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Feeling "worth" the bling

cookiebuttermonster

Rough_Rock
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Mar 11, 2016
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Long-time lurker here. :)

I find myself setting very small self-imposed and arbitrary limits on what I can spend on a 10 year anniversary diamond ring/upgrade. As in, ~.5ct. Small enough that finding a setting I like to accommodate such a small stone becomes an impediment and frustration. I look at some lovely 1ct diamonds and settings, and think that I would not be comfortable wearing such a large stone. But why? A 1ct diamond would not be out of place or ostentatious among our friends. We can afford a bigger budget without suffering/sacrificing for it or neglecting responsibilities. Expanding my self-imposed budget would release me from setting restrictions and let me get what I really want.

I tell myself it's because I have a simple, under-stated style, and anything larger than ~.5ct has no place in my lifestyle. I wear clothes from Old Navy and Target, drive a CRV, and live in a fixer-upper home. But is it really because of my style, or is it because I feel like I don't deserve it?

Does anyone else struggle with this? "Allowing" yourself to have something expensive that serves no functional purpose and would be considered frivolous by many, including yourself?

I want to stay true to myself, but am beginning to wonder if allowing myself a larger stone would be a good exercise in recognizing my self-worth.

Would I look at a larger stone and think, "Wow I really sold myself out and regret spending this much, I feel ridiculous wearing this gigantic thing." Or, "Wow this is so lovely and I deserved this shiny indulgence after many years of struggle."
 

diamondseeker2006

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My upgrades have been a struggle each time. I wore a 1 ct ring for over 25 years, and it was one of the larger stones around me. Most close family and friends did have .75-1 ct, though. Fast forward to later and getting a new anniversary ring that was 1.6 cts. I contacted the jeweler many times saying it was too big and I thought I needed to "upgrade" to a smaller stone in a higher color. To make a long story short, I eventually adapted to that size, and about 7 years later, I upgraded again to over 2 cts. Now I am a lot older than you, so I can pull it off. But even my local friends who are very well off do not care about jewelry and have never upgraded their original diamonds of a carat or less. They just spend money on other things, so I am not worried about having a nicer ring than them any more. I do not plan to go larger, though. I have reached the maximum size that works in my world, although I do have PS friends in real life (but who do not live near me) who have much larger stones than I do!

I promise you that many of us here are super casual. I think other than people who dress up for work, most of us are casual most of the time! I care a lot more about jewelry than clothes. I think in your case, you need to evaluate your social circle and family because that is what made me most uncomfortable with a larger ring. In the overall scheme of things, 1 ct is not huge in the US. But if all your friends and family wear under a half carat, then you may feel uncomfortable with a carat. I honestly would encourage you to go for a carat (or just under), because since settings are so expensive now, I think it would be much wiser to spend more now while diamond prices are low than to wish in 5-10 years that you had gone ahead and bought a larger stone.
 

CJ2008

Ideal_Rock
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Dec 31, 2006
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What does your DH think? Does he think you should "go" for it? That may go a long way into making this easier on you, may even make it fun to go for that larger stone and to have more settings to look at.

Could you possibly look at this ring as a special gift, something extra-ordinary that you wouldn't normally do, to mark 10 years, and put less of a guilty feeling on it?
 

Jambalaya

Ideal_Rock
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Yes, you ARE worth it and yes I do feel worth the bling, and so should you.

I feel strongly about this. In my small town the prevailing attitude is that a good woman spends her life putting her husband and multiple children first and never spending anything on herself, and after 20 or 30 years of that, she might have earned the right to have something "nice" - ie "frivolous."

Well, duck that. The world just loves to tell women what to do and what they are and are not worth. Many years ago after I got married, I was amazed at the multiple demands on my body - that I should have all these children to please everyone else and that I should diet diet diet to be slim for my husband etc - the pressure on both those things came from extended family, friends, even the odd stranger. But the very idea that I deserved any bling...forget it. And I feel that in general, women get very little understanding for all the cr*p they go through and all the boring domestic work they do in their lifetimes. It's just expected, and too few are rewarded in any meaningful way. I know some people have husbands who do them proud with jewelry, but I don't think that's the norm.

I'm saying that society would love nothing more than for women to do exactly what they're told and to be slaves to everyone else, and the idea of a woman spending money on herself for something like jewelry is the antithesis of that. I feel strongly that I AM worth the bling, probably because no one else thinks I'm worth it. But I do, and that's all that matters. I guess I'm saying that you have to value yourself enough to get the bling, because no one else is going to.

Life is way too short not to wear diamonds!

