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Funny Things Kids Say

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iluvcarats

iluvcarats

Ideal_Rock
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Apr 17, 2008
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I know that there is a thread on this already, but I can''t access it. This has had me laughing all day.

Today my kids were bickering about something and so I told them "What goes aroung comes around"
So then they started with the "He said She said" and so I said "Two wrongs don''t make a right."

So my son, who is almost 6 got a puzzled look on his face, and he said "So then you have to take a left?"


Anyone else with cute kid stories?
 
I recently visited my best friend, who has a 2.5 year old little girl. I stayed for 5 days, at the end of each day little Sofie would say "it''s been a REAL long day," with a woebegone expression on her face. She would also run into the guest room where I slept and whisper "where my friend? where my friend?" each morning, trying to be quiet but obviously anxious to have me awaken so I would play with her. Such cuteness!
 
My youngest is very attached to me but of course loves his dad. One morning I had to be somewhere and hubby was able to run my son to school which is very rare. I told him the night prior that his dad would be taking him and he was happy. But the next morning he decided he wanted me. My husband told him "But I am taking you, and it is a treat!" My son looked at him and said "But Dad, you are just too busy for me. If you take me, you will be late and you will have too much work to do!" It was so sweet, but also crafty, because my son knew the one argument to make that would make sense where hubby is concerned...in fact, most mornings hubby is long gone and my son sometimes asks why his dad is gone so early. I would say, "He has a lot to do so he goes in early to get it all done", which he was using in his comments.

Monnie, how sweet that she was looking for you...but kids stink at being quiet don''t they?!
 
I will just preface this by saying that DH is a bit of a health nut.

DS went to preschool for the first time at 4. The second day they fed the class a snack of milk and a prepackaged Rice Crispy Treat. He had never seen a packaged RCT before as he had only had homemade and asked his teacher what it was. She explained what it was. He asked, "Does it have Hydrogenated oil in it?" in a totally direct and very serious manner. She said, "I don''t know. Let me check." She checked the box and said, "Yes. It does." He said, "Well, then I can''t eat it." The teacher thought this was so funny and couldn''t wait to tell me when I arrived that afternoon. Through the rest of the year he refused to eat their snacks because he said they fed them junk food. I can''t disagree, sugary snacks are not what I would feel a classroom full of 4 year olds. Oh, but, it was so funny.

He also asked my MIL if DH was older than the dinosaurs. Keep in mind, DH was 25 at the time, LOL!

He told my mom he would not eat McDonald''s because he wouldn''t grow.

These are just from one kid and I have three! I have so many funny kid stories. I don''t even know where to start. They crack me up every day!
 
Such cute story's iluvecarats, Monni, DF and Miranda!!!

Monnie, you reminded me of one. We went out to see some friends and our friend had a 3 year old son at the time. Well, I had the worst stomach bug during our trip; it lasted a couple of days. The night before I danced with our friends son and twirled him around and just had a good old time!!!! The next day I was so sick so I stayed in bed. Our friends son kept say "when is that nice girl going to wake up, mom, is she awake yet?" I could see his hair peaking through the bottom of the door too trying to see if I was awake (it was an older house so you could see a little through the bottom of the door). I laughed and then just got up because I knew he would keep asking (yanno that is what kids do best). hehee
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Now, I am not cool enough (he is now 12). haha
 
Such cute stories! I love reading things like this, they always crack me up. Diamondfan, yes, kids do stink at being quiet. At least she was TRYing...lol. I kept hearing her momma say "leave her alone! She's sleeping!" She knows I don't normally get up at 6 a.m.!

ETA: Skippy, it is sad when they grow up and don't think you're so fabulous anymore, I know!
 
I think it is really funny that little kids also think if THEY cannot see YOU then YOU cannot see THEM. Pretty silly.

Once I called Miss Maya the dog my baby girl and told my youngest son she was his sister. (he was four at the time). He said, "Who is her dad? She does not look like me or my brothers!" I almost peed myself and told him I meant in a not real way, that I did not give birth to her but that she was in our family so that is why I said it. Kids are so literal you have to really be careful!
 
