Friend trying on the e-ring...is this just a crazy superstition?

[kbling]

I''ve just learned that my BF is including my best girlfriend in the selection process of my e-ring. I''m a little suprised by this given that she knows very little about diamonds/e-rings and her tastes and mine are completely different. My BF already has a VERY good idea of what I like and has learned quite a bit about diamonds over the last couple of months. He is perfectly capable of doing this on his own. He said that he just wants to include her so that she doesn''t feel "left out" and that she will have "final approval" on the ring...which leads me to my superstitions. I am sure that he will show her the ring before he proposes to me and I am SURE that she will want to try it on her finger. I heard that having another woman try on the engagement ring (whether it be before or after the proposal, i''m unsure) is BAD LUCK. Has anyone else heard this?

Also, what if it doesn''t pass her "final approval"...would he actually return it? She can be quite opinionated, this could very well happen.

 

[JessesGrl]

I have heard that as well...if you take your ring off to show someone and they try it on it''s bad luck, I say it''s a stupid superstition....I take my ring off and people try it on all the time....but as far as your friend having the final say in the ring your boyfriend chooses.. I think if your uncomfortable w/this you should tell him asap!

 

[Croí]

kbling ...

being honest, I think you should just be straight with him and tell him that YOU want to share it with her once you get the ring, that you feel strange that she would be part of the process of choosing it because it''s from him to you and you want it to be his choice - that you trust his choice for you.
I would not be into this idea at all if it were me that was in your shoes. Superstitions aside, this is one purchase I would want my man to make on his own. (and he did ! yeah!)

tell him straight out that this is too special to share with even a best friend until you two have shared it with each other. well, that''s what I would do in any case.

Plum Island ?! Are you from there ? I have good friends in NBPT. It''s lovely up there.

good luck ! let us know how it goes ........
C

 

[allycat0303]

Hey!

Well I try on my boyfriend''s sister''s ring some times, and I didn''t know it was bad luck. If she has completely different tasted then you, then I find it weird. Tell him that you would prefer he pick it out hinself (without her help) because it will be more meaningful and something that you could share between the two of you.

 

[kbling]

Thanks croi,

I totally agree with you...i think it is less about this whole superstition thing and more about this being something special between him and I. I want to be able to share it with her, yes...but after it has all happened. I honestly think that she made him feel there was NO way he could make such a major decision without her input (which is absurd), and now he is doing damage control by "pretending" to get her involved (i hope). I honestly don''t even know if he has purchased the ring yet or to what extent she has been involved, but the more I think about this, the more it bothers me.

Date: 3/14/2005 12:45:53 PM
Author: Croí
kbling ...

being honest, I think you should just be straight with him and tell him that YOU want to share it with her once you get the ring, that you feel strange that she would be part of the process of choosing it because it''s from him to you and you want it to be his choice - that you trust his choice for you.
I would not be into this idea at all if it were me that was in your shoes. Superstitions aside, this is one purchase I would want my man to make on his own. (and he did ! yeah!)

tell him straight out that this is too special to share with even a best friend until you two have shared it with each other. well, that''s what I would do in any case.

Plum Island ?! Are you from there ? I have good friends in NBPT. It''s lovely up there.

good luck ! let us know how it goes ........
C

I guess I have to tell him and pray it''s not too late? And yes...I''m in NBPT...LOVE IT!!

 

[JCJD]

You should show your bf that Sex and the City episode where Aiden buys a ring for Carrie with Miranda''s help - Carrie finds the ring, that is not her style at all, and vomits in disgust! It''s sweet that your bf wants to involve your best friend in this special moment, but if you don''t like the idea, then he should know - cause he''s probably involving her for you.

I''ve tried on friends'' rings and had friends try on my ring. I had heard that it''s supposed to be bad luck, but that''s one superstition I don''t buy into. However, I am doing the Something old... tradition, so whatever.

