FI not as excited as you are?

[alli_esq]

This is probably a stupid question, but who feels like YOU''RE the one who''s really psyched for the actual wedding celebration, and that your FI could take or leave it?

(ignore me--I''m in a funk today.)

 

[JSM]

Well, I feel neither of us is really psyched about it... but I''m still the one who has to make all the arrangements (eloping).

He still just gets to show up... lucky bas***d.

 

[Maisie]

When my DH and I got married I did most of the planning myself. His view was that he would be happy to just turn up on the day and ''what do I know about flowers anyway?''

Now we are planning our renewal he is really excited. He wants to be involved in every step. This came as a total surprise!

 

[jstarfireb]

My FI isn''t really excited, but he''s still willing to dictate a bunch of things I can and can''t do. Hmph.

He is really excited about the honeymoon though! And so am I.

 

[allycat0303]

Well I have to say that neither of us are that *into it*, but that''s because his father recently passed away. I would say he is very slightly into it, in the sense that he is having a bachelor party, and so far I''m not. But I think that minus that, it''s a tie who is more indifferent.

 

[redfaerythinker]

He''s excited, in the manly abstract it''s two years away sort of way. He''s very strange in fact. Like he''ll say he doesn''t care, just do what I want... then later he''ll say no no, don''t do that. And he''ll come up with this really super detailed idea of what we should do ... and I''m always like WHA? Why can you not share beforehand?


Overall, I''m the one that thinks about it everyday and envisions hundreds of scenarios. So yeah... I think i''m more excited... But I do think that men have trouble thinking in the abstract... they''re much more in the now. He''ll get excited, don''t worry!

 

[redfaerythinker]

and we''d never ignore you! Funky or not.

 

[mrscushion]

Well, I am slowly starting the planning process for a Fall 2010 DW and FI is not thrilled that I moved from looking at rings pretty much right into looking at wedding inspirations, with barely three weeks in between. He thought (and I might have told him, too -- of course I don''t remember that now

) that there would be a much longer break. He''s not that into it -- at least not yet.

 

[elrohwen]

He''s definitely excited for the actual day, but not at all excited about planning any part of it. Honestly, I''m not excited about planning any of it either! I could see his point if I talked about flowers and dresses all the time, but I''m just trying to figure out practical stuff here and he''s absolutely no help. It drives me nuts. There''s no reason he can''t be researching shuttle bus vendors or contacting a DJ or two. Those are totally dry practical things, but he drags his feet on it until I end up doing it.

So I feel your pain!

 

[Smurfysmiles]

we actually had a talk about this one day after i had a mini bridal breakdown because he wasnt helping. he then explained to me that he only plans on getting married once and wants me to plan everything exactly the way i want it and to have it just like i want it to be and he doesnt want to mess something up...maybe that is it too? although the other day he was talking about why cant we have bamboo centerpieces again? *sigh*

 

[merrymunky]

I think women are generally the ones who are the most excited about it to be honest.

My fiance IS excited about it but in a much more low key way than I am.

He said as long as he gets to choose his wedding band, outfit and deal with the honeymoon arrangements then I can get on with the rest. I go to him with my ideas, he says yay or nay and it''s sorted!

 

[iheartscience]

My fiance definitely doesn''t care about certain aspects, but then other things he''ll get really into. For example, today he''s been working on designing our wedding invitations for about 3 hours and is still going strong. He also designed the back of our Save The Dates. (They were postcards and the front was a photo.) So he likes/cares about some things, and everything else I get stuck with!

I actually don''t mind because I have very specific tastes, so even if he picked something out himself, I''d want to look at it and research it, too!

 

[dogmama]

I''m the opposite. My FI is more excited than I am. I''m so sick of planning that he''s the one who pushes me along. He''s been very involved since the beginning. He had *very* definite ideas of what he wanted and basically told me it was going to be *our* wedding. LOL.

I have a groomzilla.

He has picked out the venue!(got suckered by the free-roaming peacocks on premises), tuxes, colors! (he checked out Martha Stewart Weddings I sh*t you not), argued over centerpieces, honeymoon, bands, and has now thrown in Converse for the groomsmen and parasols for the bridesmaids. He also had a say in my wedding dress. He had a say in the invitations. So basically, we''re a joint partnership in this endeavor.

