family ring

[qrk]

Hello all,
This is my first post so please forgive me if this is not in the correct section...

I recently received a family ring passed down to me from my grandmother to my mother to my (soon to be) fiancé. I took the ring to a jeweler in town to get resized and they mentioned that there were several things that could be done.

A: in order to properly resize the ring they would have to replace the shank due to the ring not being substantial enough if the wedding band that had been soldered to the engagement ring was removed. I told them to leave it together.

B: that a larger diamond could replace the center stone. This struck me as an attempt to get me to spend more money there. I said no to that as well.

My family is very dear to me, and even though I know that my extended family may place more sentimental value on the ring as it stands, my immediate family knows next to nothing about diamonds, their value (cost), and the many attributes they have ( 4 cs and all). I would like to keep the ring as close to the original that I can, but I am curious to see what everyone things about the sentimental value of a family ring.

At what point is it not the same? When the shank gets cut off and replaced? When the main stone is upgraded? When it goes on someone else's finger?

I will try and post pictures as soon as it gets back from the jeweler.

Thanks!

 

[AprilBaby]

As much as I love my mothers ring (she is deceased), it's style is very out of date. The diamond is sentimental to me, but not the setting.

 

[tyty333]

I like to leave the stone in the setting if it is an old antique setting (I'm not talking 1980), but if the ring can not be worn
then I think it is time to take the stone out and treasure it as an heirloom stone (instead of heirloom ring).

I think it is fine to replace the shank as long as it is in the same spirit of the old ring.

Do you have a picture of the ring? Would love to see it. What I would do would really depend a lot on the stone/setting.

 

[distracts]

I would consider reshanking to be keeping the ring the same, if that's the only way you can get it resized.

 

[KaeKae]

I would consider reshanking to be keeping the ring the same, if that's the only way you can get it resized.

This. If the stone and setting are otherwise safe and can be worn without worry, then I would consider reshanking a necessary step in maintaining the ring.

 

[OCgirl]

My mom also has a ring from her mother (given to my grandma by my deceased grandpa). The ring has TREMENDOUS amount of sentimental value to my mother as my grandpa was the one who purchased it. The setting could not be resized without major restructuring (kind of like yours) because it's two sizes too big and a bit old. I persuaded my mom to switch the stone to a newer setting and keep the old setting for another stone (maybe ruby or some other types of gemstones) to wear on occasions. She was initially against the idea but now she tells me everyday how much she loves her "new" ring.

I agree that the stone (and somtimes the setting) can be extremely sentimental but it's a piece of jewelry so the priorities are: 1) the jewelry should be structurally sound (aka should not be resized if it's going to make the ring fall apart easily) AND 2) should be enjoyed by the new owner. As a younger woman I find it harder to enjoy a piece of jewelry that looks very outdated or worn.

Good luck!

 

[sonnyjane]

What is the diamond like? Would you be open to keeping the original setting and placing the diamond in a new setting?

I agree with some previous posters that I really need to see a picture of the ring to decide what advice to give. If it's a timeless piece, then I'd do a lot to preserve the look. If it's outdated, then I agree with a previous poster that it may not be something your future bride would be elated with.

 

[Enerchi]

I feel that the stone is the key focus in the ring - the setting style may not be what you/your fiance would like in this current era (as other's have posted) and because the stone is probably the most valuable (sentimentally and financially) of the piece, you'd hate to lose it if the setting was not structurally sound. You can still hope to keep the empty setting and put another stone in its place (your great grandmother's birthstone perhaps?) and then use the diamond in a new setting that reflects your tastes.

I'd put the focus on the safety of the diamond and use the setting for an 'occasional' ring. Best of luck for whatever route you take - you are lucky to be the current recipient - enjoy the ring in health and happiness!

 

[imitcan]

Hi! I am very new to Prisecope but couldn't help relating to your post about the family ring.
I too received a "family ring" from my FIL's family, as an engagement ring 20 years ago. It was in its original setting: yellow gold, with a bit of etching around the diamond and on the shank and a size 3.25!!! The family thought that it was "meant to be" that the ring did not need any resizing!
I, the naive, overwhelmed, bride-to be said nothing, even though I had to ice my hand and sometimes spray it with ammonia-Windex to get it off my size < 3.5 finger. I kept quiet for 15 years, even during my pregnancies during which, I gained 40 lbs, thinking my in-laws would object to changing the ring.
So, finally for a 15th wedding anniversary gift I asked my husband for a new setting, not just resizing. His family was totally excited about this! Not one of them encouraged me to just get it resized or to even save the setting for another use. (but I do have the old setting - might make a nice pinky ring)
My point is that it's the diamond that "lasts forever". All else will wear and age like everything does, or will need changing for a lot of reasons. So if you are happy with the diamond then consider reshanking and living with the current look of the ring for a while. If in the end you decide to change the ring completely then you still have a special setting that fits that can be used for another stone. I wish I had done this from the start.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I would only give it to her with the understanding that she has the option to reset it if she hates the setting. However, I would really like to see pictures before making further comments.

I would absolutely separate the two rings. I don't see why she would want to wear an attached wedding band when just getting engaged, but I don't like attached wedding bands even after the wedding. Definitely replace the shank if it needs it. That is inevitable in almost all gold rings eventually.

 

[yssie]

I think one of the issues with inheriting heirloom jewellery for regular wear is that different people do have different opinions on exactly those questions, and of course everyone takes it all personally!

Me, I don't really know how I feel. I do think expectations need to be made clear on both sides up-front. On one hand I strongly feel that a woman deserves to love her engagement ring, for the sentiment and for the piece itself. It's an everyday piece, and if she can't love it for its history alone and needs to change it to be able to love it as something she wears everyday, that she feels fits and represents her style and lifestyle, that she just loves to look at, well, change away! Re-shank, re- or un-solder, re-work, put in new sides, recut the centre, replace the centre...

On the other hand my mum has a ring that my great, great (great?) grandmother wore, and I wouldn't ever dream of altering it - or even *wearing* it for fear of changing it, or damaging it.

 

[Mrsacornblue]

Is the style of ring something that your soon-to-be fiancee likes? The reason I am asking is that this ring is your family heirloom. Even though she will soon be a member, she may not feel the same sentiments that the rest of the family does toward the ring and may want to make changes to the diamond or the setting to make it what she wants to wear. If she wants a totally different setting, how would that make you feel and would she get any resistance from the rest of the family? These types of things can cause a lot of unwarranted drama in what should be a happy time for two families. She will likely be wearing this ring for a long time and it should be what both of you want. While I don't think that adding a new shank and separating the band will take away the "heirloom status" of the ring, others may. I do think that a family heirloom can be a beautiful gift and a wonderful engagement ring. I think that if you do end up making changes to the ring that they cause joy not conflict. I have my grandmother's diamond and it has been reset. My mom didn't care...she has the original setting and she wants the diamond to be worn rather than tucked away in a box. However, not everyone feels this way.