shape
carat
color
clarity

Finale of a Previous Thread & Relationship

JewelFreak

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 3, 2009
Messages
7,768
NOT romantic-type! Remember the next-door neighbor saga of protracted dog care & avoidable medical emergencies & much etc.? For 10 years, in case you don't recall, we have walked, pottied, & fed our neighbor's 2 Siberians at his beck & call. At first i was glad to help -- it's what you do for neighbors or friends who need help.

Soon it became a regularity. He DJ's the occasional party -- would call us at 8 pm & say he was on a job till 2 am, would we take his dogs out. He knew I'd never let dogs be miserable & by giving us no chance to say no before he left, knew we'd do it. I said no once when we were going out ourselves & I was not walking his dogs in my good clothes & shoes at midnight in BM Flats (he never cleans the poo in his backyard). "You can change!" he advised. He is in the hospital constantly -- mostly for diabetic emergencies after he bulks up on donuts & ice cream. We have cared for his dogs for a week at a time in these cases, frequently. It became 7 or 8 times a month, at least a day or 2, for years. In all weathers, at all times of day.

When he had surgery a few yrs ago & boarded them at my insistance, he came home & couldn't live without his dogs NOW, couldn'tlivewithouthisdogs couldn'tlivewithouthisdogs, so DH & I drove 40 minutes each way to pick them up at the kennel. It took me a week to get all the fur from the poor un-groomed critters out of my car. We walked them for days while he recuperated. This is typical.

A year ago I spent an hour researching dog walkers & gave him a list of reliable ones. Told him he cannot rely on the availability or kindness of others for his dogs' safety. He never did anything. Things continued as before.

Last Sunday I find a voicemail from his mother -- this guy is in his 50s, divorced, lives alone -- that he fell off his motorcycle & hurt his foot, is at the hospital & doesn't know if he'll be able to come home for a few days. Will we take care of his dogs? So we went over there twice Sunday night & were glad to see him arrive later. Next morning he calls me from his own living room -- his foot hurts, will I walk his dogs right now? After ten years of helping this baby out, I was fed up. I'd warned him often that it was getting to be too much.

I said, "No." "NO???" he yelped in disbelief. Then shouted, "YOU DON'T HAVE FIVE MINUTES TO COME OVER AND DO THIS?" "No," I answered, "I'm stuck here & busy all day." "Well, I see where we stand now, Laurie!" he growled, and hung up on me. Half an hour later I'm out back with my dog & see him at the corner where our fences meet. We have split-rail fencing lined w/chicken wire; across a 2-ft gap from our fence to his, the previous owners of our house stretched wire & attached it to his pole. Mr. Neighbor was frantically cutting it off with tree loppers. "You can't have YOUR fencing on MY pole anymore!" he yelled at me. "And trim your g**d**n bush! It hangs over MY property!" Me in a purposely normal calm voice: "Hey, I tried to tell...." got no further. "F*** YOU!" He screamed at the top of his lungs. Then screamed other obscenities I won't even hint at here. I shrugged & went inside. Haven't seen him since.

There is more to the story but it's boring & this is too long. Here's a lesson -- when I put this up before, some people attributed all kinds of psychological bad motives to my venting. Keep in mind, you never know the whole thing & you do not know the OP in person. Give whoever it is a break.

I never once asked for any favors in return. Helped him because he needed help, for no other reason (except the dogs' comfort, really). This guy is not completely sane. Everyone he ever ran across "betrayed" him. His parents -- who have supported him financially 100% for years -- are "mean" & "vicious" to him, blah blah.

I am not upset. Mostly having a laugh at how silly he is & relieved to no longer being taken advantage of and for granted. Sorry this is such a looong book! Vent over.

--- Laurie
 
A good Reminder....

_19570.jpg
 
Oh GAWD. What a nightmare! Good for you for finally setting boundaries.
 
Good for you! He's an adult, he needs to act like one. He's been babied all his life, and he took unfair advantage of you. I know you felt for the dogs, but you didn't decide to buy/adopt them, he did. He sounds like a total jerk, IMHO.

As for other posters attacking you, this seems to be the MO of some posters lately. I've noticed that they either like controversy or refuse to just be helpful and/or supportive. When I see it, I feel sorry for the people around these posters, in their real lives. I can't recall the particulars of who and when, but it seems to be a weird trend lately, I've noticed it over many threads. Guess they can't think of anything useful to add, so just attack the OP. I've decided to just start the most innocuous threads because of this mentality. I'm sure I'll be the next victim just for basically saying "people could be a little nicer". :rolleyes:
 
Mayk|1403879365|3702056 said:
A good Reminder....

Completely unrelated to this thread, but that was something I so very much needed to see, Mayk. Thank you for posting.

Laurie, I'm glad you finally put your foot down and said "enough." :appl:
 
I am glad your out of that pickle. I don't know how you lasted so long! what a saint.
I just feel bad for his pooches though, they are stuck with him.
 
Laurie,

I vaguely remember this thread, I'm not sure if I ever commented...

