FIL has offensive BO. help me!

[charbie]

I seriously don''t know what to do. My FIL is in town helping my husband renovate our bathroom. However, he has a serious odor problem. Its so bad I can''t be in the same room right now. And to top it off, the shower is out of commission tonight! (glad I have my gym membership so I could shower there!)
I''ve noticed his scent before, but usually we aren''t in close quarters. I asked my husband if he could say something, but he just became upset with me for bringing it up. DH knows it is an issue, but doesn''t want to make a big deal of anything, ever. He didn''t even want to say anything when FIL said he was just going to sleep on the couch while he was here...umm, hello??? We have 2 spare rooms! And I was not allowing my couch to get ruined by him at night!

Is there anything I can do, or do I just have to try and handle it?

 

[swimmer]

oh wow....that is just a rough situation. I have to have that convo with teenage boy students all the time, but your FIL? yikes! Good luck and breathe through your mouth only.

 

[jewelz617]

Your husband can''t say something like "Dang, Dad are you out of deodorant?!"

My husband says stuff like that all the time to his father. It''s lighthearted and they tease each other all the time but it drops subtle hints. Once my husband sneakers smelled so horrible my FIL left a bunch of Odor Eaters coupons on his bed!

If it''s a touchy subject, just learn to live with it. If you can''t, you could always find an occasion to present him with a nice grooming gift basket?

 

[charbie]

I just want to know how he has made it this long without someone saying something! Or maybe he just doesn''t care.

I wish DH would say something, even as a joke, but DH is very very different around his dad. DH hasn''t always had a great relationship with his dad. His dad is a very unique man, very quircky and just not very typical. Its sad, but DH is often embarrassed by his father and the juvenile things he does. Part of me right now is wondering if he doesn''t wear deoderant bc it could cause another "migraine"...which is the reason FIL has never held a steady job, but never was put on disability for it either.

 

[Indylady]

I would Febreeze the house and add candles as a subtle hint; he might/should notice that you''re smell sensitive and try a little harder. If anything, at least you''ll have a distraction from his scent!

 

[MissMina]

My FIL is the same. He would work on our house, shower then put his smelly clothes back on. He is kind of an old hippie/mountain man and coincidentally has never held a steady job in the 35 years I have known him. Neither of us ever confronted him feeling it would be futile. My MIL passed away a few years ago and interestingly enough he was able to marry an attractive well educated, financially comfortable lady within a few months.

 

[purrfectpear]

Personally I wouldn''t say a darn thing. The man is helping your husband remodel your home. Suck it up and live with it. Stay out of the room. Spray Febreeze after he leaves and know that nothing on his body is going to permanently damage your couch.

There is no way I would offend someone who was doing me a favor. If I had to sit in a closed car next to him for a two week vacation, maybe

 

[monarch64]

Date: 1/21/2010 10:04:18 PM
Author: purrfectpear
Personally I wouldn''t say a darn thing. The man is helping your husband remodel your home. Suck it up and live with it. Stay out of the room. Spray Febreeze after he leaves and know that nothing on his body is going to permanently damage your couch.

There is no way I would offend someone who was doing me a favor. If I had to sit in a closed car next to him for a two week vacation, maybe

Nah, after a few hours I bet your nose would be desensitized.

Charbie, this is a really tough situation, I feel bad for you. But if there is any way you can avoid offending your FIL I think you shouldn''t say anything. He IS doing you a favor, and your DH would be upset with you. I think you have to take one for the team in this case. I''m sorry. Do you have lots of errands to run while he''s staying with you, reasons to get out of the house? Try not to let this cause tension between you and your DH...renovations are trying enough so hopefully you can help each other get through this, however much it sucks.

 

[elle_chris]

I worked with someone who had BO. A co-worker mentioned it to her (in the nicest way you can I guess) and it turns out she was allergic to deodorant. It was horribly embarrassing for both of them. You just never know why someone has it.

I''d suck it up.

 

[upgrade]

Date: 1/21/2010 10:04:18 PM
Author: purrfectpear
Personally I wouldn''t say a darn thing. The man is helping your husband remodel your home. Suck it up and live with it. Stay out of the room. Spray Febreeze after he leaves and know that nothing on his body is going to permanently damage your couch.

There is no way I would offend someone who was doing me a favor. If I had to sit in a closed car next to him for a two week vacation, maybe

I actually agree with this. I know it''s really hard to be around someone with an unpleasant odour, but it''s temporary and he''s helping you out so maybe just keep the windows open? I would worry about embarassing him or really hurting his feelings if you say anything... some people just have an unpleasant smell when they do physical work and all the deodorant in the world isn''t going to fix it.

