Ethnic Backgrounds..

[nicoleben]

Hello!

Today I was wondering what everyone's perspective is on ethnic backgrounds. I come from a VERY polish and Czechoslovakian background. Most people in my area have ancestors in Italy and Poland, but mostly Sicily, Italy. I personally do not care what the ethnicity of my boyfriend is (His ancestors come from Whales and Germany.) I just find some families dwell on the fact that they should stick to their ethnicity and nothing else. My parents were VERY upset with me when I dated a Filipino(sp?) in college!His parents however, were very welcoming and took me in as their own! I can not even describe how upset I was with my parents for being against it. Just something to talk about, it is quite interesting to me!

 

[Autumnovember]

I am Russian and was born in Ukraine. SO is half Italian half Irish. Him and his parents were born in the U.S. so they aren't crazy strict with what ethnic background their sons date or marry. My parents definitely PREFERRED that I date/marry within my own background but they would never make me do anything I didn't want to. They love my SO and accept that he is American. They just want him to learn some Russian

 

[Mashira]

Good topic!

I am a mix of Asian/Middle Eastern. My mother was born in Burma (Union of Myanmar) and was raised Muslim, and my father was born in Pakistan and raised Catholic. I was born in Pakistan and them came to the states when I was around 6 months old. My father passed away when I was 9. I was raised Muslim and then became Christian about four years ago.

While I was Muslim, my mother wanted me to marry, "A nice Desi boy." I started dating my ex-FI and all hell broke loose. Ex-FI was a good ole Danish Christian boy and my mother automatically hated him, based only on his religion. My mother is 61 years old and comes from a generation in which using the N-word and racial slurs were the norm. She speaks english but it's broken. The surprising thing is she is surprisingly modern, just not in her way of thinking. She has adjusted, and doesn't think poorly of any particular race though I will say she is prejudice and in no way politically correct.It's rather embarrassing sometimes.

When I became Christian all hell broke loose again. I was 'disowned' and everyone in my family hated me, I was even threatened by my family. I think most people know that Muslims can be very strict with their faith and do not agree with people leaving the faith. I know in the media they can be portrayed either very badly, or very lovingly. For my family, they are very loving towards other religions, but they were NOT okay with their baby girl becoming a Christian. I think it would be the same in any family, sans the death threats

Aaaanywho... now that I am Christian and my mother has adjusted to that fact, she is perfectly fine with me dating my white non-denominational Christian BF. She stands up for me and my religion the best she can while still objecting to my beliefs and all is as well as I think it will/can be I knew that I would never marry a Desi guy (Middle Eastern) because I just do not like the dynamic of relationships in my culture.

 

[beezygal]

I'm from a Chinese background. My parents, especially my dad, are very traditional. I used to date a white guy (first bf) when I was in high school. My mom was just OK with it because I was just 16. Obviously she wouldn't want me to marry a white guy eventually. My dad would KILL me if I marry a white guy... any guys I guess other than Chinese. My dad didn't know I dated a white guy. We were together for 2 years and my dad didn't know. I didn't want to tell him because he'll probably think I'm too young to be dating and the fact that he is not Chinese. He might have guessed he was my bf but he didn't say anything. I think the main reason is that my parents can't really speak English. They want to be able to communicate with my bf/husband. My second bf, he's Chinese (CBC). My dad doesn't know about it too. (I know I'm bad...) He is a year younger than me. My mom doesn't really like that but against she wasn't TOTALLY against it. Now, my bf, soon to be FI , is also Chinese (CBC). He's like a banana, white inside, chinese outside. My mom always call him a white guy. So funny. He can speak Chinese, just not very good. He just can't write or read Chinese. My parents love him. He's 2 years older... he's Chinese... he's taller... he's a lawyer. According to my parents, that is a good husband material.

 

[nicoleben]

I knew everyone's perspective would be different. It was something that popped into my mind, and I think it is a good subject to talk about.

I was also raised Catholic and so is my FF. So i guess that is a good thing. My parents would be terribly mad at me if I married outside of my religion, or if I didn't get married in a church. The idea of me having my wedding outside was a NO-NO! :\

 

[beezygal]

I'm an atheist. I don't think my parents mind if I date someone who is religious. However, I personally wouldn't want to date anyone who's not an atheist. My bf thinks the same too. No offense to anyone here!

