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Friend''s wedding disaster

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rockzilla

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Nov 19, 2006
Messages
1,286
So, a good friend of mine is getting married in a couple of months, and I am a bridesmaid. Since the beginning, things have been, shall we say, difficult.

She and her finance got engaged only a few months after dating. I can tell they really love each other, but they''re also both still young (early 20s) and in grad school. I respect their decision to get married, but I also think they would have been smart to give it some more time. She has a rocky relationship with her parents...her mom is psychologically unstable, and so they have been going back and forth back and forth on having the wedding/ not having the wedding. It is one of those textbook situations where her mom has been making a LOT of the choices (location, officient, the invitations, the flowers, luckily I was there when the BM dresses were chosen or they would have been truly hideous instead of just run-of-the mill mediocre) and she just doesn''t really feel invested in the wedding.

Recently her parents stepped way over the line and asked her and her finance to do something very unethical (unrelated to the wedding) and it caused a huge rift. Her parents got mad at them for refusing, and ended up cutting her off, taking away her car, etc. Of course a few days later they "realized how wrong they were" and came back begging her to do the wedding, etc. In many ways it is an emotionally abusive relationship. I think they are afraid of losing their little girl, but go to drastic measures to try to keep control over her.

As a bridesmaid this is putting me in an awkward position. I''m certainly going to wait on getting any alterations on my dress...but beyond that, should I just act like everything is OK when the wedding is on or off depending on which way the wind blows? I am also supposed to help plan her bachelorette party, but I don''t know if she''ll be able to enjoy it (or the wedding) with all the related drama.

Just needed to vent!

RZ
 

cara

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 21, 2006
Messages
2,202
Is just the wedding on/off or also the marriage?

Honestly, what can you do but be supportive of your friend, and whatever form her wedding takes. Of course you can point out how her parents are treating her, and that it might set a good precedent for adulthood/independence were she to take charge of her wedding plans (even if it means drastic downgrading). Don''t march along as if everything is fine, but yet give her a chance to vent and point out all the choices she has: courthouse, beach elopement, potluck picnic wedding, or continuing to manage her family drama and proceed with the wedding shindig. If she chooses to keep sticking it out, and her problems are mainly parent related and not marriage related, I think you just keep being a good friend, giving her a chance to vent about the rents and try to focus on the hopefully happy news of the upcoming marriage...
 
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