Freaking Out!!

[sleeping beauty]

So i''m freaking out because we have like 6-7 months before the wedding and nothing is done, i mean nothing. but thats not why i''m freaking out. i''m kinda lay back about that.

What im really freaking out is the Catholic Church!!!! GRRRrr, why you wonder, well cause they are making me misserable with all their rules and regulations.

Here is my problem and the source of my going nuts today. My FI was previously married. 2nd mrriage for him 1st for me. Well he was young and to make a long story short, his HS girl got pregnant and they got married at city hall. things didnt work they got divorce. So now that we want to get married in the catholic church we need to get his marriage annuled. OK fine we did the paper work, wrote a loooong paper on why his marriage didnt work etc. Now the Fr wants to know if his x-wife was baptised and where. How in the world is FI going to as his x-wife that... they barelly talk. And why does it matter anyways??? they were never married through ANY church!!!!
.
i guess im just overwhelm b/c the date is getting closer and i dont see things moving along with the church process, and i would hate to have to postponed the wedding AGAIN!!! but i also dont see myself NOT getting married by the church, it has always been my dream.

Did anyone have to go through this process? how long did it take? what do i do?

I just needed to get this off my chest and maybe hear that it will be OK and i''ll have time. Thanks for "listening"

 

[MustangGal]

I''m sorry they''re such a pain!

My sister''s friend went through something similar. She got married right out of HS, it didn''t work, got a divorce. Fast forward several years and she goes to get married again. She went through all the classes and converted, but they still want the marriage annuled! She wasn''t even Catholic at the time of the first wedding! They ended up ditching the Catholic wedding because they didn''t have enough time to get it all cleared up

One of the many reasons why I didn''t get married in the church...

 

[sleeping beauty]

Ohhhhh BOY not the story i wanted to hear

, but thanks for sharing MG

.

I guess i better start thinking of a plan B.

I still have a couple months before i sent out invitations. If i do sent them out with the church info in hopes that it goes through, what do i do if it doesnt? do i sent out new invitations?

 

[HollyS]

Date: 2/1/2008 2:24:52 PM
Author:sleeping beauty
So i''m freaking out because we have like 6-7 months before the wedding and nothing is done, i mean nothing. but thats not why i''m freaking out. i''m kinda lay back about that.

What im really freaking out is the Catholic Church!!!! GRRRrr, why you wonder, well cause they are making me misserable with all their rules and regulations.

Here is my problem and the source of my going nuts today. My FI was previously married. 2nd mrriage for him 1st for me. Well he was young and to make a long story short, his HS girl got pregnant and they got married at city hall. things didnt work they got divorce. So now that we want to get married in the catholic church we need to get his marriage annuled. OK fine we did the paper work, wrote a loooong paper on why his marriage didnt work etc. Now the Fr wants to know if his x-wife was baptised and where. How in the world is FI going to as his x-wife that... they barelly talk. And why does it matter anyways??? they were never married through ANY church!!!!
.
i guess im just overwhelm b/c the date is getting closer and i dont see things moving along with the church process, and i would hate to have to postponed the wedding AGAIN!!! but i also dont see myself NOT getting married by the church, it has always been my dream.

Did anyone have to go through this process? how long did it take? what do i do?

I just needed to get this off my chest and maybe hear that it will be OK and i''ll have time. Thanks for ''listening''

As I understand it, the diocese that you are marrying in will have a lot to do with what is required. Don''t know why it isn''t an ''across the board'' process for the entire church.

If the Catholic church is very important to you, set down with your Fr right away and be absolutely certain exactly what you need, and how he is going to help you expedite it. Be pretty firm in letting him know that, since these are ''his'' rules (the church''s) you need his help getting things done ASAP. You don''t have time for any feet dragging from him or the diocese, and very respectfully let him know you are counting on him to move things along. Then, find out if you really do need info on his ex-wife.

