Feeling more and more like an idiot!

[MichelleCarmen]

Ah, okay, I feel BEYOND stupid!

The trip to prague didn''t happen, and Dh''s relative who invited me is now going on another trip with my MIL to California. I mentioned to my husband, in passing, without literally meaning it, that I''d rather go to CA with them than freeze my butt of in Prague. Well, what does he do? He secretly asks his mom to ask me along to CA.

Well, the problem starts with her calling me and surprising me with the offer for me to go with her and the other relative. I say I''ll think about it, but she interprets it as yes. As far as I know at that point, it is her idea. But, then after a few drinks, my husband admits to me that he asked her to ask me. At that point, I felt stupid and also as if he went behind my back due to not consulting me first to see if I really want to go. The reason for my uncomfort over this being that I''ve been dating and then married to my husband for a total of 17 years and his mom and I have never done anything. And, I mean absolutely NOTHING! Not even a single lunch out and I''m the mother of her two grandchildren. So, you can only guess, we have a minimal relationship and her asking me was only as a result of my husband''s pushing it.

Soooo. . . then a few days later, she calls me playing down the trip saying it''s going to be miserable due to it being about getting an elderly relative in a retirement home. At that point, I break down and say I''m not going. I had felt my dignity was a bit shattered by my husband having her ask me as she would NOT have asked me otherwise. Who knows if she wants me there or likes me. I have NO idea.

Soooo. . . THEN, my husband calls & emails my MIL ripping her to shreds over her not accepting me and never inviting me to do anything in the entire time she''s known me. Saying that the "girls" never have accepted me.

Ahhh. . . huge fiasco over their fighting and me being pissed. Suddenly and email plane ticket reservation pops up in my inbox and there is a flight for me booked to San Diego. My MIL paid for my ticket and I''m going.

I feel horribly embarrassed now. My husband made it perfectly clear that my feelings were hurt over this whole thing. His family MAKES FUN of people who take their feelings too seriously, so now I''m the focus of all this drama when I NEVER would have even wanted to go on the trip in the first place IF my husband had consulted me.

Does this even make sense?

 

[DiamanteBlu]

Jeez, the drama . . . Aren''t families wonderful! LOL!

I''d suggest not getting sucked into it. It is a waste of your energy IMHO. You have better things to do.

As far as the trip - just go for it. Enjoy the change of scenery and, who knows, your MIL may not be so bad if you finally get to know her. I would go shopping or sightseeing on the days they are dealing with the elderly relative unless it is a relative with whom you have a relationship.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Thanks for replying. Steering clear of the drama is part of my usual routine, which has been the main reason I've avoided being a part of the group too often. We're only going to be in California for four days, two of which will be spent flying in and out, so it will be a VERY short "vacation." I'm going to rent a car or take a cab and sight see around the part of the city we're staying in for one of the days and help w/the relative the other.

I'm trying hard to have a positive attitude, but it's been more difficult today watching all the finger-pointing emails popping up in the inbox today.

Oh, and the vacation is RIGHT before my birthday, which adds to the tension. If I hadn't of already purchased my new necklace, I'd be planning a substantial shopping trip to some famed stores down there!

 

[upgrading mama]

Strained family relations are never fun, or easy to get through....do you think you could could maybe take this time away with your mother in law as a chance to bond? Maybe she feels you never liked her??It is funny when things go unspoken, especially for a long time, that they can be different than we think.

I would say try to take this as a chance to build a relationship-after all she is your hubby''s mom, your kids grandma, and will be a part of the fam for the rest of her life...good luck and I hope it all goes well..

 

[door knob solitaire]

Wow...MC...you and I are family twinkies! Not kidding. You described my family in laws perfectly. I know exactly what you are going through. I understand how miserable and CENTER STAGE you feel right now.

Bottom line...if you are uncomfortable...decline. You can''t loose something you don''t have...in a way of a relationship.

I hope you stay in the running and take the trip as if you own this family. At least your place in it! 17 years you have served your time...and earned your seat. Go...enjoy SD. And take a peek in a mirror at your new necklace...as you are shopping. It will help remind you to keep your wallet closed. §

 

[risingsun]

Good grief!! Families! If you don't really want to go on this trip and don't think you'll enjoy it, them tell them to sod off! What I meant to say, was politely decline. Why do something that won't make you happy? You could say that you're soooo glad MIL thought of you, but the timing isn't right for you to travel. Tell MIL to enjoy herself and sod off. What I meant to say was, enjoy "yourself and your visit to the retirement home"

 

[movie zombie]

i''m sorry but your story made me LOL! go, enjoy san diego, and remember: you don''t have to spend your time with her if you don''t want.

and maybe let your hubby know how much you love him for loving you so much he was willing to take on his mother..... but maybe he should let you book your own flights!

movie zombie

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Thanks for your gals'' support!

