First loves

[nebe]

I''m always interested in people''s first loves. Do you still think about yours? Have you ever seen them again? Tell me tell me

 

[Haven]

I started dating my first love in college, we dated for five years and got engaged extremely young (21). I ended the engagement after we'd been in the "real world" for two years and I realized that we just weren't right for each other anymore.

We didn't talk at all for a few years because he thought he still wanted to be with me so he was always inappropriate, but he finally fell in love with someone and realized that he doesn't need me anymore. We have many mutual friends from college (we started dating at the very beginning of our sophomore year) so we run into each other at social events, but we definitely don't hang out or talk just the two of us. I don't think about him, in fact it feels like that whole relationship happened in a former life, it's almost strange.

I've always been civil with exes, but I've never carried on a friendship.

 

[CrookedRock]

Seven and a half years later we are still together.

A few splits here and there, but in the end it worked out for the best bc we both got to date other people which just sent us running back to each other evey time! And for good this time

 

[appletini]

Date: 12/31/2007 12:44:03 AM
Author: Haven
in fact it feels like that whole relationship happened in a former life, it''s almost strange.

This is the same for me.

 

[Mandarine]

Funny you should ask...

To continue with my weird dreams, my ex made an appearance in my dreams yesterday!...haha.
We dated from the time I was 14 until we were like 21. I will always remember him fondly and he will always have a special place in my heart (can''t say that for most of the guys I dated between then and when I met FH).

I think him and I have a special connection (even today and even though we never ever really talk or see each other - he lives in Venezuela!). But it is one of these things when I can sense something is wrong with him and viceversa...or I think of him and then my mom calls me 10 minutes later to tell me she ran into him at the same time back home. Kind of crazy.

So in a way I think I will always love him...I just fell out of love with him back when I was 21 and I know he''s not the guy I''m meant to be with, but we shared that first love.

M~

 

[Independent Gal]

I fell in love for the first time when I lived in England. He was a sweet and kind young man and just what I needed at that point in my life. I haven''t seen him since I left England about 8 years ago, although we e-mailed or talked almost every day for almost a year after that even though we had broken up. We were a couple for almost three years and were happy. But I rarely think about him, except when a mutual friend sometimes gives me an update. We were definitely not meant to be together in the long term, and looking back, we were so young... thankfully we weren''t SO young that we didn''t realize we were, uh, too young given that there were still a lot of things we each wanted to accomplish before settling down. But we enriched each others'' lives and I have only friendly feelings for him.

 

[Miscka]

Date: 12/31/2007 12:44:03 AM
Author: Haven
I started dating my first love in college, we dated for five years and got engaged extremely young (21). I ended the engagement after we''d been in the ''real world'' for two years and I realized that we just weren''t right for each other anymore.

We didn''t talk at all for a few years because he thought he still wanted to be with me so he was always inappropriate, but he finally fell in love with someone and realized that he doesn''t need me anymore. We have many mutual friends from college (we started dating at the very beginning of our sophomore year) so we run into each other at social events, but we definitely don''t hang out or talk just the two of us. I don''t think about him, in fact it feels like that whole relationship happened in a former life, it''s almost strange.

I''ve always been civil with exes, but I''ve never carried on a friendship.

That is exactly how I feel about my first love. I can''t even remember what it was like to be with him, and I have to remind myself of the good times. I am constantly afraid that the things that went wrong in our relationship will repeat themselves, but I honestly think we were just mismatched. We were together very young, at the end of high school, beginning of college and we had such different life goals. He was very sweet, and we talk every once in awhile. Sometimes we talk about meeting for coffee, but I think it would just be too weird.

 

[Miscka]

Nebe, you have to tell us about yours! Anything spark this idea?

 

[nebe]

Date: 12/31/2007 10:40:43 AM
Author: Miscka
Nebe, you have to tell us about yours! Anything spark this idea?

My first love and I met through mutual friends when we were both in high school. We stayed together for nearly four years, but when he got back from college he decided he might be gay. (which scared the crap out of me, I ran to the doctor so friggen fast I almost crashed the car) After about two weeks he had a new girlfriend and I was discovering our mutual friends weren''t really MY friends. So, as a whole, the end of our relationship kind of sucked but I got through it. And bought myself a diamond ring

I still think about him, I haven''t seen him again. I found out the other day that his sister in law (whom I really loved) had a baby girl earlier this year and it made me really sad because I was so close to his family for so long and now know nothing about them. I was such a mess when I was with him though, I''m so much healthier these days it''s incredible.

