etiquette question...

[rainbowtrout]

So I just put up a post about my job in Boston, and I had a question for any of you ladies who are or are marrying/good friends with Korean people--are there any good cultural rules of etiquette I should keep in mind? My employer is a wonderful lady, but sometimes I feel like we just go right past each other with what we both think is rude or not-rude behavior. I''m trying to understand better, but it''s difficult to speak clearly with her because although I admire how much English she has learned, we still can''t hold a great conversation--and my only Korean is what I have deduced is "hello," something like "komo say-yo", with an uprising tone. My only close friend in college from an Asian culture was from Shanghai, and she tells me she knows nothing about it...

Thank you so much for any help!!

(PS--any of you who remember me, I''ve been absentee for so long because I didn''t have an internet hookup or wireless and have been using the boy''s computer when I get a chance--this is my first long stretch at his computer in awhile!)

 

[Julian]

I think some of the rules include:

1. Never give white flowers (they mean death)
2. Kam sam nee dah means Thank You.
3. Always think of the other person's comfort/needs above your own. When they offer you something to eat, politely refuse -- they will in turn, force you to take it.

Always offer them some of your food before you start eating. (But not sure if this applies to employers/employees!)


But if you're considerate enough to ask about their customs, you are obviously a very thoughtful person. You will do fine. Good luck with the job! After a while, they will start treating you like their son/daughter.

 

[rainbowtrout]

Hmm, thanks, I''ll keep that in mind. It''s hard to differentiate sometimes what it cultural and what is personal. She tends to give a lot of effusive praise but never without at least one criticism, and I hurt her feelings one day by not smiling and saying hello for a minute after I walked in....I think she though I was being disrespectful, which struck me as an odd reaction since in my jobs working for Americans "disrespectful" is usually something much worse (I basically just didn''t see her saying hi)

 

[miyabi_na]

Hello!

I''m not Korean but I''ve worked with and lived with Korean people before, and I picked up a little bit during those times. Depending on how much you both are willing to compromise with your cultures, some or all of these may not apply...

I think you''re referring to the saying (phonetically of course) "Yuh-boh-se-yo", which is hello on the phone.

"Ahn-nyong-ha-se-yo" is better for saying hello in person.
"Ahn-nyong-hee-ga-se-yo" is better for goodbye.

"Kam-sa-ham-ni-da" is thank you

- If you go out drinking, make sure you offer to pour someone elses drinks, never your own. ln turn, someone will pour yours.
- Don''t write any Korean names in RED. That signifies that the person is dead.
- ALWAYS take your shoes off in a Korean persons home.
- And Julian is right, when they offer something (like food), even if you DO want it, politely say you don''t. They usually will offer it again, and THEN it is okay to take it. This goes for gifts too- they will politely refuse a gift from you, but insist them to take it, they eventually will.
- Don''t be surprised if a Korean asks what Americans consider "personal questions". They may ask about money, religion, age, etc...don''t take offense to it- it''s casual conversation.
- Be modest and don''t brag.
In my experience, a lot of Korean ladies are also very talkative and will make comments about your appearance or other things. While it''s a compliment, I always disagreed out of politeness, modesty, and embarassment!

There are so many Korean business courses you could take online if you''re really worried about making sure you fully understand your employer''s culture...she sounds like a understanding and great lady, and I''m sure she''s used to the way things are conducted in America, so I don''t think she would be that easily offended by anyone at your job.

Good luck! And I wish I could help more, but I don''t want to make this really long and boring!

 

[JenStone]

Rainbowtrout - I''m Korean and I could probably answer almost any question you have.

Please do not take your employer''s actions personally. Koreans have tendancies to be very direct and unknowingly judgemental. Here are some other Korean customs:

1. When an elder or a superior enters or leaves a room, Koreans are expected to stand up and bow to acknowledge their presence. This is probably what happened when you didn''t say hello to her right away.

2. When bowing, the younger/subordinate must bow lower.

3. Most traditional Koreans are not known for praise. In fact, sometimes praising comes in the form of discipline/scolding. The fact that your employer praises you means she''s trying hard to accomodate our culture. But she''s probably adding the criticism so the praise will not go to your head. In addition, there are VERY distinct employer/employee lines in Korean culture. By adding the criticism, she is probably reminding you who is boss.

Please do not be offended by any of this - that''s just how the culture is!

The advice the others gave you is also nice. Please don''t hesitate to let me know if you have any other questions.

 

[rainbowtrout]

Thank you Jen--this really makes it much more logical to me. I''m not offended at all, it''s just hard to understand someone else unless you understand where they are coming from culturally. She said "You are acting like boss, and no one in my whole life has ever acted like boss to me," and I knew she didn''t mean "bossy" but I didn''t know the nuance of what she meant exactly. I''ll be sure to say hello first and such. The food thing I am used to from being Italian and hanging out in Arab cultures.