Four long, one short

[bensbride]

Hey all. I''d just like to run this situation by you guys for opinions. Here''s the bridesmaid dress situation. We are doing the "same color, different dress" thing for my girls. We have different heights, sizes, ages, preferences, so I thought that would make everyone feel their most beautiful for the wedding. I''d hate to have a 27 dresses situation going on with my family and friends. So, at first we were talking about knee length for everyone, but several ladies expressed concern with their legs showing (veins, etc) and I said, "well, that''s totally okay with me, you guys can wear floor length." I know for a fact that all five bridesmaids were present for the conversation, and four of them ordered beautiful floor length dresses. The fifth, which was the one that was probably the most opposed to the knee length idea, ended up ordering a lovely knee length dress. It would''ve been wonderful if we all could''ve tried on and ordered dresses at the same time and location, but it didn''t work out that way. We were in different locations and it never worked to get all six of us together. Here are the areas where I would like opinions or suggestions:

1. Should I somehow let her know that the other girls are wearing floor length, in case there was a misunderstanding and she didn''t want to be the only one in knee length? Should I discretely say, "I love your dress! Would you like to see what the other girls chose?"
2. I''d offer to pay for a floor length dress if she wanted to switch, since hers is already paid and ordered.
3. If things stay as they currently are (four floor length dresses and one knee length) would it look better to have the bridesmaids and groomsmen scattered at the front of the church? Would that make it less like my one dear friend is sticking out with her long legs showing?

Anybody else have this combo with their girls? I''m not really concerned about it...they are ALL lovely dresses and the same color and all the ladies are different shapes and sizes anyway, so I''m not going for the uniformity look. I''d just like suggestions on if/how I should approach my friend and what the best way to stand in the church and pictures would be. Thanks so much!

 

[bensbride]

All the dresses are the exact dresses my bridesmaids picked except the knee length dress. Unfortunately, it was not an option for "dress your wedding"

Does it look better scattered like this? We will have five groomsmen, but the program only allows for 11 total people.

 

[bensbride]

Okay, that didn''t work. Hmm. I''ll post the dresses individually. My sister''s dress.

 

[bensbride]

My other sister''s dress.

 

[bensbride]

FSIL''s dress

 

[bensbride]

Dear friend #1''s dress

 

[bensbride]

Other dear friend''s dress.

 

[White Orchid]

I had the opposite at my wedding - three short and one long. But I planned it that way. My BMs wore the same shorter dress and my MOH wore a longer one in the same colour.

That''s the problem with letting your girls pick their own dresses... you might not like what they choose!

Will the dresses be the same colour? If so I don''t see why it would look odd. The longer dresses are all different enough that a short one really doesn''t look out of place. You can also give the groomsmen slightly different tuxes so it looks more planned.

If you''re sure you don''t want four long and one short, maybe you can talk one of the other girls into getting her dress shortened so you have 3 and 2.

But honestly I wouldn''t worry about the dresses... I doubt anyone else will notice.

 

[Lanie]

Bensbride...I don't really have a solution, other than to say that it sucks that she was the most opposed to knee length, but ended up ordering a knee length!

When is your wedding? Is it a summer/spring wedding?

My first thought it that they should all be the same length. That's just me, but I would be sitting there wondering why hers was shorter than everyone else's.

ETAL: Pretty dresses by the way! And I love that color.

 

[meresal]

IMHO, since some of the longer dresses are a light material, I think that the short one looks fine with the long ones.

Also, just by reading your initial post, if you had said "That''s fine with me. You can guys can wear floor length.", I would assume that it was kind of whatever. Was it understood that everyone one would wear the same?

1. I think asking her if she wants to see what the other girls chose is a great idea, and then gauge her reaction.
2. It would be very nice of you to pay, but I would only offer this if there was a misunderstanding. I think the dresses look fine, so unless she feels really embarassed or upset, I wouldn''t waste the money.
3. Scattered? I''m not sure I understand?

 

[girlie-girl]

Date: 3/24/2009 11:29:20 AM
Author: Lanie
Bensbride...I don''t really have a solution, other than to say that it sucks that she was the most opposed to knee length, but ended up ordering a knee length!

When is your wedding? Is it a summer/spring wedding?

My first thought it that they should all be the same length. That''s just me, but I would be sitting there wondering why hers was shorter than everyone else''s.

ETAL: Pretty dresses by the way! And I love that color.

My reaction would be the same and I think one set of bare legs would stand out big time. For some reason the short dress doesn''t seem as dressy to me as the others either.

As far as how to approach the situation? I''d probably kindly ask her to pick a long dress and offer to pay for it.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

Is the one with the short dress the MOH? If yes then that would be fine with me. But if not people are most likely going to assume she is the moh since her dress is so different. I think even if you scatter them people still might notice that one of the dresses is different and again...think she is the moh. This is why I requested photos of the dresses my girls wanted to get before they ordered so we wouldnt run into something like this.

 

[Elmorton]

I don''t really see a problem with it - I don''t think anyone will think she''s the MOH, either, since everyone is wearing a different dress. I''d just roll with it - sounds like you were planning on doing that anyway - "I''m not really concerned about it...they are ALL lovely dresses and the same color and all the ladies are different shapes and sizes anyway, so I''m not going for the uniformity look. I''d just like suggestions on if/how I should approach my friend and what the best way to stand in the church and pictures would be." I just wouldn''t approach your friend...as a BM right now, I can honestly say that the "choose your own dress" is great because I actually love the dress I purchased, but it still stressful to decide and I''d personally be a little embarassed and frustrated if the bride wanted to order a different dress for me.