 

[Independent Gal]

That''s good to hear Nessa! It is a good acid test of a relationship to ask how it makes you feel about yourself and whether you are happy and like yourself while you are in it. If you were a mess with this guy, GOOD RIDDANCE! If you feel great with your current guy, that is an excellent sign!

 

[nebe]

Date: 12/31/2007 12:34:10 PM
Author: Independent Gal
If you feel great with your current guy, that is an excellent sign!

I do, I''m the healthiest I''ve ever been. He hugs me when I need it before I even say it out loud. We''re like puzzle pieces that fit together.

 

[bee*]

D is my first and only love. We got together at 17(me)/18(him) and we''ve been together ever since. We''ve never split up or taken a break and I couldn''t imagine being without him. We''ve had ups and downs and have worked through all of them together, have travelled to so many places together and just generally have grown up together.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I married mine

 

[divergrrl]

Who??

I can''t even remember my first love. I don''t think I can remember back that far!

Besides...dh gave me amnesia...can''t remember anyone but him.

 

[anchor31]

I''m marrying mine! We met at 17/21 and we''ll be married 5½ years later at 23/26. I had a BF before him, but it lasted only 2½ months and while he was in love with me, I wasn''t in love with him, and I broke it off.

 

[Allisonfaye]

Mine broke my heart. I was 23 and just finishing college. I am generally not a believer in love at first sight but something bowled me over when I first saw him. I met him in a bar. He was gorgeous and sweet. It was snowing that night. He took my phone number and hugged me goodnight. We started seeing each other about 5 nights a week and his nephew (who was like 2) called me a different name and it was then I found out he was seeing someone else too but I hoped he would stop seeing her. (He wasn''t dishonest with me or anything). After about 2 months, he told me he had applied for a job 2000 miles away. I felt like someone punched me in the stomach. Then about a week later, he told me he was definately moving. He had had a bad breakup right before me and told me he wasn''t over it yet and couldn''t get serious with anyone again for a long time. I guess his longtime girlfriend had cheated on him. He had thought they were going to get married. Her brother was his best friend so he still had to have her in his life.

I visited him once and moved about 2 hours away from him when I graduated and saw him a couple of times but only as friends. I could have never survived being friends with him. I was crazy about him. But I am glad I didn''t marry him. My husband is a better match for me than he would have been. But once in a while, I still dream about him.

 

[UCLABelle]

Hmmm...I think about my first crush (wouldn''t consider him a love), and a few other BFs, but just out of curiosity.

I did once fall hard for a guy (during a break-up years ago with my husband-to-be). It was only a couple of months...but if I think of a guy now and then, and wonder how they are, etc...it would be him.

 

[AmberWaves]

I met mine at a bar (although it was a bar in a restaurant- hehe), and there was just something about him. He got my phone number, called me the next day and we made a date for that night. So much for The Rules.

I adored him, and he was fantastic to me. Then I found out he had a son, who was living with his ex-girlfriend (who he claimed to hate- still claims that to this day!) and that''s why he has to leave ever few weekends. All of a sudden, he mentions that he''s moving in a few months to be with this son- from LA to SF. Hm... We vacation together, and he''s "angry that he''s in a new relationship" since he didn''t want to fall for anyone. Anyway, after 10 months of dating in LA, he moves to SF. I visit every month, fly up there for 4 days/3 nights, and it tears my heart out. He says he loves me, I KNOW he does, but then he says that he doesn''t see himself marrying for at least 10 years. Well, I wasn''t okay with that, so although it tore me apart, we broke up. A month later I got together with my husband and we got engaged a few years later.

The ex still emails me updates and things, and actually told me a few months ago that he realizes now that he will never find someone who loved him like I did. Yep.

And that he wanted to be invited to the wedding. YEAH. I''ve never felt as deeply for someone as I did him, and gradually, over the years, the great things about him are fading in my mind. The kind of love we had was that terrible destructive all or nothing kind, which really does more harm than good. I''m thankful that it ended, although my heart will always "recognize" his a little bit. Does that make sense?

Weird coincidence? My ex''s mom is my husband''s boss now. WEIRD.

