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Expecting bridesmaids?

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Clover

Rough_Rock
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Mar 21, 2009
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28
I just recently found out that one of my bridesmaids is expecting and will be due about three weeks after my wedding. I know she''s going to be uncomfortable at that point and (and she''s even made a comment about that herself - once). Of course I want her to still be in the wedding, but I completely understand if she doesn''t. I don''t know if/how I should bring it up to her. If I don''t ask her then it might seem that I''m being insensitive but if I do ask then it might seem like I don''t want her to be in it anymore. What do you girls think?

Also, I''m trying to pick out bridesmaid dresses. Do you think she would be more comfortable in a short or long dress? I don''t have a preference, but either way it will most likely be a light chifon.
 

ash313

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jun 24, 2008
Messages
535
Hi Clover!

One of my bridesmaids is due about six weeks BEFORE our wedding, so will have a tiny newborn and all the "stuff" that comes along with a post-partum body. In other words, the last thing she wants to worry about is fitting into a dress six weeks after giving birth! And I''m not about to add that to her list of new mom worries.

What I''ve done is I told my bridesmaids to wear any dress they like, so long as it''s long and black. This way she can pick something that she is comfortable in. She was thrilled!

Question for you: If she doesn''t feel comfortable wearing a dress you choose, do you still want her in the wedding? What if she still wants to be a bridesmaid, but wants to pick something on her own? Something to think about before you talk with her.

I have never been pregnant, so can''t speak to what she''d be comfy in. I would talk to her directly about all of this, and make your feelings clear: You want her in the wedding, but understand if she would prefer to just be close with you that day, minus the walking down the aisle bit. If you''re truly ok with whatever she decides, make that clear.

How exciting that your bridesmaid is expecting!
 

GoingCrazy29

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jun 19, 2008
Messages
373
One of my bridesmaids will be 9 months pregnant at my wedding, due two weeks afterwards. We ordered her a different maternity dress (B2 line) in the same color and fabric as the other girls so hopefully she will be comfortable. We are also looking for gold kitten heels for her. She has been very direct in the fact that unless she has the baby right before the wedding, she wants to be in it no matter how big she is. However I have already been thinking of plans and what to do if she can''t be in it if she has the baby early so that I will be prepared with one less bridesmaid. I would just talk to her and see how she feels about it.
 

LaraOnline

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 24, 2008
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3,365
Haven''t had time to read the rest of the posts, but if your girlfriend is due three weeks after the actual wedding date, there is a reasonable-to-good chance that she will actually be at the going-into-labour stage on THE DAY of your wedding.

She may also be unlucky enough to have some medical issues, or even just some basic comfort issues, such as fluid retention, that makes it uncomfortable for her to do anything much but rest.

However, even if she is a super-healthy mum-to-be, she is quite likely to be extremely reluctant to stand up for the duration of your ceremony. Also, she is not at all likely to be ''down with'' helping out behind the scenes, moving chairs... even standing for photos, tbh!

A wedding is a long day!

I am about four weeks away from my due date right now, and let me tell you, the couch is really where I want to be... and I carry quite well!!

Those last few months really sneak up on you... the discomfort of being heavily pregnant is nature''s way of getting you over the fear of labour!!
 

redfaerythinker

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jun 7, 2007
Messages
1,781
I think I would go about it honestly. Say that you''re thrilled that she''s pregnant and thrilled that she wants to be in your wedding. Tell her that you''d be delighted if she would stay but that you would totally understand if she wanted to tweak the role a bit, or if at the last minute she needed to step down. Maybe just take it on a bit by bit basis, with contingency plans in place? I wish you luck!
 

LaraOnline

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 24, 2008
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3,365
Below knee (tea length).
above knee length might do very little for the confidence of a girl whose hips seem to be spreading by the day...
 

Pandora II

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 3, 2006
Messages
9,613
To be honest, I'd be suprised if she will really be capable of being a BM by that stage.

I've got 7 weeks to go and my back has gone so badly I can't do much more than sit and even that isn't so great. I certainly wouldn't want to stand through a ceremony or have to do anything that might involve bending down or having to help someone! Some people do seem to sail through feeling wonderful and being super-active...

If she has any medical problems she might not even be allowed to attend - I was supposed to be going to a very close friend's wedding three weeks before my due date and the hospital have said no chance, they don't want me more than 20 minutes away after 37 weeks.

It's also impossible to know how you will put weight on during pregnancy - looking at the pics on the PG thread, there are girls who barely have a bump at 20 weeks and others (like me) who looked very pregnant at 15 weeks. Some people put weight on all over, others it's all in the bump. You can't tell from a pre-pregnancy figure how it will go either. Buying a dress too far in advance is probably not a good idea.

Definitely not a long dress - when you haven't seen your own feet in months and need help to put shoes on, and your joints are all loose, the chances of coming a cropper are pretty high!


My advice to your friend is that she will be doing well to be there as a guest!
 

neatfreak

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 17, 2007
Messages
14,167
I'd tell her you are thrilled, etc. and really want her to be a part of your day but if at any point she thinks she is too uncomfortable to stand up there, or do "duties", that she gets a free pass! She can still be a bridesmaid without standing at the alter, running around like a nut, etc. People will understand!