A good one-carat can get expensive, I hear you. Maybe you could compromise at a 0.80 or a 0.85.
 

OreoRosies86

Ideal_Rock
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"Expanding my self-imposed budget would release me from setting restrictions and let me get what I really want."

If it's not what you really want, don't do it. This is for you!
 

YadaYadaYada

Ideal_Rock
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I can relate totally to this. Just upgraded for our tenth anniversary from under 3/4 to a carat. In my case I'm a stay at home mom and we survive on one income. Certainly there were other things I could have done with the money but you only live once and this is a major anniversary. I looked at it like if I didn't do it now then I'd probably end up waiting another ten years. I feel slight pangs of selfishness but then I look at my new bling and it goes away pretty quickly ;-)

Seriously though, women can get into a cycle of doing for everyone and putting themselves last and that's unfortunate, we should feel worth an indulgence once in a while.
 

Hounddog

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I thoroughly understand!
I have the t-shirt as they say.

I've taken so long typing that all my points have been covered, so basically, there's something really wonderful about treating yourself to something that will give you a thrill every time you look at it, and remember it will last forever and be an heirloom if you wish to hand it down.
You definitely deserve it!

Why not go for 0.75-8ct as previously suggested, also I believe a wt slightly under 1ct is an efficient use of money as prices leap at 1ct (apologies if I'm wrong).

The end of your first paragraph said "and let me get what I really want", that sounds like you've answered your own question :)
Also I think 1ct isn't the huge thing it used to seem to be years ago, it's just a beautiful size now.

So I'd say, if you're happy you can afford it, push your boundaries but only to a degree that's not going to cause you pain, some discomfort might be ok and healthily stretching :)

It's also worth considering that I've seen people mention 'diamond shrinkage' on here!

Good luck with your search, hopefully the 'perfect diamond for you' will show itself and the size issue will suddenly resolve.
 

arkieb1

Ideal_Rock
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I agree with the others you deserve it, go for something that is under 1 carat but larger than .50 so a .60 or a .75 or a .80 should be a good compromise both pricewise and size wise if both are an issue.

Also consider preloved and Antique stones from a reliable source as they also offer larger sizes and more value I think for the money;

http://www.jewelsbygrace.com/rings/estate-modern
 

marymm

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OP - have you gone to any jewelry stores to try on the setting/diamond combo (or similar) you are envisioning?

Quite of few people who dream of certain settings/stone sizes decide against them once they see/feel it on their finger.

Or, they love the setting/stone but have realized it would not be suitable for daily wear, and they want a ring they can wear daily.

Many people who can afford larger diamonds prefer to wear sub-carat diamonds on a daily basis - maybe you are one of them. For some it has to more do with comfort (meaning actual comfort on the finger as well as ease in any environment) and personal style ("less is more").

There are many ways for a person to value themselves and to assess their value as a human being (i.e., self-worth). If you really want a larger diamond and feel it is wrong to spend that amount on a diamond, that is one thing; if you really want a larger diamond and feel it is wrong to spend that amount of money on you, that is a self-worth issue.
 

telephone89

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There are a LOT of people who buy things now a days that shouldn't. Should you be buying a diamond ring if you can't afford to feed your kids? Probably not. Should you be buying a new BMW when you are borrowing money for rent? No, probably not.

But that doesn't sound like you. You sound responsible, and if you can afford it and want to spend YOUR money, then why not? Your self-imposed budget does sound restrictive. If I were in your shoes, I would try to pick a piece that you can return if it really doesn't make your heart sing. Maybe JA - 30 days. Wear it for 29 and if you think it's too big and doesn't fit with your life style or if you really regret spending that money you can return it and go for something smaller. I don't think you'll be sorry though ;-)
 

monarch64

Super_Ideal_Rock
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17,987
You've already found a practical reason for a larger stone: finding a setting that will accomodate a smaller stone is not easy. Instead of looking at it in terms of carat weight and/or price, look at in terms of millimeter measurement. Problem solved. You're welcome! :naughty:
 

Queenie60

Ideal_Rock
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Personally, I would treat myself to what I really, truly wanted t have. One carat does not seem over the top. My attitude - you can't take it with you and what you do not spend, your children will. Enjoy life, get yourself a few nice things as you're certainly worth it. Good luck and I hope you end up with whatever suits you. :wavey:
 

cookiebuttermonster

Rough_Rock
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Mar 11, 2016
Messages
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Thank you so much everyone for your thoughtful replies! Sorry if my responses feel a little sporadic, I've had to step away frequently since I have a young toddler running around.

