Home Facebook and my Mother

[Hera]

So my mom and I had the same name when I was growing up (my maiden name) and my junior high and senior high friends knew me under that name so when they go to find me they add my mother first instead of me (so much for being anonymous under my married name). I find this out eventually because they'll comment on my twin brother's page and I'll look at their profile and lo and behold, there's my mother as one of their friends.

This is irritating because I repeatedly ask her to not add them or let me know. Unfortunately, this doesn't work because she still adds them somehow (we now share 30 friends). I even think she's adding them on her own because of the stupid recommendations on the upper right side of the page! At first, I was just letting it slide because I didn't really want to reconnect with some of these friends, but now have reconsidered because I'm not sure that I want them in my circle at all (I'm a very private person).

So last night, I asked her to delete them and we got in an argument and she told me things like, "how do you know they weren't looking for me? (they maybe would have met her once at a school function 20 years ago)" and gives me this list of people she doesn't want to delete because they give her those hearts and they're in her Mafia Wars. On many of them, she has no recollection of them at all.

Does anyone have any advice on what I should do/say to her that will somehow make her understand I don't want her to be friends with my Junior High and High school friends?

Edited to clarify: These people add my mom because they think she is me. It's a case of mistaken identity. Regardless of this fact, she doesn't want to delete them!

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

You could open a second account and only invite people you really want to communicate with there. Put the occasional post on your existing page if you don''t want to offend your mother, maybe.

 

[iheartscience]

Oh good lord. Are you sure your mother isn''t in junior high?

I have no advice...I don''t get why anyone would want to be friends with a high school acquaintance''s mom, or vice versa! But I also don''t think you can really make your mom delete these people if she really wants to stay "friends" with them.

I would just delete whoever you don''t want to be friends with and then block them so they can''t see you anymore. That way they can''t friend request you again.

 

[Hera]

Date: 5/2/2010 1:51:32 PM
Author: thing2of2
Oh good lord. Are you sure your mother isn't in junior high?

I have no advice...I don't get why anyone would want to be friends with a high school acquaintance's mom, or vice versa! But I also don't think you can really make your mom delete these people if she really wants to stay 'friends' with them.


I would just delete whoever you don't want to be friends with and then block them so they can't see you anymore. That way they can't friend request you again.

Sorry, my post must have been vague: They don't want to be friends with my mom, they think it's me and she STILL doesn't want to delete them.

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 5/2/2010 1:58:26 PM
Author: heraanderson

Date: 5/2/2010 1:51:32 PM

Author: thing2of2

Oh good lord. Are you sure your mother isn''t in junior high?

I have no advice...I don''t get why anyone would want to be friends with a high school acquaintance''s mom, or vice versa! But I also don''t think you can really make your mom delete these people if she really wants to stay ''friends'' with them.

I would just delete whoever you don''t want to be friends with and then block them so they can''t see you anymore. That way they can''t friend request you again.

Sorry, my post must have been vague: They don''t want to be friends with my mom, they think it''s me and she STILL doesn''t want to delete them.

OH! Sorry-I thought you were also friends with these people. Nevermind then! Yeah that sucks...not sure why your mom would want to be friends with people who think she''s you! That''s just weird.

I guess you could always friend request the people your mom is friends with so they''d know who the real you is...but it sounds like you don''t want to be friends with them anyway, so...I don''t know! Try to let it go is all I''ve got! Or you could post on your mom''s wall and tell her to stop impersonating you!

I mean how do these people not know it''s your mom? Does she not have pictures up?!

 

[swimmer]

whoa. Um, does your mom have any photos of herself on FB? Unless she has aged really well... Sorry the entire thing is so weird, does your mom have hobbies? I''m sure she is an awesome mom, but I don''t get mafiawars or any of that at all.

 

[Puppmom]

Oh, God. My mother is obsessed with facebook but she doesn''t quite *get it*. I can''t tell you how many times she complains to me about how her feelings are hurt about finding out something *important* on facebook instead of getting a phone call or how she knows so and so is logged on but hasn''t responded to her note. I seriously pity anyone who is friends with her on FB!

