Home Fertility problems, can anyone relate ?

[I Love My Sailor]

I see all these baby threads and I thought I would talk about something a little different. More than 7 million women in the US have fertility problems and I am just one of them.My husband will be 30 this year and as he likes to say "he''s not getting any younger"

I have had both my fallopian tubes removed due to fluid buildup

so I guess you can say, I am a little past fertility problems. Before my last surgery, my doctor explained IVF as an option for me but...... after surgery she told me in her medical opinion I should not undergo IVF, it would be too dangerous for me to carry a child!!! It really comes down to if I had to have a C section, that would or could be a dangerous situation for me or the baby. After 8 surgeries on my abdomen, not everything is in place.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gastroschisis



so I thought about a second doctor opinion and adoption but I am scared. I would like my husband and I to have 1 child of our own. Has anyone ever considered a surrogate?

I am only 21 but my husband does not want to wait until he is in his mid 30''s to start having children. He wants 3 and I don''t want them back to back. My husband has a great paying and stable job, we make enough money to support a child and we could afford for me to stay home. We have been married for almost 3 years.

I would really like to hear your story and journey to have a child
Has anyone had a child at 21 or 22

 

[Laila619]

Hi--I'm so sorry to hear about your problems. Fertility problems are extremely trying and frustrating. So the doctor thinks you can't carry a baby at all? I would get a second opinion. I have heard of plenty of women whose tubes are blocked who go on to have successful IVF pregnancies. You are young so you will probably have excellent quality eggs. If you can't carry, you could have a sister or friend carry your and your husband's baby for you.

My DH and I had unexplained infertility. It took us a year to conceive.

 

[I Love My Sailor]

I forgot to mention I have only one ovary (one was removed) I was born with a condition gastroschisis,It caused a lot of health problems for me. I included a link above.


The doctor told me I have so many intestines on top of my reproductive system due to my condition. If I had to have a C section it could be difficult to get the baby out in time or they could go to fast and damage me organs

 

[oddoneout]

Wow it must be horrible to want something so badly and have health problems get in the way. Honestly (and I don''t mean to sound horrible) I think you should put your health first and worry about what carrying a child would do to you. You could get another opinion just to be sure. If it were me I would not want to risk my own life to try to bring another life into the world.

 

[I Love My Sailor]

Thats how both my husband and I feel. Great if I can get pregnant but if I am dead as an a result what good would that be!!! I really do want to have my old child soooo bad!!!! and I asked my self WHY ME but I don''t want to think that way because if I were blind or deaf I would be asking the same questions and I am glad I don''t have those problems but not being able to give my husband a child is a horrible feeling he has 3 siblings and wants a lot of kids

 

[cara]

I didn't have any fertility troubles but I feel for you! Sounds like your husband is itching to start while you are a spring chicken (with potentially scary medical complications)!

In your shoes I would go get a thorough second opinion about the danger of you carrying a pregnancy and make sure your husband sits in on the critical meanings. Without knowledge of the exact risks, its hard for you both to make a good decision about how to go about having children. Then you can explore IVF, surrogacy, and adoption and make an informed decision.

While IVF+carrying your own child is not exactly cheap, surrogacy and adoption costs are often even higher. Way higher. Plus there are legal/paperwork hassles to both, and potential emotional trauma if plans go awry. Just to brace you, it can be just a challenging as struggling to conceive.

Also you are young! Well, at least from my biased perspective LOL. Certainly not young for a different generation or even for different socio-classes of people. I am surrounded by overeducated people that delay childbearing. My hubs is in his mid-30s and all his peers are finally starting to reproduce in earnest. Mid-30s is definitely not the end of the world, though given the fertility issues involved and the fact that it could take a couple of years to find a solution I understand why starting the process now is a good idea for you.