 

[appletini]

make sure your friend knows exactly what you want

 

[phawk]

Hi Kbling! I agree with the previous posts. I think you should be honest w/ your BF and tell him that you''d like him to make the purchase on his own. An engagement ring is just such a personal and meaningful purchase!

For the past few years that my BF and I have dated, he ALWAYS involved my friends when it came to buying me my Christmas & birthday presents. Although it''s cute, I was upfront w/ him when we started discussing erings. I told him that I did NOT want him to involve any of my friends and explained the reasons- that it is something I wanted to keep between the two of us.
He totally understood!
So definitely about it with your BF.

 

[Croí]

Kbling
I agree with JCJD, I bet he''s involving her because he thinks it''ll make you happy to think he''s NOT going this on his own ....... ironic how the opposite it true. I bet you BOTH will be happier if you tell him you''d prefer that he does this by himself.

I know everyone goes into their engagements/marriages believing this will be the one and only time and I know it sometimes doesn''t work out that way BUT, think of how it will be if it DOES work out that way ....... this is going to be the only time you two will get to share this special event of HIS choosing a ring just for YOU ... it''s about the two of you. I really would not have anyone else involved - best friends of yours OR his. I think you should be sure to tell him that you are very confident that he will make the perfect choice for you. This will be good for him to hear and I bet he WILL make the best choice.

NBPT is great. Peter and I were there for Yankee Homecoming this past summer and spent Thanksgiving wit our friends there too. It''s a lovelylovely town. Only problem is I always spend way too much mulah in that faery store whenever I visit !!

 

[MissAva]

Honesty is the best policy....but if he insists give her a picture (or 50) of exactly what you want. Make sure hshe knows that you know what you want and that it is your ring not hers....

 

[fortheloveofdiamonds]

Your marriage will last because you put time, effort, blood, sweat and tears into it. Not because someone did or did not try on your engagement ring.

If you don''t want your best gf helping in the selection, tell your bf. He won''t be offended.

 

[Cath]

I am not sure why your bf is concerned about your best friend feeling "left out" -- if you would rather she be left out of the process, tell your bf upfront. This is something special between you and him -- if your friend is left out, so be it!

Also, superstitions or not, I wouldn''t want any of my friends "trying on" my e-ring before I even got it! That is the part that bothers me the most. It just seems weird to me. I am certainly fine having friends try my ering on afterwards, but I should be the first!

 

[MelissaSue]

I think its a little weird that he''s having your friend shop with him if he knows your tastes already, and you think hers are very different! That could be bad. Make sure SHE knows what you like too. I know I have heard a story about this (maybe on here) where the guy had a great ring all picked out and the best friend didn''t like it and convinced him to get another one... which was NOT a good choice.. So.. talk to your friend too

As far as friends trying on rings go, I let people try on my ring (usually on thier pinky though.. lol) and I have a coworker who before she got engaged tried on EVERYBODYS rings.. I think she''d tried on every woman that we worked with''s ring at one point or another! nobody seemed to have a problem with it.

 

[hellokitty]

Kbling, Definitly tell your bf that you prefer for him to do the shopping alone. You said she can be quite opinionated, and if he already knows what you want, she may lead him in the wrong direction. The thought of another girl ( even if its my best friend ) trying on MY engagement ring before bf even proposes would bother me too!! Make him go by himself, he knows you and will pick out the perfect ring!!!
anna

 

[blueroses]

Ok, I just had an insanely silly and passive-aggressive thought, BUT.....if said best friend is indeed so opinionated, etc, then it''s possible she might get her feelings hurt when bf tells her thanks but no thanks? Maybe the solution is for BF to include her in a shopping trick, let her have her say, and then go ALONE for the real deal purchase of what our dear PS-er actually wants. Kind of a decoy trip. I know, it''s totally childish, but at least that way the friend could feel like she was involved with the shopping, if not the actual choice for the purchase? Maybe just a waste of time, I just know that I have a couple of good friends who sound abit like kbling''s friend, and I''d almost rather placate them so they felt involved than rock the boat.

