Wedding Etiquette mavens - envelope addressing help?

[karasue91]

So, when you have only one envelope and you have single guests who can bring a date, how do you address the envelope? I know if you have 2 envelopes you put the guest''s name and address on the outer envelope, and then the inner envelope would say "Joe Shmoe and guest".

Our reply card doesn''t have a place to indicate how many guests are attending, just a line with "M _______" but I''m afraid people won''t know that if they are bringing a guest, they should indicate it on that line.

I''m guessing that I shouldn''t address the envelope:

Joe Shmoe and guest
123 Apple Drive
New York, NY 10101

Do I just call the single guests after I get their response and ask if they are bringing anyone?

Thanks!!

 

[neatfreak]

I personally would probably just address the outer envelope with Joe Schmoe and guest. But take that with a grain of salt as I tend to not follow every guideline in the book if they don''t make logical sense to me.

 

[karasue91]

haha neatfreak, i''m usually the same, and I guess all the single people we are inviting are all young and therefore won''t be offended either way. I think we will just go ahead and put "and guest" on the envelopes.

thanks!

 

[Haven]

Well, according to Judith Martin (Miss Manners) you should NEVER invite an "and guest" so she isn''t any help. I happen to agree with her, but I lost that battle with about five of our guests for my own wedding. We had inner envelopes and just put the "and guest" there.

Amy Vanderbilt''s Complete Book of Etiquette states "When you address an envelope to a friend and want to include his or her fiance/ee or "live-in," rather than writing "and guest" on the invitation, it''s politer* to find out the name of the other person and send a separate invitation. Or you can make your point known by including a note with the invitation you send to your friend. When "and guest" is used, it appears on the inner envelope if there are two envelopes, otherwise on the outer envelope." (295)

So, you can send a separate invite if you know who the guest will be, you can include a note if you don''t know who the guest will be, or you can simply write "and guest" on the outer envelope.

I would include the note if I didn''t know the guest''s name. Definitely.

*It really says "politer" in the book. I''ve never seen this used before, and I didn''t know this was correct. I''m still not convinced that it is.

 

[zoebartlett]

Date: 5/2/2008 10:46:10 PM
Author: neatfreak
I personally would probably just address the outer envelope with Joe Schmoe and guest. But take that with a grain of salt as I tend to not follow every guideline in the book if they don''t make logical sense to me.

That''s what we did. At first, before we began addressing the envelopes, I had searched everywhere for the proper way to do it. By the time it came to actually writing out the addresses though, I didn''t really care how they were worded.

 

[cara]

Technically, "and guest" is not a discrete person that can receive mail and reply to invitations.

the proper method is to:
1)track down all dates that are known entities, like longtime bf/gfs, and invite these people by name
b) include a small note to your single guest that they may bring an additional guest if they like (and ask them to include the date's name when they reply, if needed.)

I wouldn't wait until you get single's responses to contact them about a date because those in the know would assume they were not permitted a date and might have made plans or replied accordingly.

But if you decide to address mail to the intangible "and guest" creature, your single guests will certainly understand your intent and appreciate the option. Good luck!

 

[karasue91]

Thanks to everyone!! At this point, we are getting down to the wire and just need to get these things out...if I had more time I would definitely include a little note. But for now, we''ll just stick to the outer envelope. Thanks again!