Good luck to you! I don''t envy your situation.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 1/21/2010 9:03:12 PM
Author:charbie
I seriously don''t know what to do. My FIL is in town helping my husband renovate our bathroom. However, he has a serious odor problem. Its so bad I can''t be in the same room right now. And to top it off, the shower is out of commission tonight! (glad I have my gym membership so I could shower there!)
I''ve noticed his scent before, but usually we aren''t in close quarters. I asked my husband if he could say something, but he just became upset with me for bringing it up. DH knows it is an issue, but doesn''t want to make a big deal of anything, ever. He didn''t even want to say anything when FIL said he was just going to sleep on the couch while he was here...umm, hello??? We have 2 spare rooms! And I was not allowing my couch to get ruined by him at night!

Is there anything I can do, or do I just have to try and handle it?

sure, tell him to sleep in the garage.

 

[Lisa Loves Shiny]

These things can turn in to hurt feelings if you aren''t careful. I agree with the febreeze comment and I would have the couch cleaned if necessary. You can place a bit of Vick''s vapor rub under your nose to help with your gag reflex. But I would say nothing.

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 1/21/2010 9:09:54 PM
Author: PinkAsscher678
Your husband can''t say something like ''Dang, Dad are you out of deodorant?!''

My husband says stuff like that all the time to his father. It''s lighthearted and they tease each other all the time but it drops subtle hints. Once my husband sneakers smelled so horrible my FIL left a bunch of Odor Eaters coupons on his bed!

If it''s a touchy subject, just learn to live with it. If you can''t, you could always find an occasion to present him with a nice grooming gift basket?

LOL!!

 

[LilyKat]

Ideally, your husband should say something. But if that''s not possible, I''d just deal with it and not ask him to help with anything around the house again.

If you''re really brave, you could always say something light-heartedly, like, "Gosh, you smell sweaty! You must have worked really hard today. Go and have a shower and a rest, I insist" (with a smile).

 

[HVVS]

Try a dab of Vicks VapoRub or a favorite perfume under your nose to give you something else to smell, Charbie. I was going to suggest showing up wearing a cartridge respirator, but apparently some believe that to be a major breach of etiquette.

I think as some men age, they lose their sense of smell or it gets deadened in some ranges and hypersensitive in others. Longtime smokers (men, at least) can't seem to tell anymore when they stink.

 

[charbie]

thanks everyone for the responses! i appreciate at the very least i can vent somewhere about it. just as a sidenote- we are paying him for his services. he has been going through a rough patch with no work, so we gave him a very substantial gift card for groceries at christmas, and he is receiving a nice paycheck from us for this project.

PA- i''m glad they have that kind of relationship! i could do that w/ my parents, but i don''t know that it would work in theirs. DH doesn''t have that w/ his dad.

IL- my husband suggested the candles...that''s one thing i''m going to do. actually, the febreeze candles might eliminate the smell! yay!

Mina- lucky for your FIL he found a nice woman! i don''t even know if my FIL dates!

Pear- i''m not going to say anything- i couldn''t do it. and it isn''t really a favor since he''s out of work anyways and we are paying him

but i know what you mean. i just wish the scent wouldn''t freakin linger wherever he is!

monarch- congrats on your 10k posts! and yes, i''ve learned how stressful the renovation is! i cannot WAIT for our life to be NORMAL again. i had to pee outside last night, no joke. our water was shut down for the night, and my lovely FIL did some business in the downstairs bathroom. my gym membership is getting lots of use this week...i''m staying out of the house as much as possible!

elle- i''m trying!

upgrade- he''s one of those men that i don''t know if he gets embarrassed- honestly! he does his own thing and doesn''t seem to mind anyone else. its very unique. they have a "party in the park" where hundreds of people go downtown in the city he lives in, and he goes there to play frisbee with another guy...and takes off his shirt, runs all over the place, and was actually mentioned on the radio as "the shirtless guy at the park." haha! but i get what you mean- i''m going to suck it up. yesterday was just bad since it feels like NO progress is being made and i''m never going to have a bathroom again!

DF-

Lisa and HVVS- i''ve got some vaporub- its going under my nose the moment i get home today! thanks for the suggestion!

Lily- my DH said he''s going to need a LONG break from his dad after being with him in a tiny bathroom for the past week straight.

 

[laine]

Sorry if I'm missing something, but if your shower is out of commission, what exactly do you expect him to do? If you're all showering at the gym, I'd make it a point to invite him, but beyond that, I can't see how you expect him not to smell if he's working and can't shower. As for the couch, I'd just make it up with sheets (not your best ones) for him to sleep on and a pillow with pillowcase, and move all the regular pillows off, like you're doing him a favor.

