Gave a gift that wasn't appreciated - help me feel better about it please

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

What complicates it is that the recipient hasn't actually said anything to me directly.

So I have a close family member who got married recently. Typically, for close family, the gift given is jewellery. I asked her mom what she would like as a gift (I am closer to her mother) - her mother said to do earrings or a cocktail ring, and that she likes rubies (which I let her know straight off was out of my budget), so she said okay just do a red stone then. I suggested to her mom that she pick out the gift and I'd pay for it (and that we could go shopping together) but her mother insisted that I buy something on my own. She also said it would be better to do the jewellery and not give cash (which would have been my other choice).

I went in to the jeweller's - I have been staying away lol as I am on ban island but I went in after a while. I saw this pendant that I figured would be out of my budget but it was a consignment piece and so was priced very attractively. It was a coloured stone pendant - the stone in the centre was a garnet (to be honest, of a middling quality) but with a sizeable and beautifully made cocktail diamond halo. I checked with the jeweller if the stone could be swapped out without damaging the setting (he said it could be easily done, so I figured if she really was stuck on a ruby, she could replace it) and if it could be converted to a ring easily (he said it could be). It was on the very top end of my budget, but I bought it.

Here's where I messed up, possibly - I didn't get it converted into a ring. I asked my own mom, and she said I'd spent enough on it and if the bride wanted to get it converted at some point, she could. So I just gave it to her as is. I stressed on the fact that if she wanted to pull it apart, remake it, replace the stone, turn it into a ring, or even regift/sell it - I would not be upset. She just smiled and said thank you to me, but since then I've heard from other people that she was commenting on how I cheaped out by not even paying for the conversion into a ring, and that garnets are the ugliest red stone (garnets catching strays out here). Thankfully the actual halo (the main value in the piece) hasn't gotten any negative remarks, at least not from what I've heard.

I felt bad. Should I now offer to pay to convert it into a ring? There's no way I could afford a decent natural ruby, but I could swing a lab grown one - should I offer to pay for that? But she also doesn't like lab growns so that wouldn't solve the problem. Also at the same time, I feel like I maxed out my budget, and got her something that she could very easily turn into something she loves. I know I would never have made any negative comments if I had received something that was so close to what I'd love, especially if the conversion would be doable and not crazy expensive (except for the ruby - but that's a wild thing to expect someone to buy for you, imo). And my feelings are hurt, I'm not going to lie. If her mom had brought it up with me privately, that's one thing. But she's apparently complained to multiple people (who I trust to not make up things).

Or do I just let it go and not bring it up?

 

[MissGotRocks]

You gave a gift that you thought she would like and that had the ability to be turned into something else if she wanted. I think it is poor taste to criticize the gift to other people knowing that it would probably get back to you. It is also unacceptable in my mind for her mother to suggest a gift to you that might have been unaffordable. I would do nothing else about the gift at this point if for no other reason, just general principle. Next time give money. Not sure how the family tradition became to give a gift of jewelry - cultural maybe? - but the price range for such a thing is all over the place. I feel bad for you that you have been scorned for your choice . Ungratefulness is ugly! Did everyone else give her a gift that she felt was appropriate? Ugh - sorry this happened to you!!

 

[ShinyPink]

Wow! Did you post awhile back about your search? The story sounds familiar.

She sounds like an entitled brat. You bought a gift, and spent not only a great deal of time on it, but put a lot of thought into it. She can change it if she wants - not your problem. It's also rude of others to repeat her complaints to you. All they accomplished was making you feel bad. I'm so sorry you are upset, but the issue is not you, it's her.

Let it go. I'm just now learning to do that, and it's hard. Speaking up will only make her more vocal and you'll feel worse. I'm surprised her mom didn't shut it down, but that's probably part of her problem and why she's so ungrateful.

 

[Rfisher]

Typically, for close family, the gift given is jewellery. I asked her mom what she would like as a gift (I am closer to her mother) - her mother said to do earrings or a cocktail ring, and that she likes rubies (which I let her know straight off was out of my budget), so she said okay just do a red stone then. I suggested to her mom that she pick out the gift and I'd pay for it (and that we could go shopping together) but her mother insisted that I buy something on my own. She also said it would be better to do the jewellery and not give cash (which would have been my other choice).