About your perspective, while being a SAHM is great for many women, so is having options! Make sure that this is what you want too (I couldn't quite get your take on your husband's enthusiasm from your post!), and that you have options or a plan for how to deal if being a SAHM isn't for you or isn't for you after the early years. My mom was a young mom (had two kids in her early twenties) and loved it at the time, but later wished she had finished her education and job training prior to having kids and maybe established a career of her own rather than starting in her late thirties. But maybe getting divorced after 25 years of marriage with half your husband's earning potential biased her a bit! Obviously there are lots of perspectives on SAHM/working moms and child-timing and no one right answer. You have to find a path that is right for you and your family.

 

[Steel]

Thanks for the link. I think that a mother delivered (by c-section) a beautiful baby boy with your condition on the One born every minute documentary that was run on Channel 4. (http://lifebegins.channel4.com/) [Lisa was the mother, on page 2] ETA: Just to clarify, the baby was born with his intestines outside of his body, not that the mother had the condition.

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I wonder if all women don't fret that they will have issues conceiving and bearing a child naturally, I know I do.

But, you have had a lot to deal with ILMS. That must have been a lot of sad news. I am sorry.

I am delighted for your marriage and think it is wonderful that you know so young that you would like to try for a family. You are young enough to be able to explore as many options as you can. If you know you want to try to be a mom then go for it. You sound grounded and stable; 21/22 is not too young for you.

Go get a second opinion.

 

[PumpkinPie]

I''m sorry to read about your health problems! 8 abdominal surgeries sounds terrible.
I would suggest a second opinion about your ability to carry a pregnancy - it probably can''t hurt right? then you can make your decision from there.

I can''t comment about having a baby at 21 - I''m nearly 29 and not ready to start trying yet!

 

[Samantha Red]

Hi ILMS

Sadly I can relate. During my first marriage we tried unsuccessfully to have children, depsite some medical intervention. I am 44 now and have pretty much accepted that is never going to happen for me. I have been with my current DH for ten years and during that time have never used contraception so .....do the math. There are still times when it literally hits me like a hard kick in the stomach to know that no one will ever call me Mummy - especially when I hear small babies crying for some reason. However, I believe very strongly in appreciating the parts of my life that are fantastic, of which there are many. I do feel like I am not a real woman, but maybe someone on a higher level knew that for some reason I wouldn''t have been any good at the job anyway.

If I were you I would seek a second opinion, but please don''t put yourself at risk. I am reading between the lines a lot I know but it seems to me that you are feeling under pressure from your husband, rather than wanting this for yourself. I fully acknowledge I could be wrong but that is how I read it.

Adoption is a very wonderful thing to do. I have considered it many times but always wanted ''my'' child and didn''t feel I was a good enough person to be able to adopt and be so selfless. Friends of mine adopted a little boy a couple of years ago and he is the most happy and fulfilled child you have ever seen. It gladdens the heart to see them as a family.

Whatever happens good luck in your quest

 

[oddoneout]

Date: 4/14/2010 6:04:24 PM
Author: I Love My Sailor
Thats how both my husband and I feel. Great if I can get pregnant but if I am dead as an a result what good would that be!!! I really do want to have my old child soooo bad!!!! and I asked my self WHY ME but I don''t want to think that way because if I were blind or deaf I would be asking the same questions and I am glad I don''t have those problems but not being able to give my husband a child is a horrible feeling he has 3 siblings and wants a lot of kids

I really feel for you. I know it must be rough. I can totally understand.

 

[vespergirl]

I''m so sorry to hear about your health problems. I do understand your urge for your own biological child, though. If I were in your position, I would investigate surrogacy, but I can''t recommend it, because I really don''t know much about it ...

 

[Lanie]

Sorry to hear about your troubles. I had problems with ovulation, but they found the right mix of medicine to get me to where I needed to be.

One of my best friends just had twins through a gestational carrier. They tried and failed with IVF 2 times. She had no problems getting pregnant...she had problems keeping the baby. They found a woman through her fertility clinic that carried their fertilized embryos to term. So the twins are biologically from my friend and her husband, they were just housed in another woman''s body. It worked out for them so well. So there are plenty of options out there. I would seek a second opinion and go from there!

