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Feeling guilty! Need advice!

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QueenG

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Dec 17, 2007
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Hello PSers. I probably have a pretty common problem, but I just don''t know what to do. Everyone here always has great advice, and I need help! So, I knew I wanted the Tiffany Etoile. I''ve been trying it on for a long time, in various dimaond sizes (and thus, different widths). In the end, I felt guilty having my boyfriend spend so much money (Tiffany mark-up, trying to save money, get our lives together, the usual). In February, after 5 months of seriously searching Signed Pieces and Ebay (and even more months of casually searching) I found a half carat Etoile on Ebay, practically brand new and for a good price. FF and I discussed and went for it! It''s a beautiful ring, and for much less than what it would cost to have it replicated by Whiteflash.

Well, fast-forward almost 5 months and he still hasn''t proposed! I figure he wants to plan something nice (he''s a very romantic guy. I, on the other hand, wouldn''t care if he just handed it to me and said "here ya go!" hehe). I also feel he is waiting to accomplish something specific professionally before he feels that he is ready to ask (we''re in our early 30''s and we both have some things professionally that we haven''t accomplished just yet and haven''t worked out so we sometimes feel a little bit down on ourselves). In the meantime, I''ve been thinking and thinking and re-trying different Etoiles on at Tiffany. I think you can guess what I''m going to say next: I want a bigger ring! I feel so bad, especially b/c we both agreed about no upgrades (sentimentality being the reason), but since I don''t technically have the ring yet, I want to change it! I tihnk I can use the one-time upgrade policy at Tiffany, even though the ring was second-hand. I THINK. If not, I could always hang on and continue to look on SP and Ebay and sell the ring I have. In any case, how do I broach the subject? He gets a little touchy about money b/c I have a lot of nerdy friends who make good money (nothing against nerds, I''m one too!) while he''s an artist/musican and his friends lie on the other end of the spectrum. Not that I want the bigger ring to compete with anyone, I just love the thicker band and the larger diamond! So, how do I broach this subject? Or do I just suck it up and hope to get over it? I just feel so bad because he is a wonderful and sweet guy and I should love whatever he struggled to afford for me, but then at the same time I truly love the larger ring and know he could handle the payments on it with a trade-in and 0% financing.

Thank you so much for listening and bearing with me!
 
Hmm... I can tell you that in the year and a half between when we first went ring shopping and when one was actually purchased a few weeks before the proposal, my tastes appreciated substantially! And partly (I know, I know) it was, well, if I have to wait and ring shop this long, it better be worth the wait! (And it might cost him.)

And of course part of me was really wondering what the hold up was. Why no proposal. We seemed to be on the same page or close to the same page but it was definitely hard at times to feel that he was stalling on things or really wasn't sure.

So any chance this ring aspiration is partly tied up in the 5 mo delay? I might also think about whether you can appreciate this 1/2 carat ring on its own for several years or forever if it were not the only "forever" ring you would receive. In other words, have you reached the point where you would not be happy with the smaller ring for any length of time? Or could you still appreciate and be satisfied with the 1/2 carat etoile as an engagement ring, but knowing that either you will get an upgrade at year 5 or 10 or a more substantial anniversary ring (ie. its not your only/forever ring)? forever is a long time!

either way, it sounds like you should revisit your previous conversations and it might be a difficult conversation if he is touchy about money. that's why it might be easier just to revise the "no upgrades" decision rather than the initial e-ring - by then your money and his money will be one.
 
Sounds like you got what you wanted in Round 1. Now you''re changing your mind because you want more More MORE?!? My advice is to enjoy what you have.

You''re boyfriend sounds like he''s not rich (i.e. a musician). Asking for too much might scare off someone with limited means who may have different priorities than investing in carbon rocks. Also, committing him to pay more doesn''t sound like the best long-term plan for your financial future together. You can always buy a bigger stone later in life.

