Fantastic Article about "real" sized brides!

[Bjedifish]

being a plus size...geez I hate that label, I have been stressing about my wedding dress shopping outing which is coming in 62 days, but who''s counting! I love to browse the internet and find articles and information about other women, like myself, who have dealt with this strife. This article, although not particularly helpful, was hilarious and truthful and made me relax a little bit about the whole process. Enjoy!

http://weddingdish.thinklikeabride.com/2009/08/plus-size-brides/

 

[Black Jade]

I found the article obnoxious, sorry. I turned to it feeling excited about seeing something with that title and then was VERY turned off.
I do agree whole-heartedly with the premise that there ought to be wedding dresses in all sizes--or at least a greater variety of them.
My objection is this--I''ve been larger (after my second pregnancy I was quite large) and I''ve been smaller. Just as I see no reason to refer to another human being as for example ''a big fat pig'' I also see no reason to refer to someone as looking like ''a heroin addicted waif''. I don''t think that I was ''real'' or more of a woman when I was in a double digit size than I am now in size 4 jeans. I think the author could have made her points without being so terribly nasty in tone.The fact that shopping for a larger size wedding dress made her feel insecure is no reason to be vicious about women who wear smaller sizes.
I just really dislike unkindness--there''s never an excuse for it in my opinion.

 

[charbie]

its nice to read that shops are going to cater more towards the clients buying their dresses- it can be frustrated to want to try dresses on but have no clue what it would really look like on you. i''m an average size 8 but had no chance in half the dresses i wanted to zip up- i agree about the whole having a chest means you order a dress that''s huge!

black jade- i also see your point. when i read the article, that didn''t really stick out to me, but i can see where you are coming from once you''ve mentioned it.

 

[lilylover]

Date: 9/10/2009 11:10:01 PM
Author: Black Jade
I found the article obnoxious, sorry. I turned to it feeling excited about seeing something with that title and then was VERY turned off.
I do agree whole-heartedly with the premise that there ought to be wedding dresses in all sizes--or at least a greater variety of them.
My objection is this--I''ve been larger (after my second pregnancy I was quite large) and I''ve been smaller. Just as I see no reason to refer to another human being as for example ''a big fat pig'' I also see no reason to refer to someone as looking like ''a heroin addicted waif''. I don''t think that I was ''real'' or more of a woman when I was in a double digit size than I am now in size 4 jeans. I think the author could have made her points without being so terribly nasty in tone.The fact that shopping for a larger size wedding dress made her feel insecure is no reason to be vicious about women who wear smaller sizes.
I just really dislike unkindness--there''s never an excuse for it in my opinion.

I completely agree. I am a size 0 and it really hurts my feelings that people may view me as less of a "real'' woman.

 

[Haven]

Date: 9/10/2009 11:41:50 PM
Author: lilylover

Date: 9/10/2009 11:10:01 PM
Author: Black Jade
I found the article obnoxious, sorry. I turned to it feeling excited about seeing something with that title and then was VERY turned off.

I do agree whole-heartedly with the premise that there ought to be wedding dresses in all sizes--or at least a greater variety of them.

My objection is this--I've been larger (after my second pregnancy I was quite large) and I've been smaller. Just as I see no reason to refer to another human being as for example 'a big fat pig' I also see no reason to refer to someone as looking like 'a heroin addicted waif'. I don't think that I was 'real' or more of a woman when I was in a double digit size than I am now in size 4 jeans. I think the author could have made her points without being so terribly nasty in tone.The fact that shopping for a larger size wedding dress made her feel insecure is no reason to be vicious about women who wear smaller sizes.

I just really dislike unkindness--there's never an excuse for it in my opinion.

I completely agree. I am a size 0 and it really hurts my feelings that people may view me as less of a 'real' woman.

I agree with this, as well. I understand the author's point and agree that bridal shops should offer more than just one size 8 sample to their clients, but her article was so nasty that her point is really lost in the nastiness.