 

[kagordo4]

I'm from a very Catholic, French family. My mother was first generation here... barely. I grew up with my mom and my grandmother (no Dad, he was abusive/alcoholic). My grandmother was my care-giver as my mom worked. I grew up very French. Like I didn't eat fast-food until college.... which is probably how I gained 40lbs... opps. I still don't eat sandwich bread because I don't consider it bread.

SO is Hispanic. SO is the only one in his family that was not born in the Dominican Republic (he's the baby, too). I mentioned the other day that he has over 90 first cousins and just tons of Aunts and Uncles. With the exception of his immediate family (his father, sisters, brothers, etc) his family would strongly prefer that he date a "good Latina girl." They are so gung ho about this that they literally throw nieces and cousins at him any chance they get. Most of these "chances" I'm present. : ) It's pretty freaking awesome. Last Sunday after Mass they tried to push his 15 year-old cousin at him. Uh he's 24 so that's wrong on so many other levels too.

Actually earlier today one of his cousins, she's like 34, sent me a message on Facebook. She informed me that she and SO had a date for Friday night and I should "be ready to lose him," and "not try to stop it." Uh yeah, okay. I forwarded the message to SO and he was like "??????? ?!?! Uh that's gross on SO MANY LEVELS EW EW EW."

He's totally freaked out by cousin marriages (maybe because he's the product of one... opps : P I never let him forget that, lol). I'm not stupid or paranoid. I know he's not going anywhere : ) He loooooves me, so I'll just keep dealing with the crazy.

ETA: Beezygal, SO calls himself a S'more, white and mushy on the inside and light brown on the outside : ) He and his family are super light for a Spanish family. He says it helps him blend in better : P But the banana thing is cute.

 

[Autumnovember]

Oooh, I should add that my Fiance's mom despises anyone who is NOT catholic. Literally hates their guts. Which means she hates me. It's out of control sometimes, and very very sad.

 

[dawnabee]

I'm Italian/Irish but was born in NJ and so I call myself American. My SO is Greek/Italian but was born here so I call him American. His father was born in Greece moved here and he is Greek Orthadox. His mother is Italian and Catholic. Luckily for us we were both raised Catholic and so no crazy family dynamic regaurding religion really interfers with our relationship. Even if it did I would hope we were strong enough to get through it or move on. Thats what seems to happen.

My Turkish Muslim best friends parents are very strict with her and her sister. It makes it very hard on them with relationships because no matter who they love they aren't good enough unless they are also Turkish/Muslim. They accept friendships but not serious relationships that may turn into marraige or they would disown her. My best friend was in a relationship with her one love but he is Catholic and unless he converted her family will not accept him even if they think he is a good guy. His family would disown him (really his grandmother) because they are also very devout Catholics. They broke it off but are still in love and cant let it go... so its turning to be a bitter warfare. She hates her parents, shes miserable, lost a ton a weight and its just all around unhealthy and so sad to see. Nothing anyone can say will change it either.

 

[beezygal]

I'm from a very Catholic, French family. My mother was first generation here... barely. I grew up with my mom and my grandmother (no Dad, he was abusive/alcoholic). My grandmother was my care-giver as my mom worked. I grew up very French. Like I didn't eat fast-food until college.... which is probably how I gained 40lbs... opps. I still don't eat sandwich bread because I don't consider it bread.

SO is Hispanic. SO is the only one in his family that was not born in the Dominican Republic (he's the baby, too). I mentioned the other day that he has over 90 first cousins and just tons of Aunts and Uncles. With the exception of his immediate family (his father, sisters, brothers, etc) his family would strongly prefer that he date a "good Latina girl." They are so gung ho about this that they literally throw nieces and cousins at him any chance they get. Most of these "chances" I'm present. : ) It's pretty freaking awesome. Last Sunday after Mass they tried to push his 15 year-old cousin at him. Uh he's 24 so that's wrong on so many other levels too.

Actually earlier today one of his cousins, she's like 34, sent me a message on Facebook. She informed me that she and SO had a date for Friday night and I should "be ready to lose him," and "not try to stop it." Uh yeah, okay. I forwarded the message to SO and he was like "??????? ?!?! Uh that's gross on SO MANY LEVELS EW EW EW."