Sometimes it sucks because he''s realllly stubborn about certain ideas (like the table runner idea that wouldn''t die) but mostly its good because I know he''s on the ball about this stuff. Plus it''s always nice to know I''m not the only one with wedding on the brain.

 

[kittybean]

Date: 3/18/2009 5:11:36 PM
Author:alli_esq
[. . .] who feels like YOU''RE the one who''s really psyched for the actual wedding celebration, and that your FI could take or leave it?

I do! Except now I''m much less excited about it than I was, and he''s still not all that excited. We are very, very excited to be married and on our honeymoon, though!

As long as it''s just the wedding he''s not that excited about--and not the marriage--I would cut him some slack. If you need help, delegate things to him that he can realistically do. Sometimes I think men feel very superfluous in the process (that whole "just show up in a tux" mentality) and are unsure of what their role should be, or what an appropriate excitement level should be. I''m not making excuses for them, but sometimes it helps me to see where FI might be coming from when he''s frustrating me.

Hope you get out of your funk soon! (P.S. Did you get that Blackberry?)

 

[Smurfysmiles]

I found this off of a wedding blog, it''s great
_________________________________________________
Let''s face it, the wedding planning process is geared toward the female psyche. Why else would there be so much emphasis on the elements of colors, flowers, emotions, fashion and cake? (Okay, maybe the guys can embrace the cake idea, but forget the rest!)

If you''re one of those lucky gals whose fiancé wants to have input on everything from choosing linens to the height of the heel on your pump, then read no further. Give your honey his wedding to-do list and go get a manicure. If you''d like your Price Charming a little more involved, however, then try the following.

1. Ask yourself why you want your fiancé involved. Is it because you feel it demonstrates how much he loves you, or simply because the task overwhelms you and you want help? The answer to this question will determine how you will ask your fiancé to be involved. Is it important to you that he have input into which photographer you choose or would you rather his assistance be in a more detailed-oriented realm (like picking people up at the airport or making sure all the vendors are paid on time)?

2. Keep your wedding planning conversations with him brief. He probably wants to be involved, but an hour of debating the merits of freesias or daisies in your bouquet will have his eyes glazing over. When his input is desired, keep the chat to 15 minutes. If nothing is resolved, bring the topic to the table the next day. If nothing else, you''ll wear him down from sheer tenacity.

3. At the beginning of the planning process, ask him which aspects of the planning he wants to be in charge of. This will allow him to select areas that interest him (saying selecting a DJ verses choosing cutsie wedding favors).

4. Get him involved in the selection of food and alcoholic beverages. If you make a "date" out of tastings, he''ll be happy to go along. And the old adage is still true--the way to a man''s heart (or at least keeping his interest) is through his stomach.

5. Narrow down his choices to two or three before asking for his input. Present him with any more choices of photographers and his eyes will glaze over looking at all the samples.

6. Whatever you do, ALWAYS give him say in his wedding day attire. No matter how reluctant he is to participate in the other aspects of wedding planning, more than likely he''s going to balk at you telling him what to wear.

7. If he tells you to simply delegate some vendors/tasks to him, then do so willingly, but be sure you give him ones that align with his interests. If he''s like most men, he''ll be more invested in looking for the DJ, wedding-day transportation, arranging the rehearsal dinner and tuxes than shopping for flower girl dresses. Most guys will want to have a say in their honeymoon destination, so you might want to have him come up with options for that too.

8. Let him know you value his opinion. He just wants you to be happy, and he may think that the way to make that happen is to defer to you on all of the decisions. If you tell him that''s not the blessing he imagines it to be and that you''re excited to have his input, then he''ll be more prone to offer it. Caveat to this: you''re going to need to listen to his input and honor his suggestions from time to time!

9. Make it easy for him to participate. Make sure you have a mutually-agreed upon system for organizing the wedding planning so he''s not off doing one thing while you''re doing something counterproductive to it.

