Wedding FMIL....oh my

[Asscherhalo_lover]

I just got home from work about an hour ago. I walked in the door, grabbed the mail, and was sorting it in the kitchen when my FI came downstairs to greet me. The first thing he said to me was that his mother has added someone to the guest list. Since our RSVPs were due back by May 1 I thought this was a little strange and last minute.

He then told me that the extra person is her psychiatrist....yup, you heard it, her psychiatrist. Her psychiatrist is worried that she will have a melt down on the wedding day since she has been showing signs of one for the last few months. I knew the woman had some issues, but now I''m just nervous.

I remembered her crying at our new years party, at my bridal shower, at dinner last week, and apparently many other times in between. She even went so fas as to tell my FI that she had considered killing herself and that she hasn''t slept for weeks.

I know with all of this, I hope with all of this, that she really is just having a hard time and needs help with it, that I do understand. My problem with it is that I know she can be a drama queen and I''m worried about what could happen at the wedding. I had this vision right after FI told me about her DR coming that we would be standing at the alter taking our vows and she would come running towards us crying her eyes out, grab his leg and try to drag him away. Crazy thoughts, but they seem more and more of a possibility as we get closer to the wedding.

I know I''m using my creative side here with the thinking, but I also have feelings of guilt that I''m causing all of this stress. I''m the one "taking her little boy away from her", and I hate feeling like I''m the reason for someone else''s misery. I hate feeling like this because I genuinely like his mom, I just don''t know how I feel about our relationship after this. How am I supposed to be around her or talk to her knowing this?

Anyone else have some kind of crazy FMIL stories? It would be nice to know that I''m not the only one...

 

[Loves Vintage]

The strangest thing about all of this is that it sounds like your FMIL is saying the psychiatrist wants to be there in case she has a meltdown, like he or she is going to come to her rescue. Uhm, the world doesn't usually work that way. Psychiatrists don't usually intervene in their patients day-to-day lives. Usually, you are lucky to have 10-15 mintues with them to discuss medications, and that's it. They don't take a day to spend with you and your family to make sure that you are OK! I'd be really surprised if he or she actually attends.

Do you know if she is in therapy? I understand that she is medicated, but is she also talking to someone. It sounds like she should be. She has some issues that she needs to deal with and that medication alone just won't reach.

Has your FI sat down and discussed any of her fear issues with her? I know that sometimes that can be very hard to do.

I hope your FMIL is able to contain the drama on your day!

 

[Gypsy]

Okay. That''s rough. And strange that the psychiatrist is going to be there. Is he going to medicate her? Is he worried the medication won''t work? Or that she''ll drink while on medication? I''m not understanding what having him there will do for her... unless they have a long term relationship that extends to therapy and he CAN actually provide her with a stabilizing influence-- I''m not seeing the value add.

On the other hand, I don''t see the harm, unless having them encourages her to misbehave (you know in order to prove to him she IS unbalanced or something).

That''s a really strange and uncomfortable situation. ((HUGS))

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

I would say let the doctor come. They probably won''t, but if they do, I imagine it is in your best intrest to have them there.

Don''t feel bad. You are not doing anything wrong, if she is having seperation anziety, it is because she is nuts, not because you are a bad person.

My FMIL has a personality disorder which makes her crazy and a real b. Part of this disorder is being the martyr so she won''t go to therapy because "oh, I need to devote that time to my husband or, we need that money for a new TV so the family won''t stop loving me". I wish she would have someone take a look at her so I count you lucky that your FMIL atleast has that. Any tips for getting mine there?

 

[oobiecoo]

FI''s mother is psycho. She has 9 children and was abusive to a few of them, including my FI. She was a terrible mother... always forcing the older ones to watch the younger ones... sometimes leaving them for a whole week without letting anyone know she was leaving. FI''s dad lived in a different town because he was a doctor so he didn''t always know that the mom had left the kids on the ranch all alone. When I met FI, he hadn''t spoken to his mom in 2 years. We''ve seen her twice since we''ve been together and each time I had to hold back sooo much to resist yelling at her. She tries to give FI marriage advice and says she doesn''t know why she and his dad had to get divorced. Ummm... maybe its because you are bipolar and abusive and don''t stay on your meds! She''s controlling beyond belief...

We have not invited her to the wedding. However, she doesn''t know this. I get so mad at FI because she has asked him several times when the wedding is and he gets scared and wont tell her the truth. he just makes up a fake date!

