For the ladies who want a wedding..

[nicoleben]

This may come off as personal from me, but I am in a difficult situation. I will be getting married in a church, however, I am not sure who should walk me down the aisle. I have tried to build a relationship back up with my father, we had a very rough past and haven't spoke in over 7 years. About a year ago we reconciled and tried to build our relationship back up. I forgave him for what he did and decided life goes on..Then recently I had asked him if he would walk me down the aisle, and he said yes. This past week we had another falling out.. A falling out to the point of me not even wanting to reconcile with him due to the fact that it would just be unhealthy. ..I have a stepfather who loves me dearly, however I do not want him to walk me down the aisle because he has two daughters of his own and I would not want to take that way from them for when they decide to get married. Do you think having my older brother walk me down the aisle is okay? Or my grandfather? I am so confused. As sad as it sounds, I do not want it to be my father. He has caused too much heartache in my life, and this last time is definitely the last time.

 

[PrincessNatalie]

I think both older brother and grandfather are perfect alternatives.

They would both probably be touched if you asked them also.

 

[sillyberry]

Ditto Princess Natalie. Your older brother or grandfather would both be wonderful choices. It doesn't sound like this interests you, but you can also walk alone down the aisle without it being awkward or inappropriate. I might do that myself.

However, depending on the closeness of your relationship with your stepfather, don't discount him. My dad walked my older half-sister (his stepdaughter) down the aisle and it never occurred to me that it would be taking anything away from me. I didn't think anything of it at the time, but now I think it was wonderful that he thought of them as family (she actually had both her dads walk her and it was quite touching). He's gone now and I'm just happy he had the chance to play the proud papa at one of his daughter's weddings.

 

[kagordo4]

My older brother is walking me down the aisle. I love him dearly, and he has been the only father figure I have ever had/needed. He's 22 years older than I am, but we fight like we're both 3 sometimes. Haha, my mom says it's because we're too much alike. So have who ever you want! I mean you can even have your grandfather and brother walked you : ) It's all about what makes you and your groom-to-be happy.

Tiny thread jack (I keep starting a post on this but then deleting because it makes me sad) my brother is being redeployed to the Middle East (3rd tour) : / mixed feelings right now. He leaves on the 15th.

 

[beezygal]

I think it's fine. However, I think if you ask your grandpa to walk you down the aisle, it'll be more special. He will probably be very happy. I don't know. I just think it would be more special. That's just me though. I'm not saying your brother is no good.

 

[ForteKitty]

have you considered having your mother walking you down the aisle, if you guys are close?

 

[Sizzle]

I walked down the isle alone, and I don't regret it. I think you should feel free to ask your stepfather. Him doing this for you has nothing to do with him walking his biological daughters down the isle.

 

[nicoleben]

I would love it if my brother walked me down the aisle. Also, if my grandfather did, however I am more close with my brother than my grandfather. I am extremely close with my mother, and didn't even consider her to be the one to talk down the aisle so that is definitely something I will talk to her about. Or, I just may walk myself down the aisle.. I don't think it will matter if I had someone by my side or not. Ahhhh!! I definitely have some considering to do. Thanks for the input ladies! As always, your input really helps!

 

[nicoleben]

Sizzle, yes my stepfather and I are close. As bad as it sounds, he is the perfect man for my mother, and a better father to me then my own father ever was. He took me in as his own as well. We are very close and even do things together just me and him. If I am upset he takes me to dinner to calm down, we go blueberry picking (he makes lots of pies!!) and he is just an all around great guy and I couldn't have asked for anyone else in me and my mothers life! However, I still feel like I would be taking away from his daughter's. Like I said before, I will have to speak to my mother about what to do. I think walking down the aisle by myself would be fine!

 

[nicoleben]

My older brother is walking me down the aisle. I love him dearly, and he has been the only father figure I have ever had/needed. He's 22 years older than I am, but we fight like we're both 3 sometimes. Haha, my mom says it's because we're too much alike. So have who ever you want! I mean you can even have your grandfather and brother walked you : ) It's all about what makes you and your groom-to-be happy.