But I'm sorry for the situation with your neighbor and for whatever may have happened in the thread :(sad

My first thought when reading through your post was "you are way too nice" - but then I immediately realized that probably the only time *I* would be that nice to another person is if it involved animals. Says a lot about me, and not so good probably, but it's the truth.

I hope this guy does whatever it is he needs to do to make sure his dogs are walked, groomed, and content - and glad it no longer has to impose so much on you.

ETA: love that quote, Mayk.
 
Good for you!!
I see an intervention in his future. If he can't care for his pets, or provide for their care, he shouldn't have them. And it goes without saying that they guy is unfit for human interaction. He sounds a little unstable. I would consider sending a letter documenting all of his reliance on you, his inconsiderate last-minuteness, his absence of gratitude, and his behavior toward you. Cant say I would send it, but I would document it, and also consider making a police report; it wont do anything, but if you dont do it now then later if he does something stupid and you contact police it will be the first they are hearing of it, and they will treat it as such.
 
Good quote, Mayk. Very true. I let myself be jerked around because of the dogs. It's not their fault their owner is a schmuck & I hated to see them uncomfortable. In the end iLander is right -- they are his dogs, not mine & his responsibility. They're happy enough; he isn't mean to them, just wants others to do the jobs he should be doing.

iLander said:
I'm sure I'll be the next victim just for basically saying "people could be a little nicer".
I'll biff anybody who goes for you, iLander, because I've noticed it too. I think some of it is the positiveness of youth's inexperience, when you know everything.

Thank you, CJ, Elliott, ckrickett, vc10um & VL. Big sigh of relief to be "enemies" with this guy -- being friends didn't go too well. ;)

--- Laurie

P.S. Crossed posts with you, VL. Frankly, I think he's too lazy to do anything to us. He'll just ignore us & think how distressed we must be. Yes, he is unstable & more than that, dumb as a rock. The stuff he's messed up in his life is an amazement to us. Cutting the fence was the most imaginative thing he could come up with for revenge. But I will keep on guard a bit just in case; you never know for sure about anyone.
 
VapidLapid|1403882561|3702107 said:
Good for you!!
I see an intervention in his future. If he can't care for his pets, or provide for their care, he shouldn't have them. And it goes without saying that they guy is unfit for human interaction. He sounds a little unstable. I would consider sending a letter documenting all of his reliance on you, his inconsiderate last-minuteness, his absence of gratitude, and his behavior toward you. Cant say I would send it, but I would document it, and also consider making a police report; it wont do anything, but if you dont do it now then later if he does something stupid and you contact police it will be the first they are hearing of it, and they will treat it as such.

This is excellent advice.

I'm sure this won't be the last you'll hear from or have to deal with something relating to this neighbor.
 
Wow, what an ass! I'm happy for you that you are feeling relief with the end of this situation. With this guy there was clearly no way to maintain a civil relationship without being taken advantage of. I remember the thread where you vented about him and where some disagreed with your actions. But many here did agree with you and Karl K in particular put it best when he said that by involving you in all his problems your neighbor basically turned you into a de facto family member - so you had every right to behave/react the way you did. Be prepared for this latest scene to be, in your neighbor's mind, just another "family fight" - don't be surprised if in the future he tries to find some way to involve you in his life again.

OK, since you are posting updates - whatever happened to your adorable backyard fawn? (I'm hoping the fox stayed away!)
 
Good riddance I'd say.

DK :))
 
I'm sorry things worked out the way it did, JF, but at least now you won't need to deal with your neighbor or his dog(s?) anymore.
 
Maria D|1403897517|3702276 said:
Wow, what an a$$! I'm happy for you that you are feeling relief with the end of this situation. With this guy there was clearly no way to maintain a civil relationship without being taken advantage of. I remember the thread where you vented about him and where some disagreed with your actions. But many here did agree with you and Karl K in particular put it best when he said that by involving you in all his problems your neighbor basically turned you into a de facto family member - so you had every right to behave/react the way you did. Be prepared for this latest scene to be, in your neighbor's mind, just another "family fight" - don't be surprised if in the future he tries to find some way to involve you in his life again.

OK, since you are posting updates - whatever happened to your adorable backyard fawn? (I'm hoping the fox stayed away!)

Maria, thank you. I forgot Karl said that -- he was right. I felt like his sister. Endless stories of the women he met online who, after 1 date, didn't want to see him again. (Ya think? :lol: ) "Women are only looking for rich guys, boo hoo." Naw, they get bored with an evening listening to bitching! Advice on getting over grief when his father died. Hearing his financial troubles -- all his own fault. I like people -- interested in most & I'm patient -- but not a pushover, except for animals. Which is why I kept letting him take advantage of DH & me -- for his dogs' sake. Some of his medical stuff was very serious; he almost died a couple of times & those are occasions when you help out. The rest of the time I thought of the dogs & allowed myself to be manipulated. I hope now that he is forced to, he'll get a dog-carer when he's got problems. I won't be helping, at any rate.

--- Laurie

P.S. Fawn update coming up.
 
Mayk|1403879365|3702056 said:
A good Reminder....


