Fat fingers

[mmi]

Ok, "fat" might be a rude term to describe my own fingers, but I need a little empathy here. I have long, size 7 fingers. My finger size is the primary determinant of what size diamond I would like (1 carat). I feel that this size looks great on me. I went ring shopping with my friend a while back. Big mistake! She is petite, and has dainty little fingers, maybe a size 3. She can put on a 0.4 ct round in a small halo and it looks STUNNING. In fact, she said, "ehh, I would feel more comfortable going a little smaller than this." I then try on said ring and... it's cute, I guess? (as I try to fit it past my first knuckle)

Have you ladies tried on diamonds of varying sizes? 1 ct just fits me. Well, I broke the news to BF about the kind of diamond/ring I was looking at, and his eyes glazed over a little. I was thinking 4-5k for the diamond (a 1 ct AVC in a warm color) and 1k for the setting. I thought this was fairly reasonable given his salary of 60k and lack of debt. (Of course, I know this is highly individualized and never bought the "2-3 months salary" rule. This is just what I expect we would have to spend for about 1 ct.). He was thinking more along the lines of 1.5k for the diamond and 1k for the setting. My issues:

1. I already have a 0.6 RB diamond handed down to me in the bank worth I would guess... 2k. Never thought about using it in an engagement ring, but more for a jewelry "project" later on.

2. Although the thought of an upgrade down the road is nice, we have yet to buy our first house (probably won't for a couple more years). Also, we don't want to wait too long to have kids. After we get married, "life" will happen quickly and the upgrade idea will get pushed away.

3. And my most vain reason. Will it feel small to me? Will it get dwarfed on my fingers?

He's tentatively agreed to get me whatever makes me happy, because he's a sweetie. But now I feel bad. I know I might sound entitled in my post but I've been waiting for this for 7 years now (and I've been on this website daily for the past 3+ years ), so I've had time to "think" (read: obsess). I think a lot of girls obsess more about the wedding details, well, I'm not really gonna have any of that.

What do you ladies think? Thanks so much for reading. It feels good to vent here!

mmi

 

[PA-C]

hmm...i can see your dilemma. does BF know much about diamonds? i think a lot of men have absolutely NO idea when it comes to how much a diamond is worth. nor do they realize that diamonds are investments that will increase in value (good argument to make when pushing for a bigger stone, hehe). honestly, i don't think that you should feel bad about wanting a bigger diamond especially given all the other things you said in your post (you already have a 0.6 RB, you probably won't upgrade, you like the way a 1ct fits you, you've been together for a long time, he doesn't have debt, etc.) not that any of those things give some kind of entitlement but they certainly are valid reasons to want a larger stone. for his budget of 1.5k, you'd only get about a 0.4ct stone (which i'm sure you already saw on GOG's website.) for your budget of around 5k, here is an awesome stone: http://www.goodoldgold.com/diamond/8848/ which is exactly 5k. maybe you could go try on rings/diamonds so he can visually see the difference in sizes. maybe he would agree that such a small stone would not be what he would want either.

since it sounds like you aren't really into the huge wedding thing, maybe you could talk to him about the wedding/ring budget combined. he may have been planning to save more for the wedding than would be necessary. also, how much do you want to keep the 0.6 RB that you already have? maybe you could sell it to help out with the budget? or, if the stone has too much sentimental value, maybe you could just ask to contribute to the cost of the ring? i know my BF would never allow me to contribute (it's his whole "honor" thing), but some guys wouldn't mind. just a thought.

 

[marchesa6989]

hi mmi!

you know, i think sometimes men just don't get it. to some its a very token gesture but they don't realise that it means alot to us (and not in a superficial way). after being together so long, and of course planning to only get married once to one person, getting whatever makes you happy should be what he wants.

i'd understand the hesitation if there were debt involved, but asking for $6k to me based on that salary and the circumstance shouldn't be a stretch. maybe give his brain some time to work itself around the concept of spending more. when my SO finally realised how important the ring was to me, the budget doubled. and trust me, that took a bit of working on as he had the whole "its not about the ring, it's about us; we have better things to do with that money" mentality going on. so i wouldn't be too discouraged here!

so definitely don't feel bad. part of being in a long-term, committed relationship is being able to express what you want. and as for upgrades, they're really nice in theory but who doesn't want their first E-ring to be stunning. and i personally want to keep it and wear it forever (although i'll buy a bigger one for a RHR or something down the track )

hope that helps a little!