Diamondseeker, We're surrounded by a range of income levels. 1ct would be on the bigger end of the spectrum of what I see around us, but not the largest. I didn't realize that diamond prices were so desirable right now, it's been a couple of years since I've lurked here. All the more reason to quit dragging my feet lol.

CJ, My dh would be fine with it, if it was what I wanted. I have my own mad money to contribute to a higher budget. And even if he did protest, he doesn't have a leg to stand on since he has his own "frivolous" things he enjoys (in the form of an Acura, a knife collection, and collector's Legos), which I have supported his pursuit of. ;-)

Jambalaya, I love your attitude! You are so right. My knee-jerk reaction to these larger stones are, "I couldn't possibly spend more than xxx amount!" or "I have to be good and set a modest budget." But my modest budget was so modest, that the restrictions were sucking all the joy out of the experience, and frustrating me to the point of not wanting to bother at all. So these past couple of days I've found myself thinking, "Well, and why not??" Happily, I no longer have people in my life telling me I don't deserve nice things. Just myself. It's hard to kick that habit when it's what you've been told all your life.

Stephanie, Same situation here, staying at home with my young toddler. :)

Hounddog, Well I have my heart set on an AVC/CAC and am pretty specific in specs and shape, so I am limited by the small inventory available and the slow/unpredictable restocking. There's currently one CAC and one AVC that are hitting my sweet spots, and they are 1ct and just a smidge over. You're right that I've answered my own question, lol.

Arkie, I love the old cuts but worry about chipping girdles and don't want a bezel. So I've been looking at AVCs/CACs. Unless I'm mistaken that all antique cuts are particularly prone to chipping? Sincerely asking here lol, if they're not then that would make my search much easier, and with less sticker shock.

Marymm, I haven't! It's a great idea but I have my young toddler with me all day. She would be really bored in a jewelry store. Maybe I should order a fake and give the size a test drive. You hit the nail on the head though, I don't feel it's wrong to spend that much on a diamond, providing they are conflict free. I certainly don't judge anyone here for their jewelry. It's a matter of spending that much purely on myself, on something that serves no function beyond being pretty to look at, all in one go. Still not sure on whether it's an actual style thing or just self-imposed guilt. Things to think about.

Monarch, Very true, ha! Thank you indeed. :sun:

Queenie, This is so true. My father hoarded money like it was his hobby. In fact I would go so far as to say that it *was* his hobby. He wore the same clothes for 30+ years without buying new ones. Ate canned food and ate at Spires (and if you haven't eaten at Spires...I wouldn't recommend it, everything tastes like it's out of a box or a can). And he didn't need to. He could have had new clothes or eaten good food, there was no reason to restrict himself so severely. He grew up in poverty so maybe it was a habit he couldn't kick.
 

momhappy

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 3, 2013
Messages
4,660
cookiebuttermonster|1458213349|4006638 said:
Long-time lurker here. :)

I find myself setting very small self-imposed and arbitrary limits on what I can spend on a 10 year anniversary diamond ring/upgrade. As in, ~.5ct. Small enough that finding a setting I like to accommodate such a small stone becomes an impediment and frustration. I look at some lovely 1ct diamonds and settings, and think that I would not be comfortable wearing such a large stone. But why? A 1ct diamond would not be out of place or ostentatious among our friends. We can afford a bigger budget without suffering/sacrificing for it or neglecting responsibilities. Expanding my self-imposed budget would release me from setting restrictions and let me get what I really want.

I tell myself it's because I have a simple, under-stated style, and anything larger than ~.5ct has no place in my lifestyle. I wear clothes from Old Navy and Target, drive a CRV, and live in a fixer-upper home. But is it really because of my style, or is it because I feel like I don't deserve it?

Does anyone else struggle with this? "Allowing" yourself to have something expensive that serves no functional purpose and would be considered frivolous by many, including yourself?

I want to stay true to myself, but am beginning to wonder if allowing myself a larger stone would be a good exercise in recognizing my self-worth.

Would I look at a larger stone and think, "Wow I really sold myself out and regret spending this much, I feel ridiculous wearing this gigantic thing." Or, "Wow this is so lovely and I deserved this shiny indulgence after many years of struggle."
What about some sort of compromise that might make you feel more comfortable about a bigger purchase? Would you consider a preowned stone and/or ring?
 

canuk-gal

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Apr 19, 2004
Messages
21,297
HI:

Like L'Oréal says, you are worth it!

That said, I think diamonds of a 1/2 (to 1 ctw carat), beautifully cut and well set, are fabulous. And not the least as though you are scrimping or sacrificing.

You've admitted to reading PS for sometime, then you've seen this thread. 80 pages of "small but mighty" rings. Tres fabu!