Are project pieces typically the norm for gifts in your family in this type of scenario?

if I had received something that was so close to what I'd love, especially if the conversion would be doable and not crazy

It doesn’t excuse ungratefulness being ugly at all - but when the custom is doing the norm, but the norm isn’t what’s done - I think some people feel it may be a hall pass to be rude about it.

On a different scale - this is similar to choosing to buy a gift that’s not found on a specified registry.
Entitlement, yes.
But it happens, often.

To answer your question -
Do you feel your gift was sufficient?
Or do you want to give something that was specified she wants?
Or is the talk the worst part?
Which is the most important aspect to address to have your mind clean?

Your mind being clean is what to address. Not hers. IMO.

 

[Matata]

Oh FFS. Tell her you heard she doesn't like the gift and if she had a modicum of good manners she would have stuck it in a drawer, thrown it away or given it away instead of complaining to others about it behind your back. Her rudeness, ungraciousness, and cowardice don't deserve anything more than that.

 

[pearlsngems]

My feelings would be hurt, too. It was inexcusably rude of her to complain to people about it, and also thoughtless and rude of them to share the criticism with you.

She can do whatever she likes about the pendant-- your role in this is done, IMO.
And next time, follow your own instincts and give cash.

 

[pearlsngems]

Furthermore, if I ever heard that someone complained about a gift I'd given them, that would be the last gift they would ever get from me.

 

[Bonfire]

I’m So sorry you are being made to feel bad about your gift.
I’m taken aback by the specificity of acceptable gifts laid out by her mother. Cultural norms aside both mother and daughter seem to have selfish expectations? It’s a gift to celebrate a joyous event. To look down upon the gift as not measuring up is the epitome of classless and rude. You shouldn’t feel badly, the bride is the one who should.

 

[Rebel Rebel]

How ungrateful. My motto is 'never look a gift horse in the mouth'
I wouldn't do anything more, nor would I feel badly about it. You did well, the recepient did not.

 

[Calliecake]

I’d feel hurt by this as well @AllAboardTheBlingTrain. She’s acting like a spoiled child. I wouldn’t do anything at this point. She sounds like an ungrateful brat and her mom sounds just as bad. I’m sorry you are going thru this. Please try to get it out of your mind.

Seriously, it sounds like it would be extremely hard to please this person.

 

[Avondale]

I accept there are probably cultural differences that I don’t understand.

But still.

The behaviour of the bride shows lack of class and good manners. The behaviour of the people who allow and entertain such entitlement on her behalf - even more so.

Sometimes it’s good for your peace of mind to climb onto the moral high ground and decide that such actions and people are below your notice.

 

[oncrutchesrightnow]

I think you should talk to her and/or her mother. Especially if the bride is young. Reason being that manners are taught. And she might also benefit from a lesson in how well secrets are really kept, and how much she can actually trust the people who passed along her comments. In the alternative, it gives her a chance to correct any misinterpretation.

 

[ItsMainelyYou]

Nope.
Big fat negatory, good buddy. This chapter is over.
Extremely poor form on her part.
If you ever get her another gift, make it etiquette classes.
Call me Petty LaBelle.

 

[Bron357]

How rude.
A gift is given in good faith and with care and attention.
You made an effort to buy a piece of jewelry with the recipients desire in mind ie a red gemstone and did your best with the purchase.
How entitled and ungrateful can a gift recipient be to complain that the red gemstone, a garnet, is ugly and that you were “too cheap” to provide extra dollars to facilitate a conversion to a ring?
In the “olden days” you were grateful and thankful to receive anything. You were raised to be polite and keep any negative comments to yourself lest your mother give you a mouthful for your appalling lack of manners.
Me, I’d be telling her that you heard that she had complained that your gift was ugly and cheap and seeing as she feels that way she can return the pendant to you and you will find someone else who is thankful and grateful.
You, I’d just advise ignoring the comments and ignoring her. She obviously has no sense of gratitude and has an appalling lack of manners.

 

[kenny]

One quality friend is better than many who aren't worth your friendship.
Loyalty, no matter what, is overrated.

There are better people out there.
Find some.

 

[JPie]

The bride sounds like a twat. If I were her elder, I would let her know that I got the message and she needs to learn to handle her disappointment privately.

