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Fielding questions at a wedding?

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princesss

Ideal_Rock
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Mar 18, 2007
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So I''m a long-time lurker but brand-new poster and I need some help.

My boyfriend and I are going to his cousin''s wedding this summer. We''re both 20 (will be 21 at the wedding) and while very in love, are waiting to make any big decisions. We have talked about it and want to be out of college, working, and making sure we can run our own lives (balance work, relationship, personal goals, and transitioning from school to the big bad real world) before we make any huge decision regarding our relationship. We''ve been together for 2 years, and it''s known through their family''s grapevine that we''re serious. (We even got our own invitation to the wedding, with both our names on it. I wasn''t even reduced to a "plus 1"!) Our typical "Psh, we''re 20!" reply to marriage questions won''t quite cut it, as his 22 year-old cousin is getting married to his college girlfriend in November.

So....what do I say? Marriage/engagement fever is starting to hit his family and I don''t know how to politely make that question go away. I don''t feel like going into complex answers since all we''ve ever told anybody is "We''re 20. Let''s see what happens after school," and I don''t feel like just because we''re at a wedding, we should have to give out more details.

Also....if anybody has a good tip about finding a reasonably priced formal dress (the invitation said "Black Tie Optional" which I assume means BF''s in a nice suit and I wear a formal dress) I''d appriciate it. I have until mid-summer, and plan on losing weight, but ideas of where to start looking would be appriciated.
 

neatfreak

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Feb 17, 2007
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14,167
If it were me I would just say "We''ll make that decision when we''re both ready". That should be polite but enough to make them quiet.
 

DMBsGirl

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Sep 29, 2006
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1,589
Ugh, I know how annoying this is. I''m 27 and bf is 26 and we have been together since we were 18 and 17. In 2006 alone we went to four weddings, not one went by where we didn''t get the "so when are YOU guys getting married?" question. It''s annoying and people should know better but they will ask anyway. I would keep the answer short and sweet, such as "when the time is right for both of us."
As far as formal dresses, I love shopping on bluefly.com.
 

bee*

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 14, 2006
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12,170
I hate that question too. I just usually say there''s no rush and we''ll do it when we do it.
 

cherry_vanilla

Rough_Rock
Joined
Nov 28, 2006
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76
Is there anyone who''s "closer to the chopping block" than you and your boyfriend in the family? If that''s the case, chances are pretty good you won''t be the target of the family inquisition. A few firm "We''ll do it when we do it, don''t worry, we''ll let you all know when it happens" would be the best option if there''s no one to deflect the rounds of 20 questions...

I''m lucky I have a number of older cousins who are in years long cohabition runs where the girl has been itching for a proposal for years so I''ve been completely under the radar even though it''s been 3 years with my boyfriend. I don''t envy having to come up with a prepared speech to shut up family
 

Fancy605

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jul 3, 2006
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1,446
I would just say, "as soon as we're ready."

As far as black tie optional...i dunno if that calls for an ultra formal gown. Maybe a short, semi-formal/cocktail dress would do. I feel like at most black tie optional weddings I've been to, the only people in long gowns were parents of the bride and groom and bridesmaids. Everyone else stuck to short and glitzy or maybe long, but simple. (But maybe that's just because of where I am located.)
 

the other Jake

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Nov 9, 2006
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423
Date: 3/18/2007 9:41:24 PM
Author:princesss
(We even got our own invitation to the wedding, with both our names on it. I wasn''t even reduced to a ''plus 1''!) Our typical ''Psh, we''re 20!'' reply to marriage questions won''t quite cut it, as his 22 year-old cousin is getting married to his college girlfriend in November.
I think the typical typical "Psh, we''re 20!" excuse is still pretty valid even though the bride and groom are only a few years older. But in better taste maybe you would want to change it to "we''re still young and focused on getting through school at the moment." People will respect that answer and shouldn''t pry any further. Kinda cool that you''re being recognized as part of the family- I guess they like you!
 

FireGoddess

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 25, 2005
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12,145
I''ve found good eveningwear on sale at Macy''s - wore one dress as a member of the bridal party! As for fielding questions, I''d just say something like, ''we''ll be sure to let you know whenever it does happen.''
 

Aloros

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
May 2, 2006
Messages
947
I would get that stuff all the time when my ex and I attended weddings. I just flat out told them "When we''re old enough" with a bit of a smile so they wouldn''t take it too harshly.

Why don''t people get that that question is just inherently awkward?
 

Kit

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Sep 7, 2005
Messages
501
My god, you''re so young! I feel like, We''re 20 and in college, is in fact the case! Why isn''t that an appropriate response? Just because some people get married that young doesn''t mean that therefore, you all are ready now.

How about, We have plenty of time. Or, We haven''t thought that far ahead yet. And to really blow them off, Well I just love weddings too, don''t you?
 

princesss

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 18, 2007
Messages
8,035
Thank you all for the advice. There are definitely a few people ahead of us in line, haha, so hopefully we can duck under their cover. I''ll definitely use some of these replies at the wedding if I have to. I love the "Oh, I just love weddings too!" And I agree, we''re definitely young, which is why I really dread that this question might come up.

Thank you so much!
 

emilina22

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Feb 9, 2007
Messages
1,464
that question def. comes up alot when it comes to my bf and me. im the same age as you are and hes 22 when ever the topic arises we tell people that not yet i still need to finish school (hes not in school hes a full time electrician) and we want to be sure were ready. honestly it pisses me off very much its no ones buisness why were taking the time, personally i didnt want a rushed relationship so were taking out time (weve been together 5 years) in the past 2 years weve been in i want to say 4 weddings and they were all family so now that all the cousins are married everyones assuming im next...talk about pressure huh?!....but just be honest with them theyre family and they should understand...if not you should make a sign and wear it around stating reasons why....it be a cute accesory...just jokin! once when we got asked we asked the person..."wait you didnt get your invitation in the mail? hmm must have gotten lost..." sorry for babbling....but yea i know what it feels like to be bugged by people over this topic....

about a dress did you consider seeing a seamstress...ive gotten plenty of dresses made that way cause the dress will always be orignial and fit like a glove! you should really look around and see if theres a seamstress in your area tehyre not too expensive...usually they have you buy the material and bring in a picture of what you want and then they work theyre magic!
 

aljdewey

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 25, 2002
Messages
9,144
Honestly, I''d probably respond "I think we''ll marry sometime between 40-50!"

While not true, of course, it says 1) we aren''t going to be ready for a long time, and 2) subtly says ''I don''t really want to seriously talk about this'' without saying it.

If someone presses, I''d look them in the eye and very nicely say "It''s sweet that you''re so interested, and I know it''s well-intentioned, but I''m enjoying living in the moment for right now. I''d really rather leave it at that."
 
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