 

[monarch64]

Use your .6 RB, put it in a nice halo setting. Then you have finger coverage and you've saved the money you would've spent on a new center stone to put towards a house. And guess what's WAY MORE ROMANTIC than having a brand new ring with a honkin' center stone? That's right--a house of your own!

You don't know that an upgrade will actually get pushed off by kids or any other circumstances. Don't let the possibility that it might not happen pressure you into buying a ring that he feels is too pricey. And hey, so what if you never get to upgrade? Will you consider that a failure of yours in life? Probably not.

Also, I wear a size 7 and my fingers aren't fat. They are the fingers that fit my size and frame. However, I will say that diamonds of 1 carat or above do look best on them!

Total afterthought: never go shopping with a friend who is that much tinier than you. Never. Just don't do it. It's like shopping with someone who has far more money than you!

 

[aviastar]

Use your .6 RB, put it in a nice halo setting. Then you have finger coverage and you've saved the money you would've spent on a new center stone to put towards a house. And guess what's WAY MORE ROMANTIC than having a brand new ring with a honkin' center stone? That's right--a house of your own!

You don't know that an upgrade will actually get pushed off by kids or any other circumstances. Don't let the possibility that it might not happen pressure you into buying a ring that he feels is too pricey. And hey, so what if you never get to upgrade? Will you consider that a failure of yours in life? Probably not.

Also, I wear a size 7 and my fingers aren't fat. They are the fingers that fit my size and frame. However, I will say that diamonds of 1 carat or above do look best on them!

Total afterthought: never go shopping with a friend who is that much tinier than you. Never. Just don't do it. It's like shopping with someone who has far more money than you!

Took the words right outta my mouth! Big Ditto!

Engagement rings do mean alot, emotionally, but I think the most important thing is that they symbolize that you are committing to working as a team, communicating, and compromising, and accomplishing mutal goals. Nothing sexier than a nice healthy marriage. Is owning a home a mutual goal? Put the money into that!

ETA: You sound especially worried about this, which signals to me that you aren't entitled at all, but maybe that's a hint that you can both re-evaluate your expectations and meet in the middle! Don't worry, you both sound like you just want the other to be happy and that's the important part- it'll work itself out.

 

[mmi]

Thanks for the replies!

PA-C - No, BF doesn't know much about diamonds. Hoping to get him to a jewelry store so he can see different styles/sizes! He definitely has nothing to go by and I understand that. That's a great stone you found! You're speaking my language. As for the wedding, my parents will likely foot the bill. They are traditionalists. I estimate we will have about... four guests (our parents, haha).

Marchesa - Yeah, the ring to me is more than just a blingy rock to be honest. I want it to be a reflection of our tastes, and a symbol of our commitment. I do want his input. I want us both to be happy with the decision in the end, which is a challenge.

Monarch - He doesn't want to use the RB. I offered it. It has no sentimental value to either of us, and we have already put money towards our more important goals... retirement and a house downpayment. He has a "I must be a provider" mentality and wants to buy me a diamond. He would also balk at the idea of me contributing money towards the ring. And I learned my lesson about shopping with my tiny friend. Never again.

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

How 'bout a old 'ole diamond band? Diamond eternity ring? 3 or 5 stone ring? Plenty of options to cover finger real estate.

cheers--Sharon

 

[mmi]

Hi aviastar!

You're right about me being a little worried about this. I've had, um, a significant amount of time to dwell on it... Also, jewelry, diamonds in particular, are kind of my "thing" kind of like high-end gaming computers are his "thing". That's the best I can explain it.

mmi

 

[mmi]

HI:

How 'bout a old 'ole diamond band? Diamond eternity ring? 3 or 5 stone ring? Plenty of options to cover finger real estate.

cheers--Sharon

Something to consider I suppose. That's mainly why I have been looking at not-so-blingy settings.

(Hooray, I figured out this quote thing.)

 

[mogster]

If the .6 RB has no sentimental value, how about trading it in and using that towards your final purchase?

 

[sonnyjane]

I just wanted to say that I have very, very long fingers and wear a size 6.5 and the last word I would ever think to describe my fingers as being is "fat"!!! I feel like they look like "Skeletor fingers" as I call them. I can't imagine that you have long, slender size 7 fingers could be much different!