[URL='https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/under-1ct-diamonds.25028/']https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/under-1ct-diamonds.25028/[/URL]

In short, go with a vendor who has a great trade in-up policy. I would start 1/2 ctw...then the skies the limit! :bigsmile:

cheers--Sharon
 

MissGotRocks

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Messages
12,751
I say go for it! Diamonds are a luxury item and you can truly never justify spending money on them - however, for those of us that derive happiness from them each and every day they are priceless! I think most of us have been where you are and struggled to be sensible and frugal and reasonable but there are plenty of things in life to be all those things about so live for yourself once and get the diamond you want! It sounds like it will present no real financial hardship so do this one thing for yourself. You'll love having your own kaleidoscope on your finger every day and yes, absolutely you are worth it!!
 

Polished

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cookiebuttermonster - you wouldn't have to change your identity just because you incorporated a new, larger gorgeous diamond into your life. I would see it more as a case of adding a new dimension to who you are already. Days when you're feeling understated, ditch the bling. I would hope, a lovely AVC or CAC, in a setting you love, would be embraced with a panache you didn't know you had. Enjoyment is allowed. I think AVC's face up a bit smaller that diamonds of the same weight so it's a good bet that you wouldn't find the stone too large.
 

arkieb1

Ideal_Rock
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No, not all Antique cuts have thin girdles many of them do but not all of them, some of them have quite thick girdles, you can also ask any of the vendors like Adam from Old World Diamonds, Grace from Jewels by Grace, or Erica from Love Affair Diamonds to get the girdles repolished if it bothers you, they all have cutters that will do this for you.

Brand new modern Round brilliants can also have thin girdles.

And settings like halos, and 8 prongs as well as bezels will also protect stones to a degree, in the size you are talking about if you decide on a Round cut, a 6 prong might do the trick too.

Would you be after an Antique cushion rather than an Antique round? If so, Antique cushions are deeper than rounds in general so a 1 carat Antique cushion will face up smaller on the hand than a 1 carat round anyway....
 

mochiko42

Ideal_Rock
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It's your money so you are entitled to spend it however you want. I would get whatever makes you happy, rather than settle for your second choice.

However, if you do go with a smaller stone, in my part of the world (Asia), women tend to prioritize color and clarity over size, so you see many settings for smaller stones (ie under 1ct and most around 0.5ct). Here's one site which has some nice settings which might provide inspiration. I got my wedding band from here.http://www.iprimo.hk/en/smt/engagement/rings/
 

Gypsy

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Messages
40,198
I bought a very blingly band. And it was too blingy for my lifestyle.

You have to be true to yourself.

That said, it is best you go out and try on whatever it is you are considering buying in the sizes you are thinking about buying and SPENDING TIME wearing the piece that is close to you what you want and see how you feel.

Keep an open mind. And try on 70 or 80 points too. And see if that works for you better, or if it just confirms that the smaller size is better for you.
 

Scandinavian

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Off course you are worth it! Buy whatever you want as long as you can afford it! My ring is much bigger than that of my friends, but so what? :angel: :bigsmile: :angel: Do what makes YOU happy! Or just let your DH do the shopping (maybe give him some hints regarding cut etc if he is not that into diamonds..) and consider the result a nice surprise? :angel:

EDIT: or just have him post a plea for help from Gypsy to find you the perfect diamond ;-) :) (Sorry Gypsy, but you are the best)
 

LLJsmom

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I never thought I was until I hit 41ish. Then it hit me. What have I done for me? EVERYTHING I made went into the family pot. I have always admired big rocks but never let myself want one. Then this switch got flipped and all of a sudden I asked myself what are you waiting for? ou're not getting any younger. So I went for what I wanted without consulting DH. Glad I did.
 

cookiebuttermonster

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Mar 11, 2016
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Canukgal, I have indeed gone over that thread in the past. ;-)

Missgotrocks, Your words are really hitting me for some reason, thank you. :)

Polished, Adding a new dimension, that is a really lovely way of looking at it. And makes sense. A person's identity is dynamic and fluid, we change and mature as we live through our experiences. Things are always being added. To be static is to be frozen in time. You'd be missing out on so much to live that way.

Arkie, You don't say?? Well that just opened a whole new playing field. I just looked, and GoG has a couple of gorgeous antique cushions with a sticker that's friendlier than the new cuts, and that's without checking the vendors you mentioned too. I'm pretty sure I'd be after a cushion, whether antique or new. I love the soft square shape and chunky facets, and I've done the round shape before so it would be fun to do something completely different. Although there seem to be less options in terms of settings for cushions than for rounds, so I'm going to look at true OECs too. I like true OECs better than the new versions so I'd been hesitant to consider the shape. The cushions I like whether old or new, as long as they are well cut with good symmetry and performance.