I was matron of honor when I was 24 weeks pregnant with twins and let me tell you it was NOT a pleasant experience especially because the bride didn't seem to understand that being so pregnant was hard on me AND the other bridesmaids were horrible and did NOTHING. I really wish the bride would have delegated more to the other bridesmaids. I tried, but I didn't know any of them very well so it was hard. I sucked it up for her because my friend is usually wonderful-she was just a bridezilla- but I do wish she had been a bit more understanding to my situation.

And my vote is long dress for sure. A short dress has the distinct possibility of becoming WAAAY too short in the front if her belly is bigger than expected.
 

so cal girl

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Mar 22, 2007
Messages
280
Okay, I am going to chime in on this, just because I have experience with it first hand.

One of my bridesmaids was due about 3 weeks after my wedding. When she found out she was pregnant, she made the point of saying she was going to be in the wedding even if she was in labor! I know it was a joke, but at least I knew her mindset on it. As the time grew nearer, and she got more and more pregnant, I made sure she was still up for it. She was insistent she was going to be in this wedding. So I just went with it.

I would have understood if she had stepped down. But even then, she was still going to be listed in the program as my bridesmaid, whether she could stand up there the whole time or not. It''s not like I was going to replace her with someone else.

I think you should definitely bring it up with her. I don''t think it would be insensitive, as she knows she''ll be uncomfortable. She may not know how uncomfortable she''ll be, since that is different for everyone. So if you are fine with a play it by ear kind of approach, I would stick with that. But if you are set on having a certain number of people up there, and you would replace her with soemone else, that is a different story.

My pregnant bridesmaid actually ended up with two dresses. She ordered the same dress as everyone else early on in her prgenancy, thinking it could be altered to fit her belly. We had actually picked out the dresses with the fact that we may have some pregnant ladies in mind. But sure enough, her body changed in more ways than her belly
. So she ended up buying another cheap dress at Kohl''s two weeks before the wedding that was somewhate similar to the bridesmaid dresses.

If she decides to be in the wedding, I would definitely stick with something knee length in a chiffon for the dress. And the more the flowy the better.

Oh, and after all that, my pregnant bridesmaid ended up having to have an emergency c-section 4 days after the wedding! She lasted an entire day at my wedding 4 days before she gave birth, so there is no telling how your bridesmaid will feel.
 

House Cat

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Feb 22, 2009
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4,143
Date: 3/30/2009 2:46:47 PM
Author: so cal girl
Okay, I am going to chime in on this, just because I have experience with it first hand.

One of my bridesmaids was due about 3 weeks after my wedding. When she found out she was pregnant, she made the point of saying she was going to be in the wedding even if she was in labor! I know it was a joke, but at least I knew her mindset on it. As the time grew nearer, and she got more and more pregnant, I made sure she was still up for it. She was insistent she was going to be in this wedding. So I just went with it.

I would have understood if she had stepped down. But even then, she was still going to be listed in the program as my bridesmaid, whether she could stand up there the whole time or not. It's not like I was going to replace her with someone else.

I think you should definitely bring it up with her. I don't think it would be insensitive, as she knows she'll be uncomfortable. She may not know how uncomfortable she'll be, since that is different for everyone. So if you are fine with a play it by ear kind of approach, I would stick with that. But if you are set on having a certain number of people up there, and you would replace her with soemone else, that is a different story.

My pregnant bridesmaid actually ended up with two dresses. She ordered the same dress as everyone else early on in her prgenancy, thinking it could be altered to fit her belly. We had actually picked out the dresses with the fact that we may have some pregnant ladies in mind. But sure enough, her body changed in more ways than her belly
. So she ended up buying another cheap dress at Kohl's two weeks before the wedding that was somewhate similar to the bridesmaid dresses.

If she decides to be in the wedding, I would definitely stick with something knee length in a chiffon for the dress. And the more the flowy the better.

Oh, and after all that, my pregnant bridesmaid ended up having to have an emergency c-section 4 days after the wedding! She lasted an entire day at my wedding 4 days before she gave birth, so there is no telling how your bridesmaid will feel.
I would allow her to choose the length. Personally, I would prefer a long dress. Swollen pregnant ankles are NOT something that I would be comfortable showing off. I'm not entirely certain that tripping would be an issue as long as the dress doesn't have a train.

Speaking of bodies chaning in more ways than the belly: Please be certain to order her dress ridiculously large in the chest. One of my dearest friends had a pregnant BM and although they ordered her dress large in the chest, they didn't order it large enough. They followed the advice of the bridal shop, but this was a lesson learned to follow the advice and then some. Her poor BM was self conscious for the entire wedding because she was spilling out of it. The girls do amazing things during pregnancy
and a dress can always be taken in.

I would still make the offer to her, tell her how beautiful you think she will be in the wedding (ethereal compliments go a long way,) tell her directly that you really want her to be there but you don't want her to do anything out of obligation. If she's going to be uncomfortable or if she doesn't want to do it, she should really let you know. Let her know you love her either way but you want her to do what is best for her.
 

musey

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 30, 2006
Messages
11,242
I think you should just communicate as openly and honestly with her as possible! It can be hard to communicate your true feelings ("No, really, I am not hinting for you to bow out!!!"), but it''s important to talk to her about it.

Having a pregnant bridesmaid will be so wonderful. She''ll be experiencing such an exciting time herself, and there will be even more joy to go around!


Would you consider letting her sit during the ceremony? Perhaps a chair at the front for her, or she could just sit in the front row after her aisle walk? She may be a lot more comfortable that way!
 
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