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First post,Could use some proposal input

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dboy10

Rough_Rock
Joined
Mar 18, 2009
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25
First I wanna thank you all for all your hard work here. I''m one of those long time lurkers and the amount of information here is RIDICULOUS! Which is awesome for us.

Anyway, I''m looking to propose soon. For a little background we met initially via internet through business contacts a bit over 3 years ago. It was almost immediate when I realized she was the one! For the most part we''ve been in a long distance relationship since she decided to go back to school. She''s finishing up her last semester and will be moving to my city shortly (5 to 6 weeks) after her graduation. The plan is for me to fly down there, load up a moving truck and we make her move a nice road trip with just the two of us.

So here''s where I need your help! I''m trying to decide whether or not to propose graduation weekend or when I fly out to move her here. My initial plan was to do it right before the move. I would go out there a few days before she thought I would be out there to set things up. Have her bestfriend take her to the spa and get massages and manicures and pedicures and stuff like that, then have them go out to dinner at a nice restaurant. They would order drinks and then her best friend would excuse herself from the table then I would deliver her the wrong drink from behind and as she turns to correct her order (which she WILL do) she would be in complete amazement to see me standing there and that''s when I would do what I need to do! Then possibly have all her friends and family show up after that and we all have a big celebration at the restaurant. She LOVES surprises!!!

That''s option 1, option 2 would be to do it during graduation but I have no idea to go about doing it with shock and aww like option 1. They both have pros and cons so here''s where my mind is.

option 1: I like it because it will be completely unexpected and a great story to tell. It gives more time to plan, get the ring, and save money for any extras. It would make the road trip extra special I think and will really make her feel good about making a move to a city where she knows no one but me, my family, and my friends.

option 2: I like because I know for sure all her family will be there and my mother aswell. It will give her more time to share the engagement with her mother, friends, and to show off the ring to her co-workers. It will make her and her family feel better sooner about her moving to another city to "be with a man" as her mom likes to put it, so preparation for the move may be a bit more exciting. She will get her ring sooner (which she doesn''t know is coming but sure is itching for it).

the problem I''m having with option 2 is that it is her graduation and I don''t want to take anything away from that. I will be meeting her biological father for the first time and I want to ask for his blessings but not sure if it''s appropriate to ask the day of the day before especially since he and I would just be meeting. This option also gives me less time to prepare and come up with a killer plan that''s not cliche (which is where I hope you guys could help... she LOVES surprises). Another con is that I will be proposing then leaving like the next day or day after as oppose to popping the question then riding off into the sunset to a new life.

Wow!!! this thing is long! Sorry about the length guys and gals, didn''t think it would take that much. So can you help? What do you think? Thanks in advance!
 

diamondseeker2006

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jan 11, 2006
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55,610
Ugh! This is a hard one! I almost always vote for the sooner options, because I that''s what I''d want if I was the girl waiting for the proposal. I think you could find a time to do it during graduation, it just wouldn''t be as clever a situation as you have thought up for the other time. There is a strong advantage to doing it then because of all the family being there. But it''ll be hard for you to leave at the end of the weekend.

I think I will vote for graduation weekend, because she''ll have the fun of showing her friends and family her ring and she''ll know those next few weeks that she''s moving to her fiance''s city and not just a boyfriend''s. If you wait 6 weeks, some of her friends will probably already have left town, so it wouldn''t be quite as much fun.

Was she raised by her biological father? Was she adopted or did you mean she has a step-father? I''m just thinking about asking the blessing part. If her mom knows you, it might be better to ask her if she was the one who raised your girlfriend.
 

dboy10

Rough_Rock
Joined
Mar 18, 2009
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25
Date: 3/18/2009 10:59:14 PM
Author: diamondseeker2006
Ugh! This is a hard one! I almost always vote for the sooner options, because I that''s what I''d want if I was the girl waiting for the proposal. I think you could find a time to do it during graduation, it just wouldn''t be as clever a situation as you have thought up for the other time. There is a strong advantage to doing it then because of all the family being there. But it''ll be hard for you to leave at the end of the weekend.