I have a 1.01 ct stone and I hate to enable you, but I agree that it's a great size for my finger! I also have two .30ct sidestones that add to the finger coverage (here's a couple pics for size comparison). I'm not very materialistic at all and do agree that you shouldn't break the bank over a ring, but my impression after reading your post is not that your boyfriend doesn't have the money or doesn't want to spend it, but more that he doesn't understand just how much rings and diamonds cost! I think taking him shopping with you and letting him see the difference between a $1,500 diamond and a $5,000 diamond will change his opinion. Men have quite a lot of pride and he might get a little "jolt" after seeing the difference. Remember that you can cut corners in some areas to make the budget work to achieve the size. I have an H, SI1. I'm not color sensitive at all (they laid out a bunch of diamonds of different colors and I couldn't tell the difference between the G and the J!). That helped my cause. Also, my stone is eye-clean which is all that mattered to me, so getting a SI1 also helped me get a stone that was 1 ct. Size was important to me. I think my stone was about $4,600, but that was in 2008. Your budget is not unreasonable at all.

Good luck!

 

[atp223]

I agree that it sounds like he just doesn't know how much diamonds (and good diamonds, at that) cost.

Is there any way you can take him to a B&M jewelry store to look, so that he can price things out? That's what my BF and I sort of did at the beginning of the process. We didn't do this, but I think it's an excellent idea : Start at Tiffany's, let him see what 2.5k total would get him there (if anything!?), move on to a local B&M store with slightly cheaper prices, show him how much a 1 ct D-F costs there, and then show him GOG's website and talk about how their diamonds are cut SO well and in such a way that you can go with a warmer color...

Sometimes it's all about perspective. If you show him what his money will get and how that will look on you he very well may change his mind without any further convincing from you. I don't think your proposed budget is unreasonable at all . He just needs to be enlightened .

 

[mmi]

Mogster - Wouldn't want to hurt my mom's feelings by doing that. It belonged to my grandmothr who I didn't know that well. I would like to keep the diamond even if I never use it for anything.

Sonnyjane - I was being a little melodramatic by calling size 7 fingers "fat"... but it did bring more readers to my thread I guess. I think your fingers are beautiful! Mine are of the more pudgy variety for sure. For example, I found out that a delicate 1.5mm band makes my finger look like it has a muffin top. Haha! Your ring is gorgeous. Thank you for sharing!

atp223 - Haha, great idea! Wish we had a Tiffany's around here, but that would probably make him pass out! I've tried to figure out ways to stretch the dollar in terms of size. For instance, one reason I am drawn to AVCs is because they look great in a warm color like L or M. SI1 or SI2 I am completely fine with also. For years I wanted a round, but with the continuing price increases with those, they quickly became out of reach. Not so much the case for other shapes. I shudder to think what a 1 ct E VS1 round costs these days.

mmi

 

[nkarma]

While I don't like you calling my fingers fat, but I can see what you mean.

I think others have good points. In the end money is very personal, some people would take their savings and buy a house. Others would buy a mercedes, expensive travel, designer watch, diamond ring, master's degree, etc... So what are you and your SO's money priorities?
At the end of the day does spending 5K or whatever you choose to spend on the ring worth it to YOU (and no one else).

Exactly two years ago, I was in the same spot. Size 7 fingers, a BF of 7 years, and a huge love for warm AVCs. I am also quite frugal and have NEVER spent that much on any sort of accessory, really anything besides a car. I don't think I thought about finger coverage much, but is the standard in my area to have over 1 carat, so I knew I wanted that and the bigger the better right. Well my now husband and I are very practical and realized this whole marriage thing in this century is about deciding together what you want to do. He had X amount of money in his savings account and after marriage our savings were going to be combined (and they now are) so his money was mine. We both decided an amount we thought was practical for us to spend on the ring and I ended up with a 1.37 L AVC which after 2 years of owning have gotten down to staring at it only 8 times a day. Do I regret the decision to spend our savings (that could go to a house, travel, or whatever else I want to spend my money on)? Hell no! The ring is totally worth it!

So what do you want to wear on your hand based on what you both can afford? Could/would you put some of your money into the stone as well?

 

[mmi]

While I don't like you calling my fingers fat, but I can see what you mean.

I think others have good points. In the end money is very personal, some people would take their savings and buy a house. Others would buy a mercedes, expensive travel, designer watch, diamond ring, master's degree, etc... So what are you and your SO's money priorities?
At the end of the day does spending 5K or whatever you choose to spend on the ring worth it to YOU (and no one else).