Considering that it''s been a few months since the ring was purchased, focus on your building your relationship rather than increasing the size of your rock.

That''s just my opinion based upon superficial facts.
 
Strictly my opinion: It is never a good idea to start life together on a payment plan unless it is for a house or something that you need rather than something you want. Your BF might be able to afford the additional cost of the upgrade, but he might want to use it for an investment that will grow in value or advance your careers. A diamond is forever but "never" an investment that grows in value. As others mentioned once your careers advance and have more disposable income your BF might not be as touchy with money and might even be willing to get you an upgrade. Good luck .
 
QueenG, my advice is to wait until you are married, then see about an upgrade for an anniversary. It took me many years of longing to get the size diamonds I craved, but I got there in the end! Wait until he actually proposes and you will love wearing the beautiful ring he has already bought for you!
 
Let me take off my diamond hat and put on my business hat [I help people build wealth during the day] for a sec

Only finance appreciating assets (most real estate [bought well], stock equities [again... bought well], businesses, collectibles etc.]. Even then, you should only buy things with Other People's Money when you have some of your own.

Buy fun things and depreciating assets (vacations, cars, sparklies, kitchen renovations etc.), with cash or disposable income. (Putting it on a Credit Card for points or airmiles, then paying it off very quickly would be acceptable too.

Even if it's 0% interest, it's still not a good deal. Financing purchases is a slippery slope that can become habitual for people.
 
As you put it, he struggled to afford the lovely ring you picked out.

Now you want to upgrade even though you KNOW it will hurt his feelings and he would be in debt.

Need I say more, or do you really need people on the internet to comment?
 
Thanks everyone for your comments, harsh as some of them may be
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. It was my own fault that I convinced myself into the ring we have now. I flip-flop between trying to be less showy and having the ring I actually want. We found the "deal" and jumped on it (and the "struggle" was to pay off the lump sum in two months since we found the ring on ebay. Not sooo much a struggle, but you know what I mean when a large expense is thrown at you). I know some of the folks around here don''t like payment plans, and neither do I, but I fail to see the large harm in one with no APR. It''s like my AMEX card... needs to be paid off monthly, so you can''t get yourself into trouble with service charges. I understand the possible behaviors it may lead to, but I''ve had my fun with buying expendable junk and don''t see the merit in it anymore and my boyfriend isn''t dazzled by anything material. And I have no reservations about helping out with the ring, and he didn''t initially either, so I wouldn''t think that would change.

It also comes down to some feelings of "don''t I deserve what the other girls get?" Maybe it sounds silly, but there have been some issues with me wanting certain things, like looking into buying a reasonable and older townhome together instead of renting and him getting frustrated about money and lashing out that I want way too much (that''s why I went with the smaller ring to begin with). Obviously relationships and situations are more complicated than what can be outlined in a few paragraphs on the internet, but I just wanted some general thoughts about how this could be handled. I certainly wouldn''t mind waiting upgrading in a few years, but I feel he would be very opposed to getting a new ring and not having the one I was asked with. And I hesitate to bring that up now because I don''t want him to think I don''t like this ring that he will be giving me.
 
I don''t think you should be too down on yourself, QueenG. Of course, it might be a different thing completely to broach it with the BF (especially if he''s sitting on the ring, which I do think is unfair...)
However, from reading these boards, it seems US couples have a tradition of the ''ta-DAH'' proposal, so I guess I''m prepared to give him the benefit of the doubt?!
But what is with making you wait when he knows you are DYING inside, everyday???

Anyway, back on topic...I was extremely considerate of my boyfriend''s feelings, and got the cheapest ring I could possibly find. It took me months and months. Originally, I wanted a classy and probably SLIGHTLY expensive ring (compared to the people around me already engaged). But we (he) was financially nervous - ''it''s really just a ring'' - , so I went for something really below the radar.

And, now? I actually wish we had spent more on my ring. I''ve produced two beautiful children, and the ring of my dreams seems...well...pretty far away, actually! Somehow, though, we have managed to get a boat in that time, which is being paid off on finance.