It seems like a lot of pieces which celebrate larger sizes also put-down smaller women at the same time. The name calling is just as hurtful going either way.

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

Quite a few years ago Australian fashion magazines wholeheartedly embraced the ''fuller figure'' in their articles, clothing, models and general views that ''bigger was better''. Do you know what they quickly learned? Don''t p!ss off the skinny chicks!!

It amazes me how, in order to embrace one figure, people feel the need to trash the other.

I am quite small and i hated the wedding dress shopping experience, namely because i did not try on one dress that fit me, they were all too big and i felt like i was a child in my mothers dress up box.

I also find it interesting that a lot of the stores here in Perth would stock one smaller sample and one larger sample of the same dress.. who would have thought that the aussie shops would be more ''progressive'' than their american counterparts?

 

[Patchee]

I guess I am not a real women either! This thread just pissed me right off.

I am a size 4 ... want to know what my issue is?

U.S. is obese, keep in mind this is not rude for me to say, I am just telling you what is on my news channel every single night.

They show people walking on the street with their stomaches hanging out, eating fast food. Obese children and parents.

These days when I go to a retail store to by even a simple shirt, I cannot find anything MY SIZE, everything is a plus size.

SO, When it was time for me to get my wedding dress I was SO PLEASED to finally see beautiful dresses in my size!!

It''s a trade off I guess. However, I cannot wear my wedding dress to work everyday. +Sizes get a nice variety to choose from.

Today I feel less of a women because I am not two people in one ...... wearing a size 4.

 

[katomm]

I can see both points, the wording could have been a little more PC I guess. I don''t find it offensive though and have been plus sized most of my adult life.

I ordered my dress online and just gave them my measurements rather than order the size on the chart. I''m on the smaller end of plus size I guess but it was upsetting when I tried on dresses in stores. They were all either way too small or way too big. The larger dresses came in just a few styles so there was not a lot to pick from especially since I wanted such a casual dress.

No one''s body is the same as another woman''s, we all deserve to look beautiful and feel gorgeous on our wedding day, no matter how we get the dress of our dreams.

 

[LadyBlue]

I agree that bridal shops should offer more than just one size sample. But as she said that Real Brides Come in All Sizes, she should respect all sizes.

 

[princesss]

I really hate articles like this and the ensuing fights. It almost always degenerates into name calling and finger pointing, "You''re too fat! Eat less!" "You''re too skinny! Eat a sandwich!"

Honestly, I feel like had the author been a little less defensive, it could have been a good article. But I think the size debate is just a loaded one in general. Yeah, it''s kind of harsh that bridal salons don''t carry all dresses in a smaller and larger size. I feel like that would make a WAY more positive experience for all brides. However, I think it''s over the line to call skinnier women names. We''re all "real" women, and our bodies come in all shapes and sizes. Neither side is "right," but the name calling and finger pointing is definitely wrong.

 

[NuggetBrain]

I know when I went to try on dresses at the bridal salon, I had a hard time finding any in size 12 or larger, let alone 14. I''m a size 12/14 and bigger busted, and I had literally one dress I could get into comfortably when trying them on. All the others were too small (except for one that was way too big), and they wouldn''t zip in the back or wouldn''t even go over my head. It was ridiculous. Knowing that bridal gowns run a street size or two smaller, why wouldn''t more salons carry them in size 14, 16, even 18, since that''s actually size 10-14 in street size? That''s not even plus size.

 

[gwendolyn]

Threads like this make me feel very sad. Not because of the OP or the article, but because the responses sometimes make me feel like taking down my photos of my plus-sized self for fear of what some people here actually think of me when I post them. And thinking about what they must think of me based on what they have said about overweight, obese individuals in general makes me feel smaller than I could ever hope to physically be.