 

[star sparkle]

It''s quite painful when I think about my first love. We were together in high school, then broke up after I graduated. We fell out of touch for a couple of years, and then re-connected in like June 2004. I was (still am) with someone else at that time, but it was so so so great to talk to him again and whatnot. Found out he was doing well, and had recently joined the Marines. He told me he would be going to Iraq in September of that year, and asked if I would write to him while he was there. Of course I obliged; I sent him a letter right away when he first got there, he sent one back, then I sent a reply. He never got my second letter because he was killed before it got there.

I can''t really explain all the emotions that I experienced at that time (and still do) because there are so many and they''re so complex, but he will always be with me and occupy a special place in my heart.

 

[Allisonfaye]

Date: 1/2/2008 3:28:23 PM
Author: star sparkle
It''s quite painful when I think about my first love. We were together in high school, then broke up after I graduated. We fell out of touch for a couple of years, and then re-connected in like June 2004. I was (still am) with someone else at that time, but it was so so so great to talk to him again and whatnot. Found out he was doing well, and had recently joined the Marines. He told me he would be going to Iraq in September of that year, and asked if I would write to him while he was there. Of course I obliged; I sent him a letter right away when he first got there, he sent one back, then I sent a reply. He never got my second letter because he was killed before it got there.

I can''t really explain all the emotions that I experienced at that time (and still do) because there are so many and they''re so complex, but he will always be with me and occupy a special place in my heart.

What a sad story.

 

[Miranda]

I married mine, too. We met when I was 14 and he was 17. Started dating when I was 15 and he was 17. We''ve been together almost every day for the last almost 18 years.

 

[GoingCrazy]

I was 16 and he was almost 21 when we met. We dated for a year and I would have traveled to the end of the earth for him and back, but he cheated on me with another girl and got her pregnant so he left me and married her. I carried a torch for him for YEARS and I ran into him a couple of years ago at a basketball game and YUCK!!!!!! What was I thinking??? I am so glad not to be with him now. Time has not been kind to him.

 

[somethingshiny]

We met in ''96, got engaged in ''97, married in ''99.

 

[ladypirate]

I'm still close friends with mine--we dated for ~3 years in high school, and while we were on different life paths and it wasn't meant to be, we still email a few times a week and keep in touch. He's kind of like my brother in a weird way...

Actually, I'm still pretty close with everyone I've seriously dated, but that could be because I get along better with men, generally, and I was friends with all my serious boyfriends before we started dating. Luckily, Kris doesn't mind me staying friends with them because he knows it's completely platonic.

 

[nebe]

Date: 1/2/2008 1:33:22 PM
Author: Allisonfaye

I visited him once and moved about 2 hours away from him when I graduated and saw him a couple of times but only as friends. I could have never survived being friends with him. I was crazy about him. But I am glad I didn''t marry him. My husband is a better match for me than he would have been. But once in a while, I still dream about him.

You sound like me. I had a dream about mine recently and decided to email him. I got a reply to my apology (I made him miserable for hurting me) and he accepted. It was instant relief. I feel like the last piece of him I was holding onto is gone. They say it takes half as much time as your with someone to get over them.

January 1st was exactly half. heh. Life is so unusual.

 

[mimzy]

i met mine in 7th grade. (don''t laugh). he (B) was pretty much my only friend. he asked me out 11 times before i said yes during our freshmen year of high school....at which point i fell super head over heels in love. he broke up with me a few months later ("the chase was more fun than the catch" - direct quote) and i was DEVESTATED. i know most people would say that a 13 year old has no idea what real love is, but 9 years later i''m sticking to my story. I dated my next boyfriend for the next 3 years of high school, but I always sort of had feelings for the first. We didn''t speak for a long time, then became close again our senior year and have stayed in touch since. He''s a tattoo artist and has a kid now (i.e. our lives are VERY different)and i have nothing but totally platonic feelings for him but we still have a great comfort level between us and a really special level of understanding. We don''t see each other very often because we live really far apart, but I''m still close with his family and consider him an important person in my life.

my first long term boyfriend (A)i dated from 15 to 18. we broke up when i got to college because I just needed to do some different things. we''ve stayed in touch, but i''m not sure if that will be the case once i get married. We could have really easily ended up back together (he''s told me sorta recently that he''s pretty much banked on it)....and i''m not sure i''m going to be comfortable maintaining the friendship. he''s had sort of a rough road since we broke up and i don''t think we really have all that much to offer each other as friends anymore

but i guess it''s always nice to have someone in your inventory that knows you and know you can count on.

i''ve actually stayed pretty close with all of my previous boyfriends (4 of them).FI used to have a problem with it, but not anymore (the last time A came by to visit FI suggested that he stay the nite because it was late and he had to drive a super long distance to get to where he was going). He is refusing to let me add them to the guest list, but i guess i can respect that

 

[sumbride]

I avoided this thread for a bit because I thought it would all be happy stories, but I see that there are many sad ones mixed in. Mine is a sad one, at least to me.