Go figure! Still love my man, though, and that''s totally the thing!
 
I sort of come from the opposite side of the spectrum. When I laid out my financial priorities, a house, early retirement, even college accounts for future children ALL came before a ring or wedding, so my budget for a ring was significantly less than DH''s and I would have been very happy with a band or smaller stone (less $ spent on ring = more money for appreciating assets). I''m also ALL FOR buying my own jewelry out of my non-joint accounts--I''ll never replace my e-ring, but if I want another ring, I''m happy to buy it for myself. In your situation you know that 1.) He doesn''t make much money and 2.) He would like for you to keep the original e-ring. So I would suggest that if you really do want another ring, you might want to foot the bill for that yourself. That way he doesn''t have to spend more so that you can have what you would like. I''ve always felt that the e-ring being a joint purchase is a better representation of most relationships, anyway :)
 
Date: 7/1/2008 1:46:54 AM
Author: mikebaudio
Sounds like you got what you wanted in Round 1. Now you're changing your mind because you want more More MORE?!? My advice is to enjoy what you have...

That's just my opinion based upon superficial facts.
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Except she doesn't actually have it. Seems like a relevant fact, eh?

Date: 7/1/2008 9:52:43 AM
Author: QueenG
It was my own fault that I convinced myself into the ring we have now. I flip-flop between trying to be less showy and having the ring I actually want.
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And perhaps she didn't actually want it in the first place, she was being accommodating and considering the fact that ...

... there have been some issues with me wanting certain things, like looking into buying a reasonable and older townhome together instead of renting and him getting frustrated about money and lashing out that I want way too much (that's why I went with the smaller ring to begin with).
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Money has been an issue in their relationship in the past, and he has reacted badly. Its one thing to be an artist and make certain lifestyle choices to accommodate your income and live responsibly, but its another to "lash out" at your partner for their goals and aspirations and desired house size.

QueenB, this is for you. I think this is a bit bigger than just a ring. The ring brings with it its own cultural baggage and might be particularly hard to deal with, but there are seeds of bigger touchy issues around money in your past.

It sounds like you convinced yourself to like something because you were afraid of his reaction? Or was it a compromise made under situational pressure - not a lot of money, combined with wanting to get married. And even now, you are afraid that he will never want you to upgrade so you are not bringing it up as a possibility even though you might consider it? And it might make you feel better about the ring you are getting (which it sounds like you like, you are just reluctant to declare it the be all-end all ring for QueenB? Are you also prepared for life with a... income challenged, material-possession-touchy guy? Will he still judge you for wanting nice frivolous things after you marry (such as a maternity or anniversary ring? What about a ring you buy yourself after marriage)?

In short, there is a line between not bringing things up out of concern for someone's feeling and not bringing things up because you are suppressing your own feeling as less important than theirs. If the 1/2 carat ring purchase is "water under the bridge" in your mind, then don't bring it up. But do think about what would make you happy going forward - some acknowledgement that there will be other jewelry? Some discussion of other rings to supplement your engagement ring (if he is sentimental about the original)? etc. Good luck!
 
Sounds like you should accept this ring, but save your own money and buy yourself the right-hand-ring of your dreams down the road. I think based on your information about your previous conversations about money, asking for an upgrade now before you even have the ring would not go over well. This is probably not as issue of "She doesn''t deserve it" but rather a pure and simple issue of different financial styles. It can break relationships, so focus on getting on the same page with your view of finances and let the ring thing rest.

But the biggest issue I see is why in the world is he sitting on the ring for 5 months? Seems silly since you picked it together, you know he has it. What is that about? Would drive me mental.
 
Custom Cushion, you said:

Only finance appreciating assets (most real estate [bought well], stock equities [again... bought well]

How does one know they are "buying well?" at the time they are financing such a purchase? If a person bought residential real estate or equities since about the middle of last year, they have not only not "bought well," they are likely deep underwater.