He's totally freaked out by cousin marriages (maybe because he's the product of one... opps : P I never let him forget that, lol). I'm not stupid or paranoid. I know he's not going anywhere : ) He loooooves me, so I'll just keep dealing with the crazy.

ETA: Beezygal, SO calls himself a S'more, white and mushy on the inside and light brown on the outside : ) He and his family are super light for a Spanish family. He says it helps him blend in better : P But the banana thing is cute.

I'm sorry about your SO's family. I'm sorry... I have to say it's GROSS dating cousins. My bf knows someone who dates his own FIRST COUSIN! OMG! The reason they didn't break up because the guy said the sex is amazing. OMG! My bf doesn't know if they're still together.

S'more. That's cute! I've never heard of that. My bf is a banana. He said I'm a hybrid. I'm between a banana and a chinese. I am so ECO friendly.

 

[amc80]

Wow, you guys are all so "whole." I'm a total euromutt-
1/4 Russian, 1/4 Dutch (combined, comes from both sides of the family), and then the remainder is German, Irish, and French. See, Euromutt!

 

[Jessie702]

For me, i totally dont see colour. I just like to know about peoples backgrounds. My SO's father was German and his grandmother was German also. He has a very "German" nose too, hehe i love it, but some how he got curly greek hair. So he is pretty much " Full blooded german" just American.
I on the other hand am more of a mutt. HeHe . My Mother's father was Native American, her Mother is Part Black, Part White( sorry for not be politely correct). My grandmothers Mom was the " Masters" baby. My Grandmother looks nothing like her mom, she looks more african. She has the blue black skin coloring, long skinny limbs and nose. So Just my mother alone helps make the mix. My father was black, but we arent sure about the family background since my grandma was so light and had more "white features" My aunt told me she was like Half Native American. So what does that make me a "mutt", which weirdly enough made a cute mix. LoL . I am told more than half the time i look Hawiian...and have the fun features of Native Americans...menaing i burn within 15 minutes of being in the sun, and tan in the summer. Gotta love explaining why im red as a beet

 

[Jessie702]

Also, he was raised Christian like I. He went to a private Catholic school, dont ask, and my God Parents tried to raise me Catholic, but we both ventured out to a Non-Demonalition Christian. Every now and than i can get him to church too. LoL...

 

[kagordo4]

I'm sorry about your SO's family. I'm sorry... I have to say it's GROSS dating cousins. My bf knows someone who dates his own FIRST COUSIN! OMG! The reason they didn't break up because the guy said the sex is amazing. OMG! My bf doesn't know if they're still together.

S'more. That's cute! I've never heard of that. My bf is a banana. He said I'm a hybrid. I'm between a banana and a chinese. I am so ECO friendly.

I totally know it's gross, lol. That's why I never let him forget it : ) It's just because my family that came to the US earlier lives in Georgia, and now all sound southern. He constantly calls them "hicks" (which they are not, lol) but then stops as soon as I say "inbreeding... extra toes.." Yeah, it's yucky to me. It may work for some people but not this girl.

Eco friendly is the way to be : P

And Jessie702, I'm super pasty. Like if I'm outside for 10 minutes at noon I'll burn. Yay for sunscreen!

 

[Jessie702]

I'm sorry about your SO's family. I'm sorry... I have to say it's GROSS dating cousins. My bf knows someone who dates his own FIRST COUSIN! OMG! The reason they didn't break up because the guy said the sex is amazing. OMG! My bf doesn't know if they're still together.

S'more. That's cute! I've never heard of that. My bf is a banana. He said I'm a hybrid. I'm between a banana and a chinese. I am so ECO friendly.

I totally know it's gross, lol. That's why I never let him forget it : ) It's just because my family that came to the US earlier lives in Georgia, and now all sound southern. He constantly calls them "hicks" (which they are not, lol) but then stops as soon as I say "inbreeding... extra toes.." Yeah, it's yucky to me. It may work for some people but not this girl.

Eco friendly is the way to be : P

And Jessie702, I'm super pasty. Like if I'm outside for 10 minutes at noon I'll burn. Yay for sunscreen!

