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Feeling left out - not sure what to do....

laurenk

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Nov 12, 2011
Messages
953
Ok so I am one of four sisters, mostly we all get along so well. 34, 32, 28 and 26 years old we are. I'm 32. Well, my youngest sister is and has always been a little over indulged, never really worked or done much of anything hard in her life, she went from family home to marital home and continues to be over indulged and spoilt. Now whilst I'm ok with that (mostly) I can't stand the way she thinks and openly acts as though she's better than others. She And her husband are very driven by money and putting themseves first no matter what.

I feel maybe this sister is the instigator... I don't know...

Well this weekend I Found out that about 2 months ago my three sisters and some mutual friends planned a girls weekend away, no one told me..... My oldest sister couldn't go as she's got a tiny baby and they wanted no kids - I get that. Then the same older sister said to the others "well if the three of us are going we should ask Lauren as she knows the other girls equally as much" no response or discussion to include me....

Well I can't help but feel totally gutted. How effing rude and selfish were my thoughts. I struggle anyway with my self esteem and for my own sisters to do this (and yes we do have a good relationship) is just heartbreaking.

I am unsure if I address this or leave it?

I could rattle on about the ins and outs but I don't know who to talk to. My parents defend her every move do I can't go there.

I'm happy to leave it but I'm struggling to know if I'm over reacting or if I should address it.....
 

missy

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 8, 2008
Messages
34,144
Hey Lauren, I'm so sorry. I don't blame you for feeling left out and it isn't a pleasant feeling. :(sad

How did you find out about this girl's weekend? Which of your sister's do you feel closest to? I would start with the sister you are closest to and tell her how you are feeling and take it from there. Not accusatory or raising your voice or anything so not to put them on the defensive but I would start by just asking gently why you weren't told about this weekend or invited? I would want to know why you were left out and then see what she/they say(s).

You feel close to your sisters and have a good relationship so I would definitely want to keep the lines of communication open and talk it through to work it out and see what went wrong here. I would start with one sister and then absolutely talk it through with each one of them.

I am so sorry you were left out and I hope you can successfully resolve this and have an even closer relationship with your sisters after dealing with this issue. (((HUGS))).
 

momhappy

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 3, 2013
Messages
4,660
I agree with missy. I think you need to find out why they chose to leave you out. Based on what you posted in your opening paragraph, it sounds like maybe there is some sibling rivalry (jealousy) at play and maybe that has something to do with it?
If you are all friends, and you have decent relationships with your sisters, then you should have been invited and I agree with you that it was rude of them to leave you out. Whether or not you address it is completely up to you and it depends if you feel comfortable with confrontations (and the potential consequences - like strained relationships, etc.). Personally, I would be willing to engage in a discussion and I would probably confront them one at a time.
Sibling relationships can be tricky sometimes (even as adults), so I wish you the best of luck with your sisters. I'm sorry that you were left out. I think your feelings are justified and I'd be hurt too in the same circumstances. I hope that you can resolve it.
 

anne_h

Brilliant_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 13, 2005
Messages
1,006
I agree the others - approach the sister you are closest to. My advice would be go in seeking to understand... if you go in trying to accuse or cause guilt, then you will probably not get a good reaction.

You can say you were surprised and hurt, and that you want to understand if there was a reason why you were not included. And if there *is* a reason, you want to work on that with whomever the issue is with.

I think you will have the most success if your goal is to understand and improve your relationships. If you need more time to get to that place before approaching anyone, go ahead and wait a bit.

Once you have more info and start working to address whatever the issue is, you could then even try to be proactive - arrange something fun yourself with all your sisters. You can take control too!

My two cents!

Anne
 
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