by StephanieLynn » May 16, 2017 She told my husband on the phone on Mother's Day that her cancer is back and this time it is in her back and liver, she has a doctor's appointment on Friday. I didn't ask many questions because I wasn't sure if my husband really wanted to talk about this on that day. Yesterday I started asking him some questions and he basically told me that he feels uncomfortable answering my questions because he feels I don't really care about his mother, I only care about him and how he is feeling about it and that is the only reason I was asking. Yikes! Talk about feeling like a heartless person, yeah that was rough. A little background, and I'll keep this as brief as I can. My MIL and I have never had a great relationship, actually she is totally different from how my mother was and so I don't know how to relate to her, I've tried to talk to her but she is very guarded and suspicious. It really didn't matter until our first son came along, she never really bothered with me or made an effort until then, all of a sudden I became important, I thought that was a bit strange but we got along okay for seven years until our second son was born. We had a disagreement and a huge blow up at Christmas 2014, she actually called me back just to scream at me and hung up in my face, I told my husband right there that I had no interest in having a relationship with her, my own parents never treated me like that and I was not going to deal with it from her. Since then I am polite when I see her at family functions but other than that I keep my distance. She was diagnosed with cancer originally several years ago, it was treated and she went into remission. She is still smoking, which is her business but the problem comes in that my mother was a chain smoker, was diagnosed with liver cancer when I was eight and died on mother's day weekend. She only lived six months from her diagnosis. I am having a really tough time with the fact that she got a second chance and my mom didn't, of course that is not her fault but it is very upsetting. Also since I lost my mother at a young age, I have no idea how to deal with parents, I struggle anyways with relationships but this is just very complicated to me. Authenticity is a very big thing for me and I feel like if I just drummed up a relationship with her now it would only be because of the recent cancer diagnosis, it feels wrong. Also she has a tendency to lie, to exaggerate, she has actually told so many stories that her own children don't know what to believe most of the time and that includes lying about her cancer before. At the same time I realize that this could become a huge problem for our marriage, that he will resent me for not putting our differences aside and making up with her before she passes on. Having a relationship of any kind with this woman brings me a huge amount of anxiety, I find her extremely uncomfortable to be around, no idea how to navigate these waters. This is hugely stressful, if I'm being honest my real concern is being supportive of my husband however he is not making that easy when I can't even ask about her, like just as concern for another human being. The question becomes, is it wrong to continue to keep my distance in light of recent events and how do I support my husband?