The OP has a tough dilemma there. If it were me, I''d kick in the additional $$$ myself to get the ring I wanted. I have no sentimentality when it comes to things like that. I want what I want and if I can afford it, I buy it.
 
"Don''t I deserve what the other girls get"...

No, actually you don''t. You deserve what you can afford. Period. Either what your FI can afford, or what you personally can afford.

It''s so totally unfair of you to compare your finances as a couple with other girls. Maybe their FI''s make more money. Maybe they went in debt (stupid) to buy a ring. Maybe their parents gave them money or a family diamond.

If your priority is really what "others get" then you probably should find a BF that has the income to support the lifestyle to which you seem to think you''re entitled.

I don''t wonder that your FI said "you want too much". Silly him, he probably thought the girl he loved would love him as is, starving artist salary and all
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Happiness is learning to be grateful for what you have (there''s always someone who has even less), and setting reasonable goals for accomplishments in the future.
 
Ok. I read your initial post but didn''t read too much of the replies (I am at work).

Questions:
1.) Do you come from money?
2.) Does he come from money?
3.) Do YOUR friends come from money?

Why try and keep up with everyone around you? I have friends that are VERY well off and I would love to be able to buy my g/f the kind of ring they got their fiance etc. But it''s just not going to happen.

Are you marrying cuz you actually love him or for material items? I have noticed a few posts by PS''ers that come across as VERY greedy/materialistic. Luckily my g/f said I could propose w/ a kitchen aid mixer :P
 
"How does one know they are "buying well?" at the time they are financing such a purchase?"

Research, education, and due dilligence. I favour spending time picking the brains of those that have succeeded AND failed at what you''re trying.

Warren Buffet says "Education mitigates risk" - whether it''s diamonds or real estate. The only way to buy smart is to educate yourself as much as possible, and then... give it a try. Will you always make money ? Probably not, but it''s the best way I''ve found. Markets do not always go up year after year, but there is always money to be made.
 
"I just feel so bad because he is a wonderful and sweet guy and I should love whatever he struggled to afford for me, but then at the same time I truly love the larger ring and know he could handle the payments on it with a trade-in and 0% financing.

Thank you so much for listening and bearing with me! "

Don''t thank me yet.

"he struggled to afford for me" vs. "I truly love the larger ring and know he could handle payments on it..."

You know what? Everyone "truly" loves the larger ring and many other things that they cannot afford.

The bottom line is that it''s wrong to ask someone who struggled to get you something special to then "handle the payments" for more.

I think such a request on your part would be completely lacking in tact.
 
Oh boy. My hunch is that this is about SO MUCH MORE than the ring. And that this issue might in fact be the reason for the delayed proposal.

Isn't the #1 reason for divorce: money issues? You two seem to have WILDLY differing views & priorities & expectancies. And, LADY, you're burying your head in the sand about them!!! Compromising for the smaller ring just built resentment & ultimately you couldn't stop from feeling like you "deserve what other girls get". That feeling doesn't just go away. It EXISTS INSIDE YOU. It will CONTINUE TO EXIST no matter how much you wish it didn't -- unless you stop ignoring it & start EXPLORING it.

The stress over not being engaged yet when he has the ring in hand is probably contributing to your bling-longing daydreams & your frustration. Maybe working through this ring situation will help put your future negotiation skills to the test. Have you considered contributing? Offering to contribute? If you're to be married your $$ is his $$ and vice versa & same goes for DEBT! He may be really truly wondering if he can "afford" you. My guess is he can't! That the two of you are going to have to "afford" you & unless you both can climb out of the sand & deal with the less-than-perfect, less-than-virtuous REALITY of each other ... there's gonna be a long, sticky road ahead.
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Date: 7/1/2008 12:37:18 PM
Author: Love2Travel
Luckily my g/f said I could propose w/ a kitchen aid mixer :P
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Babe, is that you?
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I asked for a kitchen aid mixer as well. A red one. Unfortunately they were hard to get in the UK at the time in the size I wanted. We have a tiny studio sized apartment kitchen so I haven''t baked in well over two years. I still want a mixer though. A red one.