Oh, that''s so funny DF! They are very literal, that''s what makes them so funny.

My brother always used to call weathervanes "windchickens." Every weathervane on barns around my hometown was a rooster...not the funky ones you see everywhere else. He called mules or donkeys "mexican horses," and he had several crazy pronunciations for other farm terms that I can''t even remember now. He has one of those brilliant minds that can''t be concerned with everyday mundane life, he just came up with his own imaginative terms.
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I always wished I was as gifted as he.
 
My nephew used to say and do the funniest things. I remember when DH and I first started dating he was about 3 years old. He considered me his "girlfriend" and would actually get mad when DH would sit near me or anything. Now that he is 11 and I am his Aunt he no longer thinks this is a funny story
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. His favorite book was also Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, but he couldn''t pronounce dwarfs. He would always say Snow White and the Seven W*ores. Anytime someone came over he would ask them to read that story! haha. So cute.
 
We were sitting round the dinner table one day, discussing various pizza toppings when our daughter mentioned salami. I opened my mouth to speak but my son (about 6 at the time) started freaking out! He got all in a panic and could hardly get his words out. He was saying, "NO, NO! Salami is bad! It''s really, really bad! It can kill you!" We were looking at each other all puzzled and I managed to say, "Well maybe if you eat too much......" before he screams at the top of his lungs, "NO! NO! IT''S A KILLER WAVE!!!"

After we had picked ourselves up off the floor we explained, "No Darling, you mean ''tsunami''!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
 
Date: 6/17/2008 7:06:35 AM
Author: IrishBreakfast
We were sitting round the dinner table one day, discussing various pizza toppings when our daughter mentioned salami. I opened my mouth to speak but my son (about 6 at the time) started freaking out! He got all in a panic and could hardly get his words out. He was saying, ''NO, NO! Salami is bad! It''s really, really bad! It can kill you!'' We were looking at each other all puzzled and I managed to say, ''Well maybe if you eat too much......'' before he screams at the top of his lungs, ''NO! NO! IT''S A KILLER WAVE!!!''

After we had picked ourselves up off the floor we explained, ''No Darling, you mean ''tsunami''!!!!!!!!!!!!!''
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Ok, all these posts were funny, but this one one has me crying.
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I''ve already posted funny stuff my kids said when they were younger, but I still chuckle and smile over this one from last year. My (then) 16 year old had formed a habit of being picked up every Friday afternoon by his best friend. They would go to Subway for dinner, and then usually go to his friends house afterwards. EVERY time he left (this went on for months), I would say, Call me and let me know what''s going on. And EVERY time, 9 o''clock would roll around with no call. I would have to call to find out. So I called one night, finally annoyed, and said, Why is it everey Friday night I have to call you and track you down? To which he replied without missing a beat, I like it when you have to call me and track me down, it makes me feel loved.

Stinker, I couldn''t even stay mad.
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Omg, Ellen, that is too funny and so typical of a 16 year old!!!

I know I posted this before but I still laugh everytime I think about it. I was actually posting on PS when my 4 yr old son (he was 3 at the time) was waiting for me to help him in the bathroom. I wanted to finish what I was writing before I got up, so he decided to make up a song to inform me of the details, "There's no more poop in my butt!" Loud and clear and he was very proud of himself! He has a bit of a bathroom obsession (which drives me nuts sometimes) and informed me the other day the too much juice will give you diarrhea. Not exactly sure where he picked up that one but apparently it is a very serious matter, lol!!
 
Date: 6/17/2008 7:50:14 AM
Author: 777_LDY
Omg, Ellen, that is too funny and so typical of a 16 year old!!!

I know I posted this before but I still laugh everytime I think about it. I was actually posting on PS when my 4 yr old son (he was 3 at the time) was waiting for me to help him in the bathroom. I wanted to finish what I was writing before I got up, so he decided to make up a song to inform me of the details, ''There''s no more poop in my butt!'' Loud and clear and he was very proud of himself! He has a bit of a bathroom obsession (which drives me nuts sometimes) and informed me the other day the too much juice will give you diarrhea. Not exactly sure where he picked up that one but apparently it is a very serious matter, lol!!
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My friend''s two year old looked up from her PBH sandwich the other day and, confidently nodding her head, informed her mommy that honey is made out of bees.
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This little boy I was babysitting had apparently started using the bathroom by himself. I guess when I got there he had gone to the bathroom recently, but I don''t think he had properly.. cleaned himself. He kept scratching at his butt and wiggling around.. so I asked him what was wrong. He started yelling "My stripe itches!! My stripe itches so bad!"