But under no circumstances should bf take friend''s word over kbling''s!! That much is non-negotiable!

GOOD LUCK!!

 

[kbling]

Date: 3/14/2005 10:11:31 PM
Author: blueroses
Ok, I just had an insanely silly and passive-aggressive thought, BUT.....if said best friend is indeed so opinionated, etc, then it''s possible she might get her feelings hurt when bf tells her thanks but no thanks? Maybe the solution is for BF to include her in a shopping trick, let her have her say, and then go ALONE for the real deal purchase of what our dear PS-er actually wants. Kind of a decoy trip. I know, it''s totally childish, but at least that way the friend could feel like she was involved with the shopping, if not the actual choice for the purchase? Maybe just a waste of time, I just know that I have a couple of good friends who sound abit like kbling''s friend, and I''d almost rather placate them so they felt involved than rock the boat.

But under no circumstances should bf take friend''s word over kbling''s!! That much is non-negotiable!

GOOD LUCK!!

After further discussion with BF on this matter, I''ve learned that he is very upset about this whole thing. Apparently, my girlfriend approached HIM when she learned we were discussing/looking at e-rings and made him feel that she was actually HURT that he had not gone to her yet for "help". She said as my best friend, it is her job to help pick out my ring (this is news to me!). What he is most upset about is the fact that she actually told me that she was going to be helping with the final ring decision. UGH. He has assured me that he is only "involving" her on a decoy trip, just as you said, and that the final choice will be his and his alone. PHEW! He is also aware of my feelings about her (or anyone else) trying on my ering prior to his proposal.

Thanks blueroses, and all of you for your help and advice on this !

 

[allycat0303]

Kbling,

I am really glad you worked that all out. He''s being as diplomatic about the whole thing, which is good. I''m sure you''ll love what he picks out for you.

 

[Munchkin]

I am so glad that you and he are on the same page! I have a friend who can be similarly pushy. I know that her interest in "helping" comes from a good place in her heart, but I sometimes just want to say "back off!" Your BF is clever with the whole decoy thing! My one word of caution - beware if this could be a sign of things to come if you plan to have her in your wedding party!

As to the superstition question...I have heard that it is bad luck - but for the person trying on the ring, not the actual recipient. Supposedly, if one wears a diamond ring on that finger without being engaged, they will never become engaged. I personally think it''s hogwash, but maybe you could use it to deter people when they say "Oooooh..can I try it on!?"

Good luck! I hope he gets you your absolute dream ring!
Munchkin

 

[Croí]

kbling
so glad you two worked it out. I learned the hard way that the only way forward for two people is if they are communicating in a real way and not just guessing and second-guessing. see how much was learned (on both sides) just from having a discussion!?! I''m always amazed at all I learn when Peter and I have heart-to-hearts about something that''s bothering one or other of us. I never had that and always just tried to do what I thought the person wanted. Bad plan.

Open and ''for real'' is just SO MUCH BETTER !

really happy everything worked out - can''t wait to see your ring !

 

[kbling]

Thanks Croi!

The way my BF handled this was really the LEAST of my worries, i think...it was upsetting my girlfriend that was the main problem (and what he was so worried about, which is kind of sweet, but also kind of sad that she would even put him in that situation). Open communication is SO important, you are right.

And I CANT WAIT to see my ring, either...when will it come? when will it come? He hasn''t given ANY more hints...

Date: 3/15/2005 3:16:27 PM
Author: Croí
kbling
so glad you two worked it out. I learned the hard way that the only way forward for two people is if they are communicating in a real way and not just guessing and second-guessing. see how much was learned (on both sides) just from having a discussion!?! I''m always amazed at all I learn when Peter and I have heart-to-hearts about something that''s bothering one or other of us. I never had that and always just tried to do what I thought the person wanted. Bad plan.

Open and ''for real'' is just SO MUCH BETTER !

really happy everything worked out - can''t wait to see your ring !