 

[mellowyellowgirl]

Ungrateful brat. I know there’s probably cultural nuances at play here that I obviously don’t grasp but I’d ask for it back and wear it myself.

That said I’ve been asked not to visit my relatives when I go to Vietnam because I’m too prone to making scenes apparently (I screamed at an uncle on the phone for bullying Lil Sis 20 years ago and they never got over it).

Look she probably wouldn’t have been happy with the conversion anyway. That it’s not converted is low hanging fruit she can b4tch about. If you convert it she’ll b4tch about something else. Brat!

 

[Mooshi]

Wow. If I ever receive a gift, no matter what it is I am touched that someone cared enough about me to gift me something and that I was in their thoughts. It matters not at all what the gift is, even a nice card and I am pleased! This was so very ungrateful on her part, I'm sorry you've gone through this. I wouldn't spend any more money, or thought (if you can) on it, you've done your best and your best was amazing! Be proud of yourself for being a great friend and person.

 

[lulu_ma]

SO RUDE! This is a her problem, not a you problem!

 

[pearlsngems]

If you converted it to a ring it would still have a stone that she thinks is ugly. So, there is no winning by doing that.
She cannot be pleased. That is her problem.

 

[Lookinagain]

Should I now offer to pay to convert it into a ring?

Absolutely not. With her attitude, I don't think she deserved any gift. Not jewelry, not cash. If you had given cash, she probably would have complained that it wasn't enough. I wouldn't bring it up with her or her mother, but if you chose to do so, offer to take the pendant back. Then give her nothing and do what you want with the pendant. She doesn't deserve a gift. Ungrateful people don't.

 

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

Omg thank you all so much for the support. I feel a lot better. I literally heard about it yesterday and I posted almost immediately after. Now that I’ve had a night’s sleep over it I feel much better. And reading your comments have really helped.

I didn’t touch upon the cultural aspects as much as I could have, but giving jewellery in this scenario is cultural. It’s funny because cash is usually just fine and expected as a gift because no one does registries, but when you’re close family or close friends it’s considered a bit tacky and jewellery is the “better” gift (changing in the younger generation for the most part though - I would much prefer to receive cash and so far so have almost all my friends who have gotten married). Maybe it’s just my family that thinks this way but it’s how I’ve been raised. And there’s also a general range you keep your gift to, because at some point it will be returned at another occasion. Like in this case, if I get married ever, then her mother is expected to get me a gift that is in the ballpark of what I got her daughter.

And no - you usually would not ask or dictate what gift is given. I thought it would be nice to ask because the last time I asked (in a similar situation with a different bride), it actually worked out for the best! But lesson learned. I am not going to ask again.

 

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

You gave a gift that you thought she would like and that had the ability to be turned into something else if she wanted. I think it is poor taste to criticize the gift to other people knowing that it would probably get back to you. It is also unacceptable in my mind for her mother to suggest a gift to you that might have been unaffordable. I would do nothing else about the gift at this point if for no other reason, just general principle. Next time give money. Not sure how the family tradition became to give a gift of jewelry - cultural maybe? - but the price range for such a thing is all over the place. I feel bad for you that you have been scorned for your choice . Ungratefulness is ugly! Did everyone else give her a gift that she felt was appropriate? Ugh - sorry this happened to you!!

Actually, I have no idea how everyone else’s gifts were accepted. I kind of want to find out now. If I heard that she’s btching about everyone’s then I wouldn’t feel bad anymore. And yeah, I was taken aback when her mom said “ruby” - maybe she didn’t know how expensive it could get but I didn’t want to buy one of those crappy glass filled rubies that are treated out the wazoo. It didn’t feel right spending money on that.

Wow! Did you post awhile back about your search? The story sounds familiar.

She sounds like an entitled brat. You bought a gift, and spent not only a great deal of time on it, but put a lot of thought into it. She can change it if she wants - not your problem. It's also rude of others to repeat her complaints to you. All they accomplished was making you feel bad. I'm so sorry you are upset, but the issue is not you, it's her.

Let it go. I'm just now learning to do that, and it's hard. Speaking up will only make her more vocal and you'll feel worse. I'm surprised her mom didn't shut it down, but that's probably part of her problem and why she's so ungrateful.

I posted about a different search which had a happy ending! I deleted it because I’d gone into detail about family dynamics and the like. But great memory!

