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Etiquette Question: How bad is it to bail out on a friend?

chemgirl

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 16, 2009
Messages
2,161
I really don't know what to do about this so I thought I'd ask the moral compass that is Pricescope.

A friend called yesterday to ask me if I wanted to buy some sold out tickets for a music festival on Friday. My favorite band is the headliner and its Canada Day so it should be a fun party with lots of people. He quoted me the price of the regular admission ticket plus $20 for a party bus to the festival location (the festival is in the middle of nowhere so we won't have anywhere to park). I talked to DH and we told my friend that we'd love to come.

So today I get a text from my friend telling me that the bus is actually going to be $62 per person. Um...that's almost as much as the festival ticket in the first place and pretty steep when there is public transit available (granted the public transit will be swamped).

To complicate things, I have access to VIP passes that include parking. The price for these VIP passes will be slightly less than the ticket+party bus and include perks like line bypass, private washrooms, VIP bar, tent, and food. I knew about the VIP passes when I accepted the general admission tickets, but I had decided not to attend the concert due to the ticket price.

So now I don't know what to do. I can:

1. Suck it up and pay the cost of the general admission tickets plus the party bus even though it is more than I felt comfortable spending. To complicate things further, I have the money, I have just been on a self imposed budget because I'm saving for a house.

2. Offer to buy the general admission tickets and take my chances with public transportation. This would ensure that my friend isn't stuck with the tickets, but it would make the bus even more expensive for his other friends who are going.

3. DH is all excited about the concert now, so I was thinking maybe just buy the VIP passes and help my friend sell his extra tickets.

4. Just don't attend the concert.

Hehe, I guess I should have set this up as a pole.

Your opinions are welcome!

ETA: the fact that I can pay for the bus and I just would rather not is a complication because I have already told him I'm not really comfortable with the price and he asked me what my absolute maximum was. He offered to pay the difference between my maximum and the actual price. I obviously can't let him do that when I'm capable of paying, I just don't want to!
 

Hera

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 12, 2007
Messages
2,401
Re: Etiquette Question: How bad is it to bail out on a frien

I would not pay the $62 per person because you agreed to the $20 price. I don't see why your friend would get angry because the price is so much more than quoted.
 

zoebartlett

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 29, 2006
Messages
12,450
Re: Etiquette Question: How bad is it to bail out on a frien

I wouldn't feel obligated to buy your friend's ticket to the concert and the party bus, nor would I feel obligated to help sell them. The price increased so much since the first time he mentioned the tickets to you. I'd just tell him that the cost is more than you'd like to pay. I'm not sure why you'd opt not to attend the concert though. It's cool that you have VIP access. Use it and have fun!

ETA: So sticking to the numbers you listed, I'd go with #3 but only the first part.
 

chemgirl

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 16, 2009
Messages
2,161
Re: Etiquette Question: How bad is it to bail out on a frien

Zoe|1309308884|2957496 said:
I wouldn't feel obligated to buy your friend's ticket to the concert and the party bus, nor would I feel obligated to help sell them. The price increased so much since the first time he mentioned the tickets to you. I'd just tell him that the cost is more than you'd like to pay. I'm not sure why you'd opt not to attend the concert though. It's cool that you have VIP access. Use it and have fun!

ETA: So sticking to the numbers you listed, I'd go with #3 but only the first part.
Haha I do want to attend with the VIP access. Its just back to the cost. VIP for both of us would be over $300, so pretty expensive for a band that we've already seen in concert. It would be fun though so I think we might splurge.
 

kenny

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
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Apr 30, 2005
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28,970
Re: Etiquette Question: How bad is it to bail out on a frien

There is no "right" or "wrong" choice here.
It there was this thread would not have been started.

Not to be flip, but just do whatever you want.
If the choices are that hard to pick between, then just flip a coin.

You are not "bailing" on a friend, if the price tripled.
He bailed on you.
 

zoebartlett

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 29, 2006
Messages
12,450
Re: Etiquette Question: How bad is it to bail out on a frien

chemgirl|1309309110|2957502 said:
Zoe|1309308884|2957496 said:
I wouldn't feel obligated to buy your friend's ticket to the concert and the party bus, nor would I feel obligated to help sell them. The price increased so much since the first time he mentioned the tickets to you. I'd just tell him that the cost is more than you'd like to pay. I'm not sure why you'd opt not to attend the concert though. It's cool that you have VIP access. Use it and have fun!

