Feeling Embarassed!!! (Vent)

[maple2012]

Hi Ladies,

I need to vent. My SO told the future MIL today about our trip to look at engagement rings (yay), our plans to get engaged soon (double yay!!), and drum roll..... the cost of the engagement ring he plans to get me! Oh my GOSH! I am so embarrased and upset! SO and I are doing well for ourselves right now and both had to work very hard the past few years to get there. But his family is very simple and would never understand an elaborate/pricey purchase such as this one (neither would my family for that matter). I am so embarrased!! I snapped at him on why he'd share the price of such a private (and pricey) purchase with anyone else but well... it's too late now.

I guess I just don't feel comfortable with with our immediate family knowing what he spent on it for fear of criticism (which I'm pretty sure I already got but he refused to admit future MIL said anything). I felt pretty embarrased and upset about this and wanted to vent.

Alright... got it off my chest. Thanks ladies for listening.

Maple

 

[MBKRH]

Hmmm, not sure why he felt the need to tell them what he plans to spend. It's really NOTB, and if you are both doing well financially, then more power to ya! Maybe deep down it was a pride thing. I don't know, I don't know how guys think about things like this.

Don't feel bad about venting, ever.

I wish I could give you more advice. I know more ladies will jump in here with that, though.

*hugs*

 

[maebelle]

So far you don't know there will be any criticism... so number one... relax! People get weird about money, I know, and hopefully no one will ever say anything to you.

On that note, I told my mother how much mine cost (3.2K, so not even that much compared to some on pricescope) and my mother's jaw DROPPED. She hasn't bought jewelry since the 80's so she thought it was exorbitant. I tried to explain about the budgets of most of our friends (which I estimate to be 5 to 12K), but she still thinks its ridiculous. I wish I had never told her!

 

[alma123]

Last year my BF's mom told him to spend $1500 on an engagement ring for me. Umm.... my BF and I both earn six figure salaries. Later she changed her mind and said 6k, no idea where she comes up with these numbers. His family is upper middle class so money is definitely not tight but people's priorities are different-- go figure.

It does matter what they think but they will get over it.

 

[maple2012]

Thanks ladies for reading my vent! I'm feeling better about it.

@ maebelle, During the Christmas holidays I hinted to a good friend of mine from back home what I hoped the range might be and her jaw dropped too. I wish I'd never hinted! I guess that's where I learned my lesson to keep my mouth shut about this stuff.

@ Alma... your post made me giggle. I like the part where your BF's mom just picked a random number as a budget (not considering your income) and then decided to increase the budget out of blue. Tehee. Sounds like something my mom would do.

Also a little off topic... but I just realized you once posted about previously wanting an LM setting and something about having to buy the diamond from him. Does he not set diamonds purchased elsewhere? I love his catherdral four prong setting... it's one of the many on my wish list that seems to keep growing. I didn't realize you had to buy the diamond from LM so they'll set it for you.

 

[alma123]

Thanks ladies for reading my vent! I'm feeling better about it.
Also a little off topic... but I just realized you once posted about previously wanting an LM setting and something about having to buy the diamond from him. Does he not set diamonds purchased elsewhere? I love his catherdral four prong setting... it's one of the many on my wish list that seems to keep growing. I didn't realize you had to buy the diamond from LM so they'll set it for you.

Maple, we so have the same tastes Yes you are absolutely correct. I decided on a stone and wanted to get an LM setting. However, he said he "preferred" to work with clients who buy the diamond from him. I pleaded with him saying I already had a diamond but he told me to return it and buy one from him.

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

DH spent just under $5k for my engagement ring and he got a GREAT deal! His family thought he was completely and totally nuts and could not understand why he would spend so much on a ring. It's pretty funny because his family is a little more 'well to do' than mine! Granted, DH's Mom has had her original set since the late 70's and my SIL was given a diamond from her DH's mom. They have no concept of what good jewelry is, but both MIL and SIL compliment my e-ring and wedding band regularly, so while they think he paid too much (we didn't even talk about how much the wedding bands were), they love the end product! My Mother thought it was totally fine! When she and my Dad (step-dad, but he's been in my life for over 20 years) officially got married 10 years ago, they spent about $7k on her set (from a B&M, but they got an awesome diamond...paid way too much for it though), so my ring wasn't looked at as crazy. Now, my extended family we did not share with, because they would have been right in the same boat as DH's family and think we lost our minds.

 

[luckyerialc]

I know how you feel except I hear it from my parents! My mom basically told me once that if I didn't have such "high expectations" for my future ring, I would already be engaged. She consistently tells me it shouldn't be about the ring and it should be about being together. While I totally understand that, I have NEVER even told her what I expect for my ring! She is just making all of these assumptions based on where I shop and what I (appear) to spend my money on. It's frustrating because, like you, my SO and are doing well for ourselves and our finances are no one else's business.

Hopefully your SO will not leak out any more information to his mother. I can actually see mine doing the same thing. sigh....

 

[maple2012]

[/quote] Maple, we so have the same tastes Yes you are absolutely correct. I decided on a stone and wanted to get an LM setting. However, he said he "preferred" to work with clients who buy the diamond from him. I pleaded with him saying I already had a diamond but he told me to return it and buy one from him.[/quote]

We do have the same tastes! Haha! Wow, I didn't realize he was so picky on having to get your diamond from him. Well at least that helps me narrow down my list... I'll cross the LM setting off the list.

 

[maple2012]

My mom basically told me once that if I didn't have such "high expectations" for my future ring, I would already be engaged.

My mom said that too!! It upsets me when she says this because it's not true. Granted that wanting an pricier ring might have set me back about 3-4 months but that's not really too long in the bigger scope of things.

 

[hippi_pixi]

i feel your pain. i took it as a given that everyone knows you don't tell everyone how much your spending on an engagement ring. at his birthday last year my so told our 2 best friends how much we're spending because they asked and i was like this is embarrassing but they are very close friends so i won't say anything. then later in the night he announced it to everyone. needless to say i was pretty pissed off but he just didn't realise you're not supposed to tell everyone.

on a side note my parents know how much we're spending and are cool although mum makes comments about the stone being waaaay too big and how will you feel safe wearing that in public? shes so cute

 

[luckyerialc]

My mom basically told me once that if I didn't have such "high expectations" for my future ring, I would already be engaged.

My mom said that too!! It upsets me when she says this because it's not true. Granted that wanting an pricier ring might have set me back about 3-4 months but that's not really too long in the bigger scope of things.

Agreed! I would rather wait a few extra months, or even a YEAR, if it means I get my dream ring right away. Plus my SO doesn't believe in upgrades so I need to make sure I get a decent one first time around

 

[cygnet]

Ack, I'd be upset too. That seems like very private information. I mean it's one thing if I were to share the price of my ring on a diamond forum, but we do not plan on talking with our families about how much was spent on the ring.

I also didn't know Leon rarely set outside stones. Hmmmm.... I have this idea for a RHR I've been dreaming about and I want him to be the one to make it. I wonder if he'll source me some gemstones. I know a while back he set an Asha (!!) for someone. I was quite surprised by that!

 

[Chewbacca]

Eeek! I'm late to the party on this one, but I would feel awkward in that situation too!

SO's Mum and Dad think that $600-$900 is a LEGIT price range, so I hope to never reveal what SO spends! Granted it is still a modest budget, just not that modest! I'm sure they will ask outright, though. Nothing subtle about them!