Feel out of the loop since she''s prego... I''m not

[Cehrabehra]

my best friend of 25 years has never married or had children, is a phd in a high rise studio. We have almost nothing in common, really, other than being able to cut past all the BS with remarkable ease. And it has been tough during various times, but we''ve always been aware and open about those times. My mom and her best friend died a year apart from one another and had been friends for over 50 years. her friend got married and had kids 5 years before my mom... my mom became a business owner... my mom also divorced first and became a single mom... they had times they didn''t talk for months, and she told me, we always knew that there would be times we had nothing in common and then things would come together again. That''s the philosophy I''ve held and communicated with my BFF. She cannot relate to maternal pangs or compromise in a relationship - I cannot relate to some of what she deals with. It definitely isn''t always easy, but having it on the table and open for discussion has certainly helped.

 

[Rosebud8506]

Date: 11/17/2009 1:52:26 AM
Author: FrekeChild
I''m going to hit on the other part of the equation that hasn''t really been talked about much.

Just under one year ago my mom passed away from an 8 year battle with cancer. In less than two months I will be getting married. It has been the hardest part of planning, wishing that she was here to help me, and to see me walking down the aisle, and to JUST BE in that moment with me. She knew for months ahead of time that he was going to propose...eventually. And we both hoped he would at least do that before she passed. But it didn''t happen, and instead he proposed when he had always planned on it, in Las Vegas, two weeks and one day after she died. He regrets waiting that long, and I regret him waiting that long, but there isn''t anything we can do to fix it now--she knew it was imminent, and that was the best we could do.

So, I''m hoping for the best, that your father will recover, go into remission and live a good many years longer. But in the event that he doesn''t, I would take the time you have now to talk to him as much as you can about these dreams for children, names, all of the things you want to teach them and how you want to raise them. Milestones are something you want to share with your family, and on the off chance that they can''t be there to share the actual moments with you, at least you will have shared your hopes, dreams and wishes with them. One of my most cherished memories of my time with my mom will be her going through her wedding album with me and asking me what kind of wedding I wanted...

Oh Freke, thank you for your post.

I know you lost your Mom some time ago, I remember reading about it on PS. Thank you for that advice, I have def. thought about all those things, and both parents are important to me.

 

[Rosebud8506]

Kim, I am so glad you and your friend rekindled your friendship. Sounds like you guys both really missed each other over that time. Yay for happy endings

 

[Rosebud8506]

Date: 11/16/2009 11:32:33 AM
Author: Cehrabehra
the reason it was so ''cheap'' is that the way our insurance works is that you pay a copay and prenatal/delivery is considered ONE package so I pay as much for a regular appointment as I did the whole shbang. When we''re overseas we have Aetna which pays 90% flat on everything so while that is generally cheaper for most things, that would be more to have a child. Lots more!

I am also wondering how the OP is feeling this week... I remember when the girl next door got pregnant and I cried. I wanted a baby so bad and she didn''t. Those maternal pangs are so throbbing sometimes. I felt them so intensely I thought I would feel them all my life, I was surprised how quickly they went away when baby #3 weaned, never to return. But before that I was jealous of every baby belly I saw unless I was actually prego and then I thought my belly was the greatest thing ever! I think that''s why my response was to not hold back (although reading all of the insurance costs for some - that definitely would give me pause) regardless of the wisdom of it. Not sage advice perhaps, but I totally get it.

Cehra, I think sometimes it is good to let that emotion out. I was actually very upset too when I found out my cousin (who is my same age, and got married 2 months after I did) ended up getting pregnant. All of this of course came within the same week that DH lost his job 1 year ago on Halloween. It is hard to hold back, here I am thinking that I''m supposed to be happy for her, she is my own blood, but I was so devasted, and honestly a bit jealous. That is why I am having the feelings I am right now with my good friend, they seem all too familiar unfortunately....

I have to remember what you ladies are saying... my time will come! Thanks for letting me vent on here y''all. I feel a lot better when I post.