ETA: So sticking to the numbers you listed, I'd go with #3 but only the first part.
Haha I do want to attend with the VIP access. Its just back to the cost. VIP for both of us would be over $300, so pretty expensive for a band that we've already seen in concert. It would be fun though so I think we might splurge.
Right, but it's still less than what you were originally going to pay when you thought you were paying general admission price plus the $20 for the party bus. I say go and have lots of fun enjoying the perks of VIP access. :))

To make you feel better about the cost, my husband and I are flying halfway across the country to CO this summer to see one of my favorite singers at Red Rocks. 5th row, center! We've already seen her twice but this time, we're paying airfare also. :$$):
 

kama_s

Ideal_Rock
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Jul 12, 2008
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3,617
Re: Etiquette Question: How bad is it to bail out on a frien

Please tell me you're not a Tragically Hip fan! :cheeky:

As for your quandry, I'd probably suggest splitting the parking. Unless you can find buyers for his tickets. I tend to go the extra mile for friends though, which is not always necessary.
 

swingirl

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 6, 2006
Messages
5,660
Re: Etiquette Question: How bad is it to bail out on a frien

Get the VIP tickets. Your friend's deal feel through when the price changed. You should go to the concert if it's something you are going to enjoy for whatever price you pay. You aren't obligated to correct your friend's problem with his extra tickets. That's what Craigslist if for.

(And really, he should eat the cost of the parking and sell you the tickets for the original price he quoted. I am guessing you never would have accepted the offer if you knew the new price)
 

chemgirl

Ideal_Rock
Joined
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Messages
2,161
Re: Etiquette Question: How bad is it to bail out on a frien

kama_s|1309309639|2957514 said:
Please tell me you're not a Tragically Hip fan! :cheeky:

As for your quandry, I'd probably suggest splitting the parking. Unless you can find buyers for his tickets. I tend to go the extra mile for friends though, which is not always necessary.
Haha you guessed it!

And I agree about going the extra mile for a friend. I feel horrible even thinking about bailing out on him. I think we will probably buy the tickets and then try and organize a different way to get there. A party bus for less than 20 people seems a bit ridiculous to me.
 

Haven

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Messages
13,166
Re: Etiquette Question: How bad is it to bail out on a frien

There is no way I would pay for those overpriced party bus tickets. NO.WAY. I'd tell my friend "no deal" upon learning of the high markup. I don't feel like that's bailing on him, rather it's just exercising my right to not allow other people to spend my money.
 

movie zombie

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Jan 20, 2005
Messages
11,879
Re: Etiquette Question: How bad is it to bail out on a frien

price as quoted was accepted by you.
change of price is a renegotiation.
you can reject the new "offer" and buy the VIP tickets w/o guilt.

admittedly, your friend may not see it that way.........however, before offering the tickets and transportation, actual price should have been confirmed before being offered to you. if said friend feels strongly about it, said friend should offer to pay the difference for the cost of the bus. better than being out the entire cost of tickets AND bus transport costs!
 

MichelleCarmen

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Feb 8, 2003
Messages
15,880
Re: Etiquette Question: How bad is it to bail out on a frien

This is all too many details for me to keep organized in my head. I'd either stick with the original plan where you have the tickets and take the regular bus AT the price the friend quoted or bail on the friend and do what YOU want to do (since the friend changed it all around which is uncool). Seriously, it's really lame that your friend changed the price on you and I see no difference between you bailing and him sticking you with a massive bill. He's pretty much bailed on you already by adding an additional cost. Sounds like others backed out so the cost went up!

Hope all works out well and you have a GREAT TIME! It sucks that little details like this make the entire experience not so fun!
 