ETA: We were posting at the same time. Good luck dealing with--I wish you a stuffy nose till FIL leaves (in the nicest way, I'd never wish sick on anyone).

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 1/22/2010 11:02:16 AM
Author: laine
Sorry if I''m missing something, but if your shower is out of commission, what exactly do you expect him to do? If you''re all showering at the gym, I''d make it a point to invite him, but beyond that, I can''t see how you expect him not to smell if he''s working and can''t shower. As for the couch, I''d just make it up with sheets (not your best ones) for him to sleep on and a pillow with pillowcase, and move all the regular pillows off, like you''re doing him a favor.

ETA: We were posting at the same time. Good luck dealing with--I wish you a stuffy nose till FIL leaves (in the nicest way, I''d never wish sick on anyone).

2nd putting sheets on the couch. That''s what I do whenever anyone sleeps over on our couch (especially since we don''t have a guest room).

Oh, and FWIW, oxyclean gets nearly every odor out of clothes/sheets, so it''ll remove the offending smell. Just wash the sheets in hot water w/an extra rinse cycle.

 

[IloveAsschers13]

I''m not sure if anyone mentioned this but is he foreign? I am not trying to offend anybody at all so please don''t think that, but just an example: my boyfriend was born in Russia and all of his grandparents and grand uncles etc DO NOT wear any form of deodorant or cologne...

I think it could be a stubborn older person thing or the reason above?

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 1/22/2010 12:22:08 PM
Author: IloveAsschers13
I''m not sure if anyone mentioned this but is he foreign? I am not trying to offend anybody at all so please don''t think that, but just an example: my boyfriend was born in Russia and all of his grandparents and grand uncles etc DO NOT wear any form of deodorant or cologne...

I think it could be a stubborn older person thing or the reason above?

Also, he could be afraid of the aluminum in deoterant. My friend refuses to wear it because of that. . .she uses baking soda instead and it works for her.

 

[charbie]

Date: 1/22/2010 11:02:16 AM
Author: laine
Sorry if I''m missing something, but if your shower is out of commission, what exactly do you expect him to do? If you''re all showering at the gym, I''d make it a point to invite him, but beyond that, I can''t see how you expect him not to smell if he''s working and can''t shower. As for the couch, I''d just make it up with sheets (not your best ones) for him to sleep on and a pillow with pillowcase, and move all the regular pillows off, like you''re doing him a favor.

ETA: We were posting at the same time. Good luck dealing with--I wish you a stuffy nose till FIL leaves (in the nicest way, I''d never wish sick on anyone).

The shower has only been out for 1 full day. He hadn''t showered before that, when the shower was working. And he hasn''t changed his clothing either. Trust me, I''d be much more understanding if it was just a 1 time thing, but he has this issue on a pretty constant basis. I was embarrassed to take his tux back after the wedding...it was kickin!

And i did put sheets down on the couch- he''s slept out there before. My husband did step in and say he''d prefer him to sleep in a bedroom, at the time we had just knocked out a wall and you could see straight into the bathroom from the hallway, so I was uncomfortable with the fact that he''d be sleeping just off that hallway in the family room. We''ve had plenty of people sleep on the couches before, and i do try to make it a bed.

 

[charbie]

Date: 1/22/2010 12:22:08 PM
Author: IloveAsschers13
I''m not sure if anyone mentioned this but is he foreign? I am not trying to offend anybody at all so please don''t think that, but just an example: my boyfriend was born in Russia and all of his grandparents and grand uncles etc DO NOT wear any form of deodorant or cologne...

I think it could be a stubborn older person thing or the reason above?

american as apple pie. i get what you mean about the scents tho...even when i lived in switzerland, man, those busses in the summer would be ripe!

 

[charbie]

Date: 1/22/2010 1:28:43 PM
Author: MC

Date: 1/22/2010 12:22:08 PM
Author: IloveAsschers13
I''m not sure if anyone mentioned this but is he foreign? I am not trying to offend anybody at all so please don''t think that, but just an example: my boyfriend was born in Russia and all of his grandparents and grand uncles etc DO NOT wear any form of deodorant or cologne...

I think it could be a stubborn older person thing or the reason above?

Also, he could be afraid of the aluminum in deoterant. My friend refuses to wear it because of that. . .she uses baking soda instead and it works for her.

I have a whole little "guest amenities" basket i put out when people stay over in the guest room. i''ve made it very user friendly, and even mentioned to him if he needs anything, please feel free to use whatever is in there!! i''ll have to add some baking soda for him