The trip is set in stone since the ticket was already purchased, soooo, I am for sure going. I''ve started mapping activities around the hotel in hopes of finding something fun.

Door Knob - If only my necklace could prevent shopping, but I cannot even wear my diamonds around them, so I''ll need some sort of moral booster. (My sparkilies (no matter how modest they are) cause issues to pop up! Unfortunetly nobody else has an interest in jewelry.)

 

[DiamanteBlu]

If you want to wear your sparklies then, wear your sparklies. Do what makes you happy. Only they can control their reactions. Their reactions are not your responsibility and, in fact, you couldn't control them even if you wanted to. If your diamonds cause "issues" for them, tough $hit. They need to "get over it".

BTW, shopping is good

. I shop all the time. I buy rarely but when I do, it's good!

 

[Efe]

Great news. You are going to be where the lovely San Diego Lady lives. Maybe your husband can go behind your back and call San Diego Lady''s husband and he can go behind her back and arrange for the two of you to get together for a subsidized (aka get out of the dog house) GTG bling fest! Something good needs to come of all of this going behind your back... Just a thought.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 12/7/2007 4:18:11 PM
Author: DiamanteBlu
Their reactions are not your responsibility and, in fact, you couldn''t control them even if you wanted to. If your diamonds cause ''issues'' for them, tough $hit. They need to ''get over it''.

BTW, shopping is good

. I shop all the time. I buy rarely but when I do, it''s good!

True. The issue caused mostly is they have other priorities yet seem to over look them. . . so although it''s perfectly acceptable for one of them to buy a new $1200 handbag, my purchasing of a diamond pendant of the same price results in them harboring resentment rather then realizing we each have our own pleasures in life. We each have our own obsessions. I just don''t want to ruffle even more feathers, so I hid my jewery and show off my designer jeans - which are "okay.")

 

[movie zombie]

hey, go visit Palagems! aren''t they within driving distance?! go, take a camera and report back with pictures of lovely color stones!

movie zombie

 

[Miranda]

Oh no honey! You should wear your bling and not worry about what they think. My in-laws are very anti-jewelry. They really didn''t start accepting my infatuation until they saw that my DH, their son, was behind me 100%. AND I make sure I point out that he spends frivolously as well. I am always quick to say that we all make our own financial decisions and we don''t have to agree with what one person does. You know, the whole thing everyone tells their kindergartener... Different people make different choices and we don''t have to like it, but, we do have to respect it. Why don''t you FREAK them out. Tell them you are going to meet an internet friend you met on a jewelry forum and do some JEWELRY shopping! I''ll meet you for lunch! Maybe SDL will join in as well! LOL - I am cracking myself up! I can only imagine the look on my ILs faces if I said that and yours seem to be more narrow minded.

Really, I feel for you. My family thinks sensitivity is a weakness, too. I''m sorry you are in this situation, but, hopefully beautiful San Diego will take your mind off of it. Can DH come? Or DH and the kids? Or a girlfriend? That way you won''t be feeling so alone.

I do agree with movie zombie. Tell your honey that you love him for going to bat for you, but, next time a little communication goes a loooooong way. It''s nice to hear he was being sensitive to your feelings even if he did the ''man'' thing.

 

[risingsun]

Oh do wear your jewelry proudly. These people sound like such judgmental types. Don''t let them influence what will bring you joy. Your pendant is beautiful and there is no reason for you to be made to feel that you cannot be yourself, no matter where and with whom you are.

 

[CrownJewel]

I agree with Sophie. I think this is an excellent opportunity for you to bond with the "girls." Look at this whole "accident" as a blessing in disguise. Go into it with a positive attitude, NOT "ugh, I have to spend 4 days with two catty women who don''t like me and don''t like diamonds." That attitude will not help you feel any more comfortable, and it certainly won''t improve your relationship with your MIL. I''m sure your DH would love to hear all the great bonding stories when you get back.

I also think you should wear your diamonds if you want. If they can carry their expensive handbags, you can wear your necklace proudly.

Most importantly, have FUN!!!!

 

[Kay]

I just saw this post. When are you coming to San Diego, MC? I''d be happy to go shopping with you if you need some time away from the in-laws.

This sounds like the kind of situation my well-meaning husband would get me into. I have been with DH for nearly 14 years, and it has been a rocky road at times with his family, especially MIL.