Hahaha I''ve never laughed so hard in my life.
 
Two cute stories:

The first, my best friend''s little was 4 years old. She and her mom were in the store and the little wouldn''t stop singing. Finally, my friend got frustrated and told her to quit singing. The little turned to her mother and said , and I quote, "It is my mouth and I will do with it what I wish!" That little has made me laugh so hard I get tears!


The second story happened just this past weekend. DH and I took his folks and our son (2 1/2) to a Prairie Park. It was a long drive and the folks and son were in the back seat. He kept sticking out his tongue and spitting and finally I turned around and told him to quit. As soon as I looked forward, I could see in my side mirror that he was doing it again. I yelled for him to STOP NOW! He got this look on his face and waved his hand behind my head like he was checking for the eyes I have there!
 
FH and I were at his best friend''s house this past weekend and they have a 7 year old and a 2.5 year old. Both adorable girls. So FH is playing Wii with the 7 year old when she randomly sits down, very seriously, looks at me, and goes:

"Uncle Pierre, when are you going to have kids?"

...cue hysterics
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One of my faves ....

Anna, who was probably 3.5 or 4 at the time, says to me very matter-of-factly as we pass through the lingerie section of a department store, "Look, Mommy! Booby traps like you have at home!"
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BOOBY TRAPS! Ahaha. I love it.
 
DH and I got engaged at the beach while on a family vacation. When we told our niece Gracie, then 3, it was the cutest thing. She said, "Oh, I''m getting married too. My daddy''s going to marry me." She was so matter of fact about it. She''s always saying something that cracks everyone up.
 
These are all such cute stories.

My 6 year old grandson brought home a little plant for Mother''s Day that he made in school for his mom. It was so cute. The middle of the flower was his picture.

I asked him what the plant was and he said. "Nana it is a California Puppy"., instead of a California Poppy. I wanted to die laughing, but of course I didn''t.
 
These are all so cute! The salami one cracked me up!

The story that's been repeated in my family for the past, oh, 40 years is the one about how when my brother was little and couldn't pronounce hard c sounds so he invited my nana's friend over for "a tup of toffee and a tookie"
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And a few years ago when my friend's daughter was about 4, she drew a picture of herself holding hands with someone. My friend said, "Who's that?" and she replied, "Me and [Ellailas husband]" so my friend said, "Well, where's Ellaila?" and daughter replied, "There's no room for her!" -- which cracked me up because it sounded so ominous! Not like in a "Oh, I ran out of paper" sense, but more like she was trying to rub me out so she could steal my man. Hahha!
 
I have a bunch at home but off the top of my head my husband''s little brother said at one point "we''re taking a long cut" so now whenever we are taking the scenic route we say "we are taking the long cut"

Just the other day my daughter was looking at my turquoise cuff (which is made of stones of all different colors" and pointed to the two most blue ones "Mommy why are those ones pitch blue?"
 
When my son Sam was 7 he said... ''Mummy, when you were little was everything in black and white?''
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When my son was just born, and we were driving in the car, he started crying. My daughter who was three at the time said "Mommy Sam''s crying! Are you gonna give him some milk with your big milk things?" (That was a very accurate description at the time!)


Last year in an effort to get them to stop fighting with each other, I tried to explain the meaning of the word "tolerance". So I asked "Who knows what that means?"
My son who was 5 got all excited and said "I do I do!" He began "It''s like putting yourself in some else''s shoes..." (And I start thinking- he really IS listening to me!) But then he continues, "Cause when you put yourself in someone else''s shoes you get taller!"

He also calls binoculars "bignoculars" - I love it!
 
I used to babysit and work at a day care so I have many, but here are a few.

