I am most disturbed about the pitying tone of this thread toward people who are "unfortunate" enough to be diagnosed with cancer. Research shows that stigma and pity toward people with disabilities is more damaging in the long run than the disability itself. I hate to see a medical professional perpetuating those attitudes in a public forum.

Perhaps this article will be helpful:
Soc Sci Med. 1999 Apr;48(8):977-88.
The disability paradox: high quality of life against all odds.
Albrecht GL, Devlieger PJ.
University of Illinois at Chicago, School of Public Health, 60612
 
One advantage of growing (I use that word advisedly) older is gaining a better perspective on what truly matters. If we're lucky & take lessons from experience. Aeschylus wrote something I carry with me: "God, whose law it is that he who learns must suffer....Even in our sleep, pain that cannot forget falls drop by drop upon our hearts...and in our despair, against our will....comes wisdom to us by the awesome grace of God." I have found it is the things I struggle through most resentfully that have taught me the most. I've always loved beauty in whatever form I found it. All my life I tried to accumulate a few lovely things as I could afford them, rather than a whole lot of mediocre less-expensive stuff. After the '89 earthquake in San Francisco, where we lived, I walked through the house looking at what was destroyed -- including my only museum-quality piece, a mirrored screen of my grandmother's. To my amazement I felt no emotion discovering it collapsed over a lamp & desk -- I was too enveloped by gratitude that we were all unhurt & accounted for. We had a roof, the house was ok, and we had ourselves; at that moment my brain had no room for any other thought. Watershed moment, I think they call it. Lifelong lesson, if we carry it along on the journey.

On the other hand I think we must find joy anywhere we can. I translate that as beauty & it is uncorrelated with money. Patterns of sunlight & shade cast by the trees lining the road to my house always takes my breath away; people (doctors) like Rosetta, who communicate their humanity to those they see (who hasn't had cancer deaths of loved ones these days? In my experience with 3 awful ones, oncologists do not often radiate compassion, whatever they may feel inside, so extra blessings on Rosetta);
and even looking at gems cleans out all the accumulated garbage in my soul. I can feel the lights turn on, the crankiness creep out the door.

We have no guarantee as to time...this could be the last thing I write, for all I know. It can end in a second. So the lesson I've learned is to remember that when negatives pile up & seem to take over, our lives' positives are every bit as valid, worthy of note and remembrance. Pile those up so you can hand them out. Nothing survives like love.

--- Laurie
 
Oh portree do get a grip. I don't need to justify what I do in my spare time to you. I have plenty of time to persue all sorts of interests including posting on websites. You may be stunned to hear that I even have hobbies outside of medicine (shock, horror). I understand patient confidentiality matters far better than you. I post and moderate enough professional fora to know this. Rest assured no codes of practice have been broken. A colleague is a member here too and she has been highly amused by your contribution.

No one is pitying anyone so don't put words in my mouth. Do you not understand the difference between pity and empathy?

I'm not here to have an argument with you so please just drop it.

Everyone else, thanks for your support and kind thoughts. Have a good weekend (during which may even post a few words) and enjoy your life with your loved ones.
 
Laurie, thank you for your beautiful words.

I'm reading them on my iPhone on a train to a meeting and they lifted my spirits. Thank you again.
 
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