FI involvement

[kas baby]

Question ladies: how involved was/is your FI in the wedding planning process? do you wish FI had done more/less?

I''m asking because I''m a big control freak most of the time, but my schooling and wedding planning just doesn''t mix and I get really stressed out. So far He''s been really great and involved in the whole thing so far, and we really work great as a team (even though I can be pushy sometimes

) but now we''ve decided he is going to do most of the legwork, my job is to yea or nay, lol. By time I graduate it will be just in time to start all the DIY stuff, which I''ll have more time for once I''m out, so I''ll still get to contribute in that way.

just wanted to hear other people''s thoughts on the matter

 

[cindygenit]

No way, FI is too lax about everything. I like to keep a very close eye on things, and the wedding is something that I want to get right.

I take FI to every tasting, every meeting and interview and I get his input before I make any decision but ultimately I get to make the final decision. Except for the wedding music list, that is FI''s little project.

I don''t want him to be more involved. Organisation is not his forte, so if I left it to him, I might have to eventually help him and do all the work anyway, so there''s no point. LOL

 

[Londongirl1]

Date: 10/21/2009 2:06:32 AM
Author: cindygenit
No way, FI is too lax about everything. I like to keep a very close eye on things, and the wedding is something that I want to get right.

I take FI to every tasting, every meeting and interview and I get his input before I make any decision but ultimately I get to make the final decision. Except for the wedding music list, that is FI''s little project.

I don''t want him to be more involved. Organisation is not his forte, so if I left it to him, I might have to eventually help him and do all the work anyway, so there''s no point. LOL

Ditto

My FI just wants to turn up, say ''I Do'' and go on honeymoon. I kinda agree with him that we don''t need a big fancy ''do'' anyway

 

[supergirl10]

Little to none. Yes i am also a bit controlling but he doesn''t have a huge interest in the little details.

He is in charge of the honeymoon. And lets just say that there has not been a great deal done in this area lol

 

[bee*]

D didn''t do a huge amount but he designed the invites and printed them all out and he came to every meeting, tasting etc. I loved doing the planning myself so it didn''t bother me.

 

[purselover]

Umm so far I''ve picked out my dress, shoes, and our invitations, literally everything else has been all FI, I wouldn''t have it any other way he''s even in charge of scheduling my hair and makeup

 

[Smurfysmiles]

Date: 10/21/2009 9:31:37 AM
Author: purselover
Umm so far I''ve picked out my dress, shoes, and our invitations, literally everything else has been all FI, I wouldn''t have it any other way he''s even in charge of scheduling my hair and makeup

you are one lucky girl!!! I''ve done pretty much everything but he came to tastings and picked out the STDs

 

[kas baby]

Date: 10/21/2009 9:31:37 AM
Author: purselover
Umm so far I''ve picked out my dress, shoes, and our invitations, literally everything else has been all FI, I wouldn''t have it any other way he''s even in charge of scheduling my hair and makeup

lol! this sounds exactly like us! glad to see we''re not the only ones

 

[that_someone_special]

He is doing the bare minimum which consists of "yeah" or "no, I SAID NO"

I wish I had more input. I''m just ready to throw caution in the wind and do whatever I want!!

 

[that_someone_special]

Date: 10/21/2009 9:31:37 AM
Author: purselover
Umm so far I''ve picked out my dress, shoes, and our invitations, literally everything else has been all FI, I wouldn''t have it any other way he''s even in charge of scheduling my hair and makeup

Jealous!!!

 

[marlie]

FI always calls me the project manager of our relationship so I guess it seemed natural for me to take that role in the wedding planning too. I''ve been doing most of the research, planning and executing but always ask his opinion. He went to art school and has a good eye for design so that''s been kind of helpful. He also comes on every appointment which is good (minus the dress searching appointments). So I guess it''s 60% me, 40% him. FI is not the greatest at time management so if I left any more of it to him, we''d be scrambling to book everything the week of the wedding! ha!