And for what it''s worth, whenever the term "real" is used in reference to women who are larger than average, to me that isn''t done to belittle smaller women but rather put them on the pedestal of "supermodel" level. To me, "real" equals "obviously flawed." Slim, petite women don''t have their imperfections out there for the whole world to see, but women of my size do. It''s the first thing people see. My size affects many, many decisions that I make everyday and impacts relations with other people, especially those who don''t know me well. I can''t tell you how many people have assumed that, because I am overweight, I must be a disgusting, lazy, stupid slob who lives off cheese puffs and beer. They give themselves away in their unflattering surprise when they see me eating carrots and hummus for lunch, or talking about doing laps in the pool before work, or going to one of the best universities in the English-speaking world. It used to infuriate me, those snap judgments that were way, way off, but now they mostly just make me sad.

Not sure how much of a point I really have, other than to share the feelings that bubble up when reading threads like this. And that, despite the stereotypes people assume of me, I don''t look down on or insult women thinner than myself because I would like to be that way myself. But, this is who I am...at least, until I get the major surgery help I would like.

 

[LadyBlue]

Date: 9/11/2009 1:32:05 PM
Author: gwendolyn
Threads like this make me feel very sad. Not because of the OP or the article, but because the responses sometimes make me feel like taking down my photos of my plus-sized self for fear of what some people here actually think of me when I post them. And thinking about what they must think of me based on what they have said about overweight, obese individuals in general makes me feel smaller than I could ever hope to physically be.


And for what it''s worth, whenever the term ''real'' is used in reference to women who are larger than average, to me that isn''t done to belittle smaller women but rather put them on the pedestal of ''supermodel'' level. To me, ''real'' equals ''obviously flawed.'' Slim, petite women don''t have their imperfections out there for the whole world to see, but women of my size do. It''s the first thing people see. My size affects many, many decisions that I make everyday and impacts relations with other people, especially those who don''t know me well. I can''t tell you how many people have assumed that, because I am overweight, I must be a disgusting, lazy, stupid slob who lives off cheese puffs and beer. They give themselves away in their unflattering surprise when they see me eating carrots and hummus for lunch, or talking about doing laps in the pool before work, or going to one of the best universities in the English-speaking world. It used to infuriate me, those snap judgments that were way, way off, but now they mostly just make me sad.


Not sure how much of a point I really have, other than to share the feelings that bubble up when reading threads like this. And that, despite the stereotypes people assume of me, I don''t look down on or insult women thinner than myself because I would like to be that way myself. But, this is who I am...at least, until I get the major surgery help I would like.

Gwen, I''m sorry you felt bad about some comments.

Body types sometimes depend in how you eat and exercise, but sometimes don''t. We should respect each other for who we are and not for how we look or what we have.

Gwen, just remember that not money, appereance or knowledge makes people happy. Feel bless to have family and FI that loves you. I''m sure you are luckier than many girls in the world.

 

[violet3]

Date: 9/11/2009 9:23:46 AM
Author: Patchee
I guess I am not a real women either! This thread just pissed me right off.

I am a size 4 ... want to know what my issue is?

U.S. is obese, keep in mind this is not rude for me to say, I am just telling you what is on my news channel every single night.

They show people walking on the street with their stomaches hanging out, eating fast food. Obese children and parents.

These days when I go to a retail store to by even a simple shirt, I cannot find anything MY SIZE, everything is a plus size.

SO, When it was time for me to get my wedding dress I was SO PLEASED to finally see beautiful dresses in my size!!

It's a trade off I guess. However, I cannot wear my wedding dress to work everyday. +Sizes get a nice variety to choose from.

Today I feel less of a women because I am not two people in one ...... wearing a size 4.

Most of this thread I find pretty disheartening, particularly this post and the statements above. I am not a plus sized person, nor am a size 4. Usually I am around 10-12, so somewhere right in the middle, and I'm pretty comfortable with that - I am, in general, a healthy person.

However, my sister is a "plus size" most of the time, and I can tell you the above highlighted statement might be one of the least true statements I have ever read. I cannot believe someone would claim that in a general "retail" store, you cannot find a shirt to fit a size 4, because everything is plus sized. While I do admit, plus sized women have more of an option today than in years past, plus sized clothing most certainly DOES NOT make up the majority of what you will see in retail stores - quite the contrary. To say that you are discriminated against (shopping wise) because you are a size 4, is not only ignorant, it is offensive to the many women who have to actually go to a specialty store or section to find the size they need, since most retail lines stop at a 14 (or possibly 16). Per my shopping experience, size 4 is carried in every store.

