FMIL vent - money gift

[cleokizzy]

so ladies... you all have been good listeners and i appreciate it.

please allow me to vent (yet again) here.

sometime ago, i remember my mom said that she will give some money as gift when i get married. i don''t have any "set" amount expected from her (or anyone) because i''m the kind that will accept ANY monetary help and be thankful for it.

now that we are in the wedding planning process, my mom did keep her promise and it is a generous gift. the problem is this: FMIL told me about her supposed conversation with my mom "sometime" ago where my mom specifically said she will give $xx,xxx when i get married. i''m pissed at FMIL because all-the-freakin''-time that i talk to her she keeps reminding me of that conversation! to make matters worse, FI TOLD FMIL how much my mom gave us and now FMIL says "oh! how come YOUR mom is giving just that? you should ask for more because i clearly remember yada-yada-yada". !!!!

first of all, i scolded FI big time about this. imo, both set of parents should NEVER find out how much they put in for the wedding to avoid the "who gives the most" game. if they really wanted to give a gift, they should give it based on what they want to give to US as a couple and not because they want to outshine each other!

i''m irritated because FI spoke to FMIL and again, he told me about his mom mentioning the freaking-$amount$ that my mom is supposed to give! how would i know who tells the truth?! maybe my mom did say it or maybe not. but what does she care if my mom didn''t give that much?! it''s my MOM''s gift to ME (&FI), not hers! oh, and have i mentioned that FMIL has NOT even offered/given ANY gift/help (i''m not soliciting for it)! and she''s very vocal that "i do not have any money, you should ask your mom"?! she just makes me feel as if my mom is this bank that i can abuse and get more money from! it''s just not right! arrgghh!!!

 

[princessplease]

Cleo-
I''m sorry you''re dealing with this. Money can cause huge rifts in the wedding planning process. Fi and I would never tell my parents or FIL''s how much each gave for fear of the "who gave more, well we''re better because we gave more" competition. I agree with you that FI should''ve never mentioned it to his mother.

I would nicely talk with her and tell her that you''re very grateful for your mom''s contributions, and that you will not ask her for more money because that''s completely inappropriate. I would also ask her to please stop making this a numbers game, and that you''ll be appreciatative of whatever amounts anyone gives you and FI for the wedding.

 

[sba771]

Hugs!! I am in a similar situation and have had to have many talks with FI about him oversharing things with his family. Its the same thing- my mom is footing the bill yet there are a lot of people demanding things of her. You are not alone! I am just started to not tell him anything about money either sadly. It is just better for now in my case.

 

[meresal]

I''m so sorry that you are going thru this! I had my fair share of FMIL issues as well.

My MIL (FMIL at the time) found out the per person price of the reception, and I swear, she did everything in her power to make the RD almost as expensive! It was so annoying and it drove me absolutely insane. What sucked even more was that she continued to talk about how much they spent even up to a month after the wedding... until we told her that we were having a baby. I hope your MIL will drop it sooner or later. I find it crazy that she is saying all these things, when she isn''t contributing anything. Some people just don''t understand.