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Oh, Sailor I''m so sorry...

 

[somethingshiny]

I''m sorry to hear of your circumstances. I know how awful it can be to not know if/when you''ll have children.

DH and I got married at 21 and 19. We got married young with the intentions of having 4 children by the time I was 30. Nearly 6 yrs and a few miscarriages later, we got pregnant with our son. He is currently 4. I''m also 27 weeks along in my current pregnancy (I''m fairly certain it will be the last). My miscarriages were for "unknown" reasons. During our long years of trying and losing, we had looked into IVF but since I didn''t have trouble becoming pregnant, it was not an option. We also looked into adoption a lot and were told we were too young, too poor, lived in the wrong area, etc. I think both of those are fantastic options though for anyone who is a good candidate.

Knowing that you "can''t" have a baby is devastating in a way that most women cannot understand. In essence it feels like you''re being told you can''t be a mother because your body isn''t good enough. Getting past the "good enough" feeling is key though. You CAN be a mother by IVF, surrogacy, adoption.

I have a cousin who lost a tube and ovary during an ectopic pregnancy. Her husband had a testicle removed due to cancer. To date, she has carried 5 children! I also have an acquaintance who was told she could never have children. She recently gave birth after her 2nd IVF attempt.

I don''t think you''re too young to think about TTC. I know the want for your "own" baby out of your "own" body. I do not know what it''s like to potentially put your body in jeopardy to achieve it. I would get a second opinion and definitely put your health first. You want to be perfectly healthy when the time comes to care for your babies.

 

[drk]

My 4.5 week old IVF/ICSI baby is nursing as I type. Took us 4.5 years to have her after multiple treatments and 2 miscarriages brought us to IVF. IVF itself wasn''t bad.

With your previous surgeries, I''d want to be sure that your ovaries are in a decent position to have eggs retrieved via the vagina with ultrasound guidance, as they normally do. I would also get a second opinion from a high-risk OB (also called maternal-fetal medicine specialists) to see what they say about the dangers of you carrying the baby. Vaginal birth ought to be no different for you, and it would be rare to need a crash c-section in the middle of labour. The other option could be to have an amnio at 37 weeks and a scheduled C-section after they''d proven lung maturity so that the surgeons could do the surgery electively and have time to dissect whatever adhesions etc that are in there. On the other hand, you may not have scar tissue or bowel contents down low enough to affect a c-section, since they really are (in almost all cases) done via an incision right above the pubic bone. The only vertical incision these days is usually that to get through the abdominal wall muscles when the cut the connective tissue between the rectus abdominus muscles to get at the uterus before making the low horizontal incision in that to get the baby out. If you''ve had any CTs or MRIs or ultrasounds of your abdomen in recent years, they might give the surgeons an idea of where the scar tissue really is.

IVF to use your and your DH''s genetic material and transferring the embryos to a surrogate could be a great option for you. Sure it''s expensive (not sure how much, and not as feasible in Canada since you can''t pay someone for donor sperm or donor eggs or to be a surrogate, as far as I know), but would do the trick.

Good luck. Infertility of any type is hard to deal with, but thankfully you''re young and have time to do the research and save up the money should you decide to go for your own biological child. you should also have extremely high chances of one IVF cycle working out, given the age of your eggs and the reason for your infertility. Do you have endometriosis that caused the fluid-filled tubes? That can affect implantation too, and might change your odds.

 

[I Love My Sailor]

Thanks everyone for all your support!!! I am going to see a doctor and maybe have some tests done, just to see what I am looking at. I want my own child with my husband very much but I would be glad to pass the pregnancy to someone else. Due to my condition, my abdominal skin is very thick and tight. Its good for me if I gain weight,because it does elsewhere but pregnancy would destroy my body My side area already has stretch marks from all the pulling and stretching they did to me as a baby to get everything back in!!! It looks like I was once very heavy, then lost weight and have stretch marks as a result or that I already had a baby, but they are not as bad as some women I have seen after birth. I will keep everyone informed on my situation.