 

[meresal]

Date: 9/11/2009 1:32:05 PM
Author: gwendolyn
Threads like this make me feel very sad. Not because of the OP or the article, but because the responses sometimes make me feel like taking down my photos of my plus-sized self for fear of what some people here actually think of me when I post them. And thinking about what they must think of me based on what they have said about overweight, obese individuals in general makes me feel smaller than I could ever hope to physically be.

And for what it's worth, whenever the term 'real' is used in reference to women who are larger than average, to me that isn't done to belittle smaller women but rather put them on the pedestal of 'supermodel' level. To me, 'real' equals 'obviously flawed.' Slim, petite women don't have their imperfections out there for the whole world to see, but women of my size do. It's the first thing people see. My size affects many, many decisions that I make everyday and impacts relations with other people, especially those who don't know me well. I can't tell you how many people have assumed that, because I am overweight, I must be a disgusting, lazy, stupid slob who lives off cheese puffs and beer. They give themselves away in their unflattering surprise when they see me eating carrots and hummus for lunch, or talking about doing laps in the pool before work, or going to one of the best universities in the English-speaking world. It used to infuriate me, those snap judgments that were way, way off, but now they mostly just make me sad.

Not sure how much of a point I really have, other than to share the feelings that bubble up when reading threads like this. And that, despite the stereotypes people assume of me, I don't look down on or insult women thinner than myself because I would like to be that way myself. But, this is who I am...at least, until I get the major surgery help I would like.

Gwen I see where you are coming from. I'm sorry you feel that way, but you look absolutely gorgeous in your dress! Don't let anything change your thinking!

As far the highlighted part I would have to say I feel the exact opposite. To me, "real" means what something was meant to look like originally. Like being thin isn't what I was meant to be. If you let it get to you, everyone could take offense to something written in this article.

What I find horrible, is that she attacked people that have done nothing to her. You never see large men bashing thin men. The author of this is bitter. She is not a normal large girl, she is an angry large girl, and feels that she needs to belittle others in order to make herself feel better. Ignorance would be key. I've managed a salon before, and EVERYONE (small or large) agrees that sample sizes are wrong. However, she has taken a problem worth discussing and turned it into a complete joke. Nice job.

 

[violet3]

.13%; HEIGHT: 252px" class="ibbquote">Date: 9/11/2009 1:32:05 PM
Author: gwendolyn
Threads like this make me feel very sad. Not because of the OP or the article, but because the responses sometimes make me feel like taking down my photos of my plus-sized self for fear of what some people here actually think of me when I post them. And thinking about what they must think of me based on what they have said about overweight, obese individuals in general makes me feel smaller than I could ever hope to physically be.

And for what it''s worth, whenever the term ''real'' is used in reference to women who are larger than average, to me that isn''t done to belittle smaller women but rather put them on the pedestal of ''supermodel'' level. To me, ''real'' equals ''obviously flawed.'' Slim, petite women don''t have their imperfections out there for the whole world to see, but women of my size do. It''s the first thing people see. My size affects many, many decisions that I make everyday and impacts relations with other people, especially those who don''t know me well. I can''t tell you how many people have assumed that, because I am overweight, I must be a disgusting, lazy, stupid slob who lives off cheese puffs and beer. They give themselves away in their unflattering surprise when they see me eating carrots and hummus for lunch, or talking about doing laps in the pool before work, or going to one of the best universities in the English-speaking world. It used to infuriate me, those snap judgments that were way, way off, but now they mostly just make me sad.

Not sure how much of a point I really have, other than to share the feelings that bubble up when reading threads like this. And that, despite the stereotypes people assume of me, I don''t look down on or insult women thinner than myself because I would like to be that way myself. But, this is who I am...at least, until I get the major surgery help I would like.