Exactly two years ago, I was in the same spot. Size 7 fingers, a BF of 7 years, and a huge love for warm AVCs. I am also quite frugal and have NEVER spent that much on any sort of accessory, really anything besides a car. I don't think I thought about finger coverage much, but is the standard in my area to have over 1 carat, so I knew I wanted that and the bigger the better right. Well my now husband and I are very practical and realized this whole marriage thing in this century is about deciding together what you want to do. He had X amount of money in his savings account and after marriage our savings were going to be combined (and they now are) so his money was mine. We both decided an amount we thought was practical for us to spend on the ring and I ended up with a 1.37 L AVC which after 2 years of owning have gotten down to staring at it only 8 times a day. Do I regret the decision to spend our savings (that could go to a house, travel, or whatever else I want to spend my money on)? Hell no! The ring is totally worth it!

So what do you want to wear on your hand based on what you both can afford? Could/would you put some of your money into the stone as well?

Sorry if I called your fingers fat! Haha. As sonnyjane proved, size 7 fingers come in all shapes. I used to have size 6 fingers in high school and boy did I feel skinny! My old promise ring barely gets halfway down my finger now! I might be closer to a 7.5.

The similarities between us are crazy. I think I remember when you were a LIW. (I've been here for a while.) I was on the List a couple years ago with a completely different set of girls! That was before SO decided to continue post-grad. So yeah, I've watched over a hundred girls "graduate" with their sparklies and it's finally getting somewhat close to my turn! The question of "is it worth it?" will be re-evaluated once we go looking together in person. It could alter both of our opinions for all I know.

 

[tuffyluvr]

I hear ya'. I have long fingers and wear a size 6.5-6.75, and I feel like I need a more substantial stone. I don't really know how you would go about approaching the subject, but I think you should broach the subject with your guy. You don't want to be resentful that you feel like he is being a bit... Um... Conservative? With the budget.

What about looking at other stones in the 1ct range? Maybe a blue spinnel or a sapphire? I guess this doesn't really work if you have your heart set on a diamond, but maybe it will at least be a way to broach the subject that a larger size stone is more important to you without having to ask him to spend more. I dunno?

 

[tuffyluvr]

Oh, and FWIW, i ended up with a 1.55ct cushion that is a bit deep--faces up like a 1.3-1.4ct, and I think would be about the same dimensions as a 1ct RB, and I think it's a perfect size... Though it's not on my finger yet. But when I tried it on at the jewelers I was very happy with the size!

 

[Rhea]

I have a size 6.75 - 7.5 left ring finger depending on weather. With a previous boyfriend I tried, and fell hard, for a 0.75 carat pear in a fancy solitaire platinum setting. Four years later, with now husband, it wasn't to be with the budget of $2,000 or less. I ended up with an estate 0.47 estimated round with side baguettes for a total of 0.71 I think, set in 14k white gold.

Strangely enough, as time has gone on, it's mattered less and less to me. I bought a wedding band that I love which is 5mm wide and detailed filigree and looks great on my finger, but not with my engagement ring. I also bought a very wide filigree ring that has a approx 1/3 carat diamond and side sapphires. I like them both more than my engagement ring. They take up finger estate without looking cute or small or too delicate.

I wish I'd figured all this out earlier by trying on more rings. It would have saved us a fair bit of money and stress. My advice: try on everything. Traditional solitaire, chunky vintage setting, antique detailed ring, high set, low set, everything. You may be surprised by what looks good or what you feel comfortable wearing. It's also no just size that makes a ring, setting is so important in the overall look and feeling.

 

[mjertl]

sorry if I missed this in one of the posts, but have you considered other stone shapes? My 1.00 ct oval is nearly 8mmx6 mm (I forget the EXACT mm dimensions, and don't have the cert in front of me). My fingers are waaaaay "fatter" than yours - size 9, and this size stone looks just perfect on them (in my opinion... and I am in kind of a "high profile" profession, where some people put a lot of value on this sort of thing (although I do live in the midwest, and we tend to have smaller stones than the coasts)). Even though I have such large fingers, people have asked "oh, is that about XX carats?" with XX ranging from 1.2 to 2... No one would guess it's "only" 1 carat (and I put that in quotes, because 1 carat is a very very substantial size in and of itself).
I know you're looking at an AVC (according to your first post), but you might get more finger coverage for your $$$ with a different cut. Not trying to change your mind here, just something to maybe consider if you're open to that!

 

[madelise]

Hello Mmi!

I wear a size 7-7.5 (winter/summer fluctuations), except my fingers ARE fat, not just big and long. I have little stubbies that look almost child-like. So just wanted to say I feel your pain! Majority of my friends here in my area are tiny little Chinese women with tiny slender little fingers TDF from a diamond ring point of view! Haha.