And, for goodness sakes, someone please explain to me, why would the Catholic church discourage people from trying to obtain the sacrament of marriage by being particular about a previous non-Catholic marriage (which they don''t recognize as valid anyway)???

I''d be tempted to remind the Fr of Joseph Kennedy''s annulment after many years in a Catholic marriage to the mother of his children. Against her wishes, by the way. If the church can be swayed by the Kennedy name (or money), what''s the point of their rules?

 

[anchor31]

Just a gentle reminder to everyone that it''s not because you don''t agree or understand how a church does things that it''s necessarily bad. Yes, the Catholic church doesn''t officially recognize a civil or non-Catholic marriage religiously, but it still is legally a marriage, and the Catholic church takes marriage very seriously. If a previous marriage is not properly annulled, a second marriage is considered as adultery and therefore cannot be performed. They''re not trying to discourage people, they just want things to be done properly.

That said, sleeping beauty, if it''s really important for you, I wish you luck. Your best bet is definitely for the both of you to sit down with your priest and make sure you are informed properly about the entire process.

 

[MustangGal]

You could always have a civil ceremony and later have it blessed by the priest.

My mom was married in the church to my father, divorced an annuled 4 years later, remarried 2 years later, but not in the church. For their 25th anniversary they got married again in the church. It was a bit silly for them to have to do the pre-cana classes with the young couples, and during the ceremony they were referred to as not being married before since they were not considered married by the church.

I gave up on Catholicism and the hoops and antiquated traditions they make you go through.

Good luck sleeping beauty!

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 2/1/2008 2:38:13 PM
Author: MustangGal
I''m sorry they''re such a pain!

My sister''s friend went through something similar. She got married right out of HS, it didn''t work, got a divorce. Fast forward several years and she goes to get married again. She went through all the classes and converted, but they still want the marriage annuled! She wasn''t even Catholic at the time of the first wedding! They ended up ditching the Catholic wedding because they didn''t have enough time to get it all cleared up

One of the many reasons why I didn''t get married in the church...

Similar thing happened to my FSIL. Her husband''s second marriage and the Pr made their lives hell. They ended up not getting married in a Catholic ceremony as well.

 

[HollyS]

Date: 2/1/2008 4:29:55 PM
Author: anchor31
Just a gentle reminder to everyone that it''s not because you don''t agree or understand how a church does things that it''s necessarily bad. Yes, the Catholic church doesn''t officially recognize a civil or non-Catholic marriage religiously, but it still is legally a marriage, and the Catholic church takes marriage very seriously. If a previous marriage is not properly annulled, a second marriage is considered as adultery and therefore cannot be performed. They''re not trying to discourage people, they just want things to be done properly.

That said, sleeping beauty, if it''s really important for you, I wish you luck. Your best bet is definitely for the both of you to sit down with your priest and make sure you are informed properly about the entire process.

I''m sorry, but it is my understanding, from written church policies and canons, that there, in fact, is no marriage in their view if it was performed outside the Catholic church. To then say a civil or non-Catholic marriage must be annulled in the church, when the church does not recognize that a marriage existed, is a source of constant frustration to people who truly do want to "do the right thing" and receive the sacrament of marriage, and raise children in the faith, etc. And then they wonder why people are not coming in droves on Sunday to worship at the local parish.

The Episcopal Church has some rather stringent conditions, too. Counseling, recommendations from the priest to the bishop, and some hard line views about what is acceptable regarding past marriages and divorces. But they do recognize marriages outside the church, and do not consider those couples to be ''living in sin'' or raising ''illegitimate'' children, as the Catholic church does.

And this is not an anti-Catholic diatribe. I''m merely puzzled as to their logic in this particular instance.

 

[bee*]

Date: 2/1/2008 4:29:55 PM
Author: anchor31
Just a gentle reminder to everyone that it''s not because you don''t agree or understand how a church does things that it''s necessarily bad. Yes, the Catholic church doesn''t officially recognize a civil or non-Catholic marriage religiously, but it still is legally a marriage, and the Catholic church takes marriage very seriously. If a previous marriage is not properly annulled, a second marriage is considered as adultery and therefore cannot be performed. They''re not trying to discourage people, they just want things to be done properly.