Gwen, please don''t do feel this way - you looked SO beautiful in your gorgeous dress.

 

[iheartscience]

Ahh, yes, the tried and true put down of skinny women in order to empower not-so-skinny women. As someone who is relatively skinny (and who used to be super duper skinny) I'm always annoyed at articles like these. I've always been thin and I probably will always be thin...and there's nothing not real about me. Real=real, not flawed, or plus size, etc. If authors of articles like these mean that real women=flawed women, they should put that in all caps instead.

And models are real women, too, and I'd wager that the vast majority are not heroin-addicted waifs. They wouldn't be models if they weren't naturally thin. Sure, some take it too far and are way too thin, but the majority of models just have that bone structure and metabolism.

Gwen, that sucks that people make assumptions about you, but people make a lot of assumptions about skinny people as well. I've been accused by a teacher of being anorexic (I got called to the school nurse because of that one), my old dentist decided I was bulimic and accused me of it 2 visits in a row (I obviously stopped going to him), my husband's friend told me I looked too frail to play sports (let's just say I rubbed it in hard when he broke his finger by hitting it on a table), etc., etc. The bottom line is that it's wrong to make assumptions based on someone's appearance, but everyone is very comfortable doing it, especially to women.

 

[Lauren8211]

I think an important thing to realize in this discussion is that the term "flaw" is relative.

To someone who is plus size, they view their flaw as being heavier. What I think fails to be acknowledged is that everyone who isn''t plus sized doesn''t automatically default to super-model either.

Like many others on this board, I''m tall, and not super thin. I''m 5''10" and wear a size 10. While someone else may think my body is great, I see flaws. LOTS OF THEM. My hips and butt are way too big, my chest isn''t big enough, no pants are long enough and none fit over my butt. These are the flaws that put me in tears in the dressing room. When my size 4 friends complain about not being curvy enough, or not having a butt - I think they''re nuts! They would kill for my body, and I''d kill for theirs.

What it boils down to is every woman is real, regardless of whether they can do a Victoria''s Secret cover or not. NO ONE is perfect! It''s really unfortunate that the article had to make every other girl feel "not real" when we truly feel very real with all of our flaws, which may not be so obvious to everyone else, but are glaringly obvious to us.

As I''m getting through this whole post I''m realizing that maybe I sound ridiculous, naive, or vain. Ugh. This is such a complicated topic. I don''t know what it''s like to have someone look at me and just see that I''m heavy, because I''m not. I usually feel heavy, but society would not traditionally view me as such. I guess it''s just all in my head.

This has turned into a crazy, non-sensical, stream-of-consciousness post.

I''ll post it anyway because maybe there is some value in it, or someone can relate or something.

I also wanted to make a comment to Gwen... I understand that being a plus-size does leave you open to a lot of judgment, and that makes me sad. I really thought you looked beautiful in your dress.

 

[purelily]

I''m just going to say that I didn''t find the article real offensive. Reading the article just for information and ignoring all the other language I totally agree with Bjedifish its sort of a great article if you ignore her harsh offensive tone ( i know kind of hard). But fact of the matter is, bridal shops do not have samples for full chested brides....

And in case anyone was wondering about my size, I''ve been on all sides of the spectrum. I was a size 8 in High school a size 0-2 in college a size 6-8 in law school a size 14 when i got out and am back down to a size 8-10.

 

[makemepretty]

I don't understand articles like those. I also don't understand any type of criticism for any size, color or sexual preference of a person. NONE of that matters to me.

In my recent issue of People they had two articles on celebs dieting and exercising. I want to scream "who cares?" Do I believe Kim Kardashian is now a size 2? Um, NO. Do I care that Kelly Osborne is now "in shape? Um, NO. Especially since in a few months they'll both be back to their regular size. Why can't people just be themselves and be happy about it?