I had a little boy I took care of who couldn''t say Cs and Ks for a while and replaced them with Ts. We watched Totaro which he loved and which is a very G rated movie. When his mom got home he kept screaming "I want to see the titty bus again" since there was a bus shaped like a cat in the movie. I don''t think I ever turned so red.

My cousin''s have a daughter who was just turning two at the time and they took her to visit their VERY conservative catholic aunt for the first time who was in town. The aunt was delighted and kept getting the little girl to identify things. Well, we all sat down to dinner and the little girl started pointing and very enthusiastically said "plat, bowl, spoooon, knife, f*ck". Aunt Rose nearly swallowed her f*ck midbite. It was the most fun any of us have ever had with her, although we didn''t tell her that
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My favorite of myself goes well with my username. When I was 10, my parents were planning on removing a tree I loved from the front of my window because it was destroying the basement, but I didn''t see it that way. When I found out, I started throwing a fit and my mom, ever sensible, told me to call my dad who was going to Chicago on work for a few days and wouldn''t be home. I am a serious daddy''s girl, but I was also VERY stubborn. The conversation went back and forth for awhile and I started waxing poetic about the tree for sometime. It went something like this "I love to sit in my room and watch the birds and squirrels when I am lonely or bored. I can always watch the seasons changing and in the winter it is the only tree with any color (it had red berries). When you take away my tree, what will I do when I am lonely? Where will I go when I am bored? What will I look at? I know one thing, IT WON''T BE YOUR PICTURE!" and hung up. At this point, that story has lasted longer than the tree.
 
Date: 6/17/2008 12:30:49 AM
Author: diamondfan
I think it is really funny that little kids also think if THEY cannot see YOU then YOU cannot see THEM. Pretty silly.

Once I called Miss Maya the dog my baby girl and told my youngest son she was his sister. (he was four at the time). He said, 'Who is her dad? She does not look like me or my brothers!' I almost peed myself and told him I meant in a not real way, that I did not give birth to her but that she was in our family so that is why I said it. Kids are so literal you have to really be careful!
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LOL,DF, that is way toooooo funny! haha


LindaW, I love the California Puppy's too! haha
 
hmmmmmmmm well I have a million, but this happened today and I thought I would share. Mind you my 5 yr old has two teenage sisters.......She has a Metal headband with Rhinestones all acrossed the top of it. Today she put it on her butt stretch from one bony hip to the other. She bent over and giggled saying....look mom my butt has braces
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OOOOOOOOkay one more. While watching David Cook win American Idol we were clapping and cheering when it was announced he won. My daughter was playing with playdough in the kitchen. Upon hearing us cheering she started whopping it up herself saying............whooooooooo Hoooooooo David Cook won! Viva Viagara!!!!!! We all looked at her and she plainly looked back at us and said Whaaaaaaat...Viva Viagra, David Cook won! It''s a cheering song I heard it on commercial...

OMG we just rolled......I told her dad he should take care of that because if she goes to school and says it, he is going to be the one they look at when he picks her up from Kindergarten...hehehehehe
 
i was a nanny for a summer and one day me and the three boys got locked out of the house. we had been sitting around on the front porch for about a half hour when kyle, who was five, got up, threw his hands in the air, turned around and looked at me very seriously and exclaimed "this is just like man vs. wild, only A LOT more complicated". i almost peed myself, it was too cute.

also, there was a little guy, frankie at the latchkey program where i worked that couldn't say his /f/'s yet, and always brought in tuna fish for lunch. every day he's say "look ms alexis, i got tuna b!tch!". it was always the highlight of my day
 
Haha... love these stories!!
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I used to babysit for 3 year old twin boys, and took them to the local zoo almost every week. Their favorite exhibit was the fox house... except they were still grasping the concept of "fox" being a singular term. They assumed I was referring to the animals living there as plural ("focks"), therefore a single fox would be a.... (you guessed it).

So every week, we'd get inside the gates... and they'd run full-speed toward the fox exhibit, yelling "Fock! Fock! Let's go see the fock! Do you see a fock? Look! There! Fock!" while all the other visitors would stare, horror-stricken.
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