Galateia...

[TravelingGal]

I was wondering how your greencard process is going? I imagine you must be on visajourney quite a lot these days!

 

[galeteia]

Aw, thank you for asking.

As a matter of fact, I am currently trying to calm myself down enough to get to sleep; In 5 hours I get up to travel to my medical exam and I'm very nervous. (I hate needles, I keep having bad experiences with them.) It's costing me $225, so I hope everything goes along swiftly enough that tomorrow's medical exam is still valid when I apply for my greencard, or I'll have to pay for another.

I often reflect on how spiffy a diamond ring I could get for what this process is costing us. Other women get a diamond ring, I get an immigration. That stings sometimes, but it's what it takes to be with FF, and that's ultimately all I really care about. I've given up on any prospect of getting a ring; by the time the dust settles, we'll be pushing 4k in total immigration costs. (Of course, if I had kept my fat mouth shut I would have a ring on my finger right now and the most perfect surprise proposal story to tell, but that's another story.

)

Our petition was approved, which was the first big hurdle. I sent the first set of forms off to Montreal, and I'm now waiting to find out whether or not I'll be granted a visa interview and when it will take place.

It's been a very emotional process so far, with the inevitable bumps and glitches that need to be smoothed over. After sitting down with FF and going over how much money I need to be bringing in to cover all our expenses (including health insurance- dear god. I take back every complaint I've ever had about our health system up here) I actually managed to hyperventilate myself into an illness that knocked me on my rear for days. I was very sick indeed; my roommate had to help me navigate the hallway to the bathroom. The bug was probably lurking in the wings and my epic freak-out just taxed my body over the edge. (Basically, if I can't get a good job, we are completely screwed and will be buried in a mountain of debt we may never get clear of. Not a fun realization, especially considering the delays before I am permitted to work.) It seems to be two steps forward, two steps back... just when I think we're on top of things and I can handle it, something else pops out of the woodwork and everything flares up just as bad as it ever was.

I bounce back and forth between anticipation of seeing my FF and being terrified and depressed. So fairly typical of the process, all in all.

Visajourney was a godsend, I am indebted to you for passing it along. It's a blessing and a curse; it's good to know what we're facing, but it's also a litany of all the things that can go wrong.

On the bright side, nothing like a harrowing process at such a distance to really put one's relationship through the fire. You either have to be a masochist or deeply in love to go through this. Not to mention committed; we've had moments were we've taken our anxiety out on one another like a pair of snarling dogs, but our commitment to one another and this goal has never waned.

This process sucks the romance out of everything it touches, but how comforting it is to see how strong the relationship is when the romance has been stripped away.

 

[bee*]

Hang in there galateia! It will be worth it in the end

 

[onedrop]

Gala:

Thanks for giving us an update. You seem to really be hanging in there and please....don''t worry about a thing! You and your fiance have a REAL relationship and that is all that matters at this point. And short of you having some sort of communicable disease or a criminal history your med. exam and visa interview should be smooth sailing. Trust me!!

I am cheering for you just because I like to be positive, but also because we are in a similar circumstance. My BF completed the interview process got his visa, and is now here in the US. It''s been very challenging. And I have to agree with you about the romance being sucked out of the relationship. But I also agree that the process tests the strength of your relationship. Based on what you have said here on PS it seems you and your FI have it together. Just remember to work OT to keep the romance there, it makes things much sweeter.

So...congratulations on getting through all the gov''t red tape thus far!!! I visit VJ on occassion too, I was glued there during the whole petition process, and will probably be going back during the AOS situation. It''s a godsend!

 

[HOUMedGal]

Gal, I know some of the stories on visajourney can really worry you....but I just wanted to chime in and let you know that my hubby and I ended up having an absolutely uneventful visa journey ourselves!! We got married in June, sent off all the paperwork in July, had his biometrics appointment a few weeks later, and had our interview on October 31st! And the interview was sooooo not what i had worked myself up for. It was a total of about 5 minutes, and the questions basically just consisted of her asking us what we both do, how we met, etc., flipping through the photos I brought for "evidence" of our true relationship...then she left the room and said I''ll be right back, and when she came back, she said "as of today you are a permanent resident of the US" as she was walking into the room. SOOOOOO not a big deal!

