FMIL vent!!! (long, sorry)

[lala2332]

UGH!!!! MY FMIL is driving me B-A-N-A-N-A-S!

A little background: FMIL''s group of friends were/are a lot of the parents of FI''s high school friends. Most of their children have already gotten married, so she has helped out and been to a lot of those weddings. FI has a younger sister who is 27,(my age) she lives far away and isn''t anywhere near marriage.

I posted earlier about our idea for the wedding. Friday night ceremony with a dinner afterwards. It would only be family and the people that we would be our bridal party (is it bridal party for the groomsmen?) Anyway, this way it stays small, which is what I want. Then the next night my parents would have a larger cocktail party at their home, which is gorgeous.The ONLY downside to this is no band. BUT my parents are not big dancers, and I don''t really care. My parents throw a huge christmas party every year, so this would be just like that, which makes it so easy to plan and it is always so fun!

CURRENT ISSUE MAKING ME B-A-N-A-N-A-S!!!!!

Well, FMIL CARES! She has offered us a certain amount of money that could cover the "rehersal dinner" after the ceremony and probably a band. The problem is that having it somewhere other than my parent''s home adds a ton of other costs. My parents are not being cheap about a wedding, the money that we don''t use will go to FI and I getting a house and my mom wants to help us decorate it even beyond that. I''m not doing this wedding cheap by any means, but by doing it the way my parents suggested they will be so much happier doing this and money won''t be an huge issue.
We had to have a long talk about it all two nights ago at dinner, I just smiled and said I would look into her suggestions. (I was really gritting my teeth and seething.)
Well.....
FMIL just emailed FI and I about the costs of her friends'' children''s weddings. And that FI should not be worried about the bottom line and should do what we want because we only get married once. That is all fine and good, but trust me, if I was to not worry about the bottom line we would be in 6 figures before you blink...(whats above a platinum wedding?....diamond? haha) Her friend''s children''s wedding would honestly be laughed at in my parents social circle...(i''m being snobby..sorry, but i''m so mad right now)
It just makes me so mad that she cannot and will not take the hint that I am doing this the way I want. And that just because its not the way her friends have done their children''s weddings that something is wrong with it. Like if it isn''t the most classic middle-class stereotype that it obviously isn''t what we want. (I really don''t mean that offensive, it is just her attitude that anything different, clearly must NOT be what we want.) And she is acting like my parents are being cheap. THey are NOT...it is so offensive to me that she keeps implying this!

and to top it all off....
FI and had the best talk about all the planning yesterday and he totally sees and loves the vision that I''ve explained to him. He has become ok on no band, especially after talking to a good friend whose sister didn''t haver a band and everyone still had the best time. He understands the benefits of keeping my parents happy in this process. We had made a final decision to go with my parent''s house...I just wanted to give him this week to think on it, just to make sure he is really happy with everything, before I tell my mom and she gets all excited.

And then his mom comes along and starts trying to take over!

THank you so much for letting me vent!!! Sorry this was so long.

 

[Haven]

Just to make sure I understand the details . . .

Are you calling the dinner after the Friday night ceremony the rehearsal dinner? And are your FI''s parents paying for this dinner? And then you want to have a cocktail party on Saturday at your parents'' gorgeous home, and your parents are paying for that? Am I right?

First, it all sounds wonderful to me.

Second, if your FMIL is not paying for the Saturday night shindig, she has no right to dictate where and how it is thrown. Period. End of story. I hate to sound like money gives you a voice, but when you''re hosting an event, it does.

AND, if that''s what you and your FI want, then that is all that really matters, anyway. (As long as it is in the budget, which it is.)

Sorry you''re dealing with this. In-laws can be a lot of fun at times.

 

[sunnyd]

Yikes! The only thing I can suggest (not a good advice type) is to have FI talk to his mom about what you both want. It should be his job to handle his family and since you''re on the same page as him, he needs to take that responsibility. Good luck.

 

[lala2332]

thanks so much haven and sunny!

Haven, I guess it will technically be the ceremony dinner, but for all purposes it will be like a rehersal dinner. And yes, they will pay for that. I am happy for whatever they do. I actually suggested a restaurant that they know the owners. PLus my family loves the place and its good yummy southern comfort food. So everyone is super happy about it.

Both of you are so right....FI is planning on talking to his mother and at the end of the day my parents are the one footing the bill and I get very upset that b/c we have money she expects us to do certain things and "not worry about the bottom line." That is just not how I, FI, or my parents work.

Thanks again for letting me vent...PS saves me sometimes...I was about to whip off a very not nice email reply, but instead got to vent to my lovely PS gals!

Thanks again!

 

[Clairitek]

I can totally sympathize with you lala. FI's parents are totally not liking our choices for the wedding celebration.

I'm glad to hear that your FI is on your side of this. I know that I'm grateful for my FI's alliance.

Good luck in working this out. Maybe once the excitement boils down she will gain some perspective.