And honey, if this is you, my birthday is next month and we''re moving to a flat with a bigger kitchen in two months.
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Date: 7/1/2008 1:07:46 PM
Author: decodelighted
Oh boy. My hunch is that this is about SO MUCH MORE than the ring. And that this issue might in fact be the reason for the delayed proposal.

Isn't the #1 reason for divorce: money issues? You two seem to have WILDLY differing views & priorities & expectancies. And, LADY, you're burying your head in the sand about them!!! Compromising for the smaller ring just built resentment & ultimately you couldn't stop from feeling like you 'deserve what other girls get'. That feeling doesn't just go away. It EXISTS INSIDE YOU. It will CONTINUE TO EXIST no matter how much you wish it didn't -- unless you stop ignoring it & start EXPLORING it.

The stress over not being engaged yet when he has the ring in hand is probably contributing to your bling-longing daydreams & your frustration. Maybe working through this ring situation will help put your future negotiation skills to the test. Have you considered contributing? Offering to contribute? If you're to be married your $$ is his $$ and vice versa & same goes for DEBT! He may be really truly wondering if he can 'afford' you. My guess is he can't! That the two of you are going to have to 'afford' you & unless you both can climb out of the sand & deal with the less-than-perfect, less-than-virtuous REALITY of each other ... there's gonna be a long, sticky road ahead.
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What she said! And word! Look, I appreciate that you're being brutally honest in what you're feeling, that's a start. However, based on what we've read here, it appears that:

1. You have fallen into the "keeping up with the Joneses" trap, even when you perhaps cannot afford to.

and

2. You are putting the ring before the commitment, in terms of importance.

and

3. You and your BF have very different views on what "affordable" means and what you can actually afford.

Something people here often mention is "financing" a ring and most of us always say the same thing: If you cannot afford to put cash down and pay for it in full when you buy it, then you cannot afford it. That also extends to being able to pay in full for a purchase without it affecting adversely on your monthly expenses and your retirement accounts, etc.

I do think that you should:

A. Stop looking at other rings immediately.

and

B. Start seeing a good counselor, one who specializes in marriage and family therapy counseling. You and your guy need to spend some quality time with a neutral party, discussing and exploring your different perspectives on marriage and finances, and come to some sort of understanding on how you're going to deal with the financial aspects of a marriage. Otherwise, as Deco said, I see a bumpy road ahead...Good luck!

ETA: I just re read your post again and I think there is nothing wrong with starting out with an ering that is appropriate to one's situation in life. Many women here who married younger, got smaller erings because that is what their guys could afford back when they got engaged. Some upgrade, most people in real life that I see do not upgrade, but it's an option. You could always get a blingier wband for a special anniversary or whatever. The ring isn't the relationship...
 
Date: 7/1/2008 12:37:18 PM
Author: Love2Travel
Luckily my g/f said I could propose w/ a kitchen aid mixer :P
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And I would''ve loved an "Engagement Kitten" but ah it was not meant to be
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But I agree with others, if finances over a ring is an issue now, things will NOT improve when you''re married. Either you''re willing/able to deal with your (you and your BF) financial status in a realistic way, or you can''t. I think it''s perfectly normal to want something bigger and better, but it''s a whole another thing to pursue it with no regards to his/your financial situation and/or your partner''s feeling just because it''s what YOU want.
 
It would be great if we could all get what we want, but we can't.

You say he can afford it, but then say that he can afford the PAYMENTS. It's a different thing IMO. ESPECIALLY if he already is sensitive about $, you are then asking him to finance a bigger ring for you? I'd say a big NO to that.

