- Joined
- Apr 30, 2005
- Messages
- 33,293
Sara, In your example (having DH call in the boys) I don't see you as being PA.
Yes, technically you did not directly tell him what to do.
You expressed what you felt needed to happen and why you could not do it.
A little reasoning was required on his part to deduce that you are asking him to let the boys in.
But (and this is a huge important aspect that is close to this subject) you were being (your version of) polite about it instead of just being direct to the point of ordering him around.
In personal interactions there is a trade off between brevity and politeness.
Being too brief can be viewed as impolite.
My style leans towards brevity, perhaps to a fault.
My partner leans towards longwinded politeness, perhaps to a fault.
Also affecting this is now well we know someone.
He knows I love him, am not mad, and being brief is just my style.
If I was equally brief talking to a stranger or casual acquaintance it would be more rude.
Example: He'll call on the phone and say, "I was driving home and I needed to get some toothpaste so I stopped at Target. I'm still at Target now, and I'll be here for, oh say, 15 minutes, so do you need anything".
I'll just answer in one word, "No".
If you switched the people I'd say, "Hi, I'm at Target do you need anything?
To which he might reply, "Well, we're low on shampoo, but I'd rather get the one at Costco. I can't think of anything right now, but if I do after I hang up I'll call you."
(IMHO all of that was unnecessary. I'd prefer just "No.", but you gotta accept that people vary.)
Our SOs have given us feedback.
I think mine would prefer me to be less brief, and yours would prefer you to be more brief.
I see nothing wrong with accommodating such feedback to some degree.
Yes, technically you did not directly tell him what to do.
You expressed what you felt needed to happen and why you could not do it.
A little reasoning was required on his part to deduce that you are asking him to let the boys in.
But (and this is a huge important aspect that is close to this subject) you were being (your version of) polite about it instead of just being direct to the point of ordering him around.
In personal interactions there is a trade off between brevity and politeness.
Being too brief can be viewed as impolite.
My style leans towards brevity, perhaps to a fault.
My partner leans towards longwinded politeness, perhaps to a fault.
Also affecting this is now well we know someone.
He knows I love him, am not mad, and being brief is just my style.
If I was equally brief talking to a stranger or casual acquaintance it would be more rude.
Example: He'll call on the phone and say, "I was driving home and I needed to get some toothpaste so I stopped at Target. I'm still at Target now, and I'll be here for, oh say, 15 minutes, so do you need anything".
I'll just answer in one word, "No".
If you switched the people I'd say, "Hi, I'm at Target do you need anything?
To which he might reply, "Well, we're low on shampoo, but I'd rather get the one at Costco. I can't think of anything right now, but if I do after I hang up I'll call you."
(IMHO all of that was unnecessary. I'd prefer just "No.", but you gotta accept that people vary.)
Our SOs have given us feedback.
I think mine would prefer me to be less brief, and yours would prefer you to be more brief.
I see nothing wrong with accommodating such feedback to some degree.
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