Tiny thread jack (I keep starting a post on this but then deleting because it makes me sad) my brother is being redeployed to the Middle East (3rd tour) : / mixed feelings right now. He leaves on the 15th.

Oh so sorry kagordo This must be so heartbreaking for you!!

 

[diva rose]

Sizzle, yes my stepfather and I are close. As bad as it sounds, he is the perfect man for my mother, and a better father to me then my own father ever was. He took me in as his own as well. We are very close and even do things together just me and him. If I am upset he takes me to dinner to calm down, we go blueberry picking (he makes lots of pies!!) and he is just an all around great guy and I couldn't have asked for anyone else in me and my mothers life! However, I still feel like I would be taking away from his daughter's. Like I said before, I will have to speak to my mother about what to do. I think walking down the aisle by myself would be fine!

Nicole, have you spoken to your step father about this?
I have a step sister also and trust me, it didn't take anything away from his daughter.
I think your step father will actually be touched and it will strengthen the good relationship you already have with him.

I had my step father walk me down the aisle and for him it was very important.
He is the only person I consider my dad and I wanted to give him the honor to walk me down as his daughter.
For me, a parent figure is somebody who is actually there for you through the bad and good times.
It doesn't have to be blood related.

 

[Tuckins1]

I completely understand. I had a rough relationship with my real dad, and my stepdad and I had a rough time for most of my adolescent life. I decided, in the end, to have both of them walk me down the aisle. However, before I came to that decision, I considered having my mother do it (because she took care of me through everything, no matter what), or my grandfather do it. I think you should have whoever you think took care of you and helped you to become who you are today. If that is your brother or your grandfather, then so be it.

PS- I'm not sure how having your stepdad walk you down the aisle would take anything away from his daughters...

 

[Mashira]

I agree that you should walk down the aisle with whomever you feel most comfortable 'giving you away'. My father passed when I was young. I am an only child and I'm not close to any of my uncles. My mother is walking me down the aisle and I wouldn't have it any other way!

 

[JulieN]

I don't think it takes away anything from your stepsisters if your stepdad did it. I'm kind of confused about that sentiment.

If anything, I think it takes away from your stepdad. I mean, I'm sure he's very gracious and understanding, but some way, some how, I think most men would wonder if they weren't good enough to have walked their stepdaughter down the aisle (if her own father didn't do it.)

 

[Anonymous]

I want to echo the "don't discount your step-father" responses. Is there something that has been said that makes you worry about this? Personally, I would approach his daughters about it and tell them what you've said - that you worry that it'd be taking something away from them.

If your relationship with them is even halfway decent, my guess is that they won't have any problem with him walking you down, especially if your relationship with your step-father is so strong. I also think you should ask him about it too.

I guess what I'm trying to say is - if you would like it to be that way but have reservations because you want to be considerate of others, make sure you know for sure (directly from them, or a trusted source) before ruling it out.

ETA:

This is actually something I've been thinking about myself, and posted in the BWW forum about it. I highly doubt either of my parents will be there, so I'm going to either walk myself, or have my daughter walk me. If I have her do it (which is what I'm leaning towards right now), I'll have my younger daughter still be the flower girl (she'll be 6) and my older daughter (she'll be 8 ) will walk with me, then go sit with FMIL for the ceremony. Originally she was going to be a jr bridesmaid, but that would require her to stand up at the altar for quite a while.

For now, I'm trying really hard not to focus on it, because I just end up getting upset about my parents. I'm sure it will work out for you, and for myself as well...we'll have too many positive things going on to be sad about it when the big day arrives.

 

[Dreamer_D]

My mom walked me down the aisle.

I would only consider a step-father if I considered him to be my father, not if he was a recent addition to our family (like since I was a teen or something). In that case, mom or brother all the way. That is just what I would do, you can do what you like.

 

[nicoleben]

I will be speaking to my mother about all of this when everything is official! I am not too sure why I would think I would be taking away from their special day when the time came if I did end up asking my step father. The more I think about it, I think he would feel honored if I asked him...