Funny sayings you know or have heard

[autumngems]

Growing up you hear lots of different saying and some of them are too funny (some crude) and make me laugh, what are some of yours?

A couple I hear a lot living here in the South in the heat:
It's hotter than 2 rats F!*king in a wool sock
It's hotter than Hell's front porch
There's nothing but a screen door between here and Hell

 

[YadaYadaYada]

I don't have a pot to p*ss in or a window to throw it out of.

I always thought that one was funny, I am dying over two rats in a wool sock, that is fitting for today's weather

 

[Austina]

T’up North, they say “there’s nowt so queer as folk”!

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

"I don't know her/him/them from a bail of hay".....

cheers--Sharon

 

[autumngems]

I don't have a pot to p*ss in or a window to throw it out of.

I always thought that one was funny, I am dying over two rats in a wool sock, that is fitting for today's weather

I remember hearing this one too

 

[autumngems]

A few more:
My eyeballs are floating (when you have to go tinkle really bad)
He won't amount to a hill of beans (when you think someone doesn't amount to much)
Too big for his britches (when someone thinks too much of themselves)
Slap Yo Mama good (when something is really good)
I'm sweating more than a hooker in church (self explanatory)

 

[Missy]

When I was little and something upset me my dad used to say "missy, don't be so upset. Remember no one gets out of this life alive"
True dat. And somehow, it always made me feel better.

My dad is filled with wise sayings like that and my DH refers to them as "Stanleyisms"

 

[Missy]

Another Stanleyism is "don't fight about money (with your spouse). It's not worth it."
And again, he is absolutely right.

 

[Missy]

Oh one more from my dad. He always said "Don't be afraid of taking risks. Life is not worth living without risks."

He shared that one again with me when I was having doubts about accepting Greg's proposal. And it really made me feel calm about accepting the proposal. After my dad said that to me I felt a sense of calm and peace. And accepting Greg's proposal was the best decision I ever made. Ever.

 

[1ofakind]

IDK where I heard this but as a kid it was confusing. Then I started paying attention to politics (And people in general) and it made more sense.
A friend to all is a friend to none.

The best way to break a bad habit is not to start one.

Now you’re up a creek without a paddle...I think most of us have heard that one.

My FIL told this one at our wedding reception...I was not exactly pleased but he thought he was hilarious.
There are three rings to marriage. The engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffering.

When it gets unbearably hot and humid we’ve called that
The Devil’s armpit.

 

[kenny]

All the best ones are from my 6 years in the US military, but I can't post those here.

 

[Niffler75]

@kenny My hubbie has some corkers too (ex Royal Navy)

 

[kenny]

@kenny My hubbie has some corkers too (ex Royal Navy)

 

[lyra]

Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about. :/
Stupid questions deserve a stupid answer.

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

Lower than a snakes belly in a wheel rutt
My OH's favourite way to describe tell tails at work who want to climb the cooperate ladder my crawling to the boss

 

[AprilBaby]

Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about. :/
Stupid questions deserve a stupid answer.

The first one I had forgotten about. My mother said that a lot.

 

[Musia]

The first one I had forgotten about. My mother said that a lot.

My mother also said that and the action usually followed immediately

 

[OdetteOdile]

One hand washes the other, both hands wash the face