Anyway, have you considered a smaller diamond w/ halo? My most recent gift is a 0.70 ct pear with a slight airline, and a halo. It's actually very substantial on my little sausages, and I get ALOT of compliments on it at work about "how big it is". The small airline also helps, as it's not obvious at all when looked at, unless you're closely inspecting. My pear is about 7mm x5mm, and with the halo, about 10x6mm..

Or even a oval like merjtl has. Pears and ovals face up really large in comparison to radiant/cushions.. With a halo, or a bezel.. Or bezel AND halo.. It can look pretty big

 

[madelise]

Or have you looked into the preloved section?

[URL='https://www.pricescope.com/forum/preloved-ps-jewels/70-vs2-h-kite-set-princess-cut-diamond-ring-w-wedding-band-t168950.html']https://www.pricescope.com/forum/preloved-ps-jewels/70-vs2-h-kite-set-princess-cut-diamond-ring-w-wedding-band-t168950.html[/URL]

That's a 0.7 princess for less than 2k. You can always scrap the setting, and get a new one? Haha IM tempted to now, for a fun project, uh oh.

 

[mmi]

I appreciate ALL your responses and suggestions! I will definitely keep an open mind about shapes, styles, and sizes. It's been about a year since my last ring trying-on adventure... I think it's about time for another one to see if my tastes have changed.

Btw, here is (an unusually flattering) picture of my hand! Must have been taken in warmer weather. And also me wearing my 0.62 RB ring (with emerald) for reference. Can't pass up an opportunity to share some bling.





mmi

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

You have beautiful hands! Gorgeous!!!

cheers--Sharon

 

[RebeccaMUA]

As a fellow "fat fingerer" coming in at 6.75, I KNEW I needed a bigger sized ring. Your story is similar to mine where we were together 7 years by the time we started looking and started the custom made ring process.

I, on the other hand, was not backing down from what I wanted (on this particular occasion). I am generally very sweet and don't ask for anything from the FI. He does give me a lot but I don't ask for it, but I made it clear to him that he needed to make the ring of my dreams happen (since it had been 7 years!) he agreed, knowing straight in it was going to cost quite a bit.
FUnny thing is once we started trying on rings and looking at different stone sizes, HE was the one who was asking me if I didn't want to go a little bit bigger on the center or add more/larger diamonds to the halo. I think going in person and actually seeing what a 2.1 in comparison to a 2.5 it looked like on my finger truly helped him to see that my larger fingers require more bling.

My advice:

1) Do take him in person to see what different sizes look like on your particular finger
2) Do try on a variety of stones where he can see difference in sparkle, color, etc.
3) Do gush over what you love so he feels bad Let's be honest, it's been 7 years!!

Here is a pic of my little vienna sausages with my 2.5 carat cornflower blue cushion cut sapphire in a white gold and diamond halo setting:

 

[madelise]

Your fingers aren't even "fat"! They're very proportionally long and thin! I took a pic of my hands, since I was going to update my pre-ering thread soon..


i think after being on PS, our expectations of how much "finger coverage" there should be really gets.. inflated. its funny bc this particular 'promise ring' is just "meh" size to me after PS, but IRL, everyone always gawks about how "baller" my ring looks, and how sparkly it is (my work has those really bright lights that make it super sparkly, light at restaurants/jewelry stores). and when the light makes it sparkle, you really can't differentiate too much what is the centerstone and what is the halo. it just appears to be one big ball of sparkle.


i think your .6 round looks absolutely stunning on your fingers, and when set, it'll be a tad higher. with side stones, or with a halo, it'll be grand. if it's not sentimental enough for you, because you were never close to your grandmother, you can always trade it in somewhere for a better cut diamond? or ??? but IMO, even if you weren't close to her, unless you had negative memories of some sort, I'd keep it regardless. Just knowing it's a family heirloom makes it extra special and there's something amazingly beautiful about RBs set on a plain solitaire shank, with a huge bling bling eternity band as the w-band..



(I'm not sure why it uploaded sideways.)
Edit: just kidding, it's not sideways, haha oops

 

[mmi]

Beautiful rings, ladies! Thank you for sharing!

Madelise.. that's a promise ring? *blink blink* Wowza!

mmi

 

[slg47]

mmi - I think it's important for you both to be happy with the ring! he might have no idea what diamonds cost. (perhaps he has seen those commercials advertising 1 ct rings for $1599 or something and thinks his budget will get you a large ring). anyway I would talk to him and let him know what you want/why it is important to you