Look at the wedding pics here and you'll see that everyone in these pictures, no matter what shape, size or color hair...they are happy in their skin. That makes me super happy.
Off Beat Bride

 

[merrymunky]

Date: 9/11/2009 1:32:05 PM
Author: gwendolyn
Threads like this make me feel very sad. Not because of the OP or the article, but because the responses sometimes make me feel like taking down my photos of my plus-sized self for fear of what some people here actually think of me when I post them. And thinking about what they must think of me based on what they have said about overweight, obese individuals in general makes me feel smaller than I could ever hope to physically be.

And for what it''s worth, whenever the term ''real'' is used in reference to women who are larger than average, to me that isn''t done to belittle smaller women but rather put them on the pedestal of ''supermodel'' level. To me, ''real'' equals ''obviously flawed.'' Slim, petite women don''t have their imperfections out there for the whole world to see, but women of my size do. It''s the first thing people see. My size affects many, many decisions that I make everyday and impacts relations with other people, especially those who don''t know me well. I can''t tell you how many people have assumed that, because I am overweight, I must be a disgusting, lazy, stupid slob who lives off cheese puffs and beer. They give themselves away in their unflattering surprise when they see me eating carrots and hummus for lunch, or talking about doing laps in the pool before work, or going to one of the best universities in the English-speaking world. It used to infuriate me, those snap judgments that were way, way off, but now they mostly just make me sad.

Not sure how much of a point I really have, other than to share the feelings that bubble up when reading threads like this. And that, despite the stereotypes people assume of me, I don''t look down on or insult women thinner than myself because I would like to be that way myself. But, this is who I am...at least, until I get the major surgery help I would like.

I could echo pretty much everything you said in this post. I was terrified when I first posted a picture of me in my dress. I am a UK dress size 26 and I find it incredibly hard to find ANY clothes to fit and look nice let alone a bridal gown. I compared myself to everyone else who has posted pictures of themselves here in their dresses. Everyone else looked glamourous, beautiful, petite etc and I felt that I looked like a blob in a sheet.

I am conscious of my wedding day photos because looking at them I just did not feel as stunning as everyone else has in their pictures. Luckily everyone has been really positive about my photos for which I am very grateful.

I am one of those people who has horrid comments made at her all the time in public. People also look at me like I am a complete freak. It''s awful. So I was lucky to have a great dress shopping experience and was made to feel every bit as pretty as all the slim girls who were in the shop at the same time as me hunting for my dress.

About there being plenty of plus size options in general clothing outlets...hell no. I am limited to pretty much one shop that is purely for plus size girls. It''s not great. I get some very nice clothes there on occasion, but mostly I wander in and wander out empty handed. Most of the clothes I do buy there fit incorrectly on me but it''s the best I can do.

 

[marlie]

hard topic to talk about but i wanted to throw my opinion or thoughts or whatever out there.

i think the bottom line is that appearances are hard to avoid. they are right there in front of you and like it or not, everybody makes an opinion based on it. take it from me, i''m 5''0 and VERY self conscious about my height. VERY. the first thing people see when they meet me is my height. and of course, they''ll make assumptions. i get talked down to a lot b/c people think i''m younger etc. i get comments on it every day whether made jokingly or not. i went to try on bridal gowns and they were all a foot too long and the flare''s hit at the wrong spots and it''s hard to pick accordingly (my dress is going to be created according to my measurements though thank goodness). anyhoo...point is there''s always going to be something that people will comment on, or react to or that you''ll feel insecure about or that magazines will make you feel bad about. i guess the only thing we can do is accept who we are and be proud of our appearances. confidence can make a world of difference in how people ''see'' you. at least that''s what i try to do everyday. and as far as the magazine goes, i do think that it was an angry girl doing a bit of venting with a valid point buried underneath.

and fwiw, i think every bride i''ve seen in this forum looks amazing in there dresses. i don''t think i''ve ever in my life looked at a bride, in real life, on a forum, in a magazine, and thought they were flawed. i just always looked and thought how lucky they are!

