Wedding First hurdle *shakes head*

[iwannaprettyone]

Ok, 121 days to go

and I am taking my MOH tomorrow to look for a dress. She is fantastic and truly my bestfriend so this should be a positive experience. Once FH and I set the date I asked my BFF to be my MOH and she was thrilled. Well now, here''s the problem....

FI will not commit to a bestman, in fact he has said that he doesn''t want anyone at all. I have no bridesmaids, just the MOH. I am so frustrated as he won''t budge on it. I completley understand his reasoning, he doesn''t want to pick favorites; however do I need to now dismiss my MOH in the interest of balance?

My head hurts.

 

[Cleopatra]

No way! Keep her!

And if you''re concerned about balance....why not ask your FI if he is interested in asking his dad (if he is around) to stand up for him....it would be very sweet...this way, he''s not picking favorites!

 

[Stephanie]

We''ve been engaged for almost a year and I can''t get him to pick a best man or groomsmen.. But I am keepin'' mine. If it is unbalanced, so be it. She''s obviously extremely important in your life.

 

[iwannaprettyone]

His dad passed away the week after our first date.

I suggested numerous people, nephews, my brother, several of his closest friends....

 

[ladyciel]

Hmmmm... does he have a brother? Is he close with his dad? I think friends are always pretty understanding when family gets chosen for the honor positions. A friend of mine's husband has his dad as his best man, and it was quite touching. Would he be open to the idea of having only one or two friends stand up front, but the rest help usher, etc? On one hand I understand his reasoning (I think), but on the other it's really difficult for me to fathom somebody having THAT many friends that all sit on exactly the same level of friendship/commitment with him/each other.

I don't know what advice to give on only you having an attendant. Normally I would say who cares about balance, but 1-0 is a bit different than 3-2. If he will absolutely, no way no how budge, then maybe include your MOH in other ways than standing up front for the whole ceremony. I wouldn't dismiss her so much as just redefine the duties of MOH.

ETA: Oh, I'm so sorry to hear about his dad. I was typing while everyone was posting...

 

[NewEnglandLady]

How many would he have to chose between?

I only had one MOH, my best friend, but DH didn't want to choose between two, so he just had two best men. Would your FI consider having more than one? If not, that's fine, but you should definitely have your girl standing for you, even if it's just her, the officiant and the two of you up there.

 

[MaggieB]

I made one rule to go by when making all of my wedding decisions - this day is about me and my loved ones. (I know that the common bride refrain is "it''s just about me," but if that were true, we would all elope. Clearly we want the people that we love to share in it.)

Therefore, every decision I make will be based on our happiness and not whatever happens to be the wedding etiquette of the day (and it constantly changes, by the way.)

You love your friend, you want her to stand up with you. If anyone in the congregation gives two hoots about your ceremony being unbalanced, then those are the kind of people that are going to FIND something to complain about. Don''t waste your energy trying to please them.

 

[gwendolyn]

I can understand where your FI is coming from. There''s no way I''m going to rank my friends because so many of them are on the same level--I don''t have one that''s a much closer friend than the others (besides J), although some of them THINK they are going to be asked to be my MOH (have already informed me of this

). I don''t want to choose between them and then have my wedding cause my circle of friends (who are almost like family) to feel disappointed and unloved because I chose one and not the other. It''s supposed to be a happy time! Not a contest.

J really wants his best friend to be his best man, so I''ll either have no one or (if we get married in the states) my sister-in-law--who I barely know but who is family and is a neutral party.

In your position, I''d keep your MOH no matter what your FI decides to do. Obviously you want her up there with you, so let her be there! Maybe mention to her that she might be standing up there alone, and make sure she''s ok with it, though? Might be a bit awkward for her if she''s at all self-conscious.

 

[Haven]

I don''t think you have to dismiss your BF from the bridal party, especially since it sounds like it''s so important to you that she stands up.

I don''t think there needs to be any type of balance on both sides. We''re getting married in something like 38 days and I don''t even know how many groomsmen my FI ended up with, but I know it''s more than the number of bridesmaids I''m having. In fact, my best friend had four ladies in her bridal party and her husband had 11 men--11! There was no balance at all, and it was just fine.

I''m sorry your FI''s father won''t be at the wedding. My FI''s mom passed away and I think the fact that she won''t be there has been weighing heavily on his heart.

 

[Cleopatra]

Wouldn''t it be a lovely gesture to have your FI''s father as the Honorary Best Man - even though he sadly couldn''t be there for his son...

 

[MaggieB]

What a great suggestion, Cleopatra.

 

[doodle]

balance schmalance. the only balance that matters is that there is a bride and a groom!

 

[Vote4PedroToo]

I pretty much agree with all of the replies. I think the balance thing is sort of outdated. We both are not having anyone with us. I have too many sister''s and a few really good friends. Our wedding is really small and I think it would be a little obnoxious to have so many attendants. Lately I have been concerned with "who will hold my boquet during the vows"

I think that the bride really does on some level ~need~ a MOH for for practicality (more than men need a BM). Keep her for sure. But as far as your fiance goes, this isn''t a battle I would choose to fight. There is a good chance that he would be all over having his father as BM, and by pushing it, you could hurt him unintentionally.

 

[Independent Gal]

I really don''t think ''balance'' matters. I mean, seriously, who ever notices that? No reason he has to pick a best man. You just go ahead with your MOH. No probs.

 

[sumbride]

Definitely keep her whether he has a Best Man or not. You will need someone physically there just to hold your bouquet! But beyond that, there is no reason you shouldn''t have somebody beside you just because he doesn''t. It will be fine!

 

[musey]

Oh my goodness, no! You do not have to dismiss your MOH!

Who the heck cares about symmetry, anyway? Especially at the expense of something as important as your wedding. We went from having one maid of honor and NO groomsmen (because FI didn't want to choose between his two guy friends) to having one maid of honor and TWO groomsmen. Either option would've been fine, but I'm glad he decided to include his guys, it'll make it more fun for him. It doesn't mean I have to go out and pick someone else to be a bridesmaid just because he has "more" than I do.

 

[Pandora II]

FI has 5 Best Men.

Each is his best friend from a different part of his life.

They have split the best man''s role between them - one organised the stag do, another is doing the speech, another is organising the London post-wedding party etc

With the rings they are all standing up with FI and are going to pass them along to him so all of them get to do that bit!

I really don''t think you need to worry about even sides at all - after all, it''s a wedding not a Broadway musical!

 

[iwannaprettyone]

Thanks all! Y''all are the greatest.

 

[Haven]

Date: 5/29/2008 11:43:36 AM
Author: doodle
balance schmalance. the only balance that matters is that there is a bride and a groom!

You are SO right, doodle!