I think because back then I had asked and knew what the bride wanted and it had worked out; I thought I’d try the same thing again here and got burned. Never again am I going to ask.

I think the people who repeated it to me did so to warn me because they all thought she was being a brat and in the wrong. And yes, I expected her mother to shut it down. Maybe she did and I don’t know about it.

 

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

Are project pieces typically the norm for gifts in your family in this type of scenario?



It doesn’t excuse ungratefulness being ugly at all - but when the custom is doing the norm, but the norm isn’t what’s done - I think some people feel it may be a hall pass to be rude about it.

On a different scale - this is similar to choosing to buy a gift that’s not found on a specified registry.
Entitlement, yes.
But it happens, often.

To answer your question -
Do you feel your gift was sufficient?
Or do you want to give something that was specified she wants?
Or is the talk the worst part?
Which is the most important aspect to address to have your mind clean?

Your mind being clean is what to address. Not hers. IMO.

Honestly a lot of times people just regift their own jewellery, or they buy whatever fits a budget and give it. I thought I was being nice by asking what she wanted but turns out I opened a whole different can of worms by doing so!

It’s really common to receive gifts that you then tweak or repurpose or regift. No one (for the most part) is offended if you do that. It’s another reason why I thought ok I don’t need to pay for the conversion.

Honestly for me I thought I did meet the spirit of the request and that’s what bothers me. I thought it was more than sufficient. I thought she would be happy with it!!

Oh FFS. Tell her you heard she doesn't like the gift and if she had a modicum of good manners she would have stuck it in a drawer, thrown it away or given it away instead of complaining to others about it behind your back. Her rudeness, ungraciousness, and cowardice don't deserve anything more than that.

I hate confrontation so I probably wouldn’t do this but ugh I wish I had the spine to say that to her face!

My feelings would be hurt, too. It was inexcusably rude of her to complain to people about it, and also thoughtless and rude of them to share the criticism with you.

She can do whatever she likes about the pendant-- your role in this is done, IMO.
And next time, follow your own instincts and give cash.

I think they weren’t sharing with me by saying she was right, it was more like “can you believe she’s saying this??” Kind of like “the lion, the witch and the audacity of this B—“ haha.

Maybe I should just have given cash but it isn’t really done in the family. Next time I’m making this mom’s problem - she’s navigated many pitfalls like this, she will know what to do! My mom doesn’t give advice unless it’s asked for, which is great, but in this case I could probably have used her input lol.

Furthermore, if I ever heard that someone complained about a gift I'd given them, that would be the last gift they would ever get from me.

Oh no fear - I’m not getting her a gift ever again.

If you converted it to a ring it would still have a stone that she thinks is ugly. So, there is no winning by doing that.
She cannot be pleased. That is her problem.

I think you’re right. There’s no way to please her so at least I’m glad I’m not out the money for the conversion.

 

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

I’m So sorry you are being made to feel bad about your gift.
I’m taken aback by the specificity of acceptable gifts laid out by her mother. Cultural norms aside both mother and daughter seem to have selfish expectations? It’s a gift to celebrate a joyous event. To look down upon the gift as not measuring up is the epitome of classless and rude. You shouldn’t feel badly, the bride is the one who should.

To be fair, I asked her mom - but I wasn’t expecting something so specific for sure! I thought she would either give me a “style” (like oh do something classic, do something traditional Indian style, do something with a bunch of colour etc), or agree to come with me to pick it out if she’s so picky!

How ungrateful. My motto is 'never look a gift horse in the mouth'
I wouldn't do anything more, nor would I feel badly about it. You did well, the recepient did not.

I’m trying to do exactly this - not feel bad about it. I mean it’s free gold and diamonds at the end of the day. Labour isn’t expensive here, she can easily turn it into something she likes!

I’d feel hurt by this as well @AllAboardTheBlingTrain. She’s acting like a spoiled child. I wouldn’t do anything at this point. She sounds like an ungrateful brat and her mom sounds just as bad. I’m sorry you are going thru this. Please try to get it out of your mind.

Seriously, it sounds like it would be extremely hard to please this person.

Thanks Callie, I think I’ve also decided I’m not going to do anything anymore. I expected her mom to step in but she hasn’t. Maybe she doesn’t know about it or maybe she has stepped in and I haven’t heard but either way the damage is done as far as I’m concerned.