 

[Maisie]

I also didn''t like the comment about ''heroin addicted waifs''. My sister was a uk size 6 when she got married. She was tall but very thin and weighed around 98lbs. She had an awful time with her seamstress who kept telling her she should start to eat and gain some weight. My sister eats more than I do. Its crazy to say that anyone who is super thin is addicted to heroin. Whether it was a joke or not.

My experience with clothes shopping is hugely depressing. Nothing fits properly. I am a uk size 26. I weigh 266lbs. Clothes are either too tight on the legs and big on the waist. Or its too tight on the stomach but fits the legs. But more often than not they just don''t fit at all. I am glad I am no longer shopping for a wedding dress (renewal is cancelled). I think it would make me very miserable. Bridal shops where I live carry size 10 - 14 and they wouldn''t go anywhere near me.

Gwen I love your wedding dress. You look beautiful in it. Please don''t feel sad. You will be a fabulous bride!

 

[nclrgirl]

Gwen, I don''t think that the girls meant to hurt you or anyone else. (and I do think your wedding dress pics are beautiful!) I think that some of the girls are hurt by the article, (I know that I am) and their hurt came out in a not so great way...just like the author of the article''s hurt came out in a way that could be seen as attacking or insulting thin people.

Just like some women got made fun of in younger years for being curvy, some others of us got made fun of for being very thin (and in my case, having no curves, which I would love to have!) or very tall, or very short..the list goes on. It hurts either way.

It''s not acceptable to make fun of ANYONE for their appearance, no matter what that appearance is: thin, curvy, tall, short, etc..

 

[Haven]

First, Gwennie, I''m *really* sorry if my response hurt you, and that any comments in this thread hurt you. You are gorgeous, honey, and that''s the truth!

 

[princesss]

Date: 9/11/2009 6:45:23 PM
Author: Haven
First, Gwennie, I''m *really* sorry if my response hurt you, and that any comments in this thread hurt you. You are gorgeous, honey, and that''s the truth!

HUGE ditto. Same to you, merry. I think you looked stunning in your photos.

 

[musey]

Date: 9/11/2009 1:32:05 PM
Author: gwendolyn

And for what it''s worth, whenever the term ''real'' is used in reference to women who are larger than average, to me that isn''t done to belittle smaller women but rather put them on the pedestal of ''supermodel'' level. To me, ''real'' equals ''obviously flawed.''

That''s what it means in my world, which of late has been casting. "Real" is the exact term that casting directors use to communicate that they''re looking for someone who is either plain looking or on the larger side. Although, it''s meant to be "real" versus what most actors are (or try to be) - which is in absolutely amazing shape and far more beautiful than average. So it''s not grounded in reality. For them, "real" usually means larger than a size 4 and not pretty enough to join the cast of America''s Next Top Model.

A bit of a digression, but I just thought that it was interesting/coincidental that you brought that up.


People come in all shapes and sizes - naturally or otherwise. I am a US 2-4 (depending on brand), and I do not think of myself as "tiny" or a "waif," I think of myself as average. However, the sizing system (at least here, can''t speak for other countries) does not accommodate me as average, it accommodates me as being very much on the ''small'' side. So where does that leave the many, many women who are naturally much smaller than I am? It''s helpful for women who are on the larger end of the spectrum, but at least they have the specialty stores referenced in this thread. How do you think the "real" public would react if specialty stores started cropping up to serve specifically the very thin population? I shudder to think.

Everyone''s discriminated against, but I would venture to guess that those who fall into the plus size range get it a lot more and take it a lot harder than those who fall below the size chart (and again, do so naturally). I''d be lying if I said I don''t take issue with terms like "real women" and "curvy" being applied plus-sized women - as though to imply that my physique is somehow not "womanly" or "curvy." A big part of me wishes we could all be honest about things instead of shifting labels around to give them new meaning (there was a time when "curvy" meant 36-24-36). At the same time, I understand where the impulse to shift labels comes from - and I''m not about to cry over someone thinking I''m "too thin" (not that that really happens

).