I agree with the posters that say there is a bigger issue...and I really really think you guys need to get on the same $ page BEFORE getting engaged. It really is one of the biggest marriage stressors in life especially if you have wildly different spending styles/expectations.
 
CC: research and due diligence. Okay. So, using that theory, research and due diligence might have had you buying equities a year ago; after all, earnings were good and getting better, we were in a Fed friendly environment, etc. And it could not have been more wrong.

I would prefer to borrow at 0% and invest (in my case trade) the cash. I can make a return on that. And I''m not "trying" to do what I do, I''ve been doing it for a living for over 20 years.

I don''t see anything wrong with buying at zero percent with the caveat that the purchaser can afford to make the payment.
 
Yikes PerfectPear. I appreciate the dose of reality, but I feel like there may be some misconception about things. I would pay for the whole upgrade myself if he''d be "OK" with it. Heck, I''ve paid most of our common bills for the past two years. And many of you hit the nail on the head about where we come from money-wise (guess who;s family is more well-off!), but I THINK it''s possible for two people to learn from each other. We''ve had some issues in the past about money, but it seemed that HE was the one who felt bad not being able to keep up with the Joneses. I''ve never wanted for anything growing up, so I''m not one to compare myself to others usually. A few of you are probably right in thinking that the wait for the proposal is getting me to second-guess the ring. And if I cared so much about money, I wouldn''t date a starving artist :) I truly love him and enjoy being with him. Thanks again guys for kicking me in the butt a little, about the ring AND certain issues in the relationship. I''m still going to dream about the ring though
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1)

"I don''t see anything wrong with buying at zero percent with the caveat that the purchaser can afford to make the payment."

Exactly. I have millionaire clients buying properties with zero down because money is so cheap today. They have the cash, but can better leverage themself.

Very different, as you know (but I say for the benefit of others), from people who can only buy the property IF they buy it with a 100% mortgage (0% downpayment), and typically these people will have little to no cash or retirement savings.

2)

Yes, the climate for property in the US is crazy right now, and prices are coming down to a more normal value in many areas.

Are people still making money ? Not most (whats new) - but you can bet some are, and we are too :)

If you are liquid, there are some phenominal opportunities available right now - and they can be great investments for you if you educate yourself about them.
 
Date: 7/1/2008 12:38:54 AM
Author:QueenG
Hello PSers. I probably have a pretty common problem, but I just don''t know what to do. Everyone here always has great advice, and I need help! So, I knew I wanted the Tiffany Etoile. I''ve been trying it on for a long time, in various dimaond sizes (and thus, different widths). In the end, I felt guilty having my boyfriend spend so much money (Tiffany mark-up, trying to save money, get our lives together, the usual). In February, after 5 months of seriously searching Signed Pieces and Ebay (and even more months of casually searching) I found a half carat Etoile on Ebay, practically brand new and for a good price. FF and I discussed and went for it! It''s a beautiful ring, and for much less than what it would cost to have it replicated by Whiteflash.

Well, fast-forward almost 5 months and he still hasn''t proposed! I figure he wants to plan something nice (he''s a very romantic guy. I, on the other hand, wouldn''t care if he just handed it to me and said ''here ya go!'' hehe). I also feel he is waiting to accomplish something specific professionally before he feels that he is ready to ask (we''re in our early 30''s and we both have some things professionally that we haven''t accomplished just yet and haven''t worked out so we sometimes feel a little bit down on ourselves). In the meantime, I''ve been thinking and thinking and re-trying different Etoiles on at Tiffany. I think you can guess what I''m going to say next: I want a bigger ring! I feel so bad, especially b/c we both agreed about no upgrades (sentimentality being the reason), but since I don''t technically have the ring yet, I want to change it! I tihnk I can use the one-time upgrade policy at Tiffany, even though the ring was second-hand. I THINK. If not, I could always hang on and continue to look on SP and Ebay and sell the ring I have. In any case, how do I broach the subject? He gets a little touchy about money b/c I have a lot of nerdy friends who make good money (nothing against nerds, I''m one too!) while he''s an artist/musican and his friends lie on the other end of the spectrum. Not that I want the bigger ring to compete with anyone, I just love the thicker band and the larger diamond! So, how do I broach this subject? Or do I just suck it up and hope to get over it? I just feel so bad because he is a wonderful and sweet guy and I should love whatever he struggled to afford for me, but then at the same time I truly love the larger ring and know he could handle the payments on it with a trade-in and 0% financing.