I accept there are probably cultural differences that I don’t understand.

But still.

The behaviour of the bride shows lack of class and good manners. The behaviour of the people who allow and entertain such entitlement on her behalf - even more so.

Sometimes it’s good for your peace of mind to climb onto the moral high ground and decide that such actions and people are below your notice.

Yeah I’ve switched off from her in my head. I’m upset and annoyed both by her reaction.

 

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

I think you should talk to her and/or her mother. Especially if the bride is young. Reason being that manners are taught. And she might also benefit from a lesson in how well secrets are really kept, and how much she can actually trust the people who passed along her comments. In the alternative, it gives her a chance to correct any misinterpretation.

I thought about it, but I’d feel awkward bringing it up. And it will blow back on the people who told me, who I know did it from a good place - to warn me that she was saying things like this. But maybe once I calm down I’ll bring it up. At the moment I don’t feel like I should.

Nope.
Big fat negatory, good buddy. This chapter is over.
Extremely poor form on her part.
If you ever get her another gift, make it etiquette classes.
Call me Petty LaBelle.

Lol Id love to get her etiquette classes! Would be worth the investment, in my opinion.

How rude.
A gift is given in good faith and with care and attention.
You made an effort to buy a piece of jewelry with the recipients desire in mind ie a red gemstone and did your best with the purchase.
How entitled and ungrateful can a gift recipient be to complain that the red gemstone, a garnet, is ugly and that you were “too cheap” to provide extra dollars to facilitate a conversion to a ring?
In the “olden days” you were grateful and thankful to receive anything. You were raised to be polite and keep any negative comments to yourself lest your mother give you a mouthful for your appalling lack of manners.
Me, I’d be telling her that you heard that she had complained that your gift was ugly and cheap and seeing as she feels that way she can return the pendant to you and you will find someone else who is thankful and grateful.
You, I’d just advise ignoring the comments and ignoring her. She obviously has no sense of gratitude and has an appalling lack of manners.

I thought it was inexcusably rude too. I would never. My mom would’ve ripped into me had it been me who had said stuff like this. I am tempted to ask for it back (and convert it and wear it, hah!) but I’m not going to, of course.

I’ll take the high road, I plan on ignoring her comments. Unless I see her wearing the pendant as a ring. Then I’d definitely slip in a reference to being too cheap.

One quality friend is better than many who aren't worth your friendship.
Loyalty, no matter what, is overrated.

There are better people out there.
Find some.

You’re right of course, hard to do when it’s family. But in my head I’ve switched off.

 

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

The bride sounds like a twat. If I were her elder, I would let her know that I got the message and she needs to learn to handle her disappointment privately.

I am older to her, and definitely tempted to let her know that I heard. But it’ll become an entire scene and drag people into it who I know had my best interests at heart. So I likely won’t.

Ungrateful brat. I know there’s probably cultural nuances at play here that I obviously don’t grasp but I’d ask for it back and wear it myself.

That said I’ve been asked not to visit my relatives when I go to Vietnam because I’m too prone to making scenes apparently (I screamed at an uncle on the phone for bullying Lil Sis 20 years ago and they never got over it).

Look she probably wouldn’t have been happy with the conversion anyway. That it’s not converted is low hanging fruit she can b4tch about. If you convert it she’ll b4tch about something else. Brat!

I’d love to ask for it back - not because I want it but because it would teach her a lesson. But I won’t haha it’ll create so many issues within the family! But you have a point that she would probably find something else to btch about. Probably the garnet. And if I’d replaced that with a lab grown or crappy glass filled ruby, she would’ve complained about that. There’s no winning.

Wow. If I ever receive a gift, no matter what it is I am touched that someone cared enough about me to gift me something and that I was in their thoughts. It matters not at all what the gift is, even a nice card and I am pleased! This was so very ungrateful on her part, I'm sorry you've gone through this. I wouldn't spend any more money, or thought (if you can) on it, you've done your best and your best was amazing! Be proud of yourself for being a great friend and person.

I am resolving to do just this - not waste more energy on it. Thank you.

SO RUDE! This is a her problem, not a you problem!

Yeah exactly how I feel, especially now that I have some distance from it. It’s a her problem.