It is okay to be plus sized, just as it is okay to be very thin. Everyone has reasons for being the size they are - and sometimes appearances can be deceiving: not every plus-sized person inhales McDonald''s and not every thin woman starves herself. Generalizations and stereotypes are often founded in truth, but it''s important to realize how harmful it is to apply them across the board to any one type of person.

 

[musey]

One last point: I went into wedding gown shopping fully aware of the size discrepancy issue. I bought a dress 2 sizes larger than my street size and it had to be taken in to fit, by a full size. So 1 size larger doesn't seem enough to get upset about, to me, since I routinely buy in a range more like 3-4 sizes because brands simply vary.

I realize that availability of larger sizes is another issue entirely, but I see people complaining about the ego hit of buying (a) size(s) up very often. It is what it is, and it doesn't seem like THAT big of a deal.

Maybe I'm missing something

 

[quetonee]

While it''s great if bridal salons are able to carry a range of sizes... The bottom line is that any given sample is going to not fit 95% of the women who try it on. Add on the fact that the samples are often stretched, stained, torn, etc. - it''s not like any women are getting a real good sense of what they would look like in the design tailored to their body. I think that plus-size women are more sensitive to the lack of fit, but there are just as many women for whom the dresses are much too big. I''m very small and was trying on mermaid gowns - even with pinning, etc., I hardly got a better sense of what the dress would do for my body than if the dress had been too small. The bridal industry sucks, that''s the bottom line.

 

[Black Jade]

I think that we need to go back to the custom made bridal dress. When I got married, 25 years ago, your wedding dress was the one dress you got in your life that was custom made for you, you went in , you showed a photo, she measured you (and begged you not to lose too much weight, a plea that many brides ignored) and the dress was made just for you so size 2 (which actually didn''t exist yet) or size 32, no problem.
I still hold that the original article was needlessly offensive and while most of the posts made since are not offensive, there was at least one that are really over the top and yes, offensive in the other direction--I see no reason to accuse the whole United States of being obese in a thread on wedding dresses. I am so sorry that people are getting their feelings hurt in both directions. it used to be said that every baby is cute and every bride is beautiful--and there is truth in that! It''s your special day. Someone loves you and wants to spend the rest of their life with you! Your circle of family and friends is there with you to celebrate! It should be nothing but special! And wedding dresses come in SO many different styles--there really is one to suit everyone, no matter what she feels her figure flaws are (often in one''s imagination). We should be all be concentrating on that. And the stores should be helping us, as we are spending big $$$$$.
Women not only come in different sizes--most women are, or will be, different sizes at different times in their lives. It truly is not uncommon for a woman to be in plus size at one time in her life and in petite at another time, little as we might like to think so or accept this. That''s another reason for us not to slam our sisters. This ''real'' thing IS cruel--even if ''real'' simply means having flaws, every woman has flaws--it''s not true that being ''overweight'' (whatever that means) is the only flaw one can possibly have and that people who weigh less have no issues.
And people at both ends of the spectrum have problems shopping. My mother wears a size 24 dress and I often shop for her and while its true that there''s more choice than there once was, its not easy. However my petite friends are equally having trouble. stores dedicated to petites are closing, or have closed all over and the ''vanity sizing'' issue has really squeezed a lot of smaller women out of being able to buy clothes. When a store decides to label size 8 as size 2 so that all the size 8''s will buy more clothes, the true size 2''s then can''t find anything to wear and its not fair. I''m not super small, in my opinion, I''m 5 ft 3 and 130 pounds currently and in a lot of stores I am wearing XS the past couple of years (and have even had to go into child sizes a couple of times. I was in NY a few weeks ago and trying to find a Yankee shirt and went into several stores near the stadium and the women''s small was way too big--I ended up buying youth size 16. And this is the 2nd time this has happened). If I have to be in a child size shirt, what about women who are 5 ft and 100 lbs? Everybody wants to look nice. It''s really frustrating to not only have problems doing this, but to have people insulting you, too, whether they are saying, ''lose weight'' or ''eat something'' It''s all just MEAN and we shouldn''t be turning against each other in this way.