Finding her way...

[Mayk]

Hopefully this isn't breaking any forum rules... Many of you have provided feedback to me as I helped my daughter with bullying this year. One of the things I have been after her to do is spend more time on her art. She's an undeveloped talent but someone that is showing potential. She finally started a page with "some" of her sketches.. not many.. and she draws on all kinds of things and then tosses them aside. She finally, this year started to paint a few things.. I'm very proud... and I want to encorage her but of couse when I say something positive.. it's because I'm her MOM... you know.. "OH Mom.. you are supposed to say that". So I thought I would share her page from Facebook. If you are on FB you will see it's very new but I'm hoping if she gets more likes she will start to put more art up. I tried to take some shots of some she has tucked away and she wouldn't let me... so just the ones she has done recently. I'm so happy to see her start to spend more time doing this... her mother is a total "right brain".... not sure where she gets it but she's is a total "left brain". She can spend all day in an Art Museum, even at 14, and loves music. (I like museums too.. but she was 12 we did every museum in NY on a family trip and she walked her self to death to keep up...and didn't want to quit until we had seen them all) While I loved the Museum of Natural History, MOMA was her favorite.

**edited by moderator, per our forum policies**

 

[minousbijoux]

Thanks for sharing. I certainly hope she realizes quickly the talent she possesses and grows more and more confident about herself with each passing day.

 

[justginger]

How in the WORLD has that beautiful girl been bullied?! My goodness, she radiates the ever-desired 'je ne sais quoi.' Give her a few years and she'll have the world at her feet, mark my words!

 

[Mayk]

How in the WORLD has that beautiful girl been bullied?! My goodness, she radiates the ever-desired 'je ne sais quoi.' Give her a few years and she'll have the world at her feet, mark my words!

Thank you Ginger... it's sad they have taken all her confidence.. as you can see most of the likes on her page are my friends... I'm excited for her to be changing schools next year. I have found a small private school I think is going to work out. She still has to be tested, etc. but it's looking good. She is a sweet girl..

 

[justginger]

How in the WORLD has that beautiful girl been bullied?! My goodness, she radiates the ever-desired 'je ne sais quoi.' Give her a few years and she'll have the world at her feet, mark my words!

Thank you Ginger... it's sad they have taken all her confidence.. as you can see most of the likes on her page are my friends... I'm excited for her to be changing schools next year. I have found a small private school I think is going to work out. She still has to be tested, etc. but it's looking good. She is a sweet girl..

Poor girl - teenage years can be so, so difficult. A change of schools sounds like a very good idea. Maybe try getting her a super special, nice new outfit for the first day (if they don't have uniforms). It's amazing how an expensive pair of shoes or purse can win over a whole gaggle of prospective new girlfriends when you're a teenager. It sounds shallow -- but they ARE shallow. Sometimes you just have to play down at their level.

If you ever want to send her to Australia to get away from it all, you know where to ship her!

 

[Mayk]

How in the WORLD has that beautiful girl been bullied?! My goodness, she radiates the ever-desired 'je ne sais quoi.' Give her a few years and she'll have the world at her feet, mark my words!

Thank you Ginger... it's sad they have taken all her confidence.. as you can see most of the likes on her page are my friends... I'm excited for her to be changing schools next year. I have found a small private school I think is going to work out. She still has to be tested, etc. but it's looking good. She is a sweet girl..

Poor girl - teenage years can be so, so difficult. A change of schools sounds like a very good idea. Maybe try getting her a super special, nice new outfit for the first day (if they don't have uniforms). It's amazing how an expensive pair of shoes or purse can win over a whole gaggle of prospective new girlfriends when you're a teenager. It sounds shallow -- but they ARE shallow. Sometimes you just have to play down at their level.

If you ever want to send her to Australia to get away from it all, you know where to ship her!

Thank you! She would be in Heaven with all your foster furry kids!

 

[Aoife]

Thanks for sharing that, Mayk. Your daughter is a lovely young woman, and clearly has a lot of talent. I hope being in a new school, with new opportunities to find her "place" gives her room to blossom. I raised two daughters, and the internal politics and emotional warfare of teenage groups of girls is brutal.