10. Remember to keep dating your fiancé during the wedding planning process. Sure you''re excited and maybe the wedding day is all you think about, but maybe you should relegate some of that chit chat to conversations with your mother and bridesmaids. Set aside at least one evening a week for a "No Wedding Talk" date night. He''ll be much more interested if you don''t flood him with wedding talk 24/7.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

oops double post carry on...lol

 

[emeraldlover1]

I''ve been pretty lucky in this department because my fiance is really excited. However there are certian things that he does not care about at all and I perfer it that way. If he were intrested in my shoes, bridesmaid fashion, my fashion, and accessories I''d probably be a bit worried. He is excited about the parts that I need him to be. Like...the food, transportation, planning the honeymoon, picking the venue, rehersal dinner, and pretty much everything that I''ve really needed help on he has been there and willing to help. I know that he wishes I didn''t spend so much time on the computer researching and coming up with new decor ideas but really, I think he trusts me and our vision is pretty cohesive so I think that gets him excited.

Here is an example. One friday night we were trying to decide if we were going to do favors what would be do and how could we keep it under a $400 total. Our original thought was New York Maple Syrup products and given our location however its a little more expensive than we wanted to spend. Ultimatley we decided on DIY smores favors however in keeping with the camping/outdoor theme he spent 4 hours researching and trying to find $1 a piece purple flashlights. Got to give it to him for the effort cause I had to shoot that down. I nicely explained that our wedding is not a corporate event and he got the picture but he got big kudos for the effort and enthusiasm and that I appreciate.

 

[House Cat]

Well, we''re still trying to find a venue and it has turned out to be exhausting. So we''re both getting *less* excited.


HE is most excited about the food, the booze, and the cake! Typical for him.

Meaning, he could leave the rest, I think.

 

[Sparkalicious]

Guys.

Actually, I think that they tend to be socialized differently so the overwhelming enthusiasm that women can sometimes experience or portray when wedding planning is not something that they are familiar with, characteristically. I think the trink is to find something that they are interested in or enjoy doing and use that as a foundation upon which to build further enthusiasm.

My fi has been pretty ho hum at times but, surprisingly, I have found that engaging him in activities that I would usually hoard because of my uber control freakedness, has gotten him excited or more enthused, at least. I really enjoyed glueing swarovski''s to our save the dates with him, for example. Never in a million years would I have thought that he might like doing that. Go figure?

Keep up the good fight ... Your enthusiasm and continued excitement will help him turn the corner.

 

[Blair138]

He wants to get married, he could give or take the wedding. It hurt my feelings at first, but it''s kinda nie to be able to do whatever I want. He has had a few requests that will be honored, but most of it is my decision!

 

[dboatsupreme]

Haha, I''ve asked him that question before. He said that he is excited about the wedding, but he is more excited about the marriage itself than the wedding, which I think is awesome.

True, I''ve been doing most of the preparations, but my FI helps out as much as he can: researching vendors, going to places with me, giving his opinions about a variety of things. I think it''s really cool. Yay fiance.

 

[dboatsupreme]

Date: 3/18/2009 8:13:42 PM
Author: lilythespitfire
I''m the opposite. My FI is more excited than I am. I''m so sick of planning that he''s the one who pushes me along. He''s been very involved since the beginning. He had *very* definite ideas of what he wanted and basically told me it was going to be *our* wedding. LOL.


I have a groomzilla.


He has picked out the venue!(got suckered by the free-roaming peacocks on premises), tuxes, colors! (he checked out Martha Stewart Weddings I sh*t you not), argued over centerpieces, honeymoon, bands, and has now thrown in Converse for the groomsmen and parasols for the bridesmaids. He also had a say in my wedding dress. He had a say in the invitations. So basically, we''re a joint partnership in this endeavor.


Sometimes it sucks because he''s realllly stubborn about certain ideas (like the table runner idea that wouldn''t die) but mostly its good because I know he''s on the ball about this stuff. Plus it''s always nice to know I''m not the only one with wedding on the brain.

Hahaha! That''s awesome. I think you guys will have fun.