 

[FrekeChild]

I picked out three wedding venues to choose from. He chose the one we''re getting married at.
He decided on the wedding package, and helped me talk my dad into it.
I chose a reception venue. He didn''t like it.
I chose another reception venue. He liked this one.
Reception venue never called me back after my calling them numerous times. He was irritated I didn''t call them enough.
He complained about wanting a reception venue that would serve, "Food that I''d want to eat as my first married meal." Me--"Well, what''s that." Him--"I dunno. Something good..." Me--

I picked another reception venue, he balked and then gave in.
I showed him 5,000 wedding invitations. He helped narrow it down. We agreed on one style. Then I chose the color.
I asked for his input on wording for the directions cards. He didn''t like it, but didn''t have any better ideas.
He helped order and bought the wedding bands.

So what I have learned in this process is that not having him involved is sometimes better than having him be involved. He has been picky about the weirdest things, and not cared about the things I thought he would care most about.

The kicker was a couple weeks ago when he asked me to look up the Bellagio''s website...then he proceeded to look at their wedding packages, find the one that looks over the lake, and ask if we could change from Mandalay Bay to the Bellagio...

To be honest, I just about had a fit right then and there.

 

[joelly]

Date: 10/21/2009 9:31:37 AM
Author: purselover
Umm so far I''ve picked out my dress, shoes, and our invitations, literally everything else has been all FI, I wouldn''t have it any other way he''s even in charge of scheduling my hair and makeup

This is also us. I picked only my dress, shoes, hair, make up, and color theme for the party.

My forte is the financial so I set a budget for him and he needs to make it happen. He wants to spend a lot more than 20K but I gave him no more than 5K. If a wedding reception costs more than that, I''d rather elope and put that $$$ somewhere more tangible than a 6-hour receptions.

I am sorry to my FI sometimes but I don''t see a point of having a party. If it''s up to me, I would elope now then a yr later we''d have our 1st anniversary party at our first house.

 

[ladypirate]

Mine is very involved--all the decisions so far have been pretty much 50/50, although I''ve done a lot of the leg work finding vendors to choose from.

 

[kas baby]

we''ve always been pretty good about working together- even when we first starting dating. But we do each have our strengths. He is very good at handling money- if it were up to me, we would be spending only the bare minimum, aka, the license fee. I hate spending money, so to me the wedding seems like a big ol'' money black hole, but we both would like to have a wedding. If I were doing all of the planning, nothing would get done because I would be to upset about it- I know, I''m awful, yikes. But, I do love to do arts and crafts, so DIY is my strength. I also have amazing veto power when I think he''s spending too much.

Nothing happens that we don''t come to an agreement on. except my wedding band. he proposed with that so I could pick out my own gem and setting for the e-ring because he knew I''d be picky. He told me I could get a nice wedding band if I wanted, and just use the first sapph band as a placeholder, but I love it too much

I know with FI planning the wedding, it will end up being more ''us.'' If it were me doing most of the planning, it would end up being more ''trying to live up to standards of obscure family members.'' So I am thrilled he took this on... it saves me the heartache and we can just have fun and celebrate being together

 

[kas baby]

everyone: thank you for sharing your stories and experiences.

 

[lulu66]

he''s a consultant. i do the legwork, come up with options or give him a task to complete, we have a "wedding wednesday" meeting (he doesn''t like hearing about wedding plans constantly, so we sit at the kitchen table once a week to go over plans or new ideas), and i gather his opinion or just make a decision. honestly, he''s only been to like 2 weddings before, he has no idea what has to be done! and this is fine with me b/c really i like making all the decisions

 

[southhorizon]

FI''s says he proposed so it is my responsibility to plan the wedding. Fine, but he then tells me all the things he wants for the wedding, doesn''t really respond to the ideas I suggest and doesn''t ofer any alternatives. He also wants to get married in less than 6 months, during peak wedding season, but doesn''t seem to appreciate that this means that our options for venues are limited and that we need to lock in a venue and date sooner rather than later. Frustrating.

Lulu66 - I think wedding Wednesday sounds like a great idea. I have been trying to discuss things with him whenever it seems to fit into the conversation but this has been completely ineffective so a new approach is in order.

 

[joelly]

To add to the previous posts, it really helps us that FI also had been to many weddings before. So he has more knowledge than me in that area.