Generous offer from FMIL, need advice

[meresal]

For those that may not know, I live in Houston where FI's entire immediate family lives, except for FSIL who is a dancer in NYC (and is a BM). The wedding is being held back in DFW where I am from and my family and 3 of my BM's live. (Not including one sister who is a BM)

Previously FMIL offered to throw me a shower which was going to be on a house boat on the lake. I was super excited about this and we were planning for it to be the same weekend as FI's Bachelor party, the first weekend of May. All the BM's from home were planning on coming down.

I'm having a small shower in 2 weeks (10 local people here in my suburb, mainly girlfriends/wives/fiances of FI's friends and 2 of my BM's). It will include many of the people that would be invited to the "lake" shower in May. I have worried about inviting people to 2 showers, then Bachelorette party, and then the wedding. I DON'T want the same people to give us that many gifts.

Talking with FMIL last night, we discussed how many of the charter companies in the area will not be running by the beginning of May, if they are re-opening at all. (Because of the Hurricane) Well, very generously, she offered to pay for the Bridal shower back in Dallas if I would prefer that more. My mom is on the golf course right now, so I can't call her... but who is usually supposed to pay for this?? Is it the bride's family??

The other thing I have begun to think about... is how many times will his sister need to fly back to Texas? She will not be coming to the small shower, but would more than likely come to the "lake" one, then the bridal shower that would be around a month later, and then back for the wedding a month later. I'm thinking that if it's not too terribly against etiquette, then FMIL's generous offer to pay for the Bridal shower would be a great idea.

What are your thoughts? If this has been too scattered, please just ask me to clarify and I will.

 

[Lulie]

Traditionally it has been maid of honor''s duty.
It has changed over the years and it''s not practiced due to $$$ and maid of honor being imed family members.
I''d MAKE SURE to keep the crowds separated, it''s just not fair to the ho$t nor hi$ sister. I''d just say it''s a simple brunch, nothing big, please don''t mention it.
As for your generous MIL, it''s not terribly against etiquette

but It can be ''problematic'' just let her do her thing, show up, and enjoy the celebration. And again keep the other crowd separated.

 

[meresal]

Date: 2/8/2009 4:51:16 PM
Author: Lulie
Traditionally it has been maid of honor''s duty.
It has changed over the years and it''s not practiced due to $$$ and maid of honor being imed family members.
I''d MAKE SURE to keep the crowds separated, it''s just not fair to the ho$t nor hi$ sister. I''d just say it''s a simple brunch, nothing big, please don''t mention it.
As for your generous MIL, it''s not terribly against etiquette

but It can be ''problematic'' just let her do her thing, show up, and enjoy the celebration. And again keep the other crowd separated.

Thanks for clearing that up.
Who do you mean by "other crowd", and who should I keep separated?

 

[NovemberBride]

Meresal,

I don''t see any problem with having several showers, I did and so do many others, especially when the bride and groom are from different areas or live somewhere other than where their families live. My feeling is that the guest lists should not overlap at all, with the exception of immediate family. I would feel awkward if invited to a second shower for someone (do I bring another gift, do I show up empty handed?) and, to be honest, would have no desire to attend more than one shower for a friend - you are right on track when you said you thought it would be a little much to invite the same people to 2 showers, a bachelorette and the wedding.

 

[mia1181]

Date: 2/8/2009 4:32:25 PM
Author:meresal

What are your thoughts? If this has been too scattered, please just ask me to clarify and I will.

Please Clarify!

Are you talking about having two showers and inviting some people to both? I don''t think that is a good idea because people will feel like they need to bring a gift. I would however personally do it if the people were really close sisters/mother/FMIL and they understood they didn''t need to bring a gift twice.

If you are asking if it is okay for FMIL to throw a shower, that''s fine. I think anyone can do it, as long as you aren''t taking it away from someone.

If you are asking about FSIL flying twice. Tell her you understand if she can''t make the shower because it is a lot to ask. Or have it more spaced out.

 

[Lulie]

Several showers are fun

What I meant w/separate crowds: overlaping people, just like novemberbride posted

sometimes we want love ones to be part of everything but, if it means traveling [#1] or any other expense it gets tricky. Imed family is OK for #2 say your mother/sister, as for your friends it might be a 'little' much for them and your generous FMIL as a ho$t....it's not about fear of gossip, it's about being fair