You may remember that our younger daughter spent a good part of junior high and high school in a scoliosis brace, which is plenty isolating all on its own. Aside from the art, does your DD have any other interests that might help her ease into a group of like-minded kids? For our DD's, dance, drama, and show choir provided them with activities that tested and built self-esteem. It also put them in the middle of a group of young people who were all a little different themselves, and who had a fair amount of tolerance for differences in others. Does anything like that interest her?

My heart really goes out to her (and you!).

 

[rubybeth]

Aww, she really does have talent! I have 'liked' the page. I, too, had a rough time in junior high/high school until I switched schools. Switching really made a huge difference, I made a lot of friends really quickly and they accepted me completely. I got to take some fun elective classes, and even met my future husband. I feel bad for those people who 'peaked' in high school, life in college and grad school and beyond are so much better than being stuck in school for 8 hours a day with people who have nothing better to do than be mean.

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

She is such a pretty girl and it's a horrible shame that she's having to deal with bullies! Don't worry, things WILL get better! I know it seems bleak now (at times), but it will make her stronger and she will grow up into an amazing woman because of it.

PS Love Jack Skellington!

 

[Mayk]

Aiofe.. thank you. I do remember about your daughter and how much help you were when we went into the brace. She's been wearing it almost a year. I do believe wearing the brace has added to her declining level of confidence and has added to some of the taunting she has received this year. Also, with the scoliosis she is still very small in stature at 4'11" (11" and a half really straight and at attention ) and is likely done growing. We will find out in April if the curve has advanced.. if not (praying) she is probably out of the woods..and out of the brace as of October '13, if it has moved at all... we will be in surgery and rehab this summer. I know these are some of her tougher days and these are the experiences in life that ultimately will make her a strong, independent young woman. This year has certainly been her toughest. She is ready for a change.

She was in dance but the teacher this year was a guy and she just didn't connect with him. She ask me to take her out. She is taking piano and some voice lessons which is her first love above her art. The art though is where I think she has the higest potential. With no formal training at all she has skills.. not sure I know much because I can't draw a stick person and have it look good; but I have a friend who is a professor at a big art school here in the south (she does graphic design) and she thought DH had potential. I think I may have talked her into posting a few more pictures. We took out the ones I have hidden last night and went through them but she could change her mind today. (She tosses them if I don't find them and save them.... )

Thank you Rubybeth and Stacey!!!!

 

[GemFever]

When I clicked on her page, my first reaction was to smile when i saw her face. There is something so sweet about her! Certainly I don't smile every time I see someone's photo on FB. She really has a sparkle in her eye. I would have never guessed that she is bullied by looking at the photo of her. Great to hear she is switching schools, i think that will help her grow out of the bullied phase quickly.

My little brother was bullied at one of the middle schools he went to. Then we moved, he went to a new school, and completely blossomed into a socialite. The transformation was unbelievable. Of course that came with a whole new set of problems for my parents. Once he got a million friends and felt free and confident, he would do daredevil things like sneak out at night to go hang out with friends... Luckily he was a good kid and mostly in good company, so he's fine now. But poor parents. So many different things to worry about!

In terms of art, my favorite piece is the ocean with the clouds. Amazing. She should post waaay more stuff

 

[yennyfire]

Like you, I can barely draw stick figures, so I am no judge of artistic talent. I can only comment about what pulls at me and what doesn't. I'm impressed by the range of things she draws. Some artists only seem to be able to do Impressionistic pieces or Jackson Pollack inspired motifs, but she has quite the range, especially for someone so young with no formal training!

She's absolutely beautiful! I hope that the new school brings about the change she needs to gain confidence in herself and her talent! She may be small, but she looks like a fighter and people who fight for what they want generally succeed!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Aww, that is soooo sweet!!! I, too, have an artist, and it is great to encourage them! Art is a wonderful hobby! She is doing well!

The creative types and artists are the right-brained ones. The more organized types who are stronger in verbal areas, logical, etc. are more left-brained.

My daughter (who is adopted) is strongly right brained and I am pretty strongly left brained. I think there are probably a lot of primary left brained people on PS because we research things to death!!!

 

[Mayk]

Aww, that is soooo sweet!!! I, too, have an artist, and it is great to encourage them! Art is a wonderful hobby! She is doing well!

The creative types and artists are the right-brained ones. The more organized types who are stronger in verbal areas, logical, etc. are more left-brained.