So, just wanted to give you a positive story to balance any negative stories you may have heard. BEST of luck!!!

 

[TravelingGal]

Aw Galateia...I wish I could tell you to stop stressing, but having gone through a similar process myself, I know that no one can make it easier for you. It''s only in hindsight where I realized it was a piece of cake - all my prep and research ensured that. But while I was in the process, I had many a hyperventilating night, let me tell you. I also got physically sick from the stress...it was like nothing I have ever experienced before. You have my sympathy!

I hope your med went well. It should be have been pretty easy. I hope it is valid...I think they take medicals that are 6 months old or something? Don''t quote me on that...I can''t remember....it maybe even up to a year. It was really tough for us because for the diversity lottery visa, you don''t know if your case will become current until the previous month! You''re in a holding pattern until then because you don''t want to spend the money for something that may never happen. Then BOOM! Your case becomes current and you have mere weeks to get all your crap together. We found out mid-march when his interview was, and we were in an absoulte mad rush to get his police report and meds done. He received his police report the day before he was to fly out to Sydney to meet me for his interview (I was just joining him for moral support...so add another $2000 to our greencard costs!)

You just have to know you are doing everything on the up and up, and the stories you hear of failures are most likely from people who were not prepared, or were doing something squirrely. As long as you are not a criminal and don''t have TB, you should be fine for entry.

Please keep us posted!

 

[FacetFire]

I''m sorry this process isn''t easier for you both. I understand how it feels to have to go through really tough times with someone before you can even get to the point of a ring and a wedding and a marriage. FI and I have been through some really tough processes together, and we remain devoted to each other, but at the same time, sometimes I envy those that have been able to get to the point of a wedding before the romance has been dusted off too much. As a result, I know that we feel even more confident of our abilities to handle what life throws at us, but sometimes I just want to be an excited, caught-up-in-romance bride. Not that I''m not excited, but I am not floating on cloud-9 and caught up in the romance of a wedding. Instead it just feels like a step along the way, and we''ll still be the same old "us" afterwards. I guess what I''m trying to say is that, no matter what difficulties you have to face before being together, just remember that you have proven your ability to handle a lot of crap. And continue to remember that as you face more future difficulties, which are inevitable. And, once you get to the point where you can get married, fight like heck to capture the romance of the little things...I think it helps make you feel more like the innocent, romantic, idealistic bride. Hang in there, I know it''ll all be worth it. I''m keeping my fingers crossed that things ease up for you both!

 

[galeteia]

An update on the medical exam:

It was very quick and aside from the needle, painless. It was a male doctor, which would have made me very uncomfortable were it not for the shrilling of my gaydar that went off after his third word.

His wedding ring threw me off until I remember that this is Canada, and that wedding ring is likely from his husband. If anything, it was more comfortable than most of the female doctors I''ve had.

We were cracking jokes during my pelvic exam about how lucky it was I''d nipped off to the bathroom to pee beforehand!

I was a little shocked by how much I weighed (there is no way I''d gained 4 pounds since Monday) and sure enough I started my period later that day, and had lost 3 pounds of bloat by the next morning. Dang!

FacetFire, you''re so right about things being another step along the way, and still being the ''same old us afterward''. I do envy those people who get to fully enjoy the romance of it all, but I''m comforted by knowing that when the sh*t hits the fan, there will be no *thud* of reality. It''s easy to fall in love with the best of someone, but it''s the worst of them you need to live with!

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 2/4/2007 5:28:20 PM
Author: Galateia


FacetFire, you''re so right about things being another step along the way, and still being the ''same old us afterward''. I do envy those people who get to fully enjoy the romance of it all, but I''m comforted by knowing that when the sh*t hits the fan, there will be no *thud* of reality. It''s easy to fall in love with the best of someone, but it''s the worst of them you need to live with!