That said, sleeping beauty, if it''s really important for you, I wish you luck. Your best bet is definitely for the both of you to sit down with your priest and make sure you are informed properly about the entire process.

I had always thought it was for the same reasons as you stated anchor.

Ditto on the sitting down with your priest and getting him to help you through the process.

 

[FrekeChild]

Date: 2/1/2008 4:09:39 PM
Author: HollyS

Date: 2/1/2008 2:24:52 PM

Author:sleeping beauty

So i'm freaking out because we have like 6-7 months before the wedding and nothing is done, i mean nothing. but thats not why i'm freaking out. i'm kinda lay back about that.

What im really freaking out is the Catholic Church!!!! GRRRrr, why you wonder, well cause they are making me misserable with all their rules and regulations.

Here is my problem and the source of my going nuts today. My FI was previously married. 2nd mrriage for him 1st for me. Well he was young and to make a long story short, his HS girl got pregnant and they got married at city hall. things didnt work they got divorce. So now that we want to get married in the catholic church we need to get his marriage annuled. OK fine we did the paper work, wrote a loooong paper on why his marriage didnt work etc. Now the Fr wants to know if his x-wife was baptised and where. How in the world is FI going to as his x-wife that... they barelly talk. And why does it matter anyways??? they were never married through ANY church!!!!

.

i guess im just overwhelm b/c the date is getting closer and i dont see things moving along with the church process, and i would hate to have to postponed the wedding AGAIN!!! but i also dont see myself NOT getting married by the church, it has always been my dream.


Did anyone have to go through this process? how long did it take? what do i do?

I just needed to get this off my chest and maybe hear that it will be OK and i'll have time. Thanks for 'listening'

As I understand it, the diocese that you are marrying in will have a lot to do with what is required. Don't know why it isn't an 'across the board' process for the entire church.

If the Catholic church is very important to you, set down with your Fr right away and be absolutely certain exactly what you need, and how he is going to help you expedite it. Be pretty firm in letting him know that, since these are 'his' rules (the church's) you need his help getting things done ASAP. You don't have time for any feet dragging from him or the diocese, and very respectfully let him know you are counting on him to move things along. Then, find out if you really do need info on his ex-wife.

And, for goodness sakes, someone please explain to me, why would the Catholic church discourage people from trying to obtain the sacrament of marriage by being particular about a previous non-Catholic marriage (which they don't recognize as valid anyway)???

I'd be tempted to remind the Fr of Joseph Kennedy's annulment after many years in a Catholic marriage to the mother of his children. Against her wishes, by the way. If the church can be swayed by the Kennedy name (or money), what's the point of their rules?

I was raised in the Catholic Church by very Catholic parents who were not married in a Catholic Church.

Why is that you might ask? Because my father was divorced in the early 70s. My parents got married in the late 70s, and started the annulment process as soon as they started talking about getting married. 28 years later the Catholic Church granted them an annulment and my parents were able to finally have a vow-renewal ceremony in the Church. So, I recommend that you start the process now, talk to your priest about a time line, and go from there. If he thinks it's possible, then continue with your date and your plans. If he doesn't think it's possible, then you'll either need to postpone or make other plans.

I should note here that I'm no longer a Catholic and probably classify as the

to those in the Catholic Church. I'm with you HollyS a lot of their rules make NO SENSE whatsoever.

 

[Pandora II]

A friend of mine had his marriage annulled (this was in Italy) - it took about 18 months total before it came through and a LOT of paperwork.

He wanted the annulment, but his ex-wife still had to have several interviews to establish grounds - they opted for her not ever wanting children as the reason for annulment.

It seemed like both parties had to be very involved in the process, and appear before the church tribunal.