Anywho - can you just tell your friends to delete her? I totally understand why you wouldn''t want all of those mutual friends.

 

[Hera]

I found a solution! I went into her account (I have her password info) and blocked every junior/ high school friend I could remember. That way she won't come up on their searches (I could have deleted the people on my own, but I felt that would have been overstepping my boundaries).

She does have a picture up, but it's really small and I don't think people go to the profile and investigate. I don't really know why she wants to be friends with everyone, though, because of her 29 friends, only 7 are her actual friends, the rest were pulled from my brother's and I.

I play Mafia Wars also, so I get wanting to be friends with other people but I have to tell you if my daughter were to tell me she was uncomfortable that I was friends with one her friends, I would delete them in a heart beat. I'm not sure I'd ever be friends with one of her friends but I would surely ask my daughter if it was okay to be their friend. I know that asking my mom to be the same way is not very realistic, so instead I went a little crazy.

Anyways, Thank you for your responses and for letting me freak out.

 

[iheartscience]

Ha, problem solved! The thought crossed my mind that maybe you could get into her account and delete them but I must have forgotten to say it out loud. And since she''s older she''ll never be able to find where you block people on Facebook so she''ll never know!

I''m not a fan of getting into people''s accounts (would never read my husband''s emails, etc.) but I''d probably do the same thing if I were in your shoes.

 

[choro72]

Glad it''s solved!
Everyone should watch this South Park episode...You have 0 friends

 

[Hera]

Date: 5/2/2010 6:16:13 PM
Author: thing2of2
Ha, problem solved! The thought crossed my mind that maybe you could get into her account and delete them but I must have forgotten to say it out loud. And since she''s older she''ll never be able to find where you block people on Facebook so she''ll never know!

I''m not a fan of getting into people''s accounts (would never read my husband''s emails, etc.) but I''d probably do the same thing if I were in your shoes.

I know, she''ll never figure it out!

 

[Hera]

Date: 5/2/2010 6:24:37 PM
Author: choro72
Glad it''s solved!

Everyone should watch this South Park episode...You have 0 friends

I can''t watch it til may 18, I guess.

 

[Hera]

Date: 5/2/2010 4:56:41 PM
Author: puppmom
Oh, God. My mother is obsessed with facebook but she doesn''t quite *get it*. I can''t tell you how many times she complains to me about how her feelings are hurt about finding out something *important* on facebook instead of getting a phone call or how she knows so and so is logged on but hasn''t responded to her note. I seriously pity anyone who is friends with her on FB!


Anywho - can you just tell your friends to delete her? I totally understand why you wouldn''t want all of those mutual friends.

I don''t think my mom quite *gets it* either. Maybe there should be an upper age limit---kidding! (sorta).

 

[lovinsparkles]

Maybe you could also tag her in some pictures, so that when someone looks at her profile they can tell that it''s her, not you?

 

[Cehrabehra]

these people are not part of your circle now so you can count yourself lucky - just pretend they''re anonymous people she picked up off the street (they practically are) and thank her that you don''t have to reject them yourself.

 

[partgypsy]

I would have just sent a private message to those people that they have accidently friended your mother, and if you can please unfriend, would appreciate it. Then unfriend them

I''m not that mean. Haven''t unfriended anyone except I intend to - someone pretending to be Stephen Hawking

 

[mtjoya]

OMG, sorry i find this funny, reminds me of the south park episode that was mentioned. Glad u solved ur prob.

 

[waterlilly]

I don''t understand, why could you just send a message to them and tell them to unfriend your mom? If they didn''t want to be her friend in the first place, seems like a reasonable request - and something they would want to know. Logging in to someone''s account is a crappy thing to do in my opinion.

 

[princesss]

Honestly, I can''t figure out who this is harming.

You''re not friends with people you don''t want to be friends with.
Your mom is happy.


Honestly, I don''t think you have the right to decide who she''s friends with, regardless of why she''s friends with them. Their "friendship" on FB is strictly between them - you aren''t owed a heads up or an explanation as to why your mother is "friends" with them. I''d bow out of this situation as gracefully as you can at this point and just decline any friend requests from them that come your way.