 

[supergirl10]

Well i would stop short of saying that he didn''t give a s**t lol but he''s really not that interested and the wedding is nearly 12 months away. I personally am quite calm about things. I thinks it cos I am on prac for uni and have a very intensive final semester to look forward to and that is my priority at the moment.

 

[Deelight]

Depending on what day it is neither one of us is excited some days I am ultra excited and other days he is more excited then me (these being the days I couldn''t give a rats about it).

 

[trillionaire]

Not currently engaged, but I wonder how this is going to go when we do get engaged. I want to elope, period. I will have a VERY hard time getting excited about a normal wedding, because I will be horribly disappointed that we are not eloping. (I think vows are far to intimate to want to share with a venue full of people, and I can think of better things to do with thousands of dollars...)

I believe that he prefers a wedding, because he wants his family there. (I can understand that... esp now that his brother was diagnosed and being treated for cancer) Anyway, if he wants a wedding, he gets one of course, but I don''t know how enthused he is going to be to plan it. If he wants a wedding, he is taking the lead and can delegate tasks to me. Yes, we have had this discussion already

(lol, everyone who knows me knows that I don''t want a wedding, and they have all offered to plan it for me!)

So yeah, I am a bit apprehensive about how all of this is going to play out...

 

[FrekeChild]

I have to spread things out for him to get interested. It''s been at least a month since I talked wedding stuff and I pulled out the ol'' Youtube search box and the sheet with our music choices on it the other night, and he got into it. Other than that I think he just cares about food and that we aren''t walking around naked...

 

[Clairitek]

My FI claims to be into the wedding planning but then when I want to make choices and talk about stuff he hesitates. Its just his nature to say ''No'' or ''I don''t know'' the first time when asked about something, wedding related or not. I''ve learned not to be disappointed with his reaction to stuff and just roll with it. I know now to bring up wedding stuff just before he goes to sleep because he likes to wind down whereas I am the type to lay in bed and evaluate my day and think about what I want to do with the next day.

I know that when it comes to decor I won''t really ask for a lot of his help along the way. He stinks at getting a mental image of what I am talking about when I describe my centerpiece ideas. He has pretty much given me the pass to do what I think is best because he trusts my judgment and likes my taste.

So, I suppose in the end he is more into it than it would appear from the outside and probably more into it than most grooms. I am grateful for that even if sometimes its challenging to talk to him about my ideas.

 

[CNOS128]

My fiance''s excited to get married, but he''s not all that excited about the wedding part of thing. He wanted to have a small (tiny) destination wedding somewhere remote, and we''re having a wedding because it''s what I wanted. He''s more than happy to give me what I want, and to help out, but he''s not interested in the details of decorating or the reception schedule or choosing the invitations (it''s hard enough for me to be excited about it). He did enjoy the cake tasting and menu planning, however.

I''m okay with him being more "hands-off," because I can be a little controlling. This way I get what I want. I also don''t get the sense from him that he''s grudgingly going along with my planning -- simply that he''s happy to let me do it and wedding planning happens not to be his forte. If I felt like he resented having to have a bigger wedding, then I''d be bothered.

 

[Aloros]

He''s excited to get married, but not so much about the wedding. Poor guy is dreading it a little, methinks! My FI isn''t horribly shy, but he hates to be the center of attention, so having everyone looking at him is going to be tough.

He''s helping me plan, because he''s a doll, and I''m keeping things as laid back and non-traditional as possible so he can feel more comfortable. He picked the colors and he''s doing the music (I''m not a big music person). I do have to nudge a bit sometimes, especially since we are super-busy people (he still hasn''t picked his best man/woman! yikes!).

I''m not a big wedding person either, but I DO love to plan parties, so I''m trying to think of this as a big, fun party!

 

[GoingCrazy29]

My FI is SUPER excited about the wedding, and not excited about the planning. He talks all the time about the wedding, what songs he thinks would be fun, how he can''t wait for all of our friends and family to be in the same room, how he can''t wait to actually have me as his wife, etc. However when it comes to flowers, centerpieces, colors, etc he could care less. He did go to the cake, venues, catering, and bar meetings with me though!