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Feeling deep jealousy over my engagement?

Its2019

Rough_Rock
Joined
Jan 13, 2019
Messages
14
I hate being the center of attention, but I did tell my co workers I got engaged. I have never even really told people if it was the day of my birthday or anything else. Anyways I'm starting to regret saying anything. Shortly after the engagement and after my co workers found out, one of my co workers tattled on me. I just have a sneaking suspicion that there is jealousy involved as there was no evidence my manager presented me outside of "you didn't do enough work". I honestly don't get it. Has anyone experienced this type of behavior? Btw I plan on not saying anything further about my wedding, I'll just get married, no pictures to show, no details nothing at all.
 

OoohShiny

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 25, 2014
Messages
7,641
People are insecure idiots, basically (and sadly).
 

cmd2014

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Aug 6, 2014
Messages
2,532
I hate being the center of attention, but I did tell my co workers I got engaged. I have never even really told people if it was the day of my birthday or anything else. Anyways I'm starting to regret saying anything. Shortly after the engagement and after my co workers found out, one of my co workers tattled on me. I just have a sneaking suspicion that there is jealousy involved as there was no evidence my manager presented me outside of "you didn't do enough work". I honestly don't get it. Has anyone experienced this type of behavior? Btw I plan on not saying anything further about my wedding, I'll just get married, no pictures to show, no details nothing at all.
Are you sure that this is about getting engaged? You might be jumping to conclusions. It might have nothing to do with getting engaged.

You probably did this, but I would likely have expressed surprise and asked for specific details regarding which project that it was perceived that I had slacked on, and regarding what was not done that was expected to be done. One, just in case there is something behind the complaints (how can you fix it if you don't know what it is, right?), and two, if there is not, so that you could defend yourself against the allegations.

Also, if you know who did the "tattling" - you might want to approach them about what happened. As in "I heard from our manager that you were feeling that I didn't pull my weight on the last project we worked on together. I really wish you had talked to me about your concerns first. Can we talk about what I might be able to do better next time?" There might not be anything that you did wrong, but again, it never hurts to clarify. Plus, it lets your coworker know that you know and might stop it from happening again.
 

Its2019

Rough_Rock
Joined
Jan 13, 2019
Messages
14
Are you sure that this is about getting engaged? You might be jumping to conclusions. It might have nothing to do with getting engaged.

You probably did this, but I would likely have expressed surprise and asked for specific details regarding which project that it was perceived that I had slacked on, and regarding what was not done that was expected to be done. One, just in case there is something behind the complaints (how can you fix it if you don't know what it is, right?), and two, if there is not, so that you could defend yourself against the allegations.

Also, if you know who did the "tattling" - you might want to approach them about what happened. As in "I heard from our manager that you were feeling that I didn't pull my weight on the last project we worked on together. I really wish you had talked to me about your concerns first. Can we talk about what I might be able to do better next time?" There might not be anything that you did wrong, but again, it never hurts to clarify. Plus, it lets your coworker know that you know and might stop it from happening again.
I have evidence to point to which leads me to that conclusion. The fact that me getting engaged was brought up in the meeting in the way of "you want to hold onto your job and not make mistakes" type of way.

My co worker chewed me out, before the meeting, after telling the manager. The sad thing is a lot of people tattle on each other for nothing.
 

Rubymal

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Feb 27, 2019
Messages
314
That sounds like an awful work environment. My coworkers noticed my engagement ring the moment I walked into the office and all the women stopped what they were doing, ran over and gushed over my ring. My manager even asked me today if I'd picked out my cake yet. One of my coworkers even created a slack channel for me, her and 3 other engaged employees to help each other out with advice during our wedding planning process.

I'm sure there is a lot more context I'm missing, but I have been in a toxic work environment before and stayed for way too long because I felt like I had to endure and put it up with it. My best advice that I wish someone had told me was that it's not worth it.
 

Shijitake

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Sep 1, 2018
Messages
462
When my friend got engaged she didn't tell her co-workers but they noticed her ring... And wanted to compare it with her other engaged coworker. They couldn't just be happy for her?
 

kmoro

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Sep 13, 2018
Messages
1,076
I can’t think of a single person that has ever been married that would be jealous of an engagement, lol.

Are all of your coworkers single, young, mean, and lonely? Otherwise there is no reason to be jealous.

If they simply hate to see you happy, then I’d really look for another place to work. I’d rather have them jealous, a sometimes normal reaction, than being outright mean and nasty and evil.

I hope you find a new job!!!! Far far away from these dummies!
 

Shijitake

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Sep 1, 2018
Messages
462
Maybe it has to do with work productivity? Maybe when women get married they have to take lots of time off, for honeymoon, or if they get pregnant take maternal leave, or switch jobs, etc. When I went for a job interview I was asked if I was planning to get married/have children (which I'm sure is illegal bc of some kind of law). It has to do with businesses paying for something on the woman's children or something. I can't remember well.
 

kmoro

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Sep 13, 2018
Messages
1,076
Maybe it has to do with work productivity? Maybe when women get married they have to take lots of time off, for honeymoon, or if they get pregnant take maternal leave, or switch jobs, etc. When I went for a job interview I was asked if I was planning to get married/have children (which I'm sure is illegal bc of some kind of law). It has to do with businesses paying for something on the woman's children or something. I can't remember well.
Yes, maybe you’re right. Crappy profit-focussed management might dislike the pregnancy and child issues that usually take a mom from work and this is expected to follow after a new marriage. I am fortunate to live in Canada, where I suspect this is less of a problem. I have heard stories of people in the USA going back to work right after the child is born - to survive. We have employment insurance that covers for a year - and my employer tops EI to 98% of salary (but I work for the federal government - I think they are too big of an employer to take a petty stance). We do have the same problems in the private sector - many are hesitant to hire young women and especially people with young children - yes these people still have employment insurance but the max is $1800 CAD per month - good luck getting by on that. I think stingy business reasons makes a lot more sense than a “deep jealousy” of someone’s engagement.
 
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