Um...would you freak if I told you that this is the easiest, most romantic part of it all? The tough stuff is yet to come.

Glad to hear the medical went well...one big thing to check off your list!

 

[galeteia]

Date: 2/5/2007 1:12:26 AM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 2/4/2007 5:28:20 PM

Author: Galateia



FacetFire, you''re so right about things being another step along the way, and still being the ''same old us afterward''. I do envy those people who get to fully enjoy the romance of it all, but I''m comforted by knowing that when the sh*t hits the fan, there will be no *thud* of reality. It''s easy to fall in love with the best of someone, but it''s the worst of them you need to live with!

Um...would you freak if I told you that this is the easiest, most romantic part of it all? The tough stuff is yet to come.

Glad to hear the medical went well...one big thing to check off your list!

Oh my god no. This is the most romantic part of it? (Romance? Where?) Are you referring to the AOS as the ''tough stuff'' or the visa interview? (I''m already anxious as hell about that and I haven''t even gotten my date yet, let alone filled out my DS-156.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 2/5/2007 1:18:04 AM
Author: Galateia

Date: 2/5/2007 1:12:26 AM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 2/4/2007 5:28:20 PM

Author: Galateia



FacetFire, you''re so right about things being another step along the way, and still being the ''same old us afterward''. I do envy those people who get to fully enjoy the romance of it all, but I''m comforted by knowing that when the sh*t hits the fan, there will be no *thud* of reality. It''s easy to fall in love with the best of someone, but it''s the worst of them you need to live with!

Um...would you freak if I told you that this is the easiest, most romantic part of it all? The tough stuff is yet to come.

Glad to hear the medical went well...one big thing to check off your list!

Oh my god no. This is the most romantic part of it? (Romance? Where?) Are you referring to the AOS as the ''tough stuff'' or the visa interview? (I''m already anxious as hell about that and I haven''t even gotten my date yet, let alone filled out my DS-156.

Hehehe...the tough stuff I am referring to is moving, trying to wrest closet space from him, and generally making a life together.

But that part is definitely the most rewarding!

 

[galeteia]

Date: 2/5/2007 12:21:44 PM
Author: TravelingGal
Hehehe...the tough stuff I am referring to is moving, trying to wrest closet space from him, and generally making a life together.

But that part is definitely the most rewarding!

Oh, that! Whew. We''ve already figured out which company we''re going to use (we pack it, they drive it), how much it will cost, how much I''ll be bringing with me, and where my scant sticks of furniture that I will be bringing with me will go. I''m a recent student so I don''t have that much ''stuff''; a single pickup truck probably could move my stuff just fine.

When he picked our apartment, he chose it with me and my needs in mind; even the walls have been left bare so I might choose which of my paintings I want hung where. He choose a kitchen that would be big enough for the two of us to cook in it at once, which we like to do; he picked one with a veranda so that I could paint outside in the shade. There is a walk-in closet (oh yeah!

) with half of it waiting empty for me and my clothes.

It even has a decent bathtub, because my baby knows I like a good soak in the tub, especially if I''m having a very female day of the month.

Of course, it''s got drawbacks (all carpet which means no painting inside in bad weather) but he did the best he could with location and budget in mind. I have no complaints.

And we''ve already lived together, so I''m none too worried about an ''adjustment'' to us being together 24/7. We''ve already worked out many of the nuts and bolts of living together (the toilet paper direction, what ''clean'' means, how you squeeze the toothpaste tube, sleeping patterns, which side of the bed, ''my space, your space'', which sour mood is ''come here and hug me'' and which one is ''touch me and die'', how we fight, spending personalities... the list goes on.) When we lived together, we did so with the express intent of determining whether this was ''it'' and whether marriage was in the cards for us. We had to know if we could do this 40 years from now, and we figured out that yes, we could. I can''t wait to get back to swapping dishes for laundry!

I think the worst challenge will be the culture shock of being down there, and that''s external.

It is definitely the most rewarding. The upside of this is that we don''t need to go through the wedding stress and hoopla to get to the ''good stuff''!