I think I will vote for graduation weekend, because she''ll have the fun of showing her friends and family her ring and she''ll know those next few weeks that she''s moving to her fiance''s city and not just a boyfriend''s. If you wait 6 weeks, some of her friends will probably already have left town, so it wouldn''t be quite as much fun.


Was she raised by her biological father? Was she adopted or did you mean she has a step-father? I''m just thinking about asking the blessing part. If her mom knows you, it might be better to ask her if she was the one who raised your girlfriend.
Yeah it''s gonna be tough leaving right after. I could look into pushing my flight back a few days, I''m sure it''s gonna cost me though! She wasn''t raised by her biological father. In fact her mom and step dad which I already have a pretty good relationship with. I will be asking them without question but I would also just like to ask her biological. Don''t really think that''s really big of s deal for me though.

Thanks for the vote... Any idea on how I should propose if I do it during graduation weekend?
 

CNYHopeful

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Oct 9, 2008
Messages
360
First, whatever you decide, best wishes! Sounds like you really want to make it special for her, and no doubt, whenever you surprise her, will be the most special moment of her life.

I''m leaning towards the spa and surprise dinner proposal right now. I think that while her family is all in town for graduation and she''s tending to all of the graduation details, it might be more difficult to find the right moment. I admire that you are giving consideration to meeting her biological father, getting to talk with him a little bit and asking for permission.

On the other hand, my FI planned a surprise engagement party immediately after the proposal with friends and family, so it really was something quite special. The graduation would lend itself to having most of those people right there, so I think it''s a toss up. Either way will be splendid!

How far would her family be from where she''s moving?
 

jmtomaui

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Oct 10, 2006
Messages
390
I have to go with option 2. I think it is important that her mom feel more comfortable with the move and if you wait until the move, how long would it be before she would see her family again??

Is there a way to combine the options slightly? Have her mom spend a spa day with her right before graduation on the pretense of getting "pretty" for the grad festivities and then you propose? Maybe you show up in a limo at the spa at the end of the retreat and ask her then before taking your GF and her mom to meet family for dinner? Or fly in a day early if possible and still plan the surprise dinner?

Whatever you decide, I know it will be special. Your efforts in making it special show how much you love her and that will come across to her regardless of how you propose.

Blessings - Julie
 

Ashley21

Rough_Rock
Joined
Nov 11, 2008
Messages
59
I really liked the dinner idea. I thought it was original and very surprising, she would have no idea it was coming! In your post it just seemed like you were leaning toward your initial plan.

I like the first option because she will get to be with you afterward for a longer time and really enjoy the trip to her new home. She might not like that you would have to leave so early (with option 2) ... it''s like, hey I came to propose now I gotta go
, but if you could arrange to stay longer than just a day, option 2 sounds good if having alot of her family there is imortant to her.

Both are great and I''m sure she''s going to be surprised and excited either way!
 

DiamondFlame

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Feb 7, 2009
Messages
680
Whatever you do, DON'T do it on graduation day. That's a big day for HER and her FAMILY. You want a BIG day for the BOTH of you. So keep the 2 separate.

I undertand the dilemma. But if this is the first time you're meeting her family, let her do the intro. Keep it cordial, as in the spirit of graduation day. If I were you, I'd find some time to speak to her father alone and broach the subject if she hadn't already done so in the past. Most fathers would favor a straight shooter. 'cuz a real man would have the guts to ask another man for his daughter's hand in marriage. At least this way, you could earn his respect and get his blessing; in so doing lessens the impact of having his daughter move to another city to be with you - a man who came across as well brought up, honest, considerate and respectable.

This would then set you up nicely for Option 1.
 

dboy10

Rough_Rock
Joined
Mar 18, 2009
Messages
25
I had no intentions on actually doing it on graduation day. I do want it to be all about her and her family. If anything it would be the next day or so. The plan to talk to everyone... her mom, dad, and stepdad. I''m still undecided though, I haven''t gotten the ring yet so graduation weekend may not be an option. I am meeting with Whiteflash in the morning and probably will go with something custom. The custom work could take up to a month and that''s pushing it. But it would be nice to have it by then just in case!!!
 
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