If you''re worried about what it will look like in photos, have her as the last in the procession so she''s farthest, or ask your photographer for a few shots that are from the waist up or something. Let your photographer know that you''re a little concerned and that you''d like photos from a few different angles rather than the traditional poses, and she or he should know what to do.

Another thing you can do if the dress seems to casual to you (which I can see that, though I think it will still be absolutely fine) is add evening-like accessories as her BM gift.

 

[Inanna]

I agree with Smurfy.

If the one wearing the short dress is your MOH - no worries whatsoever!

The dresses really all are gorgeous - and ultimately having one short dress is NOT a huge deal. However, if I were a guest, I would notice that the short dress doesn't match up with the rest of the dresses and would briefly wonder why. It would make sense to me if she were the MOH - the MOH usually deserves and receives a bit more attention than the other BMs. If she's not the MOH, I might casually think, 'Hmmm... someone wanted to stand out from the crowd.' Maybe I'm terrible person for admitting that - but that is honestly what thought would likely occur to me. If just one other girl had a short dress, I wouldn't think anything of it (3 long, 2 short like White Orchid suggested).

 

[diamondgirl4382]

I don''t think it''s a big deal at all, especially since the dresses are all different styles. However, I do think your friend should know what the other girls chose, just in case she doesn''t realize that she''ll be the only one in the knee-length dress.

Also, doesn''t David''s have a return policy where you can trade it in if you want? If that''s the case you might not have to pay for it if she does go with a floor-length dress.

 

[choro72]

If I understand your post correctly, you as a bride aren''t concerned about the length difference, but you want to make sure that your bm knows that the other girls are wearing floor lengths, because there is a possibility that she bought the short dress thinking the others have short dresses, right?

I think you should just ask her, and make it clear that you do not have a problem with her choice, and that you merely want to make sure that everyone is on the same page.

 

[jstarfireb]

I am also doing the same color/different dress thing, and I think it would look a little unusual to have different lengths, especially if the short one isn''t the MOH. I specifically asked my girls to choose only tea length dresses for that reason.

I would just explain the issue to her and see if she can do an exchange at David''s. Usually David''s will let you exchange a dress once if you push them (you may recall I exchanged my wedding dress for the same one that you have).

Regarding the suggestion to ask one of the other girls to have her dress cut to knee length, that may also be an option. I''m attaching a picture of the wedding I was in, where we ended up having 2 girls in short dresses and 2 in long (I''m in the simple strapless blue tea length dress next to the MOH, who is in opposite colors).

 

[katamari]

The dresses are so different that I actually think one of the long styles stands out the most as looking different from the others. Not in a bad way or anything, though. I actually think it is better that one will be short because it will accentuate that the dresses are different. And I really like the idea of BMs looking different and having some room to show some personality. To answer your questions, though:

1. I also really don''t think you can recant on not caring. Especially after the dresses are ordered. If she made a known preference for long dresses and then went with a short one, you have to assume she did it because it truly was her favorite.

2. Maybe I''m just drama, but if I got to pick my own dress and and then had that taken back to have another dress chosen for me, well, I wouldn''t be happy. But, I would still be happier than if I found out the bride had bought another BM''s dress but not mine (even if it was the second).

3. Everyone will be looking at you!

I think it will be fine to order them anyway you want.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

Date: 3/24/2009 6:01:57 PM
Author: katamari

3. Everyone will be looking at you!

I think it will be fine to order them anyway you want.

OT but I have to respectfully disagree. While the day IS about the bride and groom getting married, that doesn''t mean people won''t notice details...

 

[Smurfysmiles]

ooples double post

 

[Tuckins1]

I did the same with my girls... My MOH was in a long dress, and the two bridesmaids were in tea length, but they had different dresses from each other. They all looked great, and my wedding party photos look fabulous! I actually think it made the party look better because each girl''s dress kind of represented their personality.

 

[bensbride]

Thanks for all the awesome responses! I''ve been in a whirlwind of work stuff since I posted this, sorry I haven''t replied to all of you wonderful ladies individually!

Here''s what it boils down to, it really doesn''t bother me a bit, but my mom keeps talking about it. I personally am happy that they will all be in the same color, and that they will be comfortable and happy. While I want my wedding to look nice, I''m the farthest thing from the dress police. I think I will ask if she''d like to see what everybody else ordered, and if she doesn''t express concern we will just move right along! Oh, and two answer the MOH questions, nope she''s not the MOH but she''s married to the best man. I actually have two MOHs, because I didn''t want to cause drama between my sisters. Also, I realize that the guests may notice, but it doesn''t really bother me. All of my bridesmaids are lovely and strikingly different, so they will each be noticed individually no matter what they wear.

I really appreciate all of your responses! Thanks so much!

 

[KimberlyH]

Would I notice, as a guest? Perhaps. Would I think it looked odd, tacky, out of place, or any other negative conotation? Not a chance. I''d think it was so thoughtful of the bride to allow her girls to wear what made them feel good. The dresses are different enough that the length wouldn''t be the thing that stood out, just that all of the dresses are a different style.

I might say something to the girl with the short dress such as: I recall you saying you didn''t want to wear a short dress to the wedding. I want you to know if you''re not happy with your selection I''d be happy to purchase another dress for you. We''re going to have a mix of long and short, which is perfectly fine with me, I just want you to be comfortable with what you''re wearing.

 

[violet3]

I agree with most - i think it will look just lovely! I would agree with the idea of mentioning what the others are wearing so she''s not self concious on the day of the wedding when she looks a little different.

All of those dresses are absolutely gorgeous BTW - david''s has some lovely choices!