EXCELLENT!
So True!

_19589.jpg
 
Whew! That is unreal!!! I am SO glad you finally told him NO! His reaction certainly shows he has some kind of mental problem for sure.

You were a good neighbor and caring dog sitter. But this did need to come to an end. I am glad for you and just hope he doesn't bother you anymore!
 
I can understand why this happened because you like animals and wanted to see them cared for. You have a good heart! But...

I learned the hard way about the pitfalls of helping people and doing favors (with the exception of very close friends who mutually help each other at times)

The person you help invariably develops resentments while demanding more and more. It often turns into a situation where they feel entitled and you get abused. Your story sounds very familiar to me as I have had experiences with some similarities. It's the classic tale of "Biting the hand the feeds you."

Because of those hard experiences, I no longer will "help" people. Instead, I give to some favorite local charities.
 
I didn't see the other thread, but in reading this one, I'm glad you were able to set healthy boundaries for yourself.

It's never ok for someone to take advantage of your kindness.
 
aljdewey|1403911833|3702444 said:
I didn't see the other thread, but in reading this one, I'm glad you were able to set healthy boundaries for yourself.

It's never ok for someone to take advantage of your kindness.

+1. What an awful person. I hate it when people take on pets and then decide they are unwilling to care for them. It is really, really awful. Poor pups; but, good for you for setting boundaries. I'm sure the pups appreciated you a lot as well.
 
Wow - he is unbelievable! It is really amazing how some people can feel so entitled. Unfortunately, I'm sure your kindness just enabled him to ask for more and more. Good for you to saying no more. You were a real dear to those dogs - too bad he won't do the honorable thing and find them a good home because he's not willing or available to be a good owner.

I'm glad that you are able to smile about it - beats about anything else you can do!
 
Good for you for putting your foot down with this awful neighbor Laurie! You were very kind to help him out over the years but enough is enough. He sounds irrational and really nasty; I would keep my distance.
 
I am glad you learned to stop letting others take advantage of you.

I enjoy helping other people. I quickly detect the takers and leave them behind.

Have a great day,

Perry
 
Ugh, what horrible behavior on his part. I am so sorry you had someone like this as your neighbor take advantage of your sweet and kind nature Laurie. There's a saying which inevitably and sadly turns out to be true so much of the time. No good deed goes unpunished. Sad that it is so often true. And it is often difficult to tell the difference b/w those we should help and those who we should stay far away from. But time will always tell.

I am glad you set the boundaries though I know it goes against your very good nature to do so and I am sorry you had to deal with someone so unpleasant as this for so long. Big (((hugs))) to you.
 
Ugh. Rough situation for sure. I love that pic above, and it is so true - ppl will continue to take advantage of you until you set limits, so I'm VERY GLAD that you did that!! I'm glad that you finally said No to him - but very sad that its now tanked and the guy is turning on you and showing you his true colours. What a PR#(K. :angryfire: :angryfire: :angryfire:

Nothing you can do about how HE behaves, but you can completely rise above it and ignore him. Let him go all ape-$h!t on you - ppl who know you and the truth, will see he's just digging himself into a moronic hole!!

Stay strong Laurie, you are a FAR FAR better person than this jerk is.
 
Thank you for the understanding, everyone. I still feel light as air at having this slob out of my hair. Also can't stop giggling at what a silly little zero he is.

The sayings about limits are good, but I am not, nor have ever been, a pushover. Every time, I thought of the dogs' welfare, not their owner's. We picked up his dogs at the kennel early on, before I realized what a sponger he is. And refused to do it again. When he had scheduled surgery & plenty of time to make arrangements, but instead called me from the hospital after it was too late, I lectured the crap out of him. I told him we would do his dogs for 24 hours & if he's in longer, he had a phone to reach someone else. I kept to it & he figured out something.

But when an ambulance is in his driveway & he calls me to come over & help w/the dogs while they, ahem, save his life, it's hard to say no -- that happened a few times. I'd still do that, I suppose. Would not accept responsibility for the whole time in hospital any more. His medical emergencies are real & dangerous, even if he could avoid some by more self-discipline. All the other times made me draw the line -- the old give an inch, take a mile syndrome -- when he clearly thought we would always be around to save him the trouble & money of hiring anyone. Not.

I was surprised but not shocked by the rage that erupted. Amused & saddened too -- it is so pointless to live with so much hate, which has NO effect on the target but eats up the hater. Like taking poison yourself & expecting the other guy to die, as they say. What a waste of a life, eh?

--- Laurie
 
Laurie, I hear you. I would have done the same exact thing because of concern for the dogs welfare. You did the right thing the whole way through IMO. I would have expected no less. But he left you with no choice in the end. I'm glad you feel that heavy weight lifted. He's going to be stuck as the miserable hateful person that he is and nothing you can do to change him. You did all you could for his dogs and now hopefully they will be OK but they are not your responsibility.
 
Glad it's over. People are crazy!
 
GET 3 FREE HCA RESULTS JOIN THE FORUM. ASK FOR HELP
Top