Okay, glad im not the only one. My sister can go outside and lay out for hours and she gets a nice golden/burnt toast look, what do i get, burned and i gotta srub off the skin before it looks worse.Lucky for me, my SO is the same as i, even more senstive than i. Actually he cant do any sun, he has already had a scare with skin cancer(they had to cut off skin), he goes tot he specialist twice a year and they burn off little cancerous spots. Looks bad for about a month, but ill take his arms looking bad, compared to him possibly dying. Dont you hate those people who never get burned?

 

[beezygal]

Okay, glad im not the only one. My sister can go outside and lay out for hours and she gets a nice golden/burnt toast look, what do i get, burned and i gotta srub off the skin before it looks worse.Lucky for me, my SO is the same as i, even more senstive than i. Actually he cant do any sun, he has already had a scare with skin cancer(they had to cut off skin), he goes tot he specialist twice a year and they burn off little cancerous spots. Looks bad for about a month, but ill take his arms looking bad, compared to him possibly dying. Dont you hate those people who never get burned?

Do you hate me then? LOL!!! I don't go out and tan anyways.

 

[amc80]

Dont you hate those people who never get burned?

I can burn, but generally don't. It's weird because my natural skin tone is super white, but I have a yellow skin tone, so I get tan. Any pink turns to golden brown in a day or so. But, I lose my tans really fast. I'll go to Hawaii or something and have a great tan, and be back to white within a couple of weeks. It's pretty annoying, but better than burning I suppose.

 

[calibali]

Wow, you guys have such interesting backgrounds, I feel so plain.

I'm half German and half Polish, but I have such fair features that everyone always thinks I am Scandinavian. I'm like the quintessential Norwegian gal - super tall, fair skin, light blue eyes and blond hair - except I'm not Norwegian, ha.

I was raised in a Protestant household, but I'm not religious at all. Which is good since my bf is Jewish and that could've been quite the issue.

Oh and Jessie and kagordo, you are definitely not alone in not being able to go outside. I've lived in the desert for a couple years and every few months me and my bf have to get some moles removed (I've even got a bunch in my hair part now!). I wear sunscreen religiously but nothing has helped, so we are fleeing this awful heat.

 

[Mashira]

I don't burn... so I suppose you all hate me? LOL! I've never burned before and I have no idea what it's like but I hear it is painful. I think I *maybe* got a tiny burn on the bridge of my nose after being out for 6+ hours on the beach... and it sure hurt like hell. The down side to never burning is that you can get about 10 shades darker than your normal color, and your make-up isn't the right color for the next five weeks!

 

[zoebartlett]

I'm Irish and Portuguese, and my husband is English (American born, but of English ancestry) and French Canadian. We live in New England, and while some areas of NE have very ethnic neighborhoods, ours isn't really one of them. We didn't encounter any problems, nor have any of our friends or family, when we (and they) got married.

 

[FrekeChild]

Just a warning to you guys that discussion of religion is not allowed on PS. Or race for that matter.

 

[Alienor]

I am French and my hubby is American. I am fortunate that my hubby is not a "typical" American in the sense that he'd rather make less money and be happy.
His parents are laid back while mine are always expecting so much out of me. It is almost like his parents were born more French than mines. Mines were always pushing for me to get a job with a lot of money which is definitely not typical for French people. We are laid back people who have an "easy" life compared to Americans but yet, spend their lives complaining.

Being from a different culture definitely adds another dimension to a relationship. You never mean to offend the other but sometimes, it just happens. Nothing that communication can't fix!

 

[Jessie702]

Okay, so i dont hate the ones who Tan, but its not fair. ...im sorry about the moles in your hair too, that sucks. I have a pink undertone so put that on top of a skin burn and its a bad combonation

 

[nicoleben]

ahhh I have the light/ fair skin as well. If i try to tan artificially I look orange and that just looks gross! haha.. I burn like crazy in the sun. However, if I tan by the sun I will burn and then turn tan the following day if I didn't get burned too bad the day prior.

 

[yssie]

Ooh this is a great topic! Everyone's stories are so interesting!!