MichelleCarmen

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Joined
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Messages
15,880
Re: Etiquette Question: How bad is it to bail out on a frien

This is all too many details for me to keep organized in my head. I'd either stick with the original plan where you have the tickets and take the regular bus AT the price the friend quoted or bail on the friend and do what YOU want to do (since the friend changed it all around which is uncool). Seriously, it's really lame that your friend changed the price on you and I see no difference between you bailing and him sticking you with a massive bill. He's pretty much bailed on you already by adding an additional cost. Sounds like others backed out so the cost went up!

Hope all works out well and you have a GREAT TIME! It sucks that little details like this make the entire experience not so fun!
 

diva rose

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Apr 9, 2010
Messages
451
Re: Etiquette Question: How bad is it to bail out on a frien

Haven|1309314331|2957589 said:
There is no way I would pay for those overpriced party bus tickets. NO.WAY. I'd tell my friend "no deal" upon learning of the high markup. I don't feel like that's bailing on him, rather it's just exercising my right to not allow other people to spend my money.
Totally agree.

Don't feel guilty about it - he should be guilty trying to sell you something that is NOT a good deal.
Buy the VIP and spoil your partner - much better value for money etc.
 

mayerling

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 4, 2010
Messages
2,357
Re: Etiquette Question: How bad is it to bail out on a frien

I don't think it's considered a "bail out" when the circumstances have changed. You agreed to $20, he then raised the price to $62. You're fully within your rights to say that's more than what you're comfortable spending and have now reconsidered going.
 

chemgirl

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 16, 2009
Messages
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Re: Etiquette Question: How bad is it to bail out on a frien

Well no need for me to stress. I told him I didn't want to pay for the bus and he said he wants to hold on to the tickets for somebody who's willing to "buy the whole package." Now I can do what I want guilt free! Yey!
 

TooPatient

Ideal_Rock
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Sep 1, 2009
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Re: Etiquette Question: How bad is it to bail out on a frien

chemgirl|1309360629|2958000 said:
Well no need for me to stress. I told him I didn't want to pay for the bus and he said he wants to hold on to the tickets for somebody who's willing to "buy the whole package." Now I can do what I want guilt free! Yey!
Great news!

Now --- Go buy those VIP passes and have a GREAT time!!!
 

zoebartlett

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Messages
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Re: Etiquette Question: How bad is it to bail out on a frien

TooPatient|1309363824|2958042 said:
chemgirl|1309360629|2958000 said:
Well no need for me to stress. I told him I didn't want to pay for the bus and he said he wants to hold on to the tickets for somebody who's willing to "buy the whole package." Now I can do what I want guilt free! Yey!
Great news!

Now --- Go buy those VIP passes and have a GREAT time!!!
Ditto! Have fun!
 

Asscherhalo_lover

Ideal_Rock
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Messages
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Re: Etiquette Question: How bad is it to bail out on a frien

Zoe|1309308884|2957496 said:
I wouldn't feel obligated to buy your friend's ticket to the concert and the party bus, nor would I feel obligated to help sell them. The price increased so much since the first time he mentioned the tickets to you. I'd just tell him that the cost is more than you'd like to pay. I'm not sure why you'd opt not to attend the concert though. It's cool that you have VIP access. Use it and have fun!

ETA: So sticking to the numbers you listed, I'd go with #3 but only the first part.
ditto
 

chemgirl

Ideal_Rock
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Re: Etiquette Question: How bad is it to bail out on a frien

A bit of an update. The friend ended up renting a limo minibus instead of a regular school bus. This option was cheaper somehow, and also came with the benefit of a big screen tv, dance floor, leather couches, and fridges to entertain ourselves with on the way to the concert. It was fantastic and we had an awesome time at the concert. The bands were great as usual and there was a surprise fireworks show at the end.

The only downside was the amount of smoking going on during the concert! I'm not usually against that kind of thing, but this was an all ages concert that was touted as family friendly. I shouldn't be surprised given that I'm in Canada and its fairly stereotypical, but I was shocked by the number of people smoking "illegal substances" in the crowd. I had some explaining to do when I was stopped by the police at a RIDE checkpoint on my way home :errrr:

ETA: And I learned something new. Apparently if you're part of a 20 000 person hoard your cell phone goes crazy and won't connect to anything. It was nice to be really really out of the office for the day.
 
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