Mochiko, That is really interesting, thank you for the link!

Gypsy, This is the question that I'm posing to myself now. I've never allowed myself to want anything more than an understated style, so now that I am giving myself permission to consider more, is that what I really want? Getting some fakes in a couple different sizes to test-drive sounds like the way to go. Then I can wear them around home and see how they feel in my daily life.

Scandinavian, Haha, poor dh, I am sooooo picky about my jewelry! And I love the man, but he has a terrible eye for jewelry. He is drawn to stuff that makes me cringe, hahaha.

LLJ, I love it! I can't keep a secret from dh to save my life, he can always tell I've got something up my sleeve. So I'll be telling him, but I won't be asking permission. In this case, I don't need anyone's permission to increase the budget except my own. :) This upgrade is taking on an additional meaning to an anniversary upgrade.
 

Confection10

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Cookiebuttermonster, please, don't forget that diamond tend to shrink. I bought my 7mm oec three years ago and thought it was big. Not many months forward, I thought it was perfect size. Today I would happily wear 8-8.5mm, but it's not in sight near future. I live in country where everyone thinks .2ct is huge and diamonds are quite rare. Many have plain or very thin diamond band as a wedding set. In my social circle I'm only who has any bigger stone and no one ever even notice it (I think they suppose it is CZ). I usually wear jeans and boots , over all my outfit is VERY casual. I'll work in very manly world in my home town's enviroment office and wear my wedding set proudly everyday.

I was(still I'm) worth it. So are You. Go and check what pleases most to Your eye and go for it. Happy hunting :wavey:
 

momhappy

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I'll be interested to see what you decide, so please keep us posted. Wishing you luck on your choices =)
 

december-fire

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Cookiebuttermonster,

You've received a lot of great advice and wise comments from the previous posters.

Your situation strikes a chord with me. All my life, I've been responsible and tried to look after others. A silly little voice in my head told me that spoiling myself was 'selfish', and selfish is 'bad'. I have no problem spending money on others for something that makes them happy. But doing the same for myself, well, that was a different story. I know why I had that attitude, but I also realized that I was taking it beyond a point that could be logically justified.

However, I've been making an effort to shake off that attitude. The results are amazing! Life goes on, people don't drop dead from shock or disapproval and, frankly, a lot of people have no idea what I've spent on some things. They haven't asked, and I wouldn't disclose it anyway.

If a person can afford something (a key factor in my mind), then why not get it. Of course, being married, your DH's opinion would be something to consider. ;-)

For myself, there are some things for which a compromise would be a waste of money. I've spent more to get what I really want, and I never regret doing so.

Definitely, go to stores and try things on. Leave your toddler with your DH, or have him along to entertain your child (there may be a pet store at the mall). Take your time and make more than one trip. For myself, I can't have anyone else with me or I end up considering what appeals to them not me.

Since stumbling across PS, looking at all the beautiful settings, considering various diamond diameters, and visiting stores, I'm starting to figure out what I'd like. Diamonds that looked large when I first put them on, magically shrunk on future store visits. DSS is real!

When I finally figure out exactly what I want, I'll get it. I won't compromise to save money or meet someone else's standard of what's appropriate or acceptable. Doing so would just be a waste of money and make me unhappy.

Take your time and get whatever will bring you joy each time you glance at your ring. Otherwise, why bother.

Have fun!

:wavey:
 

Dancing Fire

Super_Ideal_Rock
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go for it!... :wink2:
 

msop04

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Gosh, I've never once thought I wasn't worth the bling! ...I'm sure my husband wishes I had less of a love for big rocks! HA! :bigsmile: :bigsmile:

...you ARE worth it. Go for what you like! :wavey:
 

pearaffair

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Re: Feeling "worth" the bling

I can totally relate. I don't have an answer but I'm glad you started this thread :)
 

Gypsy

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Scandinavian|1458284006|4007206 said:
Off course you are worth it! Buy whatever you want as long as you can afford it! My ring is much bigger than that of my friends, but so what? :angel: :bigsmile: :angel: Do what makes YOU happy! Or just let your DH do the shopping (maybe give him some hints regarding cut etc if he is not that into diamonds..) and consider the result a nice surprise? :angel:

EDIT: or just have him post a plea for help from Gypsy to find you the perfect diamond ;-) :) (Sorry Gypsy, but you are the best)
Hahaha!

No.problem! And thank you.
 
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