Absolutely not. With her attitude, I don't think she deserved any gift. Not jewelry, not cash. If you had given cash, she probably would have complained that it wasn't enough. I wouldn't bring it up with her or her mother, but if you chose to do so, offer to take the pendant back. Then give her nothing and do what you want with the pendant. She doesn't deserve a gift. Ungrateful people don't.

I probably won’t do anything about it, but yeah now I’ve resolved that a) I’m not going to ask for input on gifts given and b) I’m not going out of my way for her. Her rudeness both upset and annoyed me.

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

What complicates it is that the recipient hasn't actually said anything to me directly.

So I have a close family member who got married recently. Typically, for close family, the gift given is jewellery. I asked her mom what she would like as a gift (I am closer to her mother) - her mother said to do earrings or a cocktail ring, and that she likes rubies (which I let her know straight off was out of my budget), so she said okay just do a red stone then. I suggested to her mom that she pick out the gift and I'd pay for it (and that we could go shopping together) but her mother insisted that I buy something on my own. She also said it would be better to do the jewellery and not give cash (which would have been my other choice).

I went in to the jeweller's - I have been staying away lol as I am on ban island but I went in after a while. I saw this pendant that I figured would be out of my budget but it was a consignment piece and so was priced very attractively. It was a coloured stone pendant - the stone in the centre was a garnet (to be honest, of a middling quality) but with a sizeable and beautifully made cocktail diamond halo. I checked with the jeweller if the stone could be swapped out without damaging the setting (he said it could be easily done, so I figured if she really was stuck on a ruby, she could replace it) and if it could be converted to a ring easily (he said it could be). It was on the very top end of my budget, but I bought it.

Here's where I messed up, possibly - I didn't get it converted into a ring. I asked my own mom, and she said I'd spent enough on it and if the bride wanted to get it converted at some point, she could. So I just gave it to her as is. I stressed on the fact that if she wanted to pull it apart, remake it, replace the stone, turn it into a ring, or even regift/sell it - I would not be upset. She just smiled and said thank you to me, but since then I've heard from other people that she was commenting on how I cheaped out by not even paying for the conversion into a ring, and that garnets are the ugliest red stone (garnets catching strays out here). Thankfully the actual halo (the main value in the piece) hasn't gotten any negative remarks, at least not from what I've heard.

I felt bad. Should I now offer to pay to convert it into a ring? There's no way I could afford a decent natural ruby, but I could swing a lab grown one - should I offer to pay for that? But she also doesn't like lab growns so that wouldn't solve the problem. Also at the same time, I feel like I maxed out my budget, and got her something that she could very easily turn into something she loves. I know I would never have made any negative comments if I had received something that was so close to what I'd love, especially if the conversion would be doable and not crazy expensive (except for the ruby - but that's a wild thing to expect someone to buy for you, imo). And my feelings are hurt, I'm not going to lie. If her mom had brought it up with me privately, that's one thing. But she's apparently complained to multiple people (who I trust to not make up things).

Or do I just let it go and not bring it up?

i know your culture has different gift giving etiquette to what im used to
and i never gift cash

but i know you put much thought into the gifts you give and you consulted your mum on this one

quite frankly your 'friend' is ungreatful and undeserving and please dont worry about it any more and DO NOT give her anything extra like a conversion or a ruby

im sad your feelings are hurt but we know what a caring and thoughtful gift giver you really are

its 100% on her, not you

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

oh and @AllAboardTheBlingTrain you did not mess up
its 100% on her not you

 

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

i know your culture has different gift giving etiquette to what im used to
and i never gift cash

but i know you put much thought into the gifts you give and you consulted your mum on this one

quite frankly your 'friend' is ungreatful and undeserving and please dont worry about it any more and DO NOT give her anything extra like a conversion or a ruby

im sad your feelings are hurt but we know what a caring and thoughtful gift giver you really are

its 100% on her, not you

oh and @AllAboardTheBlingTrain you did not mess up
its 100% on her not you

Thank you so much for this Daisy. I spoke to my mom right now and filled her in about what I’d heard and she was incensed on my behalf as well. She advised me the same thing - to just let it go. She also said in the future I shouldn’t ask people what they want and I should just gift them something standard/classic - like diamond or pearl studs (which no one should complain about receiving!) Mother knows best, lol. I’m going to stick to this advice.