Thank you so much for listening and bearing with me!
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Well let''s be honest here. You only get one proposal (generally speaking). Every woman deserves a proposal that is thoughtful and heartwarming...not a well here''s the ring, how about some sushi did you remember to take out the trash? proposal. Don''t sell yourself short.

Here’s my thing about rings.

Your engagement ring is a reflection of who you and your fiance are. If your fiance is not a $25,000 ring guy right now, then he shouldn’t be buying you a $25,000 ring just because you want a bigger rock. If it really is that important to you, then I would have him save for a bigger ring (obviously I’m exaggerating with $25K) but then be understanding that its going to take a while to get there.


Think about it…you are asking the man that you love to make payments so that you have a bigger ring!! That is not fair at all. I make twice what my future fiance makes and I always will. Had I bought the ring myself, I could have gone for a nice 2ct. He can’t afford that so he got me a .75 and I am absolutely in love with my little girl (as I call her). It’s not the ring…it’s the fact that he took his hard earned money and bought me a ring specifically to ask me to be his wife forever. There is no greater feeling than that (aside from having children or so I have heard).


Besides…there are no rules for a huge RHR down the line.


Love your ring. It is a true reflection of you and your fiance and there is nothing more beautiful.
 
It''s tough, many of us here change our minds and want to go bigger.

I would wait a few years and then save up for an awesome rhr perhaps for your 5 year anniversary. Perhaps you might also be more excited about the ring when you see it again on your finger and he proposes.
 
A half carat Etoile is so classic and beautiful. I would have been estatic over one (my first diamond was .24 ct.). You can pair it with a diamond eternity band if you want more bling. You have your whole lives ahead of you to get that bigger diamond. I have waited 16 years to get a one carat. Please try to keep things in perspective and not get too caught up in what other people have, although I know this is hard.

The moms at my son''s former school all have 2-5 carat diamonds, plus big houses, fancy cars, expensive clothes, and take exotic vacations. We have struggled to pay the tuition and put food on the table (although things have gotten a little better for us). Make sure that this diamond issue isn''t just about the diamond.
 
Date: 7/1/2008 3:03:34 PM
Author: QueenG
Yikes PerfectPear. I appreciate the dose of reality, but I feel like there may be some misconception about things. I would pay for the whole upgrade myself if he''d be ''OK'' with it. Heck, I''ve paid most of our common bills for the past two years. And many of you hit the nail on the head about where we come from money-wise (guess who;s family is more well-off!), but I THINK it''s possible for two people to learn from each other. We''ve had some issues in the past about money, but it seemed that HE was the one who felt bad not being able to keep up with the Joneses. I''ve never wanted for anything growing up, so I''m not one to compare myself to others usually. A few of you are probably right in thinking that the wait for the proposal is getting me to second-guess the ring. And if I cared so much about money, I wouldn''t date a starving artist :) I truly love him and enjoy being with him. Thanks again guys for kicking me in the butt a little, about the ring AND certain issues in the relationship. I''m still going to dream about the ring though
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forget about the upgrade. buy yourself a big RHR
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Do you think he will propose soon? Any idea why he''s taking his time? That would be really nerve wracking to me and would make me want a larger and/or different ring (all other issues aside for a moment) mostly because I''m impatient
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, whereas if you already had the ring, maybe you wouldn''t want a larger one right now because you''d be enjoying the engagement, working toward marriage, and the beautiful etoile ring, of course....
 
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