I''m sorry your FMIL has these issues but don''t feel guilty. It sounds like she''s been this way looong before you came along!

 

[isaku5]

I understand that she is bi-polar and have read a little about the condition, but there are a few questions that come to mind:

-Is FMIL in a treatment facility and needs her psychiatrist at her side? or is he her escort?

-On the other occasions when she cried, was it a "shed a few tears" type (emotional?) or was it the disruptive "bawl your eyes out"?

-She wasn''t invited to the wedding at all so there will be two more guests?

Your DF is definitely the one who has to evaluate her condition, and have a serious talk with both her and her psychiatrist (not together).

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

Date: 5/9/2008 7:03:50 PM
Author: isaku5
I understand that she is bi-polar and have read a little about the condition, but there are a few questions that come to mind:


-Is FMIL in a treatment facility and needs her psychiatrist at her side? or is he her escort?


-On the other occasions when she cried, was it a ''shed a few tears'' type (emotional?) or was it the disruptive ''bawl your eyes out''?


-She wasn''t invited to the wedding at all so there will be two more guests?


Your DF is definitely the one who has to evaluate her condition, and have a serious talk with both her and her psychiatrist (not together).

thanks for your kind words ladies, i''m glad to know that i''m not the only one with an off the rocker FMIL.

as for the psychiatrist, FI has cleared it that it it her therapist who will be at the wedding. i don''t even think she realized the difference until he tried to clarify it with her. she has been in therapy for awhile although i do not know her diagnosis or that she even has an actual diagnosis.

she is married, my FI''s mom and dad will be at the wedding and the therapist will be there i guess to try and keep her from having a complete meltdown. his parents have been involved with the wedding from day 1, the therapist coming to the wedding is what just happened today.

when i have seen her cry, it is full on bawling. make-up running, face all red, heavy breathing, take a xanax, the whole bit.

as for FI, he has talked to her many many times about the problem. he keeps on reassuring her that he''s not "leaving" her, he''s just growing up. whenever she gets really emotional it always comes down to, why is he leaving me? why can''t you (me) take my other kids? (she has a daughter who is pregnant, at 20 years old, and an older son who is in his own world)

the strangest part to me is that we already live together and have been living together for over a year. we have been dating almost seven years and we have been engaged for almost 4 freakin years. it''s not like she didn''t know this was going to happen. i know she''s having a hard time and maybe, even though we''ve been living together, the wedding makes it more real and permanent to her, but it;s just hard for me to grasp what is going on in her mind.

i have talked about it with FI and we both agree that she either should go into a treatment center for more intensive therapy. i suggested to my FI that we night go for group counseling if he thinks it will help and we are going to talk it over with her this sunday.

i have dealt with many people with mental illness before, it''s just more weird when it''s your MIL....

 

[Gypsy]

Okay. Well the therapist makes a lot more sense.

Is it okay for me to say that well... her attachment is very concerning... and little creepy? I''m mean he''s her SON. Not her husband. I''m sorry, very sorry, that you are dealing with this. Group therapy might be good-- I''d get you and you FI into therapy together about this before going to group though.

 

[Pandora II]

Oh dear, I would find that very hard to deal with.

Just remember YOU have no reason to feel guilty. Her irrational thoughts are not YOUR problem and she is causing her own misery not you.

I have FFIL''s wife coming to ours. She was sectioned at Christmas and in a psychiatric unit for several months. I saw her last week and she was remarkably sane - indeed a great improvement on ''normal'' for her. She''s finally on some meds which seem to be helping.

With my wedding, we could probably do with a couple of psychiatrists on hand...

I have bipolar II, as does my sister and at least 3 of my friends. FFIL is severely bipolar I and has been on lithium for 32 years - until 3 months ago

. His wife is on halperidol. My godmother is schizophrenic, my grandmother is OCD and agrophobic... and I haven''t even thought about uncles/aunts and cousins!

 

[bee*]

Oh wow-her psychiatrist?!!

My FMIL isn't too bad-she could be a lot worse. The only thing that I've found strange is that D and I are moving into our new house in a few weeks and when he told her she didn't stop crying for days, and even suggested that I move in with them instead

Needless to say, I turned down her generous invitation

ETA-he'll be 28 in three months. Did she expect him to live there forever!