Getting Older - It''s better to laugh than cry

[kenny]

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, 'How old was your husband?'
'98,' she replied, 'Two years older than me.'
'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.
She responded , 'Yeah, hardly worth going home, is it?'

Reporter interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
'And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?' the reporter asked.
She replied, 'No peer pressure.'

The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.

I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes and I'm half blind.
I can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
I have bouts with dementia, poor circulation, and can hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
I can't remember if I'm 89 or 98, and I've lost all my friends.
But, thank God I still have my driver's license.

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour but by the time I got my leotards on the class was over.

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.

These days about half the stuff In my shopping cart says, ' For fast relief.'

THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do,
and the eyesight to tell the difference.

 

[Steel]

Thank you so much for the best laugh I had in ages.

 

[Cehrabehra]

Thanks Kenny!

 

[Luckyeshe]

LMAO!!! This made my day!! Thanks, Kenny!!!

 

[MissMina]

True story.
My 100 year old patient was looking downhearted so I asked her what was wrong.
She said she had found a lump in her breast and that "My sister had one and only lived seven years". We looked at each other and she burst out laughing. After a
minute so did I. She lived to be 104 and the cancer didn''t progress.

 

[oddoneout]

Awesome.

 

[tyty333]

Too funny! And I hate to say it...but from an upper fortyish aged gal...I''m begining to relate to that stuff

!

 

[Erin]

My favorite is

Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they''re physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember. Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. Want anything while I''m in the kitchen?'' he asks. '' Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'' ''Sure.'' ''Don''t you think you should write it down so you can remember it?'' she asks. ''No, I can remember it.'' ''Well, I''d like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so''s not to forget it?'' He says, ''I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'' ''I''d also like whipped cream. I''m certain you''ll forget that, write it down? she asks. Irritated, he says, ''I don''t need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'' Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment. ''Where''s my toast ?''

 

[radiantquest]

Thanks, I am not very old, but I already notice things that didn''t happen 10 years ago.

 

[Kelli]

LOL thanks for the laughs!