Nicole - I have to admit that's something that I worried about a lot, too - that my family would look "closed minded" compared to FI's very open and accepting family..
Mashira - I have to say, I admire your mum, the balancing act between supporting and objecting is quite the feat and I'm so glad she's supporting you now! And... I have a really dreadful tan line on my shoulder that I have a month to get rid of, yikes!
Breezy - I also didn't tell my parents for a long time that FI and I were together (though I'm actually quite sure my mum knew something was up!).. I'm glad you found someone your parents will unassumingly approve of, but I wonder if they might have surprised you with their ability to adapt, as mine did?
Autumn - your parents are taking the high road, and I think everyone who knows you both knows it. I'm sorry about your FMIL though, that sort of mindless discrimination always hurts
kagordo - thritto, not really on board with the cousins thing!
Jessie - How interesting! I think there are three sorts of people - those who don't see colour, those who see it and don't mind, and those who see it and do mind.. I'm in the second camp, as I think (I'd like to think) most people are, but I don't think I've ever met anyone IRL who legitimitely just might not notice Sounds like a real hodgepodge, though
Calibali you sound like a beauty


I'm from South India, my family has had arranged marriages within the Iyer/Brahmin caste for - well, for so long there aren't even stories of anything else. Through riches and poverty this was the one thing that was constant, and by my generation something to be very proud of and hold near and dear...

Needless to say, they would have all preferred that I'd found a nice Brahmin boy, rather than Jewish, Caucasian FI.

FI's family is polish, but interestingly they have a very different take on it - they just legitimately don't care! My FI's mother once told me something one of the family elders had said: that after all they'd gone through (the persecution in the holocaust), how could they possibly ever make another person feel what they'd felt because of their religion or race? Such a natural, healthy opinion, but stated so matter-of-factly.. I'll never forget that.

My family in the US has all met FI several times now, and they like him very much, and seeing him as a person rather than an anonymous "intruder" who is "polluting the pedigree" definitely changed how they feel, and I have to give them, especially the older generation, a lot of credit for being open to questioning their gut reactions and changing their opinions. Apparently FI had a grandmother who under no circumstances would have accepted me (dark skin), but she passed away before FI and I were ready to introduce ourselves as a couple.

It's interesting to consider how our children will grow up - multilingual, we'll be introducing them to both the Hindu and Jewish faiths equally, they will of course be interracial, and I hope by that time there won't be any stigma attached to any of those things


ETA: freke - it's not a discussion of religion or race, it's a show and tell. I haven't seen any mention of "mine is better than yours and here's why.."

 

[Nashville]

My parents struggled with me marrying someone who wasn't religious. But they got over it! I think they were more upset that I didn't have a church wedding, but at the time I really didn't want one. Eventually I had to give the "It's my life, I will marry whomever I please" speech and they backed off about it. Can't please everyone.

 

[kagordo4]

Wow, you guys have such interesting backgrounds, I feel so plain.

I'm half German and half Polish, but I have such fair features that everyone always thinks I am Scandinavian. I'm like the quintessential Norwegian gal - super tall, fair skin, light blue eyes and blond hair - except I'm not Norwegian, ha.

I was raised in a Protestant household, but I'm not religious at all. Which is good since my bf is Jewish and that could've been quite the issue.

Oh and Jessie and kagordo, you are definitely not alone in not being able to go outside. I've lived in the desert for a couple years and every few months me and my bf have to get some moles removed (I've even got a bunch in my hair part now!). I wear sunscreen religiously but nothing has helped, so we are fleeing this awful heat.

You know what the best part is? I live in Florida. ugh. I have to walk the pug in the shade and he always wants to go out at like noon.

 

[elrohwen]

I'm a mix of Polish (1/2), French, Belgian, and Native American. DH is German and Finnish mostly. Neither of our families cared at all about which ethnicities we married into - my mom only cares that I continue to make houska and pierogies (and DH is all for the pierogies). It helps that neither of our immediate families are close with our extended families - I think huge extended families tend to put on more pressure to marry someone who is also Italian, Polish, whatever.

I wish I had married someone from Wales! I speak some Welsh, so any Welsh family would love me

 

[nicoleben]

HAHAH gotta love them pierogies and halushki! And most of all, those delicious potato pancakes and keilbasa!

 

[slg47]

interesting topic! I am from Texas and am white, was raised Catholic but do not practice (dad's side of family is Italian) and BF is Jewish (not practicing) and from the northeast. His parents are totally accepting and don't care that I am not Jewish--his brother's wife is Indian and Christian. My parents also don't care, they just want me to be with someone who is good for me!