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feeling pressure...

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ktkakes

Rough_Rock
Joined
Nov 18, 2006
Messages
86
To have a person i really dont want as a bridesmaid! i honestly feel you should have the people you want in your wedding that you shouldnt feel obligated to please a family member by putting there significant other in the wedding.

This person is supposed to be the bestman i dont see what putting his FI in the wedding will do they wont be together.

I really only have family and my two best friends in my wedding my bridesmaids is already up to 5. I did not pressure my hunny to put anyone in the wedding on his side. my brother isnt even in my wedding, which is ok i mean my brother has no hard feelings about it.

What is everyones take on putting someone in your bridal party to acommodate someone already in it?
 

Hudson_Hawk

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 2, 2006
Messages
10,541
I''m dealing with the same dilemma. I have a family member (actually my brother''s long time gf) who I feel obligated to include but honestly, I have friends who I''m closer to that I''d like to include. And my brother''s gf (who to be honest is a friend as well) lives in CA. So do you just not include them and hope tht they understand?

Also, what do you do about the SO''s sister/brother. Do you automatically include them?
 

Fancy605

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jul 3, 2006
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1,446
My stance is, only have who you want to have. If you don''t think that person is going to be a joy to have around you all day, then don''t ask. I am not including my future SIL in my wedding, and her fiance is the BM in our wedding. Why? Because my BMs are my 4 favorite girls in the world, and I don''t want anyone else.

My advice is just don''t ask any people just for the sake of asking. And if they don''t understand and start acting ugly about it, then they probably aren''t the type of people you want in your wedding anyway. Your real friends will still be your friends regaurdless of whether they are included in a wedding party.

It''s your wedding. Have it your way.
 

anchor31

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 18, 2005
Messages
7,074
Date: 4/3/2007 11:33:36 AM
Author: Fancy605
My stance is, only have who you want to have. If you don''t think that person is going to be a joy to have around you all day, then don''t ask. I am not including my future SIL in my wedding, and her fiance is the BM in our wedding. Why? Because my BMs are my 4 favorite girls in the world, and I don''t want anyone else.

My advice is just don''t ask any people just for the sake of asking. And if they don''t understand and start acting ugly about it, then they probably aren''t the type of people you want in your wedding anyway. Your real friends will still be your friends regaurdless of whether they are included in a wedding party.

It''s your wedding. Have it your way.
I agree with this 100%. I really wanted a small WP, FI didn''t really know, so I decided to have one MOH and one BM; my sister and my best friend. FI wanted it to be even, so he''s having a best man and a GM; his brother and his best friend. Now, I have a brother also and my FI has a sister, and both have longtime SOs... Two people we''re not very close to. If we''d decided to just include everyone to not risk hurting their feelings instead of doing what we''re most comfortable with, we''d have four people on each side, and I''m really not comfortable with that. Too many people to manage and get together and too many people who are not exactly interested or too busy to be involved. However, I did want to include my brother and FSIL in some way, so I asked my brother to be an usher and my FSIL to do a reading for the ceremony.

I really think you should pick the people you''re very close to and want to be in your WP. Choose your own, and let your FI choose his.
 

akw94

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Feb 10, 2006
Messages
1,937
I have a brother and my FI has a sister and I thought it would be nice to include them, so we are.. but more b/c I want to rather than feeling pushed to. On the other hand, my brother is engaged and I did not ask her to be a bm. I thought about it but I already have 3 close friends and FI''s sister making 4. FI only has his BM and my brother as a groomsman. I just think one more bm on my side is just too much and I''m really not close to her. I think they''ve been together a bit over a year and I don''t know her very well so I finally decided to stick w/those I want and that''s it! I think my FI would''ve been fine not asking my brother or his sister but I just felt it was the right thing to do. I also have 3 step-br.''s which we are not asking.

So to address your question, I don''t think you should feel obligated to invite the SO of someone in your bridal party. That just seems a bit much, especially since it seems like your FI''s BM isn''t a family member, making the BM''s SO not a family member. I definitely don''t think it''s assumed that you must include everyone''s SO''s.
Good luck!
 

surfgirl

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 5, 2007
Messages
4,438
Ahh, this is why we''re eloping! None of this messy business. But really, I would never allow myself to be pressured into putting someone in my WP unless they meant the world to me. I dont even think you need to discuss this issue with the people involved. The guy is your FIs best man. Fine. You choose your bridesmaids and dont feel pressured to include the BMs FI because that makes no sense at all to me. If she isn''t a very close friend/sister then.just.no!
 

diamondfan

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 17, 2005
Messages
11,016
I think this happens all too often. I dealt with it as well. You should be able to have those people who have meaning in your life standing up for you. It is that simple, but really, in life it does not often go that way. Sometimes it is easier to give in than to have stress, but that kind of stinks to me.
 

Gwyn

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jan 5, 2007
Messages
745
I can say, as a SIL to be. If my BF''s sister was getting married, I would not feel entitled, nor would I be upset, if she did not ask me to be a BM. And we are fairly close.

You shouldnt have to involve anyone you do not want to, it is your day!


_______________________________________________________________________________________________
 

kimberlina13

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Sep 16, 2005
Messages
171
If you want to include them, maybe ask the SO to do a reading or a toast at the reception? With my wedding, all of the siblings ended up being in the WP, even my brother''s fiancee, except my brother. I really wanted to include him, other than being a designated chauffeur for the day, but our WP was already at 6 on each side, so I asked him to do a reading. He seemed much happier doing that than having to rent a tux and stand up with people he hardly knew.
 

mainemomof2

Rough_Rock
Joined
Apr 9, 2007
Messages
56
I *SAY* don''t include anyone who you don''t want in your wedding party. If you are not super close to them, or don''t feel like they belong there, then don''t have them there.

While I say this, I plan to have my future sister-in-law in my wedding party.

My FI have talked about excluding her from this role, but the foreseen problems that would cause in the family aren''t worth it.

She often says ''I am not going to be LAST in the line am I''? I then think to myself, well honey, you can get out of the line if you would like.

Family pressure is HARD, but learning to deal with it before it takes over is the key.

Good Luck.
 

zdrastvootya

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Sep 2, 2004
Messages
210
This is a wedding pet peeve for me. When my aunt''s brother got married, his best friend was displaced as best man by the MOH''s boyfriend. She was afraid he would get jealous or something, I''m not sure. I don''t think the couple even knew him. She had helped a lot on the arrangements, so the couple didn''t feel they could refuse her.

Hello! The wedding isn''t about what the MOH wants! I hope the MOH has grown up a bit (I believe she''s married now), and realizes this was a bad thing. The best friend took it very well, as you would expect from a best friend.

Z.
 

Pandora II

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 3, 2006
Messages
9,613
FI has 3 brothers, I have 1 brother and 2 sisters.

FI has 5 Best Men - none are relatives of either of us.
I have 5 Bridesmaids - none are my siblings.

No one has been offended in the least (our wedding will be very formal)

You should have exactly who YOU and your FI want in your wedding party.
 
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