My first love broke my heart, then stomped on it for awhile. We met when I was 23 (he had just turned 29) through a mutual friend who thought we would be good together. It was passionate but not stable... the chemistry was great, but the emotions weren''t. Two weeks shy of our first anniversary, on his 30th birthday no less, our fight turned into a nasty breakup. I even had to tell him about the surprise party I had planned for him that night because everbody but me was still planning to be there. The insults we hurled at each other that morning were awful, but when I slammed the door on him it hurt more than anything ever had up to that point.

I didn''t talk to him again until about two years later when our mutual friend that introduced us committed suicide. We had the "I''m sorry, I didn''t mean that" talk and it sort of helped smooth things over in my heart and head. I haven''t seen him since that morning, and I don''t want to. He didn''t attend the memorial service for our friend. I saw him on Myspace last year and I see that he''s still single. I can''t say I''m surprised. As much as I loved him, he was not the man for me, and the best thing he ever did for me was dump me. I met my DH a year later.

 

[laine]

This is actually something I''ve been thinking about lately. I started dating my first real love at 19, and we were together for 6.5 years. It was really really good in a lot of ways, but there were things that weren''t quite right. When we did finally break up, it was ugly and drawn out with lots of crying (we were long distance). I felt guilty about ending it-he was so unhappy-but I knew it was right.

Nebe--that point about half as long to get over it is interesting--I''m almost there, and it has gotten easier, but I still wonder about him. Mostly, I just want to know that he''s ok. I asked a mutual friend, but they had lost touch and the friend didn''t know much. I''m so afraid to call or email because I''m worried he''ll be unhappy and I''ll feel guilty all over again. Its not that I think we made a mistake--I know it was right for me, but I want to know it was right for him too and that he''s happy now. Does that feeling ever go away?

 

[Aloros]

It''s mostly a "what was I thinking?" at this point if we''re talking the first guy I dated. We had nothing in common, different work ethics, different goals, vastly differing opinions... He had a pretty face - I guess that''s what I might have been thinking (bad bad BAD!). He was a good friend to his buddies, but he was not a very good boyfriend. We dated for close to six years before I finally saw the light and broke it off. He just couldn''t keep his word to me, so by the time I finally ended it, I was already emotionally checked out. We don''t speak anymore. He always tended toward the dramatic, so it''s probably for the best. I wish him well, but I simply don''t have it in me to feel nostalgic or soft toward him in any way at all.

As for first loves? I had a friend in high school who I had a crush on, and he had a crush on me - it just never worked out. My close friend was crushing on him too, and at that point I was so shy and awkward I didn''t know how to express myself. After a couple years of this drivel, she ended up confessing her feelings for him. She told me I should do the same, but what was the point? I wasn''t going to make the poor guy choose. I let him go.

They''re engaged now, and I couldn''t be happier for them. They are two people who deserve all the world has to offer them, and I adore them both.

 

[nebe]

Date: 1/4/2008 3:43:59 PM
Author: laine

Nebe--that point about half as long to get over it is interesting--I'm almost there, and it has gotten easier, but I still wonder about him. Mostly, I just want to know that he's ok. I asked a mutual friend, but they had lost touch and the friend didn't know much. I'm so afraid to call or email because I'm worried he'll be unhappy and I'll feel guilty all over again. Its not that I think we made a mistake--I know it was right for me, but I want to know it was right for him too and that he's happy now. Does that feeling ever go away?

For me, it didn't until recently. I've always wondered what he's up to, if he has a new girlfriend, or if something major has happened in his family (I adored every member). Since I got that last e-mail, I honestly haven't thought about him at all. Except for the fact that I amazed that it's "done" and I don't feel anything towards him anymore. That deep twist I got in the bottom of my stomach I used to get when I think about him is gone. No one can tell you if it'll go away for you, you just have to wait it out I suppose. I wish you the best of luck though hun. Think happy thoughts.