My daughter (who is adopted) is strongly right brained and I am pretty strongly left brained. I think there are probably a lot of primary left brained people on PS because we research things to death!!!

Ahhhh I always get that backwards! .

 

[woofmama]

Merisa is beautiful young lady! She really does have a natural talent for art. Having her own FB page to show her work will be very good for her I think. All kids want to have a chance to shine, regardless where their personal talents lie, so this seems like a perfect idea I hope she finds her new school to be a wonderful place. I liked her page and will check in to see her work often.

 

[Ella]

Hello ladies,

We wanted to keep the kind sentiments enjoyed on this thread for the OP's daughter but have removed the link per our policies on posting personal facebook information. Especially for children please remember that not everyone has such good intentions as most PSers and it's a best practice to not share their information online.

Thank you for understanding.

 

[JaneSmith]

Thank you Ella.

Mayk, I'm so glad to hear that your daughter is finding some happiness with her art. Maybe you could post a picture of her work on this thread if she agrees. I'd love to see it.
You say that she is changing schools? Did things continue with that awful girl?
I'm hoping for the best with the upcoming xrays, fingers crossed for no more spinal curve.

 

[Mayk]

Hello ladies,

We wanted to keep the kind sentiments enjoyed on this thread for the OP's daughter but have removed the link per our policies on posting personal facebook information. Especially for children please remember that not everyone has such good intentions as most PSers and it's a best practice to not share their information online.

Thank you for understanding.

Sorry Ella...

Jane I will try and post a few of her pictures. She is starting to let me take pictures of them now. She actually posted on of my favorites yesterday. It's a charcoal drawing.. that the art teacher entered in a school contest. It's hard to tell how cool it is in a picture. She actually received honorable mention.

The bullying reached a fever pitch about two weeks ago when three girls ganged up on her (not good girls and two with repeated school suspensions). The dean was trying to help but in the end had me file a report with the School Board naming the girls. I actually had a mother call me and tell me I needed to let the girls work it out. (her daughter wasn't even named). She then threatened to go to the school to report my daughter and myself. Not sure what for, since I've been out of school for a very long time and my daughter has never been in trouble. The nice thing was one parent and the dean both told her she needed to butt out she had no idea about what was going on. The next week no one talked to DD and then this week two girls (non-popular girls) have gravitated to my daughter. So maybe just maybe I've put an end to it at least for this year. I told her she could not go on the 8th grade trip. I'm not having her at a theme park without supervision constantly for fear the bullies will find her. We agreed to do something special that day and I'll take a day of vacation to hang out with her. We are going to get through this.. with the help of our friends and just bonding together.

 

[Enerchi]

You are such a FANTASTIC mom, MayK!!! I really admire the love and devotion you have for your DD and how strong you are being on her behalf.

Every child deserves a safe educational experience. I hope this IS the end of that horrendous bullying for your beautiful girl. Karma will eventually get those bullies... one way or another....it may not be how you would like it to happen but it will... life is like that. What goes around, comes around.

In the mean time, I hope she continues to develop her artistic talents - she's VERY gifted!!! I cruised her FB site and she has quite the talent!!! Go Merisa!!!!

 

[Aoife]

I told her she could not go on the 8th grade trip. I'm not having her at a theme park without supervision constantly for fear the bullies will find her. We agreed to do something special that day and I'll take a day of vacation to hang out with her. We are going to get through this.. with the help of our friends and just bonding together.

You're a smart mama, Mayk.

I'm really sorry to hear that the bullying has continued, but I'm hoping that the two girls who gravitated in her direction stick around. There's both comfort and protection in being part of a group. Since she has musical talent, too, it might be worthwhile to find out if her new school has any kind of choral music programme, especially since you say that is her first love. Art is great, and she clearly has a lot of talent, but it's essentially solitary. And she probably already feels pretty solitary, I'm guessing.

Yes, the combination of the scoliosis + the brace really does a number on self-esteem at an especially vulnerable age. Our DD still talks about that sometimes, and she is someone who has always been a dancer and an athlete with a real sense of mastery over her body. It may have helped a bit, and certainly helped her regain muscle tone after she stopped wearing the brace, but it still shaped how she felt about her body at a very young age. It's a tough thing to go through.

Hugs to you and to your DD.